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can't tolerate this pain any longer 09-17-2005 - 07:23 AM
I haven't written in my journal for months now. I had accepted the fact that I would probably always have some discomfort and tried to live with it. I went back to work in the end of March from my last surgery. Things went ok considering. Over the years I had learnt how to live in pain. It has been a part of me for a very long time. I had my anterior repair, tvt and lapro done Monday. I came home Wed. I hurt so much worst from this surgery then from my last.(enterocele/rectocele repair).The surgeon had to work very hard to get the tvt needles through my pubic area to lead the tape through. He had to try each needle twice, which I guess is why that area is hurting me so much. He said I am like cement all around my bladder from scar tissue.My back is the worst problem however.I've had back pain for many years now. It has been growing worst and worst. It really showed its face after waking up from surgery Wed. night. I guess the positioning aggravated it. I lyed in my hospital bed after moving from the recovery room with hot packs on my back and on my lower abdoman. I spent the next day carrying my cath. bag and having heat packs on my back and abdoman (held in place by belly binder)pacing the hallways. Lying in bed made me hurts so bad I had to get up and walk.This put alot of pressure on my surgery sites, which wasn't a good thing.
One of my dr's who helped with the surgery came in early that morning and talked with me. He told me they didn't find any serious cause of abdominal pain when they looked around with the lapro.he did say the scar tissue was reason enough for the pain. He also said they did remove something very interesting from the vaginal area.It was like a black ball made up of calcium. He had never seen anything like it. I was so loopy still that I di't understand what it really was and exactly where it was taken from.He also said that I might want to have my gyno do some kind of repairs in my vagina later. He didn't elaborate on it, so I don't know what he was referring to.That is the least of my concerns right now.I told the dr. about my terrible back pains and how my GP was going to order me a MRI after I got healed from this surgery. This dr. really listened to me and said he would order the mri that day. I paced the hospital halls the entire second night. I was completely miserable. The morning came and a resident of my dr. came in to talk to me. He was so very nice. I told him to always be willing to listen to his patients and show concern just like he was. I also told him I could tell he was going to make a very good dr. He wrote down some notes from my MRI report. He showed it to me and the results weren't good. He said he would get in touch with my dr. and let him know what was going on. The other dr. who was in on my surgery came in to see me soon afterwards. I gave him my mri results. He read through it and said I need to have a neural surgeon consultation ASAP. He also said he feels like I should never return to my job.(tpw in a mental hospital)Go on pernament disability.This has me feeling so useless. I am not the type of person who can sit around home all day.I would just fall apart mentally and physically.Before I was discharged I had to get my MRI slides and find a neuro surgeon so I could drop the slides off on my way home.I didn't feel up to it, but I knew I had to take care of this medical problem. If I keep neglecting it I will eventually fall apart.On my way home I felt so sick. I was light headed and nauseous.I couldn't even keep my eyes open. I dry heaved all evening at home. Before I tried to lye down I vomitted, then started feeling better. I realized that I may have had some food posioning. I had taken a couple big gulps of vitamin d milk at dinnertime Tuesday before I realized it tasted awful. I looked at the expiration date and it was almost a month old. I am having terrible back pain and sciatica pain. It keeps me from sleeping well.I feel like I can't take it anymore.This back pain wakes me up from a dead sleep. I read where in severe cases you can have the pulling in both legs, which I do. Trying to deal with my abdominal pain and back pain is too much for me. I feel like I don't even want to deal with everyday life sometimes. It hurts to do much of any type of physical work. I don't know how I can go on feeling crappy like this. I have to find a resolution quickly.
I have so many medical issues to fix. I feel like everytime I fix one another one shows its ugly head.

news said at 09-17-2005 - 08:46 AM
Hi Peggy,
Boy it sounds you are really having a time. Isn't there anything they can give for the pain?? I know with sciatica- not much works, but at least something to take the edge off. At least you got some decent Drs working with you. Hopefully one can get to the botom of this.
I understand what you mean about being put on disability and how mentally tough that is. But keep in mind, there are many things that you can do. Being the type of person you are, that won't be a problem for you.
I think you should really concentrate on the pain issues- full time. Get that resolved or at least managable.Then- the skys the limit.
It sounds like you have been through alot. Hang in there!!
Hugs, news


jmberg said at 09-17-2005 - 10:27 AM
Oh, Peggy,
I feel so bad for you. So many things going on that hurt and need taken care of. I hope you can get it all done so you can feel better, it has been so long for you.

s and ers





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