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cuddlyrock's Journal
Blog Notes : 41 notes
Comments : 48 | Readers : 4719
Thanks for all your advice 08-12-2005 - 08:09 PM
You all have given me some great advice. I plan to try some of it.
I was in the hospital wed. nite because I was sooo sick. My stomach and the waves of wanting to pass out. Low blood pressure and still low iron. My iron level is 25 right now. I guess its supposed to be anywhere from 49-145 or something so I have a long way to go.
The 25th of Aug I will be having a scope to my stomach to see if they can find something.(I almost hope they do so they can treat it and get this over with).
While in the hospital, the meds they tried to give me for my stomach didn't work so they ended up giving me this med that they would normally give to cancer patients. Thats how strong the meds for my stomach is.
Love you all for any and all advice.
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still very sick 08-03-2005 - 08:27 PM
Well, I went to the doc yesterday because I have been having problems with being sick to my stomach and I have almost past out twice.
When I got there the nurse took my blood pressure and it was really low. Something like 100/75 or 79/75. The doc retook it before he let me go and it went back up.
He's going to recheck my iron levels again to see if they have gone up as well as other blood stuff. He gave me meds for my stomach.(Which aren't working)
He otherwise told me to make sure I drink alot of water because of the weather being so hot.
Sometimes I'm not sure if I should eat or not. My stomach is sick and I'm not sure if my stomach is aching because I'm hungry or because I'm sick 1/2 the time. I'm going to call the doc in the morning and tell him that the stomach meds are not working.
Will this ever be over. ugh
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meds change 08-01-2005 - 07:11 PM
I cant believe it can take so long to get into the doc to just get your meds changed. Even then, they want to spend a whole hour with you. Why, I have know idea but anyway, I foundout today that I have to wait till the end of the month just to get in.
I told the lady I don't know if I can wait that long with the way I'm feeling and see just said that see could put me on a cancelation list. Oh well, I guess thats life. I will just have to put up with my depression a little longer.
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cramping without a womb 07-26-2005 - 08:34 PM
It seems so wierd that even though I dont have a womb. A place for a baby that I would still have cramping most months. What would still be that time of the month.
Its like why is this necessary because there is no need for the cramping and nothing to get rid of.
Sometimes I have alot of pain on the left side too and I'm tired of going to the doc to tell him of all my pains. lol
Its probably just a cyst on my ovary like always so I think I will just keep track of the pain each month and see how things go. If it keeps happening, then maybe I will talk to him about it.
Since I just had my hyst 12-13-04 and all the work-up that goes with it I dont have to have a physical or pap til next year. yea!

Dont ya just wish that once you had your hyst certain problems like these would just turn themselves off? lol
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low Iron-Doc doesnt believe! 07-21-2005 - 07:16 PM
I went to the doc and he told me I have low iron and Im so tired all the time. I think that is part of my problem with my depression too.
I'm going to get my other meds rechecked because I haven't had that done in a long time. I've been told that one of the meds I take is an old drug and maybe getting my meds checked and maybe getting on some different ones will help with my depression and being tired.
Because of all this I have stopped exercising and I'm afraid that I will start to gain weight because of this and with my depression comes the want for carbs. That is not a good thing either.
My doc didn't believe me when I told him that I thought my iron was low.
He told me that now that I had my hyst and I'm "Not bleeding" anymore I shouldn't be having problems with my iron. I showed him a thing or two about who knows what about my body.
The tests proved me right and my iron was VERY LOW!
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here we go again 07-18-2005 - 06:27 PM
Hi journal, I know its been along time. I've been doing really good for along time. I thought I had beaten this depression thing with babies. I guess it never completely goes away. Today I feel like I could throw-up but Im not the type of person to make myself do that.
My best friend just had a baby and its really hard for me.
Sometimes, I get mad because she has the ability to get pregnant and I dont. My insides are just empty.
She sometimes breast feeds her also and thats hard too. I just want to cry. She makes me mad sometimes because she calls her baby a "cry baby", I told her thats the only way they have to talk to us. Its just wierd sometimes.

The one good thing thats happened since the last time I wrote is that I have lost about 32 pounds. Pretty cool huh!
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up and down today 02-24-2005 - 10:26 PM
Im feeling kind of down. Ive been kind of going up and down lately but I have so much going on in my life I dont know if Im coming or going.

My DD will be turning 12 soon. I guess that bothers me some.
The weather is changing so that is one good thing. Today, I did some wash and I love the smell of wash dried outside so I put only the blankets and sheets out and they smell soooo wonderful. That helped boost my spirits some.

I know Im having alot of financial problems and a bad car ect.
The usual life stuff.
One thing I cant figure out that is kind of bugging me is when I look at other sisters threads for postop, I keep remembering back to my own and I dont know just a wierd feeling I get sometimes or thought or whatever.
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depressed 02-18-2005 - 11:22 PM
Im ust being moody today. But its might right, Darn it! Im not happy.
My dad didnt anwser the ad in the paper to find him.
Im feeling down and depressed in general. I just feel like crying.
Im also just having so many problems of course that need money. hahaha! Im trying so hard to just take one thing at a time but its so hard.
Being a single parent can be so hard.
Now that my hyst is over, Im trying hard to give my body a better makeover. There are alot of things I cant do physically but I lift weights instead.(soup cans) LOL I just find heavier ones as I progress. Im trying to gain muscle since its to hard in other ways. I do feel like I have more energy lately. Thats a good thing.
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feeling great 02-10-2005 - 09:11 PM
I have been feeling great lately. I guess maybe thats why I have forgotten to do some journaling.
My cyst is going away. slowly but surely, so Im happy about that. I finally found a doc to help me with all the pain I have been having. So thats a really happy feeling.
Best of all I might get a chance to meet my birth father for the first time very soon so Im both excited and nervous.
I also havent left Michigan in 15 years because Im a single parent so I plan to do something for myself for a change and Im hoping to visit my aunt in vegas in June.
So many exciting things going on in my life. Im happy.
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breast cyst 02-07-2005 - 11:40 AM
Thankfully I think that I was right. Although its not completly gone yet I think its going away, so it must be related to my cycling. Those darn ovaries.
I remember before my op, One lady from church told me she wished that she had had her ovaries taken out when she had her hyst because of her cycling and breast tenderness still and other mentral symptoms that she still got even though she doesnt get a period.
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ovaries are a pain in the butt! 02-03-2005 - 09:35 PM
I thought once I had a hyst I wouldnt have to worry about cysts at all. How can we still get them? I dont understand. I think it has something to do with the ovulation. Even though theres no place for it to go. darn it! I believe I have another inosent cyst on my breast again. The way I know is because its painful. I was told before if they are painful they are usually nothing to worry about. I will just keep my eye on it. It just makes me mad because I was hoping my hyst would take care of all that stuff.
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whats what 02-01-2005 - 06:59 PM
How do you know what is pain from the op and what may be pain from a new problem? I just dont know.
Sometimes, I get pain down low. Mostly on the right. Sometimes on the left. But you never know if maybe one of these times it might be appendix or something else.
Maybe the doc left something inside me when he did the op and didnt take everthing out. Could be something as small as a cottonball or something. Who knows.
I wish I knew why I have so many pains up so high. I had a TVH so I dont understand? I will maybe give it another week to "heal" then if I still have the problem, I will either have to talk to my doc or the gyn.
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too dry 01-29-2005 - 08:45 PM
Well, Ive been off hrt for about a week. The O has been ok except for the fact that its hard to do when your dry.
I thought I wouldnt have this problem if I kept my ovaries. So, whats the problem?
Tonight, I couldnt finish because it ended up hurting because I was too dry. I dont even know what I should use or if I should call the doc about it.
As far as pain, Im doing good today. I havent had to take much pain meds either which was great.
Well, thats all for now.
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On a rollercoaster 01-27-2005 - 08:58 PM
I guess hormonal wise I'm doing really good. Alot better than I thought I would. I was pretty scared.
BUT:
On a different level not so good.
First, Im confused. I had a TVH, but right now where I feel the most achyness is up high, up by my ribs. I dont understand it. When ive walked around to much and I know its too much because the area that hurts first is up high and I have to use my arm to hold my stomach right there.
ALSO: other stuff

Im soooo tired of being in pain all the time and tired of doctors and meds and hospitalsand ect. I wish it would all just stop. cry!

Im in so much physical pain all the time(not just from the hyst) I feel like sometimes the doctors just dont care and they just pawn you off to other doctor who just puts you off for awhile too. I cant even get into a stupid bone doc till April, so I have to suffer if pain until then. I do have an appt with my doc tomarrow to see if there are some other alternatives while we wait.
Im 37 and sometimes I have to use a lovely cane just to get around. Isnt that nice. By the time the bone doc gets around to seeing me. Maybe I wont be ready to see him!
I'm glad I have this journal to vent. I'm tired of being tired.
I have my good days and my bad days. I dont even have anyone I can really talk to about it either. I dont have any close friends. I do have one but she has cancer in her brain and shes not like she used to be. I feel very alone right now.
Well, I dont want to cry anymore so I will stop typing.

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Doing good 01-25-2005 - 02:51 PM
Well, I'm at 6 wks and I seem to be doing good. Today, I swept and mopped the floor. I broke it up into pieces. In the morning, I swept the floor. Then I rested for awhile. Later in the day, I mopped the floor. That seemed to work out good. I am really tired and plan to not do anything more the rest of the day.
I really felt good that I was actually able to do something as far as REAL house work today. I think I can finally see that I'm getting my strength back and getting better.
I do still have problems with going to bed and getting to sleep but I'm sure that will come with time.
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going off hrt 01-22-2005 - 04:21 PM
I have been very scared of going off my hrt. I have been off hrt for 3 days and so far so good. No mood swings, no night sweats or hot flashes.
Today, I was able to have a non-painful "O", which was nice. The gyn nurse said I was having painful Os because I was getting too much estrogen because I had my ovaries plus I was taking esterdiol.
Why is it, when Im in an upright postion whether standing or sitting for a period of time my front end really starts to throb? Also, alot of times, I feel like my insides are going to come out through my vaginal opening or something. I always feel like I need to lay down. The flatter the better. Take the pressure off everything. I hope this goes away soon.
Today, I have so many aches and pains I cant stand it. My front end, my hip and not just my low back but my whole back. I think I need a new body. haha!
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way to busy 01-20-2005 - 08:31 PM
For the first time in awhile, I really got out today. I had so much to do and so little time to do it all in.
Im so thankful for such a DD she is so sensative to how Im feeling sometimes. Today, I told her we had to hurry through the last store(we only had to get something for supper, which she cooked), because I was starting to feel sick. She told me she would pray that I would make it through the store ok.

Since Im having troubles sitting, I bought a doughnut and now its got a hole in it somewhere and I cant find it. Im mad because it keep deflating on me when I sit on it. It's no good to me if it don't work.
I had to save some of the work I had planned for today to do tomarrow because I just can't do it all in one day.
Early this morning before I did anything else I went to the hospital to fill out papers to get copies of the days I was in the castle and just the walking to the place that keeps the records really put me out of breath. I was rubbing my stomach and everying. They didn't even bother to ask if I was ok or not.
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tired of the day 01-18-2005 - 01:05 PM
I didnt want to get up this morning. Too tired. Didnt sleep good last night. Too cold outside, but I knew I had to get out in it because I had to go to a doc appt.
Went to another place after, they didnt give me everything they were supposed to give me.
Of course my belly aches as always. Im tired, but want to be on this computer.
Just too much to do and just found out that my daughter was taken off medicaid w/o letting me know. She needs her glasses fixed and I have a stupid caseworker who never returns my calls.
I'm really not having a good day today. I would really like to sleep or cry or both.
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here we go again 01-17-2005 - 08:33 PM
I was doing so good going to sleep when I got upstairs when i was supposed to. Now, I'm starting all over again. I get really tired downstairs, go upstairs, lay down, and cant fall asleep. I become fully awake. Sometimes, I'm not even ready to go to sleep at 12-1am. arrrrggggg.
I already take seraquel a bedtime anyway and I started drinking ovalteen to help me and sometimes it helps me and sometimes it doesn't. Oh well. I guess we all suffer together huh?

I've been tired physically and my belly and my whole area down below not just my vaginal area but the whole thing is achy too. My brain wants to say go go go but I know I cant. I' 7wks now and I thought that by now I would have been better. I didnt realize how much recovery really went into an op like this. Oh well. I guess I really dont have anything better to do anyway.

Emotionally, I'm doing good though. Im happy about that. Soon I will be out of estrodiol. Im not looking forward to that day. I'm a little scared about that and what the outcome of that will be.
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feeling good 01-15-2005 - 08:57 AM
well, I havent done much today but I feel good today. Im sitting writting this while I sit on my cute little "doughnut" hahah
anyway My kids and I rented some movies and I pretty much layed around and watch TV with them. Its hard having them home all the time. they drive me crazy.4 day weekend. yuck

Ive been having a dream about being preg for some reason. It makes me mad because I know I cant have kids anymore. WHY? I thought I was done grieving.
I have a little more evergy today so thats a good thing. I think I had a bit more yesterday too. Maybe I am starting to get some of my evergy back. Its just slow. A light at the end of the tunnel.
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a day at the docs 01-13-2005 - 09:43 AM
well today Im 6weeks wow went by fast.
Today I bought a doughtnut for sitting on. I hope that helps with my sitting problem.
Sometimes I really like my doc but sometimes I think he is dumb.
I wish he would just do the ultrasound and make me feel better that there is nother wrong with my insides. Sometimes I feel like maybe the OB maybe left somethinng in there when he did the op and forgot to take it out or something. I dont know. The pressure feeling really drives me crazy.
I feel very discouraged today. I have so many aches and pains and theres so much I still cant do and Im still tired all the time . I sometimes wonder when this will go away.
Well, I want to go home now. Im tired and I want to sleep.
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so many things 01-12-2005 - 09:30 AM
With my computer not working, I have so much to say. I hope I can remember everything.
The sisters will maybe think Ive been going crazy, all these questions all at once, but I havent been to a computer in days and I have so many questions that need some kind of answer. I hope thats ok. I dont want to do anything wrong or break any rule of only asking so many questions per day or something. I dont know.

I have missed this place so much that I could just cry. I do remember laying in bed some nights and actually crying because I couldnt go to the computer and talk to my sisters. They are like an extention of my family. One that I can actually talk to though.

I plan to tell the doc I dont want to go off the hrt. I have talked with a doc of mental health about the meds I take for depression and he said that they will not clash with my hrt or my topamax. I have found that so far their are more pros than cons for staying on the hrt so that is my plan. I see my doc on thursday. I will know more then.
When will the body aches start to go away. either my bottom or my back or my stomach are always acching.
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hospital call 01-05-2005 - 05:31 PM
Well, today i called the hospital to talk to them about what happened to me last night. I first talked to a man that was the head person. Then, a woman called me about the subject. She asked me if she could pull my chart and investigate this. of course I said yes.
They seemed very nice and wanted to findout what was going on because they were not very happy about what happened to me last night either. I think they said they will get back to me about it.
I think because of last night I have been so tired today. Ive been laying around as usual. But extra tired.
I dont know why but lately ive been cold alot and just started having problems with sick stomach.
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just another day 01-04-2005 - 09:58 PM
Well, today has been pretty tireing. Just wanted to lay around. I wanted to sleep. My body was willing but my mind wasnt. ohboy!

Had a bad experieince at the ER tonight. Plan on calling the "top dog" tomarrow and talking to them about what happened and how upset I was about tonight.

One thing for sure Ive been really really tired since ER. Lady PA gave me a two in one shot and been sleepy since. I hope this means I will sleep really good tonight.
My poor ds,dd. I had planned a really nice meal but it didnt happen because of the stuppid ER. I had to call them and tell them to fend for themselves.
I will try again tomarrow to fix a nice meal. (I hate to cook)

My house is sooo messy. It makes me sick. Im tired of trying to pickup after them and as it is Im one less ds till tomarrow night. Oh NO! The instigator of the house comes home from Mexico. What shall I do ?

Even though Im fat already, and its really hard to tell from just looking at me, I really do think I have swelly belly. I dont know about anyone else but I find myself rubbing and holding my belly alot. Kindof funny.(whats not funny is sometimes I rub my stomach as if I were like 8 mo preg. or something) Kind of in the twilght zone as I know I can never be preg again no matter how much I want. sad
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three weeks and doing good 01-03-2005 - 07:12 PM
Hey, Im doing good. Hard to believe. Of course I have my good days and bad days and sometimes I sleep alot but ive come to terms with that.
I foundout that the hrt Im on could help me lose weight. That is so awesome. I kindof think thats right because I feel full faster and I dont eat as much and I dont crave sweets. cool!

Today, I started my first increase of topamax. Once in the morning and once at night now. Still doing good. No more migrains. I hope it stays that way.

My DS, only 9, was so awesome tonight. The store I needed to go to, the drivable cart was not working, but they had this wheelchair with a basket attacted to it. My DS pushed me through the store and put everything in the van. Hes a good guy.
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Moody 01-02-2005 - 08:03 PM
Well,this is the first time Ive had a low in a few days. Ive been doing so good.
Went to different church today. Pastor, talked about family stuff and about coming home and about heaven and stuff and I started thinking about babies.
ohhh boyy here I go again. Will this ever end? A little talk about babies within my earshot is ok. more than that really makes me sad.
I think that even with my good days, that sadness is always close to the surface, just waiting to pop up again. I hate tv commercials with babies or preg tests and stuff too.

I havent done anything different with my meds so I know its not because of that. Eariler I did have a small headache. Nothing too bad. Not even a Migraine.

Im so glad my kids go back to school tomarrow. They are driving me crazy and messing up the house. They have been doing the laundry so thats one good thing. Tomarrow, things will be more quiet around here during the day and I can rest better and do a little house work here and there.
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a day of rest 01-01-2005 - 07:46 PM
Well,last night was the last of 2004. WOW did it go fast.
I was good and rested most of the day. Today, I seem to be wiped out though Ive done nothing. I have slept most of the day. Its funny because I made my DS wakeup the DSs so they wouldnt sleep too much and not sleep to night. hahaha. Then who sleeps all day. I know I just had an op, but its just funny.

I couldnt wait for the DDs to go to bed last night. The tv went off and I was still on the comp. I thought to myself Ohhhhh, it sooo quiet. What a heavenly noise. lol

Ive been having alot of pain surges today. I dont know why because ive done nothing today and most of yesterday. I had to take a Lortab.
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Today vs yesterdays outing 12-31-2004 - 04:22 PM
Yesterday, I went to the therapist. I didnt do anything but sit there and talk to her and the longer we sat there talking, the sicker and more I hurt. I endedup aching the whole rest of the day.
That afternoon, I made a call to first call for help to see about getting someone to bring us some food. I was mad. No one was available and none of the food pantrys would help. Thank God that night I got an unexpected check.
Today, the girls and I went grocery shopping 2 places and then the pharmacy. We came home and the kids put everything away because they knew I needed to lay down. Guess What! I didnt feel 1/2 as sick or achy today as yesterday. So weird.

Still doing good with the hrt and the topamax. No headaches and day 2 no night sweats. yeah!
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started out great 12-30-2004 - 03:50 PM
I believe today is day 4 on estodiol. I wokeup happy and guess what? For the first time NO NIGHT SWEATS! yeah. I hope it stays that way. I was so happy to wakeup not wet.
Still no migrains. Cool

Only went to see mental health counslor today for an hour. You know you just sit there and talk. I didnt even drive.
The longer I sat talking to her( comfy chairs) the worse I began to feel. By the time I got home, I hurt really bad and all kinds of stuff.
I had the kids get me something to eat. With meds in one hand and heating pad in the other, I layed down on the couch for the rest of the day. Its 6pm and my stomach still aches. I have the heating pad on it right now.
I dont know what Im going to do because I need to get groceries tomarrow. I have to go because I have to cash the check first. I can ride a go cart, but im scared if I did nothing and feel like this today, how will I do tomarrow. We have no food left in the house. I tried to see if someone could bring me some food from a food pantry but I couldnt even get that. yug.
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hrts for me to remember 12-29-2004 - 07:47 PM
dopamine- increase level anger/aggression possible
Increased estro-maybe linked to anxiety panice attack
estro-low dopamine,depression
estradiol patch vs. pill-possible patch better
progesterone-helps with anxiety-cream helps depression
progesterone- NO ORAL FOR ME.=depression already-helps create REM sleep
*Wellbutrin boosts dopamine& maybe norepinephrine*
magnesium-helps depression

note for self.
day 3 on estradiol feeling good-still hot/cold(not as bad),still have bad nightsweats, lower amounts of migrains.
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feeling good 12-28-2004 - 09:46 PM
Today, I wokeup feeling really good. For some reason, mentally I really was good. Maybe the estergen kicking in.
I had to go to credit union to get whats left of my greens to get gas to go to docs tonight and get 3 things at store. OMG

I went to this particular store because they had those carts you can ride. Wouldnt you know it, it was broke. I just about died.
By the time I got those 3 things and got to the checkout I was sweating bullets. Boy did my stomach hurt. I held it through the whole store. When I got to the checkout and told the lady about the cart problem she told me that they have a wheelchair with a basket on it and they would have been more than willing to push me around because they had done that before for others. I told her thanks.(I wished I knew that before) oh boy.

Then, I had a good docs appt tonight. Things went well all day except dinner.
We were given 2 hams for Christmas and we had one and it wasnt very good. The kids didnt like it at all. I dont know what to do with the other ham. Maybe I will give it to my girlfriend who has money problems same as me. She can use the food same as me. I cant wait till the 3rd when I have money to spend on food again. I dont know how Im going to food shop. I cant do it for long.
Ill have to think onthat one for awhile. Ive got a couple of days anyway.
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feeling good 12-28-2004 - 09:41 AM
Im 2 weeks yesterday.
Today, I took my 2cd estergen. Im feeling a little better today, mentally. I do know that part of my problem yesterday was that darn OB.He really got me down.

I hope this estergen works. I also hope that soon it will start to take away the night sweats. I hate those, and then when I got to getup to go to the bathroom I freeze because Im wet. yuck.
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can I make it 12-27-2004 - 07:41 PM
Man Im hurting again. My rec hurts so bad. Sometimes I just go sit on the toliet. I dont push or nothing, I just sit and see if anything happens.

I cant sit(except on one hip) what a site.
I have to lay on my side.

I hope I can make it till tomarrow night when I see the doc.

One thing I noticed is it seems to be worse in the evening.(so far) and I have been eating my gasx, so I dont know what else to do.

Please Lord help me!
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Soo Depressed 12-27-2004 - 04:10 PM
I just keep crying today.
I cant have kids.
My SO, who before the accident was talking marriage, is poss MR. He still knows who I am and loves me and stuff but I dont think I can marry him now.
My OB is an idiot so is my ex.
Money is really really bad right now.
Can there be anything else?

My DS called me tonight to tell me he is having fun with everyone. Hes on a missions trip to mexico.
I never go anywhere or do anything. Im too scared to leave GrandRapids to go on any type of nice vacation.

What a life!
I hate myself
cry cry cry
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My docs an idiot 12-27-2004 - 02:03 PM
With all the problems my OB has given me, I will never go back to him again. If I have problems I will go to my pcp.
My Primary doc is soo nice and he always takes time to listen to me. I will go see him tomarrow night and I plan to tell him everything the OB did and said to me today.

If I need to go to the OB I will get another. One more thing, before I left I signed a paper, to get a copy of my whole cart with that stupid OB. (It aint big) I want to see what is in it.

Must go mom is on the phone. More later.
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gas 12-26-2004 - 08:19 PM
I never realized, how much pain can go along with gas.OMG!
I didnt know you could havepain in your rear while trying to go and gas can play a part in that too. WOW!

I guess Im learning alot from this op.haha
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a walking pharmacy 12-26-2004 - 01:36 PM
Im so tired of all these meds. Im tired of being tired. Im tired of feeling crappy. Im tired of being in pain! Will it ever end.

Lets see I take,at least 4 meds in the am 2 in the afternoon and 2 at night. That doesnt include pain meds.
I have plenty of that too.
Vicodin, Lortab, AND 800mg motrin. Not that I take all of it cause I dont. Its like I started with one and it didnt work so they moved to something else.
I hate meds. When Im no longer in pain or whatever I must might have a pill burning party.Dont knkow if it will work, but I might.
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message to self 12-25-2004 - 07:54 PM
ok cuddlyrock,you are going no where till you see the doc in Jan. I know I probably shouldnt have drove, let alone stayed out for so long.
It was nice being with people for a change. But I will live! I dont want to hurt anymore.
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Christmas at our house 12-25-2004 - 01:51 PM
Hi journal today started out slow and quiet. I foundout last night while my kids where with their dad my DS decided to get his tongue stuck to the outside fence. I guess it hurt coming off. lol

I drove today for the first real time. Drove 20 min. to my parents house. It was a little ruff. The streets pretty bumpy. Hard on the stomach. I did ok. I dont really think Im ready to do too much driving though.

I guess christmas was pretty good. Being with family is nice. Lots of good food.

I wish I knew what was causing all this pain in my stomach. Sometimes, the meds dont touch it. I dont know what my problem is. Man, Im not used to all these problems.

Well, I will write more later.
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bah hum bug 12-24-2004 - 06:30 PM
Im still all alone on christmas eve and I hate it.
My kids arent coming home till tomarrow morning cause I guess the roads are bad in muskegon.
At least my ex called to let me know and I got to talk to my kids.
I love them so much and miss them when they are gone but sometimes cant wait til they go.

I feel so blue. I think I will just cry for awhile.
My stomach doesnt feel too good anyway.
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first time 12-24-2004 - 02:39 PM
Well, here I am and its Christmas eve. I hope my ex brings my kids home. Hes really been a pain this year.

I do feel proud of myself though because I think since my op I have found a new me. One that is more will to stand up to him.
Ive been doing that lately and I think he doesnt know what to think about that. hahahahahhahaha
I really dont care what he thinks!

You know, its kind of funny, how you can be watching the christmas programs on TV, being reallly interested in it and miss the ending because you fall asleep.

Well, I think I will go for now, Ive got cramps AGAIN!
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