I've got my days and nights turned around. I get so tired during the day but I force myself to stay awake. Then, at night, I still don't fall asleep until the wee hours of the morning ... sometimes when it's daylight outside.

Last night, I decided to take my trazodone. I hate taking it late because it makes me groggy in the morning. It was late, about 1 a.m., so I decided to take just 1/2. Well, it didn't help me fall asleep, but I was groggy when I finally dragged my butt out of bed at 11:30 a.m.! Almost noon! Sheesh! This has got to stop. I'm back to work in three weeks and I need to be rested, refreshed and on schedule.

I was tired last night and yet -- once again -- I spent more than two hours tossing, turning, readjust the pillows, the fan, the sheet, feet under, feet out, on my right side, on my left. It's driving me crazy!

It's about 11 p.m. I'll be taking trazodone again tonight, but this time a whole tablet (prescription says 1-2 as need at bedtime). I'll be waking up groggy again, but it will be worth it if I can wake up groggy at 8 a.m. instead noon.

Had another bad sleep night, but I knew I would. I took a nap (unwanted one) and then I couldn't fall asleep until the sun was shining through my shades this morning. I woke up about 9:30 because I had to go to the bathroom.

About 5 p.m., I had to fight to stay awake. No nap. And yet, here it is nearly midnight (about my usual bedtime) and I feel too tense to sleep. Probably tense because I'm worried about sleeping. LOL

It was another weird day. I'm almost 3 weeks post-op and despite taking my Gas-X and stool softener regularly the past couple of days, I was still having some minor intestinal pain that led to three very small bowel movements. Odd.

What hurts now is a pinching feeling on my left side. I took off my binder because I thought it was pinching, but the pinch in my belly (not too deep inside) is still there. It's like a pinch that's just under the skin. I hope I didn't pop a stitch or something in there. I don't recall doing anything that could have put stress on it.

Pain meds: 2 Acetaminophen in the morning; 1 600mg Motrin with dinner; and 2 more Acetaminophen about 10 minutes ago. That's more than I've taken in the past three days combined.

Tomorrow I really MUST get out of the house and do some walking. Maybe that's what these old intestines are trying to tell me.

I didn't sleep well last night. It had nothing to do with the surgery. I just couldn't get comfortable. I wiggle my feet, tossed and turned, turned the fan one and off, moved the pillows and finally, sometime after 3:30 a.m. I drifted off.

I was tired today (gee, wonder why) and fell asleep about 5:30 pm and slept until 9 p.m. NOT GOOD. Now it's midnight and I don't feel like sleeping. Argh!! I do not want to get my days and nights turned around.

I'm feeling a little achy deep inside. It doesn't feel like that horrible intestinal pain I was getting. It's more that achy feeling you get just before the cramps and period starts. Weird, what with my uterus and ovaries being gone now.

The spotting has stopped, but still no sign of stitches. All seems to be going as planned.

No Motrin and no nausea today. So, I'm pretty sure that's what was causing it.

I was tired most of the day but forced myself to go out and do a little shopping. I was tired and just the tiniest bit sore by the time I was done finding a couple things at Lowe's hardware store. Afterward, we grabbed a burger for dinner and I took two Tylenol, my first pain killers of the day. I was feeling better so we decided to hit Target. That took longer and by the time we had the dozen or so items from our list, I was not only tired but I was very sore. It hurt to get back into my car and out of it when I got home. I think this was the first day that I officially did more than I should have -- even though it wasn't much. My body just needed a day to relax and I didn't let it.

If I'm still feeling tired tomorrow, we'll go someplace and walk for a few minutes and then head home. (walking is good as long as I don't overdo it) If I'm feeling good, we'll walk longer, but not too long.

It seems like I have a really good day then a not so good day then a good day again. Since today was a not so good day but I was still out walking a lot, I'm not sure what to expect tomorrow. A good day? or will be a really bad day because I did not rest today? I guess I'll find out tomorrow, won't I? :-)

This has been an interesting week. Not good, not bad. Just different.

I had the tiniest bit of light pink discharge on Day 12, but only when I wiped. None on Day 13 or 14. Then, on Day 15 I had enough bright pink discharge that I had to start wearing a panty liner. It's not red and it's not a lot. I know it's normal around week 2, when the stitches start to dissolve, but it still worried me enough that I'm keeping an eye on it. So far today, there's been nothing.

On Day 14, I was having a really bad pain day. Initially, I thought it was because I cut out the Motrin which I thought could be causing my nausea. I popped a Darvocet-N, but that didn't help. It turned out to be gas pains ... I had forgotten to take my Gas-X. I started feeling a little better within an hour of taking it.

Day 15, I took all my meds (except Darvocet-N) and I was feeling very nauseous. I'm pretty sure it's the Motrin. I last took a dose 3:30 p.m. and was just starting to feel better around midnight.

So, today (Day 16) I'm not going to take Motrin. I woke up a bit sore, but will try to go without today. If I start feeling too much discomfort, I'll take a couple of extra-strength acetaminophen (Tylenol). But I AM TAKING my Gas-X and stool softener and, of course, my Keflex for infection. (I hope the Keflex isn't causing the nausea. I need to keep taking it 4x a day for another 4 1/2 days.)

I haven't been out of the house since Friday. My walking today was less than 6 minutes of walking from the bedroom, to the kitchen, to the bedroom, to the kitchen, over and over. BORING! I think I'm going to ask my son to drive me somewhere tomorrow so I can get out and walk around. I think I feel better when I'm out and about.

No more diarrhea today, so I don't know what that was about yesterday. But I am feeling a tiny bit "icky" in my stomach (think it might be the Motrin) and I'm kind of sore. I took a Darvocet-N twice today in place of the Motrin to see if that helps but, strangely enough, I don't think it works as well. Or, it could just be that I'm having a sore day today.

This evening there was a little bit of pink discharge, but only when I went to the bathroom. From what I've been reading, that's normal and it happens when the stitches start to dissolve. I'll keep a eye on it to make sure that it doesn't become problematic.

Good news ... I fell asleep last night about 11:30 p.m. and slept until 10:30 a.m. So, I'm pretty much caught up on the sleep I missed the night before.

Bad news ... I've got a slight case of diarrhea, this is odd because I went this afternoon and all was normal. I don't have any nausea and I'm not running a fever. I did a little online research and learned that it *could* be the antibiotics that I started taking Friday night.

After days of taking stool softeners, I'm really hesitant to take an Imodium. I'll drink a lot of fluids and let things run their course through tomorrow, but if it persists on Tuesday I'll call my family practice doctor. I got the antibiotics from urgent care because my OB-GYN is on vacation. He left the day I got out of the hospital.

After staying with me a week, my mom went home today. Two hours after leaving my house she calls and reminds me that I am not to do any pushing, pulling, lifting or reaching. I am 49 years old, but I will always be my mommy's little girl. LOL

I thought I'd skipped the insomnia, but it hit with a vengence last night.

After a bad day, I had a great day yesterday. I went to JoAnn's where I walked around about 45 minutes. Then, we went to Pollo Loco for a late lunch. After sitting for awhile, I was all energized and ready to hit the grocery store for a few items. I had a mild "stitch" in my side by the time we got home, but was still feeling good.

I got a return call from the doctor's office about the mild redness on my incision. They suggested I go to urgent care. I did. My mother drove the 30-minute ride, but I didn't passenger nearly as well as I did on the ride home from hospital. She is not a confident driver and it was making me nervous wreck.

By the time we left urgent care -- with a prescription for antibiotics to battle the mild cellulitis -- the sun was getting ready to go down. My mom does not drive after dark (which I knew) or at dusk (which I just found out). She was going to call my dad, who was another 20 minutes away in the opposite direction from my house, to come take us home. It seemed like such a hassle. So, instead, I drove home. I hadn't taken a darvocet since early in the morning and felt up to the task. It was a much more relaxing ride home than it was going there. The only thing that hurt was my stomach from laughing when my mother commented about I seemed to a lot break less while sitting in the driver's seat than I did in the passenger seat. The sad part is, she's right! LOL

Bedtime came and went and I was still awake at 2 a.m., 3 a.m. and 5 a.m. I dozed off for a bit, woke up to see daylight peeking between the curtains and then fell asleep again until 7:30 a.m. I'm lucky if I got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Now, at 8:30 a.m. I feel drowsy, but I worry that if I sleep now I'll have my days and nights turned around and I really don't want that to happen. I've asked my mom to let me sleep no more than two hours if I happen to fall asleep.

Yesterday was not a good day. I think it was my intestines that were causing all the pain. I evacuated my bowels three times between 5:30 a.m. (when I woke with a gurgling stomach) and 9 p.m. I guess that's a good thing because my insides are definitely working as they should, better than they should. LOL

Today was just the opposite. It was a really good day. My mom and I went to JoAnn's and walked around about 40 minutes. I was a little worn out, but not too bad. I was hit by a long-lasting hot flash but it was tolerable. Then, we went to Pollo Loco for a late lunch. After sitting awhile, I felt rested and was ready for our trip to the grocery store. We only needed a few things so it didn't take long. In all, we were out of the house nearly 3 hours and I was just getting the slightest bit sore on my left side as I climbed out of the car at home. All in all, I feel very good, amazingly good. I am going to take it easy the rest of the evening.

Hopefully tomorrow will be another good day but I won't be surprised if I wake up sore from being out and about so long today. I think the road to recovery will have its ups and downs. The key, I think, is moderation.

Oh ... I almost forgot. I uploaded some pics of my surgery. Nothing too gross. A pic of my doctor before he started. A pic from far away while he's operating (nothing bloody or gross). And a pic of my cleaned up, but grossly deformed uterus. These pictures are a scrapbookers dream. LOL

My mom, who rarely leaves her house, has been a good sport. She's taken me out someplace where I can walk 30-45 minutes the past three days. Monday we went to the grocery store. Tuesday to the community college to get some stuff done for my son. Yesterday (Wed) we went to Target.

But today, I was too tired to go anywhere, especially since it's so hot and muggy outside. But tomorrow, we'll go out for sure. Maybe we'll go to JoAnn's and look at the scrapbook stuff that's on sale.

Was a tiny bit sore when I woke up, but feeling good most of the day. Rode with my mom and son to the nearby community college, where I walked a little bit. Not far but slow enough and long enough to feel good without feeling sore.

About 3 p.m. I got a sudden bout of nausea and broke into a bit of a sweat. At first, I thought it was from taking the Motrin on an empty stomach. Then my intestines started gurgling and I realized it was my bowels acting up. The "moved" for the second time today and then I felt fine, but exhausted. It's amazing how simple bodily functions can be so painful and so tiring. But the good news is that they are working.

Day Zero -- Surgery
I had to check in at 9:15 a.m. for an 11 a.m. surgery. By 10:30 a.m., I was in a hospital gown and hooked up to an I.V. Shortly after 11 a.m. a nurse came in to give me what she called, "happy juice." It took effect almost immediately. My mom told me that I said, "This stuff makes me feel weird," and then I started to say something else but just mumbled.

Next thing I knew, a female voice was saying my name and telling me that surgery was over. That's about the same time the pain hit and boy, did it hit hard. Thank God, I remember very little about that time. I just remember hurting worse than I've ever hurt, my right arm was flailing around and the nurse was putting meds into my I.V. and telling me that I was having PVCs but that she wasn't going to worry about it because she wanted to take care of my pain first. She said something about calling the doctor for another medicine, a propy-something-or-other (I think). During this time, I could hardly focus. I never saw my nurses' face but I clearly remember the clear plastic shot-like thing she put in my I.V.

I guess the other meds helped because then next thing I remember was seeing a good-looking black guy with a great smile and a Raiders skull cap moving my bed. I must have dozed again, because next thing I know he's wheeling me into a unit on the third floor (I didn't know it was the third floor) and him saying, "You're in room 13." I remember thinking, "13 is an unlucky number." (this from a person who is NOT superstitious. LOL) At least I think I just thought it, but maybe I said it aloud, because I remember him saying, "13 is a good room, it's a private room."

I don't remember much else until that evening. I was on a morphine pump and pressed the button whenever I felt the least bit of pain. I'd doze off and open my eyes thinking that two hours had passed, when it had actually been just two minutes. I was in and out all night and time seemed to go really, really slow.

Day 1:
The next morning, they took away my precious pump and replaced it with 2 darvocet-N pills every six hours. They took out my catheter and had me start walking. And they took away the Jell-O and gave me real food.

I was feeling (almost) like a real person again. I walked, watched part of a DVD, walked, watched, walked and watched. I rested but I don't think I slept much.

The darvocet was only OK at controlling the pain. But it took 30-60 minutes before they'd kick in and by the five-hour mark I'd be hurting again. Surprisingly, though, the "pain" wasn't that bad, until . . . .

Gas bubbles started to form but did not go anywhere. By 8:30 p.m. I was hurting bad. The nurse said I wasn't due for my meds until 9:45 p.m., but that she'd give them to me at 9:15 p.m. if I was still hurting. I was, but she was busy. At 9:30 p.m. I got up, stood in my doorway and told another nurse to please have my nurse bring my meds as soon as she could. Unfortunately, my nurse was busy with another patient. Finally, at 10:15 p.m., while I'm in bed writhing with pain, she comes running in with my pills and an apology.

I was still in a lot of pain in the middle of the night. They gave me a shot of morphine in my IV about 3 a.m. then my darvocet again at 5:30 a.m. (I know this only because I tried to keep notes while in the hospital.)

Day 2:
I was still in a lot of intestinal pain come morning. Pain meds were changed to Motrin 600mg every six hours and darvocet-N every 6 but only if I requested them. Simethicone (Gas-X) was also added to my list of meds and a sweet nurse brought me a cup of hot tea to help with the cramping.

It was a blessed moment when I finally passed that first tiny gas bubble. It took awhile, but I passed another and then another, although never much at a time.

They brought lunch, but I didn't eat it. Instead, I slept from about 11:30 p.m. until 3:30 p.m. After waking, I walked a bit. And I nibbled at dinner.

Then, shortly after talking to my son on phone at 6:30 p.m., I fell asleep. I slept and slept and slept. The only time I woke was when the nurse checked my blood pressure (which was way low for me 93/61 and 91/68) or gave me a pill.

I slept until they woke me at 6 a.m. on Day 3 with a Motrin and breakfast.

Day 3:
I was too groggy to eat breakfast. Besides, I just wanted to go home. Unfortunately, my doctor was boarding a cruise ship to Mexico and I had to wait awhile for another doctor to make rounds and sign the discharge papers.

It was about 11:45 a.m. by the time the final papers were signed and my son pushed my wheelchair to my mother's car. On the way I made my mom stop at a Carl's Jr. so I could get a Famous Star burger, no cheese, no special sauce, and a small iced tea with sweet n low. That meal was like manna from heaven. I savored every bite, and ate almost the entire burger.

That evening, I showered, pat dry, blow-dried my incision on the cool setting and did a lot of resting.

Day 4:
Good to be home. Good to be in my own bed. I got my own drinks and even fixed my own lunch (1/2 can soup) and dinner (warmed up enchilada I had cooked and frozen before the surgery). I told my mom (who has been staying with me since bringing me home from the hospital) and my son (age 21) that it was good for me to walk and do a little for myself, so they let me ... but both kept a close eye on me to make sure I didn't do anything out of line. I walked and walked and was surprised at how good I felt.

Day 5 (Today):
Like the morning before, I woke up early to go to the bathroom and climbed back in bed. When I woke the second time, it was about 9:30 a.m. and my intestines were gurgling.

By 10:30 a.m. I passed my first stool since surgery. There was a little pain, but not near as bad as I had expected. There was also a little bit of blood, but from what I've read on this site, this is normal, too. It was a tiring endeavor and I had to go lay down on the bed and rest. But it was also a huge relief. I told my mother that it felt like a milestone in my recovery.

I showered and at 11:30 a.m. we went to the grocery store. I started getting tired just as we finished filling the cart with veggies, chicken, milk, ice-cream and a bunch of other stuff -- that my mom insisted on pay for. Walking was OK, but just standing bothered me. So, while the checker rung up our items, I sat in the car. The entire trip from home and back again, took less than an hour, but I was exhausted by the time I got home.

I rested about 30 minutes before a friend from work stopped by to see how I was doing. Even though I just sat on the couch and he stayed only a hour, the visit was a little tiring.

The mild soreness I woke with today never went away, even with the meds. It wasn't at all bad, just constantly uncomfortable.

I kept taking my Colace (stool softener) but stopped taking the Gas-X. I added that back to my medicine routine 10 minutes ago. I take 600 mg Motrin every six hours and 1 darvocet when I feel I need it, which seems to be late morning and late night. I can take 1-2 every 4 hours, but I figured I should use them sparingly since the bottle had only 30 pills in it.

I came home from the hospital yesterday and I'm doing well. I'm tired, a little sore now and then, but all in all, I'm doing OK.

I plan to write something more detailed over the next couple of days for the hyster-story section. When I do, I'll copy and paste it into my journal.

Oh...my doc was very cool. He snapped a couple pictures in the OR, including a pic of my very deformed uterus. He told my mother that it looked like it had two heads and he was soooo right! I'll try to post a picture in a few days, too.

I thought I was ready. I've been waiting for this day since early June. People have asked if I was scared and I'd say, "I'm not at all scared of the surgery, only the hormonal after effects."

And now, 11 hours before my scheduled surgery, I'm feeling extremely anxious. Panic attack anxious. I've got to get up in about seven hours, but I feel sick to my stomach and I can't relax, much less sleep. I just hope that once I'm able to doze off I don't sleep through my alarm.

I've been cramping for several days. Yesterday, Day 25 of my cycle, was bad. But this morning OUCH! My uterus is kicking in with a vengence. It could not hold off. Day 26 and it has decided that I should have one last period. I am scheduled for surgery tomorrow, so of course it has to come today. It is almost as if it knew it would only get one last time to torture me.

I've got some good cramping going for not being on my period. Oh, I hope I don't start my cycle! My surgery is Wednesday. I was hoping my last period was my LAST period. But the way I'm feeling now, I don't think I'm going to be that lucky. :-(

Today is Day 25 of my cycle.

Today is Day 22 of my cycle. Lots of cramping today. More than usual. Maybe it's because I was doing more standing than usual.

My surgery is on the afternoon of Day 27. It's anyone's guess if I'll be on my period or not. Wish not, not, not!

Tomorrow, Saturday, is my last day of work before my surgery.

I had my pre-op today. I'm having my surgery done through an HMO insurance/hospital. The initials are K.P. They were thorough, but boy oh boy did it take awhile.

Things I learned:
I do not need to do a bowel prep. I can eat up to 8 hours before the surgery. I can have apple juice, cranberry juice or water up to three hours before the surgery.

My August 6 surgery is "tentatively" scheduled for 2 p.m., but can get moved up if someone else cancels at the last minute. I will stay in the hospital at least two nights, maybe three ... more if I'm not doing well.

We discussed the DaVinci hysterectomy method (which is not an option at my hospital.) He said that he has used it and while the healing is faster, he didn't think it gave doctors a good look inside and, especially under the uterus where he needed to work. I thought this was interesting.

We also discuss, again, vaginal hysterectomy. He said it was best for ladies with a small to moderate size uterus. My uterus is large and therefore more safely removed through the abdomen. That's what we agreed on.

Again, we discussed the ovaries. It was my choice to keep or not to keep, but he again said she strongly urged me to let them go. Again, I agreed, especially after he promised that he would not allow the hormones to send me off the deep end.

I will have a PCA pump the first 24 hours, a catheter the first 24 hours and won't be able to walk around until it's out.

My doc has no problems about having his picture taken in the surgical room for my scrapbook. I just need to let the nurse know before they give me the drugs. Silly, I know. But I'd be sorry if I didn't do it.

My morning:

I check in at the doctor's office. A (skilled) nurse is getting trained for her new position in OBYN/GYN so it takes longer to get me processed. (no biggie) Then I see my doctor. He is always good about spending lots of time with me. Then, I see the nurse again. She gives me paperwork and sends me on my merry way ... to other areas of the hospital.

Next, I went up to the 4th floor for an EKG. Another wait, but it was a short one.

Then, it was down to the lower level (aka basement) to have my blood drawn. This was a longer wait. The needle poke hurt more than usual (probably a bigger needle b/c they needed five vials of blood) but I didn't get the bruising that I normally get with a blood draw.

My last stop in the hospital was the first floor for a chest x-ray. I had to stand in a long, slow-moving line. Then, I was sent to a waiting room where I had to hang out a bit longer. Then I was given a gown to wear and asked to wait in a hallway. The x-ray took about 15 seconds and then I had to wait about 5 more minutes to be sure the picture turned out.

Finally, I had to go to another building, nearby, to turn in my disability paperwork. At least that's what I was told. Unfortunately, they won't take it until the day of or time after the surgery. So, I guess I'll drop it off when I get ready to go to the hospital.

All in all, my pre-op took about 3 1/2 hours.

Day 19 of my cycle, Day 8 of mid-cycle cramps and 8 days until my surgery.

This evening, I experienced some intestinal cramping but after I went to the bathroom that was gone. It was different than the mid-cycle cramps I've been having ... I'm still having. I'm assuming it's my ovaries acting up, especially now that I know the cramping is not my intestines.

My house is no where near as picked up and as clean as I had hoped it would be. I got a few things done this past weekend, but not much. I was busy one day and I slept most of the next. I hope we get more things in order this weekend. It'll be my lst chance before surgery next week.

Well, it's been four days that I've had these mid-cycle cramps. Most of the time they are mild, but now and then they give me a real twinge. I've also noticed that I have a slight bowel pressure when I have these cramps. I don't understand that because I've been regular every day and it's not just when I need to go.

I think the cramps are Mittelschmerz, which are ovulation cramps. But I could be wrong. Maybe they are caused by something in my digestive system. I've been taking heartburn medication every day since December. I had severe heartburn problems for several months before that, too. Maybe there is a connection?

Today, day 12 of my cycle, and the mid-month cramps are back. They are almost as bad as menstrual cramps. Just one more thing not to miss after my hysterectomy.

I have had mild night sweats for the past 13 days. Last night there were none. Until recently, I've not kept track of what days I do or don't have them ... not that it will do any good. Come Aug. 6, I'll probably have them every day of the year.

This past week, I've had lots of hot flashes. At least that's what I think they are. I don't break into a sweat, but I get really warm and have a burning, almost sunburn-like sensation on my arm. I have often thought that this was a hot flash, but maybe it's something else.

Obviously, my upcoming surgery has been on my mind a good deal. For the past few days, I've tried to do a few leg lifts to strengthen my weak old stomach muscles. Yesterday, my sore stomach muscles woke me up. It was weird. I rolled onto my side and the muscles sort of burned and pulled. In my half-asleep state, I woke up thinking, "Oh yeah. That's right I had surgery." LOL

I think I had better prepare myself. I am sure that I'll be waking up with more intense night sweats and a stomach that is a whole lot more sore than what I got from doing leg lifts. I've got 16 days to go until my surgery.

I am only two days into my work week and I am already tired. Worse, I don't get paid for another 8 1/2 days and I'm already broke. Well, not quite. I saved enough money for another tank of gas. And my fridge is stocked to get us through until I get paid again.

My plan of putting a few dollars aside for my upcoming time off isn't working very well. My last electric and water bill were a lot higher than usual, but I should have been expecting it. After all, it is summer and this is Southern California.

There is good news. I still have a job. I work in an industry that is suffering terribly and the economy stinks. So, having a job is a really good thing right now.

This was a mild menses month. Today, Day 6, looks to be the end of it as there is nothing but a bit of bright red spotting. Day 2 and Day 3 were the only bad days.

I have to work a late shift today. Boo! Worse, I am dealing with a minor bout of heartburn despite taking my meds yesterday. I hope it passes quickly and doesn't turn into the severe heartburn that I had a few months back.

Yesterday was good. I was able to get some organizing done in my craft room. By next weekend it should be cleared out enough for a blow-up mattress so my mother isn't sleeping out in the living room when she comes to stay with me. I feel bad making her sleep on the inflatable mattress, but she won't take my son's room. At 69, she is one tough ol' broad and I love her to pieces. She was planning to stay with me two weeks, but I still think three days will be plenty.

I was worn out yesterday but I must have been more tired than I thought. Today, after lunch, I climbed on my bed with a book. Sometime after 1 p.m. I fell asleep and didn't wake until the phone rang a little after 5 p.m.

I wasn't at all productive today, with the exception of my weekly grocery shopping. I shopped, but my son brought it all in and put it away.

I hope I get some housework done tomorrow before going back to work on Tuesday. Otherwise I won't get anything done until next Sunday.

Today, day 2 of my cycle, was painful and messy and makes me wish I was having my surgery next week instead of next month.

I had a little cramping when I left for work this morning, but it wasn't too bad so I didn't take anything. That was mistake #1. The second mistake was not having Tylenol in my car -- just Motrin, which I'm no longer supposed to take because of heartburn issues. Mistake #3 was working outside, in the heat, for about three hours with no place to sit down. I wasn't doing anything strenuous, just walking and standing stuff for work.

By the time I got back to my car I was hot, miserable and in quite a bit of pain. I broke down and took two Motrin. It didn't bother my stomach (thank goodness!) but it took forever to start working. That was about 3:30 p.m. It's almost midnight now and I'm doing fine. Mild cramping, but no more than I have on the days when I'm not having my period.

Well, after days of cramping -- just minor stuff -- I finally (unfortunately?) start my period. And today, I was dealing with some mild hot flashes at work. I think they are related. Come to think of it, the night sweats probably are, too. Especially since I hadn't had them for awhile and then here they are.

If I get cranky, tired, hot flashes and night sweats pre-menses and during menses, I wonder how I'll react to menopause, especially medically induced menopause which is supposed to be tougher.

The cramps are pretty bad, but tolerable. I didn't take anything for them while at work, but I think I will take a couple of acetaminophen after dinner. I can't take Motrin because of my stomach problems.

Still no cycle, but it should arrive in full force any day now. This morning I woke up with a huge pimple on my cheek and a few smaller ones on my face, too. I hate being 49 and having skin like an adolescent going through puberty!

It's 9 p.m. I'm exhausted, but I don't feel "sleepy." Instead, I feel tense. Maybe it's the cramps (mostly mild, but continous). Maybe it's worry over finances and job security. Or maybe it's just hormones.

I think I'll get something cool (and decaf) to drink and I'll read my book. If I'm not sleepy in an hour then I'll take a melatonin. I hate to take it after midnight. If I do, I wake up a bit groggy.

It's Day 28 of my cycle and still 27 days 'till my surgery. With a cycle that varies from 24 to 32 days, it's anyones guess whether this next one will be my last one.

I am so tired, but I can't sleep. I tried reading, getting a snack, turning off the fan. Nothing seems to help. This is not unusual. Sadly, this seems to happen right before I start my cycle, but I usually don't connect the two until my cycle starts. Then it's like a light bulb going on. "Now I see why I was grouchy two days ago and couldn't sleep last night."

I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if I don't start my period sometime after I wake up (today). I was really hoping to hold out until Saturday, which would just about guarantee this to be last cycle.

Coutdown, 27 days to go.

We had a quarterly meeting talking about how our company is doing. It isn't looking good. The company, which is part of a big corporation, is down $55 million over a 3-year period.

Staffing is already at a minimum, with everyone being asked to do more and more and more. As gas prices go up, our on-the-job mileage reimbursement has been cut by 10 cents a mile. During the previous years as cost of living went up 3 and 4 percent, we were getting 2 percent pay raises. Now, we've been told that annual raises are no longer automatic, they will be based performance only. (which means they'll find an excuse not to give a raise or to give a .5 percent or something just as ridiculous.)

At the meeting, someone asked about layoffs. The answer was interesting. Our corporate big shot said there were no plans to have layoffs. Then, in practically the same breath, he said that the staffing levels were not yet determined and that staffing reduction was "on the table." (Sounds like layoffs to me.)

I've been with this company almost 8 years. I've survive 6 layoffs so far. I've endured their demands and received little in return as far as pay, pats on the head, etc. I'm tired. I'm depressed.

A couple years ago, a woman who used to work for our company was in the hospital recovering from a leg amputation when someone came to her hospital room and told her she was being laid off.

Part of me is very, very concerned that taking off six weeks will put me in the "problem" employee category and they'll seek to dump me their next chance. Another part of me worries that if I cancel my surgery, I could still get laid off and then I won't have insurance benefits to pay for the surgery down the road.

I've got a double whammy going on today ... or maybe it's a triple whammy. I'm not sure how much is hormonal, how much is fibroids, how much is me being me.

This morning, I woke up before my alarm (second day in a row and very unusual). I was dreaming about my son being lost. In the dream he is only four or five -- as he so often is in my dreams. (He will be 21 next month.) I found him, safe and sound, but he was crying. And that's when I woke up in a wet sweat.

For awhile, I was getting night sweats on a semi regular basis. Then none at all. So, I was rather surprised to find my chest damp and my neck and hair downright wet.

According to my FSH (follicle-stimulating hormone) test, my 49-year-old ovaries (which will come out next month) are working fine. When I mentioned my night sweats and mild hot flashes to the gyn last month, he said it wasn't menopause that I should have my thyroid-stimulating hormone (TSH) checked. It had been check the month before and was fine and I'm taking my thyroid medicine regular every day just as I should. So, I don't know what's causing the problem. Nightmares? I often have nightmares, bu they NEVER caused night sweats until the past year or so.

Well, the night sweating was whammy one. Whammy two and three are painful: Heartburn and cramps.

I woke up with heartburn, despite taking my Prilosec twice yesterday and the day before as directed by my doctor. On the drive home from work, the heartburn kicked up a notch and I started having some heavy cramping. I worried that I'd start my period before I got home to take care of it. That was almost five hours ago, and still no bleeding. I took my evening dose of Prilosec and I still have some heartburn pain.

Today is day 26 of my cycle, so I could start my period any day now. Last month it started on day 30. The month before that it was day 26. If my body can just hold out a few more days then maybe this will be my last cycle -- ever! My surgery is 29 days from today. Hold on, baby! Hold on!!

Everything is a go. I have my surgery date. My mom is lined up to stay with me a few days afterward. I've educated myself on what to expect. I made peace with my decision, and then ...

My mother reads an article in AARP about the many unnecessary hysterectomies that are performed in hospitals. This is the section that prompted her to ask me, "What will happen if you don't have the surgery?"

AARP excerpt:
"How can more health care be harmful? Just ask Susan Urquhart, 66, an Ann Arbor, Michigan, woman who underwent a hysterectomy she now says was 'the worst decision I’ve ever made in my life.' ... Within weeks after the procedure, she discovered that the side effects of the surgery were far worse than the symptoms caused by her fibroids. Plunged instantly into menopause by the removal of her ovaries, Urquhart had trouble sleeping and began suffering hot flashes and drenching night sweats. Next, she began having trouble with bladder control, a common symptom among women who undergo a hysterectomy. And then her sex drive evaporated. Worst of all, Urquhart’s procedure may not have been necessary in the first place."

I am not afraid of the surgery. I am not afraid of the pain during recovery. What I am afraid of is that the outcome will be worse than than the reasons I'm having surgery.

Same thing ... cramps, cramps, cramps. Thank goodness my pain tolerance is fairly high, otherwise I would have been in bed with Tylenol and a heating pad. I was getting some pretty nasty cramping in the evening and thought that maybe I was going to start my period, even though it was only day 23 of my cycle. I was surprised when there was still no sign of it this morning.

Right now, I can feel a little tenderness way down below, but that's always there. It's not bad today ... at least not right now.

I'm glad I have this blog, it will give me something to look back on when I wonder why I decided to have a hysterectomy. I plan to use it as a detailed guide of my recovery, too. Hopefully it will later serve future HysterSisters as a guide to what they may experience in their own surgeries.

Countdown to surgery: 31 days left to go

Edited to add: The cramping seems to get worse just before bedtime. I don't know if it's because I'm still and it's more noticeable or if it really is acting up more.

I woke early and went back to sleep until 11 a.m. I was (still am) tired. I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow, but I do.

Today, I was at the park for the annual July 4 celebration. I tried to be a good mood, but it was hard. I was irritated at the obnoxious group of thoughtless jerks that sat behind me. Then when Eddie Money came on stage and sounded blah, I was ready to leave -- even before fireworks. Luckily, my son agreed that the music was great but the signing was only so-so and wanted to get back home to be with our pooch so he wouldn't be scared with the fireworks noise.

My back is sore from sitting on a blanket for hours and my stomach is cramping more than usual. I'm only 22 days into my cycle, but last month was only 24 days. So, maybe it's going to be that time. Or maybe my uterus has been talking with my back muscles and they've decided to scream together.

Dads are men, which would explain why they are sometimes clueless.

My dad called me last week to see if I'd heard anything about my surgery date. I hadn't, but when I did find out I gave him a call. My dad is not a hospital person, so he won't be there, which is fine with me. I told him that I didn't want my mom to stay either. No need for her to wait in an uncomfortable chair 3 to 5 hours, especially when the drugs would probably have me off in la-la land.

I told him that I'd rather have her go home and then she can come get me in a couple days when the doctor releases me. His reaction was, "A couple days? I thought this was one of those things where you go in in the morning and you come home in the afternoon."

I explained about the abdominal slice and dice method my doc and I agreed on, told him that all the female plumbing was coming out, uterus, cervix, fallopian tubes and ovaries.

I could hear him processing the information in the beat of silence on the phone. Then, being the silly goof that he is, he said, "Well, ask your doctor if he's going to take them out and put a prostate in their place."

Thank goodness he has a sense of humor!

I got a call from the hospital's surgery scheduling center today. My surgery is scheduled for August, 6, the day after my youngest son's 21st birthday. It's good to have it scheduled. Now I just need to get ready.

I went to see my doctor for a little chat today, too. I went to discuss my surgery options. I had hoped for a minimally invasive method. Unfortunately, my uterus is fairly large and my doctor thought we'd be best going with an abdominal. He said if I wanted to try vaginal, we could and that he estimated a 60-70 percent chance that all would be well. But, that left a 30-40 percent chance that it wouldn't work and he'd have to switch to abdominal midstream, which he said put the surgery into emergency status. I've opted to go straight through the tummy on the first try.

I will be out of work six weeks, won't be allowed to drive for two weeks. I'll be in the hospital two to three days. I don't need to do any bowel prep. I'll take my meds with me to the hospital and I'll be given some kind of stockings to prevent blood clots.

My mid-month cramps are back today and this time, they are giving me a backache. After doing some reading about mid-month cramping, I learned that it could be ovulation pain. But I don't think I'd have that twice mid-cycle.

I also had a little "stitch" on my left side. It's like a little pinch way inside. I get this sometimes. I don't know if it's my intenstines or ovaries or what.

Anyone else find it odd that when they are diagnosed with something that they wonder how many other aches and pains can be attributed to the problem? For me, I'm wondering if my heartburn, bowel, backache and pinching problems are tied in with the fibroids. I'm hoping so. Because if it is, that means that when they come out my problems will be over and I'll live happily ever after. (oh how I wish that fairy tales were true!)

I replied to my doc's email, asking him if we would discuss the options at the pre-op or if I'd need to schedule another appointment to discuss them.

First thing this morning, my cell phone rings while I'm at work. It's his nurse. She said the doctor wants to have a separate appointment so we can have time to go over the options. I'll be seeing him Tuesday morning, July 1.

On that day, or soon after, I should hear back from the scheduling nurse to find out about my surgery date.

It is both calming and a little unnerving to have a say-so about the surgical procedure. It's kind of like picking out a new car. What if I pick the pretty one, but it turns out to be a lemon? What if I pick the gas-saver, but it has no uphill power? What if I pick the most expensive, but it turns out that I can't afford the payments?

I researched hysterectomies until late last night. I had trouble falling asleep. When I was in that transition between sleep and wakefulness, I "heard" my brain saying words like "ablation" and "myectomy." Neither of these words apply to me, so it was so odd that they were going through my brain to the point of startling me awake. It's 10:40 p.m. I think it's time to exchange Hystersisters for a nice cozy mystery and, hopefully, a decent night's sleep.

I sent my doctor an email asking him about my sonogram results, what method of hysterectomy he was going to use and if he planned to remove my cervix. I got the following reply:

The following is your ultrasound report.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SONOGRAPHIC FINDINGS
Scan Quality: Difficult scan. Mode:
Transabdominal. Endovaginal.
Uterus: Enlarged uterus. Irregular contour. Size: 11.90 x
7.20 x 6.60 cm. There are multiple fibroids throughout the
myometrium. The largest is located on the left side. Size: 6.00 x
5.20 x 6.10 cm.
Endometrium: Depth: 4.50 mm.

Right Ovary: Normal. Size: 2.6 x 2.4 x 2.2 cm.

Right Adnexa: No abnormality demonstrated.

Left Ovary: Not seen.

Left Adnexa:

Cul-de-Sac: No free fluid identified.


SUMMARY
Impression: Uterine fibroids identified. The left ovary was not well
seen on this scan.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The reason we did not use Uterine artery embolization was due to multiple fibroids and since fertility is not a concern. Usually this method is saved if there is only one or two fibroid and they are not affecting the cavity.

The fibroids are throughout the myometrium and the wall of the uterus. They are not protruding in the cavity. I reviewed your images.

The american college of obstetrics and gynecology is to remove the ovaries if a patient is having a hysterectomy and she is 45 or older. You will reach menopause between ages of 49-51.

Regarding the incision it is either going to be bikini line and or we can try removing your uterus vaginally. If the vaginal approach is used then the cervix is also removed. If abdominally then you have a choice of removing the cervix or not. I usually recommend my patients to have a complete cervical removal.

Also you have the option of complete laparoscopic hysterectomy. Everything depends on the size of the fibroid and the size of the pelvic outlet.

I hope I have answered some of your questions. As you can see there are many options, there are risks and benefits associated with each and if you desire we can sit down and review each one in detail and elect a method that you are comfortable with.

Regards.
(Dr. Name Withheld)

It has been 4 days since the last day of my cycle and I'm still feeling little mini-cramps. They aren't bad, just annoying. I also feel kind of full, like I'm constipated, but I'm not. I've been very regular, every day, for the past week or so.

The funny thing is, I never thought much about these little nuisances until I was diagnosed with fibroids. Part of me knows that these were twinges I've felt for months, maybe more than a year. Another part of me thinks that my attention on them is a psychosomatic reaction to the diagnosis.

It seems like I'm always second-guessing myself. It's bothersome. It's not. It's a problem. I can deal with it. I need surgery. I'm not as bad as others on this board. I should wait. I should just get it over with.

I've already made up my mind. I'm going through with my August appointment (at least that's when I think it will be) and I'm going to hope that I'll have some benefits (ie: no more periods, no more mini-cramps) and that I'll not have any major side effects (major mood swings).

I'm feeling little twinges, like little mini cramps. It's not unusual. Sometimes they are a nasty twinge, sometimes just a mild one. I used to think these between cycle cramps was my uterus getting back into shape or a vein or nerve getting pinched because of a seat belt or twisting. After being diagnosed with fibroids last month, I'm sure the twinges are those growths.

I've also done some reading where people have mentioned heartburn caused by fibroids. I'm not sure how that works, but I now wonder if that is my problem.

About a year ago, I suddenly began having a horrible bout of heartburn. I ended up in urgent care for it three times in as many months. The initial medication, Pepcid, did not help. Pepcid did better, but once I stopped taking it the heartburn came right back.

I noticed that a day or two of heartburn led to nasty intestinal problems with soft, light-colored, bowel movements that were especially foul smelling and felt like a chemical burn on my anus. (sorry, this is the only way I can describe it.)

Now, I'm on Prilosec twice a day. As long as I take my meds, I'm OK. But if I miss a day's dose, I start having problems again. I am now wishing the fibroids are my problem. If they are, then removing my uterus might fix my heartburn and digestive problems.

Day 8 of my cycle. No more bleeding, just residue. Thank goodness it's over for the month!

For many, many years, my cycle was 3-4 days. A hard and heavy start with cramps, day 2 flowed fairly well and by day 3 or 4, things would start drying up.

Now, it seems that I get 5-8 days with at least 4 days of heavy bleeding with gobs of globby clots. (gross, I know, but that's the only way I can describe it.)

The cramping is tolerable, especially with a bit of acetaminophen (Tylenol), but the bleeding has become a real nuisance over the past year or so. It is something I will be glad to get rid of when I get my hysterectomy. I just dread the hormone changes that will come in its place.

During my doctor's visit, he told me that I'd get a call in about three weeks from a scheduler and that my hysterectomy would be in August or September. Shock of all shocks, I got a call 1.5 weeks early and they wanted to schedule me for July.

I declined, for a lot of reasons:
**I've got to save up my hospital copay ($250).
**I've got to get my ducks in a row, because disability insurance covers only 55 percent of my already meager income. (I am the sole support of this little household.)
**I need to have time to cook and freeze some meals that will be easy for me and/or my son to heat and eat when I get home.
**I told my boss that it would be August or September.
**I had psyched myself out for August or September and July was just too soon!

Good news, though. I talked to the doc yesterday. My blood work is fine, my biopsy results were good and my new gyn-guy sounded just as friendly on the phone as he did during our first visit. I just hope he knows how to use sharp knives. I'm assuming he's doing the surgery. Maybe a surgeon does the actual cutting and the gyn just puts in the order form. Hmmmm ... yet one more question to add to my list of things to ask.

So, I get the letter. It said that fibroids were found during the ultrasound and that I need to see an ob-gyn. I have Kaiser, so it was the luck of the draw as to who they'd set me up with. It's only been one visit, but so far I'm happy with him.

I show up for my appointment, expecting it to be one of those sit down and lets discuss your ultrasound visits. Well, it was, but they also had me get undressed from the waist down because they wanted to do a biopsy. Hmmm...I wasn't exactly prepared for this, but OK.

First, we do talk -- a lot. The doc tells me that the results show "multiple" (no number given) fibroids and that the largest is 6x6x5cm in size. That's not too big when I compare it to some of I've read about. He tells me what a fibroid is, what it does, how it is supposed to get smaller after menopause, etc.

He tells me some of the fibroid/excessive bleeding treatments such as IUD, creams, injections and hysterectomy, which he said is always a last resort.

Then, comes time for the biopsy. He tells me that it's going to hurt like really bad cramps. I clenched my teeth and tried to relax the rest of my body. Surprisingly, it wasn't nearly as bad as I was anticipating. But ...

When he was done, as he snapped off his gloves, he said the uterus needed to come out. This took my by surprise. What about all that talk about treatments and hysterectomy being a last resort?

Apparently, my uterus is enlarged and deformed and beyond first-stage treatment. He also recommended that I lose the ovaries. I just turned 49. Statistically speaking, my ovaries will be good only another year or two. Taking them out with everything else is better than leaving them in and taking a chance on cysts, ovarian cancer or other ovary abnormalities.

Then, he pushed his hand onto my abdomen. I flinched. He told me the pain I felt was caused by the fibroids. Part of me thinks, OK, I just won't push on my stomach. And I've got quite a bit of (unwanted) padding in the area to protect me if I bump into something. But I realized that he's probably right. I need to join the Big "H" Club.

What I didn't think of was questions to ask:
How big is my uterus?
What kind of hysterectomy surgery do you recommend?
How many fibroids do I have?
What happens if I leave them in and do nothing?

That's when I got on the Internet and found Hystersisters. :-)

It all started with a visit to the doctor to discuss digestive problems. I left with an appointment for a vaginal ultrasound that led to a diagnosis of fibroids and a hysterectomy as the recommended treatment.

During the conversation about occasional diarrhea and severe heartburn, I made some flippant comment about my body falling apart. I complained that getting old was supposed to lead to menopause -- no periods. But, instead, my cramping is getting worse and my periods are getting longer and heavier. The doc took my flippant remark serious -- as well he should -- He told me that I could have fibroids and referred me to radiology for an ultrasound.

I go and a few days later, I get a letter saying that I do indeed have fibroids and that I'm being referred to an OB-GYN . . .

The saga continues tomorrow, after I've had a little sleep. It's 1 a.m. and I really have got to get some sleep. I've got to leave the house at 7:15 a.m. if I'm going to be at work by 8.