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*shutterbug*'s Blog
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Rollercoaster..... 03-23-2006 - 12:02 AM
I had a bad day today. Bad in the sense that everything just piled up in my brain and caused a traffic jam or short circuit or something!
Feel like I'm happy one minute, angry the next, sad and so on. Was still feeling this way when hubby came home from work. He talked with me for awhile and then listened to me vent and let me talk 'through' all of my emotions. I feel so much better now. Except for this nagging migraine. I took my migraine med after checking with the pharmacist that it isn't a blood thinner and it has only helped a small bit. I think I just let it go too long.
Oh well....pre-op is on Friday. I just wish it was time so I could get it over with. I'm so nervous and now I'm second-guessing myself all of the time. Asking questions I've already had answered and just plain wondering if I'm making the right choice. Then I think, of course I am. I can't continue on the way I feel right now. I'm just so scared. Scared of what will happen afterwards and if it will actually work for me. I'm scared the endo will come back...scared he will have to take my ovaries either now or later....scared of hormone problems....scared of intimacy problems cuz I really enjoy it now and don't want to lose that.
I'm just plain scared.
Hubby feels the same anxiety.
Worried that I won't wake up....sexual dysfunction, although we would be okay as a couple...he says. Scared about my personality changing and me kicking him to the curb as he puts it!
This just sucks! Gonna get myself all down again if I continue. Think I'll go read some more hyst stories....maybe it will help.
*shutterbug*
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Not sleeping.....again 03-21-2006 - 02:25 AM
Well....my dear hubby told me to upgrade my membership on the hystersisters site as I've told him how much it has helped me throughout this whole ordeal. I lurked for awhile just trying to check things out and trying to decide if I would actually benefit from signing up. Boy, am I sure glad I did. I have received so much support and advice on here. I don't know what I would have done otherwise.

My thoughts seem a little scattered. It is 1:25 am and I am not sleeping. Too much on my mind lately I guess. I am tired of the though. Maybe I will try to cuddle up next to my hunny and rest for awhile...if I'm lucky, sleep will find me eventually.

I like the idea of having a journal here to record my progress through this whole ordeal. But right now I just can't seem to form complete thoughts and type them as fast as they are whizzing through my head.

More later.
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