Well I won't actually know if it is back (the cancer that is), but I will be having a colposcopy done on the 31st to find out. I am aprensive to say the least. I do not want to have to go thru another major surgery, I am so scared, that if it is, to survive I will have to.
I feel so alone in this, I feel that if I talk about it to people that they will say don't worry it will be okay, or what is so bad about another surgery?? Well for the second question, I would have to say that I have already had to learn a new way to pee. (although it is kinda cool in some ways) I just don't want to loose my colon or anything else in that area. I am afraid that I won't make it thru it this time.
I am not normally a complainer, and I guess that is one reason that I like this journal. I can write down (correct that type) my thoughts and feelings, although people may read it I don't feel like I am making them listen to me whine and complain. I just feel so down, depressed, I just want my life back to the way it was before cancer entered my life.
I love Tim McGrawl's newest song &quot;Live like you were dying&quot;. I found out that the song writers was talking to someone in the building where they were going for a meeting, and his/her spouse or themselves were diagnosised with cancer. (at least that is what I understood) I feel that Tim should take that song and use the proceeds to help to find a cure for cancer. Even if he doesn't it is still a GREAT song. The song writers should get a grammy for it. It is beautiful, it hits you right where your soul is. Some days I wish that I could go mountain climbing, skydiving, or any of the other things that are mentioned in that song.
The one thing that I would like to do before I die or get too old for is ride in a small plane and just see the world from Gods point of view. Big airplanes take you too high up. Another thing would to be go on a cruise to the Bahamas or Virgin Islands. Maybe even just go west of the Mississippi River or to NY or Maine. I would love to just travel some.
Just seems life is too doggone short. We had another girl on the board that I post mainly on passed away a week or so ago, that makes two within the past 6 or 7 months. They were both young and beautiful. But I guess that God needed them more with him than we did.