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barren's Blog
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Getting back to normal... 01-19-2012 - 08:18 PM
so I saw the doctor on Monday I have a yeast infection. She prescribed some kind of antibiotic, which I have no desire to take. It always seems to do more harm than good. I'm taking a more natural approach, YOGURT!

While there I asked to be weighed. I've gained all my weight back and that makes me sad. I said I was going to start working out but that hasn't happened. I was planning to hire a personal trainer but my finances are funny right now, paying hospital bills, on top of student loans and returning to work not to long ago, makes it sort of impossible right now...

or am I just making excuses? Perhaps...

I need a plan. I know in order for me to do this someone need to organize it for me. Like, what to eat, when to eat, how to exercise and when to exercise. I do well when there are rules. I'm roughly 188 pounds, I'd like to lose between 40-50 within the next 4-5 months.

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all is well in my world... 01-15-2012 - 01:26 PM
Except, I have a yeast infection or at least, I believe that's what it is. I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow. When I called to make the appointment I was told the surgeon is no longer with the practice, she'd moved to Arizona. This sadden me because she was so great to me. I feel indebted to her. Strange considering, it's her job, right? I've heard how surgeons have the biggest egos because they save lives but I feel not only did she do that, but she was also very supportive and attentive. I'm probably going to asks if I could have her new practice address, I want to keep in touch with her.

Another concern I have, is my bowel movements are a lot looser. I'm not sure if it's a side effect of my surgery, or my diet. But I'm going to asks. Oh yeah, and Im not getting good sleep. Most nights, I have trouble falling asleep. Usually, I force myself to sleep around 10-11 pm and then wake up between 3-4 a.m. This makes for a rough work day. During my post op visit, I was prescribed ambien; however, after taking one, I didn't like the headache it gave me the next day. I'll see if something else can be prescribed, or maybe i try taking valerian again.
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In three months time 01-05-2012 - 06:20 PM
Wow, still can't believe it...

Not much has changed since my last entry. I feel well, still working and enjoying not having a period. The left over pads/tampons I had I took to work and placed them in a ladies room in a cute basket for everyone to use.

My stomach problem subsided, thank God! I believe it is from gas, especially after eating veggies. I'm naturally gassie, lol I manage it with gas x, which really seems to help. The concern I have now, is this weird noise my vagina makes. It's a farting noise, lol. More so, when I'm bearing down, i.e. urinating. What's that all about?

Other than that, I am still woman
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Seeking Clarity 12-11-2011 - 07:03 PM
Not a day goes by that I don't think about not having a uterus anymore. It's been two months and I have no complaints. Work is going fine, I have more energy and I've lost a few pounds. Not as much as I want but I intend to work on that in the coming weeks. I decide to hire a personal trainer for a few weeks, just to show me the techniques. Ideally, I would like to lose 50 pounds. Currently, I'm about 183, and shape like a triangle.

Since the surgery the only after effects I've experienced were bouts with an upset stomach. After eating I would have the worse stomach pain imaginable, which has since subsided. Still no discharge, bleeding or pain. Sex was enjoyable, but I was very nervous the first time, afterwards, I went to the bathroom to cry. All I could think about was my uterus being gone.

to be continued...
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getting my groove back? 11-17-2011 - 07:58 AM
I returned to work almost 10 days ago. The transition was easy, I missed my colleagues and they missed me. Since I have a desk job there's really nothing to complain about. I put my feet up under my desk, and take walks every now and then.

overall, I feel good! I'm discovering the difference having the surgery makes.
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healing 11-02-2011 - 02:48 PM
I saw the Dr on Monday, for my last post op visit. She checked my incision, did a pelvic exam and said everything is great. I then told her I was ready to go back to work. She asks me to wait until 11/7 which would be 4 weeks since the surgery. She also requested that I stay away from lifting until I've reach the 8 week mark. Some times I forget the lifting part because I'm feeling so good. While visiting a friend, her young child ran to me and right before I was going to lift him in the air, I remembered that I wasn't supposed to lift.

I'm applying cocoa butter to my incision, you can barely see it; it's healing nicely. During my doc visit, I asked the Doc what was left to heal, she goes, "your inside". Something, I didn't understand is heavy lifting could result in a hernia. I still imagine in my head, what was done to me. Like, I think about what my inside looks like, how it was cut open. Imagine, if you will, how {where} each of your organs are placed. Stuff like that fascinates me. It's one of the reasons I asked to see pictures of my uterus once it was removed. I still look at the pictures daily.

Most days, I'm still so called "relaxing", still wearing t-shirts and sweats. I can't wait for work Monday, so I can dress up because I miss it.

oh yeah, I lost 10 pounds

My waist feels different; I can't wait to see how my clothes will fit me.

thanks for the love everyone...
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missing in action 10-27-2011 - 07:01 PM
prior to my surgery I made a promise to myself that I would allow myself to fully heal before going back to work. I'm so bored!

Tomorrow will be three weeks since my surgery. Overall, I feel ok, my incision is healing nicely. I saw my doctor on the 17th to have the staples removed, it wasn't bad. I see her again, this monday. I was going to asked her permission to return to work. However, everyone I talk to say it's not a good idea. Then today, I read in the post op forum, a post of someone wanting to return to work after 2 weeks. Most of the responses where "don't do it".

I'm taking it as a sign and will try my best to keep the promise I made to myself.

I admit, I broke some of the restrictions I was given. Like, around day 4 I starting walking up stairs {I couldn't sleep on the sofa anymore}, and I drove myself to my doc's appointment {although she said it was ok}. I really haven't had any pain, even right after the surgery, despite have an TAH, w/vertical incision, the pain never really was more than a 2...if that. However, I took the medication per the request of my doc's orders. While remembering what I learned here..."stay on top of pain". I've learned so much here. My bowel movement, came four days after the surgery, i ate lots of prunes and drank plenty of cranberry juice.

More recently, I find that I'm fighting with insomnia. My sleep patterns are off. I rest most of the day but come night fall I can't. My doc gave me a Rx for ambien. As the pharmacist started going over the side effects, I told him I was afraid to take it. We laughed, he told me to start with half a tablet. It took me a few days to try it. I didn't like it! It gave me a headache. Now, I'm falling asleep at 1-2 a.m.

Most days, I'm home resting, eating and watching LOTS of TV. Law & Order...Law & Order!!! I've shopped with my mother, and met friends out for meals.

Overall, I can't complain one bit about how well my recovery is going. Mentally, I believe I'm ok, but I'll admit that each day I keep thinking I'm going to crash.

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did I mention my uterus was 2800 grams? 10-13-2011 - 09:07 AM
or 6 pounds

Seriously, myself and my guests looked at one another like, ***. When the pictures were shown to my mother {while I was in recovery}, she said she wanted to take off running, LOL
I can't wait until my post op appointment Monday to see more. Perhaps, I can sell some to the Enquirer, LOL

it's kind of hard to believe six days ago I had my uterus removed. Today, I feel ok, BORED but OK. These are the days that can get you in trouble. Yesterday, I felt fine too, my mother went to work and my dad left for his Doc appointment. So I was home alone.

I got up to make homemade waffles {I've been dying for them}and felt light headed, my chest felt heavy, and I was short of breathe. Instantly, I thought I could be forming a blood clot. Those things can kill you. I called the Doc office, of course I was told to get to the ER. I explained to the receptionist I was home alone and it would be another 2 hours before I could get there.

uh?? HELLO?? duh...

her response, you need to get there! Yeah, I knew, I can't believe I said that. Realistically, in a true emergency, who calls the Doc...one just goes...

I couldn't think of how to get there since everyone was at work and I didn't want to bother them. Also, I wasn't sure if I had a true emergency or just overreacting. I thought about driving myself but then thought, what if I pass out while driving. Regardless, I was scared being home alone. what if I pass out, I could die here alone I laid on the sofa, numb and scared to move. I texted my SO (he's a physician) to tell him what was going on....

he was on his way...

I hate the hospital, I spent all of 6 hours in the ER just for them to tell me, nothing was wrong and that some clotting should occur because I just had surgery.

feeling good...

pain medication is strange. Ideally, it does what it's supposed to; yet, confusing because while taking away the pain, it tricks you into thinking your better than you really are. oh, I can lift this, I can take the stairs, I can walk a little further. Once it wears off, it hits you, I had major surgery 6 days ago...

balancing...

I've never liked being idle. So how do I manage to take it easy and not be bored?

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so far, so boring... 10-12-2011 - 08:10 AM
At times my blood pressure fluctuates between normal and low. While inpatient my blood pressure became very low, like, 80/40 low. The Dr and nurses made claims about it being due to the pain medication and/or anesthesia. I was release with a Rx for Lortabs 7.5 and Mortin 800 mg. Neither have a really needed. However, I'm still feeling light headed, woozy

I see the Dr Monday to have my staples removed...

While inpatient I was given morphine intravenously the first day. After which Tramadol intravenously and percocet orally every day after, or when requested. The Tramadol burned a lot so I asked that it be stopped. I had an interesting conversation with one of the nurses taking care of me. He, yes HE...said, something about people dont start to feel better until the go home. Additionally, that pain medication is used to get you going, work through the pain if you will.

Makes sense, right?

I don't think I like hospitals. Between what I witnessed in the OR and shortages that does on, it must be tiring on the soul. The nurses were loud and rude at time, the PCAs were the same or in some cases more helpful than the actual nurses. Then you're awaken every few hours to be given pain medication. I few times I explained to the nurse that I didn't want it, he suggested that I take it anyway.

Initially, I requested a private room but there weren't any. I had two wonderful roommates, since I was there longer, folks were coming and going. The first, a 54 year old woman, with fibroids and she had the Vinci method. She complained about the pain for most of the time. I asked her about hystersisters, she hadn't heard of it. Apparently, the gasses used during the procedure cause her a great deal of shoulder pain. I felt bad for her because I wasn't having any.

I'm still apprehensive about less invasive procedures. Honestly, from what I've read and witnessed, these procedure seem to cause more complications. If I was offered a do over, my vertical abdominal hysterectomy would still be fine.

My second roommate arrived Saturday afternoon. I forget her age and exactly what she had done, a mesh was involved and it was done vaginally. When she told me I really didn't understand and thought it would be intrusive to ask for more details. She was in pain too...because she couldn't take morphine, she was giving Demerol {according to the nurse it is like heroin}My roommate and I sleep well Saturday night, in fact it was the best sleep I've had in months. She asked for our room door to be closed {something I never thought of} which blocked out the noise at the nurses station and the A/C to be turned up. I requested an additional blanket. I thanked her the next morning as we chatted over breakfast. She is a really great person, at one point I showed her my staples and she counted them. When the Dr came to see me she asked questioned that I would never think to asked. LOL I know my Dr was like, who the hell is she, LOL

I was sad to see her go, we enjoyed each other so much; early Sunday morning her Dr came in to release her but she didn't leave until 3ish, her family and mines watched the football game together. We made a pact that after breakfast we would nap, wake up have lunch together and then she would leave. We did! Before she left, she gave me her phone number and kissed me on the cheek.

My mother and SO spent every day with me. While my BFF since childhood, was a no call...no show. The day before my surgery I called her crying but her response was cold. "why are you crying", you're having a hysterectomy, right" Stuff like that. I didn't hear from her again until I Monday afternoon (my surgery was Friday) and it was through text, "did you have the surgery" I never responded.

And I'm not...
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Nothing is ever as it seems… 10-11-2011 - 03:22 PM
I remember the first time I flew in an airplane. It’s something I said I would never do no matter what. The insurance company I worked for back in 2002 wanted me to visit a client in Memphis TN. I had to make a choice quit my job or fly. I choice to fly (I’m a reasonable woman, LOL) and I remember the day clearly, being so scared but most importantly how beautiful the experience was…

After boarding the plane, I sat down closed my eyes real tight during take off and cried. When I finally decided to open my eyes, the plane was in the air and I hadn’t felt a thing. I remember how beautiful things were. Looking out the window and seeing a masterpiece that can never be duplicated, {sky, clouds, sun, earth}. If I were asked what’s the most amazing thing I’ve seen, my answer will forever be the view from the window seat of an airplane. To me, airplanes are miraculous, like no matter where I am if there’s one flying above I have to stop and watch.

I typed all that because I’d liken my hysterectomy experience to that of my first airplane ride…

It wasn’t nearly as bad and I had worked myself up to believe. I arrived at the admission office around 8ish, surprisingly, I wasn’t nervous. Two minutes spent checking in with the admission clerk then we walked over to the surgical unit. The clerk there said it would be an hour before the nurse comes out to get me. “An hour, I thought to myself”. I was early, surgery was scheduled for 10:30, and it was only 8:30.

My mother and I people watched. Like, the woman waiting for her husband whom was in surgery, as family members {I assume they were family members} walked up a woman asked, “how are you? better yet, the hell with you how is he doing”. My mother and I laughed. I had this strange craving for cheese pizza with banana peppers. I hadn’t eaten since 10 p.m. the night before; there was nothing on my stomach. I was so hungry.

Finally, the nurse called. I said, “aww, ****, stood up and walked to her”. I asked the nurse if my mother could come with me, she could later, explained the nurse. Boy, was the surgical unit busy! I don’t know why but I pictured it as a serene place. Patients, Doctors, Nurses, family members were everywhere. Things were beeping, beds were moving, and people were talking, so chaotic.

I was checked in to bed 32, asked to undress, and press the button once done. It took me 2 minutes. I laid there for what seemed like eternity before the pre-op nurse walked in to ask me the same questions the admission clerk asked. My vitals were checked and the IV was inserted. I was then told shortly the Surgeon and Anesthesiologist would be in. Another half and hour passed before both walked in, greeted me and asked the same questions as everyone else, LOL.

Apparently, another Surgeon had come in late and this pushed all the other surgeries back. This is what they were discussing in front of my mother and I. We couldn’t believe how unprofessional they were being. Anyway, it would be at least an hour before my surgery. It was now 10:30. I forgot to mention that I cried right before my mother came back, and the pre-op nurse was so supportive. I told her I was scared.

Close to 11 a.m. the OR nurse and a student nurse walked over to introduce themselves. A few minutes later, the assistant surgeon and a medical student introduced themselves and said another 30 minutes and I was up. At this point, I was just ready to get it over, I was tired and wanted to sleep.

11:30 came everyone was starting to surround me. It must be time, I said to my mother. We hugged and kissed each other goodbye. Whenever I start to feel like I’m losing control I become very observant. Like, this may be the last thing(s) I see, if you will. As I’m being wheeled to the OR I’m noticing things such as; the frost on the OR doors, the OR nurse pushing the paddle to open the doors, seeing the surgical techs, other nurses, the anesthesiologist, the medical student, the assistant Surgeon and all the equipment. So many thoughts, “is the OR cold like they said it would be on hystersisters?, is it what you expected” are you scared”. I was numb, for some reason the OR seemed foreign yet beautiful to me. Most people don’t get to see this part of the hospital. Besides remembering how the anesthesiologist was prepping to knock me out I also remember saying to the medical student, “you will forever remember me”. I don’t remember much else…

ANESTHESIA IS AMAZING…

I woke up around 3ish to a wonderful nurse welcoming to recovery and asking if I was any pain. I wasn’t sure; I was sore than pain and dozing in and out. The plan after I left for the OR was that my mother would leave the hospital after the Surgeon told her everything was ok. She would come back once I got to my room. I requested a private room but they were all out. Leaving recovery and arriving to my room I don’t remember, I remember my mother almost scaring the staples out of me once she arrived. I spend the rest of the day one with my mother, SO and the morphine pump.

Overall, my experience was nothing like I anticipated. My uterus was HUGE, six pounds and according to my doctor the biggest she's seen. The pain and gas weren’t bad at all. I believe hystersisters played a key role in shaping my experience. So many times, I reverted back to what I’ve learned on this site. I’m sure had I not become a member my experience would be much different.

Despite, my low blood pressure, I was release two days later and have been resting since. I left out how wonderful my roommates were, I'll write about that later. In addition to my concerns about pain medication and hospitals in general.
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I'm resting... 10-10-2011 - 05:26 PM
I can truly say that hystersisters prepared me well for recovery. Without all the advice and encouragement I received, i would have never got through it.

I have so much I share but first I must get my strength back.
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This is it... 10-07-2011 - 04:41 AM
Once I finished everything last night around midnight, I slept pretty good. The enema wasn't so bad. I'm sure it helped that I didn't eat much yesterday.

The only thing left is to get dress, {sweats, a T-shirt and flip flops} and make the drive to the hospital.

my mother told me to think positive and not to go in there having bad thoughts.

I'm ok

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It is no longer in my hands… 10-06-2011 - 07:55 PM
The day started off smooth. I got up, dressed and went to work early. I am truly loved by my colleagues. Although, I didn’t share with them what I’m having done they are supportive. I was given well-wishes with hugs and kisses, flowers, cards, and a gift bags with fiber one bars, prunes, a gift certificate to the deli in our building and a penny. At the end of the day I rushed out quickly because my emotions started to get the best of me.

Once home, I sat on my bed just to digest what transpired. I felt myself about to cry again! I got up because there was so much more I needed to do before tomorrow. My mother and I went to the bank. While in line, she’s a few feet away talking to an older woman {77 according to my mother}. When I finished up, I walked over to them and the woman asked, was my mother…my mother. Yes, I said. She begins conversing about where she lived, her husband whom passed away 12 years ago and a relative’s funeral she attended; the husband of the deceased stood up and said, “I’m a free man”. We all laughed! We talked a little more then she departed. I asked my mother did she know her she said no and that she came up and just started talking. The weird part, before she walked off she said to me “you’re going to heaven”. It kind of baffled me because as a complete stranger I felt the sincerity in her words. Plus I believe what the scriptures say.

{be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. Hebrews 13:2}

All kinds of thoughts ran through my mind, “could I die tomorrow?” “what did she mean?”, or was that just the most High way of telling me I will be all right tomorrow?

Because I AM nervous…

Every morning I speak with my son because he lives out of state. He’s aware of my condition and wished he could be here. Before our morning chat ended he said, “I guess I can forget about ever having a brother or sister”. We laughed but deep down inside I was sad. Before making the decision, I was 99% sure I didn’t want any more children; however, it’s different now that option is being taken away without choice.

Uncertainty...

There are only a few things I’m afraid of, the dark, flying and general anesthesia. Why? Because I have no control over neither! My life is pretty much in the hands of someone else. That makes me uneasy. Everyone is telling me I have nothing to fear, part of me believe them; part of me does not. I suppose that’s what makes us human.

My bag is packed, house is cleaned, clothes a folded and put away. Only things left to do, enema, shave my armpits and legs and shower.

I don’t imagine me sleeping tonight...

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Pardon the Interruption 10-05-2011 - 11:10 AM
Yesterday, I didn’t feel like talking to anyone. Cramps started in the afternoon, albeit, I was able to get through a day at the office. Arrived home, cleaned a little more, separated my laundry {I’ll wash today}, unpacked my winter things, washed my hair then made dinner. Cramps became stronger! Since the surgery is Friday, I’m only allowed Tylenol. Although, I tried to sleep I tossed and turned until about 1:00 a.m. not because of the pain just thinking about what’s about to go down.

Cramps woke me up today around 5:30 a.m. I hurried to take some Tylenol, used the bathroom and I laid down until 7 ish, really didn’t want to get up. I made it to work by 9 and instantly started crying, can’t even remember what triggered it. In the ladies room, my colleague noticed and asked what was wrong, I told her it was my surgery and began balling my eyes out. Her words, you’ll be ok. After a few more outbursts I am starting to feel better.

I believe her. Despite the fact that I haven’t told anyone what my surgery is, everyone’s is supportive and I’m starting to realize how much I love the people I work with. It’s amazing how people come together when healing is needed. Or maybe is just because they love me, LOL Perhaps, that’s what triggered my emotions this morning. I’m going to miss everyone.

If I had to describe myself it would be that I’m extremely introverted {until you get to know me}, I’d rather do something than talk about doing it; seeing is believing! I enjoy proving a point for the sake of clarity and will argue both sides simply to expand my own knowledge.

Ok, where was? oh, yeah..yesterday…

The mail included my inpatient admission approval from the insurance company. All was well, approved based on medical necessity. However, I notice the approval is only for a 1 night stay. Well, my doctor told me it would be 3-4 days. Clarity… I called the insurance company to verify the information. Yup, it was correct. Per “Natalie” that is all the Doctor’s office requested, but if the visit is longer all they need to do is call. Emphasis on THEY. There is nothing I had to do; it was the doctor’s office responsibility. I’m cool with that. I’ll remind them again at the hospital. Clarity for everyone.

I contacted those I’m in debt too, {luckily, my home and cars are paid for} to request payment arrangements while I’m out of work. Thus far my debts for this procedure are $375 for the MRI, $235 for the GYN visits. I’ve yet to receive a bill for the UFE consultation. Everyone was glad to help me. I should be good financially receiving short term disability.

That reminds me, this morning I sort of…kind of, flipped out on the receptionist at my doctor’s off. I few weeks back, I contacted them to pick up the disability form rather than having them faxed or mailed to the workplace. {my company is small}.They haven’t called me back. Well tomorrow is my last day I work. I wanted to pick it up today to bring to work tomorrow. The receptionist starting quoting laws and stuff; I told her, if you’re going to charge me $15.00 to fill out the form, the least you all could do is, call me back to tell me when I can pick it up. Yada, yada, yada… I’m picking them up this evening. Then have dinner with my significant other.

**pops Tylenol**

Tomorrow’s enema day…
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Comparing ourselves among ourselves… 10-03-2011 - 06:49 PM
I am numb…

Patience was never my virtue. I do everything fast, drive, talk, eat, sleep. Yesterday, I finished up majority of the things I’ll need while I recover. I washed comforters, went to the market, packed my bag for the hospital and put a few things in a basket that’ll go next to me on the sofa, (lotion, vitamins, Kleenex, gum, Gas X, etc). Last night, I didn’t sleep well and I woke up this morning feeling uneasy. I’m not sure what’s going on in my mind but I’m feeling the same way I felt when I first decided I would have the hysterectomy.

Is it nervousness? Anxiety? Fear? I’m not sure. Today, I’m pondering if I’m making the right decision. So, how did I reach my decision…

Overall, I realize that my issue is not nearly as bad as some that I’ve read here. Like, today I started my cycle, surprisingly I’m not in pain, day one is never bad, and I have slight bleeding. Tomorrow and Wednesday are my heaviest days but I’m still functional. Most of Thursday I’ll bleed a little more, then towards the end of the day and Friday, it’s practically nothing.

As long as I can remember my cycle has been like clock work. My paps are always normal and I’ve never had any female related issues. Heck, overall I’m a healthy woman. The worse part of a cycle is the cramps. I’ve never tolerated pain well, no matter where it’s located. It’s the primary reason I can’t Ibuprofen (which to me works wonders on cramps), a long time ago, I had a toothache and I feared going to the dentist. No matter whom I talked too they never had anything good to say about a dental visit. My mother had 800 mg of Motrin that I took faithfully to deal with the pain. It pretty much killed my stomach and I ended up losing the tooth anyway.

I’m one of those people that if I hear something hurt, I won’t do it! {Although, usually once I’m forced into it…it’s not nearly as bad as I had heard}. However, I work myself up. Like, when I was 13 and a childhood friend told me that getting birth control hurt. As a result, when my mother asked me did I need them, I said no. Unbeknown to me, my friend was talking about the pelvic exam, LOL. A few months later, I was with child.

I was pregnant at 14, my mother and I didn’t find out until I was six months along. Back then it was taboo. I couldn’t go to the same school as other girls my age and sex was something done behind closed door and not talked about openly as it is now. Some days, I reflect back on the shame I must have brought my mother. {Although, she handled it like the star she is}. I thank God for having such a wonderful and supportive mother; she allowed me to have my childhood while she raised my son.

She had fibroids…

Over these last few weeks, I’ve reflected on a lot. Like, when my aunt took me to the hospital to see her when she had her partial hysterectomy. She must have just come out of recovery because she was half ways conscious and coughing a lot. I remember crying, as if she was dying. My mother is super old fashion, like after giving birth to my son; she wouldn’t let me go outside the ENTIRE 6 weeks. She said, I’d catch pneumonia because I was still “open”. I could only stand in the doorway to talk to my friends, LOL

God bless my mother…

When I told her I was having a hysterectomy, her first words were, “it’ll be ok”. Sometimes, I forget the ways of a mother. Instinctually, we know the needs of our children. I know when my own child is hurting I’ll do the impossible to comfort him. We don’t talk too much about it now because I know, she knows. She’s been through it. She’s getting things ready for me also.

I made my decision because I don’t want to subject myself to years of uncertainty. Or as the first GYN told me take a wait and see approach. My fibroids are big, I can feel them, and I saw them on the MRI. I probably could put off having a hysterectomy another few years, perhaps, even try something different. Nah, remember I’m not patience; I’m comforted by certainty. I’d rather not spend the next 20 years dealing with this.

I’ve only told five people about this, my son, my bff, my significant other, my boss and of course my mother. Coworkers wonder, but I believe in separating my professional life from my personal life. However, today when one of my coworkers asked me was I ready for Friday, I almost cried. I believe it contributed to my numbness…

Come on Friday…
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In the beginning... 10-02-2011 - 12:08 PM
Hello, my name is barren. I'm a 39 year old, African American woman, with an adult son and unmarried. I was made aware that I have uterine fibroids in 2009 during a routine Gyn visit. I can remember leaving having mixed feelings. I didn't know what fibroids were and I've always been healthy. She told me, it was common among African American women and if they don't bother me, then there was nothing I needed to do.

I wanted to know more about these things growing inside me, so my research began. I bought a book called, Healing Fibroids, A Doctor's Guide to a Natural Cure, by Allan Warshowsky, MD. I'm not against traditional medicine; however, I'm a firm believer of mind or matter and wanted to see what I could do naturally to rid myself of these things. Needless to say, I haven't done much, naturally. Up until now, I didn't have any problems, my cycles were normal. Since I can remember I've always had cramps except when I was taking birth control, which I stopped taking around 27-28. Late 2010, my cycle became more irregular, I was bleeding every 18-21 days and it was heavier, but nothing like the stories I've read her.

**fast forward**

In July during my yearly Gyn visit I was told I should consider having a hysterectomy due to the size of my fibroids. My Gyn gasping during my pelvic exam! Rewind a few weeks prior, when I met with my primary care doctor for my yearly physical, as we went through my medical history, I told her about the fibroid dx, a few years back. Her response, why don't you have a hysterectomy, the uterus is nothing but a body bag anyway. I was appalled and said to her, I'm 38, why would I do that?. I went on to mention how I was considering a UFE. She was clueless about what it was. I mean, she is a PCP and not a Gyn.

Ok, so back to my visit at the Gyn....
After the pelvic exam, I got dressed and we discussed my options. She basically, said a hysterectomy may be unavoidable because from what she felt, I had the uterus the size of a 20 week old pregnant woman. I cried! NO, NO, NO! I'm young, healthy and hysterectomies are barbaric. These were my thoughts...

I was asked to return in a few days to meet with the Surgeon. I did, when I walked into the exam room, it was prepped for a biopsy. There was no way I was having that done, I heard the pain is horrific and I am not one to handle pain. I'd rather die! As soon as the Surgeon walked in, I told her she could forget about that LOL Not to mention, she said it was more of a pre caution then anything. We'll I'll take my chances...

Then options were discussed, I wanted 6 months to try a more natural approach. She didn't agree and said I needed to do something now because I was anemic, which was her primary concern. She didn't agree that bleeding through a super tampon, (I backed it up with a pad) every two hours was nothing. I tell you, I tried everything to down play my symptoms, LOL.

Ok, what about the UFE? I asked. She didn't care what I wanted to do but asked that I do something. After discussing it further I told her I would make an appointment for the UFE but if I wasn't a candidate, I would go ahead with the hysterectomy. Before leaving I scheduled the appointment for the hysterectomy anyway. For 9/23/11...

I wont go in to detail about the UFE visit, but I wasn't an ideal candidate because of the size of my fibroids. There were too many and too big, there was only a 30% chance it would help me. Initially, i was told I was, so I canceled the hysterectomy. It wasn't until after the MRI that I was told it was a no go. I went back to the Surgeon and told her that I would go through with it and rescheduled the surgery for 10/7/11. Over the next few weeks, I would cry and cry and cry.

In July 2011, I joined HysterSisters. I think God for it being the platform for so many woman having the same issues and being the place to able to express it. Honestly, it wasn't family or friends that helped me come to terms with my decision, yet it was this site! I've never been comfortable expressing myself on the internet but I feel free here.

To be continued...
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