June 1st, evening. Still 2004.
All that waiting for phone call from the doctor's office messed up my plans. And then, Dr. Janet had to 'rush out of the office,' so just left some blank signed Rxs, so I don't know if I'm supposed to continue the doxycycline and if so, whether to take it once or twice daily. The nurse made an assumption and wrote for the same strength Duragesic patch instead of going up with it. Which is fine...I can wait a couple of weeks...but I'm frustrated yet again. My CVS didn't have the patch and for some reason it would be "a couple of days" to get it in, and I needed it for tomorrow so DH had to go to a different pharmacy for it. On top of everything else, insurance co. wants the antidepressant filled via their mail-order plan since it's a "maintenance Rx," and DH doesn't want to mail it in, wants to phone it to them. I have enough through Monday (or maybe it was Until Monday) so I don't know why he won't just mail it in. He was being weird, and apologized for it, saying that today was just one of the days when "it" is "hard for him." Whatever that means. "It" is "hard for me" every swear-word day, and his being weird actually starting yesterday through today certainly doesn't make it any easier on me. But I don't feel like I should complain because it was nice of him to buy me the legshaver, and he ran all over town getting Rxs filled and buying food to cook for dinner. I feel like it would be too demanding of me to expect him to explain what his vague allusion to his feelings really means, and to expect him not to weird out on me. So then I go all silent. Why isn't it easier to communicate? I just don't know if it's the money that has him down (given some of the asides and random comments, I suspect that's it) or the lack of sex, or that he's working all the time and spare time is errands for me/household 'chores' -- all that is certainly enough to get a person down. I hate second-guessing it, though. And I got pretty "down" myself after some comments about how much my Rxs were going to cost (a swear-word of a lot less than they would without the insurance, that's for sure) and a couple of other money-related issues.
Oops I think I started that paragraph meaning to tell you that my legs didn't get shaved. Went off on a rant/tangent. Yeah, I waited and waited and made a second phone call and waited some more, and didn't get to the legs.
I used the crutches for the whole trip, because I didn't want arano's mom lifting the heavy wheelchair, and now I have sausages for feet again. Came home & put them up and dissolved into tears, did a handwritten journal entry about my being upset over DH's money comments, wound up getting up again before dinner -- hours before dinner -- because I was hungry. I know I need to get the feet up again -- the whole right leg is feeling quite strange -- but stayed sitting up to do the pill-taking routine after dinner, and here I still am.
At least we didn't have a fight/argument/raise voices. And this will probably all blow over again. I'll get some kind of progress going with the clinic appointment tomorrow. There is hope. And DH really has been a peach most of the time, almost all of the time...and it's been months and months, would try the patience of a saint...well, I have to get the feets up. Sorry this was so disjointed. 'Night. Love, =emp
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