I'm sorry about having to vent on this... but I need to get it out of my system

MIL lives with and has lived with us, for all intents and purposes, since DD's birth, in 1995. However, it's only official since 1998, when she actually, finally, let go of her lease in Montreal (that's another story I won't get into

At first, we really needed her to be there for us: we live in an area where there is a dramatic shortage of childcare. Waiting lists are as long as 1 year... or more. I know some women who got on the list when they first found out they were pregnant and still had to make alternate arrangements when they had to return to work 1 year after the birth!!! And, later on, as DD entered the school system, we needed her to mind DS whenever he had to come home from school or was altogether suspended from school. However, these days, the situation is quite different: DD is in school, full time, and, should we need it, there is a wonderful day care right within the school. And DS is 13 yo, so, even if he comes home from school, he can be on his own... with limits, of course.

And we're starting to regret her presence here, big time!!! At first, I'd be the one calming DH down and telling him to be lenient with her: she's older, never raised her son (his two aunts raised... that's another long story I won't get into... mainly because it's not even my story to tell) and she tries her best. And we really, really needed her to help out. However, these days, I'm not defending her at all. For one thing, she's always on my back, always putting me down, even to my children and she's simply a bad influence on the children: one child she spoils rotten (DD) and the other child she mines down even more than he does himself, more bent on proving that his issues are not from "her side of the family" than on loving him and helping him overcome the issues!!!

And we only realize just how much of a stressor she is on our family life when she's away for a while: she spent most of this canadian long week-end at her sister-in-law's place. We had a wonderful, peaceful, relaxing week-end. She came back this afternoon and started seeding war, right away.

It's hard to describe her behavior, but it's full of inuendo's, barely masqued accusations against me and full of yelling and pressuring us into doing everything right away!!!

For instance, the big issue, today, was that one of DH's aunt had given both kids a small amount of money. Well, she wanted them to call her right the minute she walked through the door. I interjected, because I figured that then wasn't the time: DD was playing with a friend and don't believe that issues like these need to be discussed while other children are present. It's simply not showing any respect for either of the children. She was really peeved at me for saying no!!!

Then, tonight, as DS was, finally, doing his homeworks, she came back to the charge with the ultimate result that she disrupted DD who started playing with a ball, in the house, hit DS in the back and DS got out of himself and ended up not finishing his homeworks And she doesn't undestand why we're upset with: it's simple... her priorities are all wrong!!!

Don't get me wrong: I also believe that you should thank others when they give you things... I just think that there is a time to do this and that the time is not when the children are busy with other children or when they are doing their homeworks. And I really don't think that there was a need to thank her, right the minute she walked in the door!!!

Oooof.... writing about it helped jsut about as much as drinking a nice glass of wine did