Well, today is my last day as a 33 yr. old. As I reflect back over the year....It has been a good one overall! It is nice to know that I am healthier than I was a year ago! While 33, I had TAH/BSO (oct) Gallbladder and Appendix removed (Dec.), was diagnosed with Hypertension (April) Lost 32 pounds since May1st....b/p has gone down to 110/68 now. I am much more active than I have been in all my adult life! I feel better than I have in years! I am happy in my marriage, I celebrated my 10yr. anniversary. My kids are happy, healthy and vibrant! They have each blessed me so much this year! They are growing into the lil' children I always wanted to have and I am so thankful to have been so blessed! I have been blessed by getting to know my maternal birth-family and having a relationship with them.

I look forward to the next year of my life! I just want to live life to the fullest! Enjoying and reflecting on all that God has given me!!! And living life to it's fullest potential....getting healthier each and every day along the way!

I lost my brother right after his 35th b/d, to cancer. This was almost 2 years ago. He died having lived such a full life---not a wealthy man in terms of financial state, but he had to be the Happiest man I have known. Even in his torturous death with tounge, head and neck cancer...he was thankful for his life. He enjoyed every day...even when he was in pain, he would always be smiling. His life and his ending of his life have been very influencial on how I feel about living. I want to be more like he was. He never questioned God about "why me?" He just accepted it and lived life to it's fullest until the end. He left behind 4 children and a wife. They (even the younger ones) remember their dad living life...not what it was in reality!

That means a lot to me....I caught myself sometimes wandering if my children will remember me living life...or me so tired I barely lived mine. Now, I know they KNOW I live life...I get out and do more than I ever have and I am not the Couch potato, stay in the house mom. We get out and create things to do!!

I am glad I had my hyst. I attribute much of my feeling better to that. I know I feel like doing much more than I did before.

Well....my birthday has always made me reflect on my birthmom. Now, knowing that she is deceased has left me feeling different about it. I also wander about my birthfather. I have looked for him---and will post about this later. I am close to making a connection, we think. It is scary looking for him. I have not spent much time at it. The man we think is him...I found a year ago. We just need to go face to face and see if he matches the pics.!!! I'm not sure if I want to or not...I'll detail this more later!

Well...I gotta get kiddos down! We have an early start tomorrow. Youngest has a dental appt. at 8am~30min. away.

Well, my DH is special!!! Even with all this OT, he remembered our first date too....without any reminders! I got a rose, and a special evening (although it was at 2 am!!!) How suprising that he remembered!!!

Tonight marks my 19th anniversary of my first date with DH!!! I was fixing to turn 15 and he was 16! He had brought me home from church, and we had done things with family...but not alone on a real date~! (We've been together since I was 12!)

DH isn't able to be home to our dateaversary! He is working MAJOR OT right now! But, my b/d is Friday and I figure we will then...or when the OT days end....should be by Monday!!!

Just wanted to share my news!
Ronda

Okay, was it just Saturday I was complaining that my DH hadn't really mentioned my wt. loss! Well....yesterday morning, I got ready for church and as we were walking out the door, he said..." I Can tell it in that dress" Well...I couldn't find my slip and I thought that was what he could tell...and so I said.." is it that noticable? Does it look bad?" He said...the weight loss look bad, no...you look sexy!!! OH.....he didn't notice the no-slip!!! HE NOTICED THE WEIGHT LOSS!!!! THANK-YOU sweet-!!!! The dress I was wearing was 2 sizes SMALLER than I use to wear!!! I had tried it at Easter and couldn't even get it over my bust....or even nearly attempt to zip it! It is one I wore about 3 years ago!!! I use to wear the "jacket" with it---but I went sleeve-less dress alone yesterday...and didn't feel like I shouldn't!!! At church, HIS MOTHER....that's right, MY MOTHER-IN-LAW, noticed I had lost weight too!!! Asked me how much, I immediately told her the pounds and inches!!! She was impressed! Needless to say, I'm on cloud 10 right about then!!!

So, who called my DH and told him I needed a boost??!!!

Today, I went to Curves and did an hour and 15min. workout! 5 rounds.....2 with recovery stations, 3 without...and stayed on the equipment 2-3 extra times, no one was behind me today! I may feel this in the morning, but I have a goal of going to work-out EVERY day this week!!! I am really enjoying it! I can't believe I enjoy working out and miss it on the week-ends!!!

While at CURVES today, I weighed in and I lost 2 pounds last week!!! I know I'm only suppose to loose 1/2-1 pound/wk...but I can't help it....I'm eating the way I am suppose to, it is just coming off quicker, for now! I wish it would continue at this rate, I know it can't. I just want to do this the healthy way!!! THIS HAS TO STAY OFF!!! I know too that I am building muscle---I can tell!!! And, my endurance is much better!

I feel so much better than I did 3months ago! I know I am in so much better health! I almost can't wait until next month when I get to have my lab-work redrawn...surely it has improved too! It better have...my triglycerides have to have come down from the 500 they were in May! (coming off cokes has to have improved this!)

Well....I just had to laugh when I read my last journal entry and then realized HE DID NOTICE!!! Just what I needed!!!!

~Ronda

Well, 3 months ago today I started making lifestyle changes. Looking back, I can't believe how much better I feel now than I did then! I have gotten my B/P in control---running 100/50's now!!! I have totally lost my cravings for unhealthy foods! I am wearing smaller clothes! I have energy that I didn't know was possible! I have been SO active this summer that I am wearing the kids out!!!(It sure wasn't this way before!) I have not laid down on the couch in months now! That is where I spent my mornings before! And sometimes the afternoons too! I will never go back to how I was before!!! I am happy about the way I feel. I still have a long way to go---but for the first time in my life, I feel I will make it to my goals and keep them!!!

I had been feeling down---my DH and family members don't ever comment on weight LOSS...just when I gained! SO frustrating!!! I then thought about it and I know they have seen me day in and day out so much that they don't see it coming off as easily as someone who hasn't seen me in a while. But...I wasn't running into anyone like that often enough to help my ego! Then this week all that has changed! I went to a friends house, I had not seen her since Feb. because she had moved---she didn't know all that has been going on with me. When I walked in, she commented that my hair looked different---then she stepped back and said, NO, you've lost weight!!! How much...how? I told her and she was impressed!!! Then, I had a PTO meeting! Our first one this summer---so I had not seen any of them since the end of May. They knew I was on SBD when school let out, but I was so early in my journey that ...well, they probably figured it was another attempted diet that wouldn't last! When I walked in, at the same time, 4 different ladies said " you have lost weight---how much have you lost?----You look good!! You look like you are feeling better!!!" : Talk about a real boost when I needed it!!! I just love running into people I have not seen in a while!!! Now, instead of feeling like they are going to think 'Oh, look how much more weight she has gained' I am getting the opposite!!! It feels so good!

I need motivation like that!!! I would LOVE for my DH to notice!!! I know he does, but he hasn't really said to me that he is proud of me or that he even notices! I know he must....our Coca-Cola bill went down!!! And, I have had several new outfits and outfits he hadn't seen in a while on!!!! Also, I know he does see a difference in my energy! He is noticing that I get much more done in a day than I did. He also is seeing that everytime I go to town, I go to workout!!! (town is 14 miles away) and I am going to town alot more...the gas bill has replaced the junk food bill!!! And, he should have noticed I am feeding him more healthy foods and not so much junk! COOKING instead of zapping it in the microwave and saying here!
I have mentioned before that my DH is very thin. 6' and 145#. So, that makes it hard on me!!!

Another good thing is that my kids are now asking for healthy snacks and eating the healthier meals!!! They really have adjusted to me not buying the junk! I think we are all healthier!

I hope I don't sound too braggy~~~ I know in a week I may be complaining or have hit a plateu! (Oh I hope not!!!)

I go for my annual GYN check-up in October---my 1 year hysterversary! I am excited for him to see me feeling and being healthier!!! I should not have to hear the "weight" spill!!! Even though I am certain I will still be overweight...I will have made progress and he has to notice this!!! I just him---his spills about weight are because he cares and wanted to see me live long enough to raise and enjoy my children that he helped us achieve----he was there for us throughout our battle with infertility!!! I am hoping to be in the 190's by then!!! That is where I was when I started going to him in 1994!

GOALS....they are what keep me going!!!

I got my stats in from my weigh-in at CURVES...first 5 week results are: Total inches lost= 12.25"!!!! Total Pounds lost=9.5 pounds!!! Body Fat Pounds lost= 6.61!!! Here are the specific inches: Bust -- 0.25", Waist--1.50", Abdomen--2.25", Hips--1.25", Thighs--4", Arms--3" !!! I was/am excited! I just LOVE going to CURVES and I'm so thankful that y'all helped to encourage me to do it!!!(((EMILY)))


I have lost a total of 30 pounds since I started all this new lifestyle changes May 1st!!!

I have been so bad about reporting here---I must improve, summer has kept me too busy~having fun!!! I sure feel better than I did last summer while waiting for my hyst!!

I can't write much tonight, so I will attempt to journal more later on today!

Yesterday was my official completed week 8 of SBD!!! I have lost a total of 20 pounds. I was suppose to weigh today. I am waiting to weigh at CURVES in the morning. I have completed two weeks (7 workouts) at Curves. I it!!! I miss it on the week-ends!!! Me, missing excercise---amazing!!! I just wish I didn't have to drive into town (15 mi.) to get to CURVES. The price of gas and driving a suburban!!! OUCH!!! But, I must go!!! I have been trying to make it in every day possible to workout. I am doing water aerobics on the days I don't go to Curves and walking too!!! I can really tell a difference in clothes now.

I was starting to want CHOCOLATE and I found some CARBOLITE candies---SUGAR-FREE!!!! I like the one that is like a Recess cup!!! And the creamy mint chocolate!!! They are good!!!

On the challenge over on BEST, I have been so motivated to stay OP that I am earning 5 pts. a day!!! The only day I didn't earn was when I was out of town and couldn't report in for that day!!! So, it was only a 4 pt. day!

My Emily is on SBD and a CURVES member too. She has been my inspiration!!! Today, she reports that she has almost broken under the 200# mark!!! How awesome!!! I can't wait to be following in her footsteps!!! I know I still have a ways to go!!!! I am so proud of her!!! She is who talked me into joining Curves!!!

My first weigh in and measuring will be JULY 8th!!!! I can't wait to see the results on paper!!!!! I really think it will be an improvement!!!! I am planning to go to CURVES everyday this week!!!!

My DH has been encouraging----but I think he is secretly thinking I am just about to cheat on the diet---which I am not!!! Normally, by now I have caved in to a craving!!! The amazing thing is, with SBD I really haven't had too many cravings---even the chocolate wasn't a craving, it just kinda sounded yummy! Nice to know there are alternatives that are just as yummy~and GOOD for me!!!

My kids are an inspiration to me!! They wake up and ask 'is it a curves day???' They also are starting to eat healthier!!! Now, they are still into the breads and pastas, but they are snacking on nuts and drinking a lot more water!!! And eating SUGAR-FREE popcicles!!! I have a dd that needs to learn not to be a carb-addict!! She is one!!! But, she is very thin and it isn't a problem yet! She is 5 yrs. old. I just would love to see her start not craving Honey Buns!! Ya know the commercial that shows the lady walking with Honey Buns on her buns!!! That will be my Courtney!!! She is also healthy, in that she eats yogurt and fruit for lunch everyday!!! Even the sugar-free yogurts!!!

This week will be busy. Last week, my brother was supposed to be here, and had to cancel and is planning to try again on Thursday of this week. At least the house is clean already, if I can keep the kids from destroying it!!! They are calling for a rainy week. That will make it a challenge!!!! Maybe we should just hang out at my friends house and swim in her indoor pool!!! That sounds good!!! I'm sure they will love the idea!!! Tomorrow is not suppose to be rainy and they are invited to my other friends' house with an in-ground outdoor pool to swim. We are going after Curves!

I am going to go see my doctor this week. I want to have him recheck my B/P and also go ahead and discuss the Insulin Resistance. I was going to wait until Sept. appt. and have blood work repeated, but I have talked to a lot of women with PCOS and the weight loss with meds for IR is so much easier~maybe my theory of trying to fix it with only lifestyle changes is not the best. He wanted to put me on something 8 wks ago, but I didn't do it b/c I wanted to see what happened with diet. I am going to ask his opinion. The other thing I need to discuss with him is the fact that the baby asprin a day is causing me to bruise all over!! I have bruises I don't even know where they came from!!! I assume they are from the equip. at Curves, and running into things around the house without realizing it!!!

I'll post more later!!!

I completed week 7 of Southbeach Diet on Saturday. Weighed in on Sunday and had lost another pound. Total=20 lbs!!! I am feeling alot better!!! I had the nurse at the office check my b/p and it was still higher than we'd like. 140/80.

I just realized I have not reported about CURVES here yet. I joined a week ago. My 1st workout was Wednesday. I was not as intimidated as I feared!!! I it!!! I ended up going on Wed, Thurs and Fri.!!!!

We went out of town for the week-end, but not until I had the opportunity to go workout!!! I use to would have let that be my excuse not to go!!! While we were gone we did a lot of walking! I wore my pedometer and made sure my steps were high enough---walked down to the lake, up and down hills, in the trees...I can tell so much improvment in the way I react to excercise now!! I do not get so out of breath!!! We did alot of swimming!! I spent 3 1/2 hours in the hot sun with the kids in the pool!!! I am now very sunburned!!! OUCH!!! None of the kids were burned, thankfully!!!

I spent a lot of time working with the twins to learn how to swim. They are five. My ds did learn pretty much, but is over-confident!! Scary! My dd is just...well, plain scary!!! She refuses to wear her floaties now since her brother can swim, but she also just does a lot of splashes and dunking her head under. I plan to work with both of them a lot more!!! We taught our oldest to swim without lessons and she is great and very safe! So, I know we are capable of teaching....we just have to get the youngest dd to relax and not freak-out when she learns!!! She loves the water-which helps!!! At least they aren't scared of the water!

Today has been spent cleaning house and catching up on laundry!

I am sticking with the diet and excercise routine without any difficulty! I was proud of how well I did while we were gone!!! Never got off diet!!! I bought chicken to grill--while everyone else enjoyed the fish fry. I did take one lil' bite----my ds caught a fish, his first, and I just had to eat a lil' for him. It didn't tempt me to eat more, so that is a good sign.

Well..........I am participating in the Challenge on BEST forum for Good, better and BEST choices. So far, I have done very well on it. The accountability of reporting on BEST has been a big support system for me during this lifestyle changes!!!!

~R.

Motivational Monday----that is what I woke up feeling and when I visited the BEST forum today, that is the title of today's thread!!!! So very appropriate for me today!!!!

Today is the day I finally made an appt. to get started at Curves!!! I am very nervous about it. I have to get measured and weighed!!! YUK!!! I know, I now am 19 pounds lighter than I was 6 weeks ago, but I still have so far to go!!! But this is just a step to get me closer to my goal!!! The way I look at it, I will get some ME time too!!! I have some friends that have volunteered to watch the kiddos for me during this time!!! I am so glad!!! I was going to have to wait until August, after school gets started to join, but now with the help of my friends, I will get to go now!!! Hopefully by the time school gets started I will look so much better!!! I am still on SBD. I lost one pound last week. I am also still doing water aerobics and walking (when it isn't raining!!!). I am so worried that I will be intimidated by the equipment at Curves. I never have worked out in a facility before!!! I am going to sign the 6 month contract. I think in 6 months, I will be seeing improvements and keep it up, but I just can't pay the yearly one yet. From what I am hearing from others, our Curves is cheaper than some!!! $29/mo. I am also fortunate that there are 2 Curves with-in 20 mins. from me. One is 15 mins. to the East of me and one is 20 mins. to the West of me! So, I am getting a travel card. I can go to both and decide which one I like the best!!! OR to both for more variety!!!

I will let ya know how the appt. goes!!!

I just realized that today I am 8 months post-op!!! It really is true that we eventually can go without remembering we did it!!! I feel SOOOOO GOOOOOD!!!!! I am so thankful I did it!!! The past 6 months have been the best I have felt in such a long time!!! I say 6 mo. because my recovery wasn't pleasant!!! But once past it life has been great!!!! I am healthier than I was then for sure!!! More active!!! Loosing weight!!! Not napping like I use to do!!! Enjoying an intimate relationship with the DH like never was able to before!!! We are both a happy couple since I had my surgery!!! I am so glad I agreed to do it!!!

In 1994, I had a miscarriage. I was on BCP to control the Endo. and regulate my cycles. I didn't know I was pregnant. I was dating the man I married~shortly after that! We had been dating for 9 yrs!!! I met him when I was 12~we went to church together~at the church my father pastored. We were allowed to do things with the family...but had to wait to "date". So, when I was 14 my father left the church...my boyfriend had just gotten his DL and could drive...but we were waiting for me to turn the magical age of 15 so we could "date" for real!!! He was allowed to bring me home from church. We started dating the summer of 1985. So, in '94 when I became pregnant it really should not have been a surprise to many. It was to us---I had female problems and had been on the pill a long time! I miscarried at 10 weeks. We married the next month. We were already planning to. It kinda just took that to make us sit down with a calander and schedule it!!! So...I wasn't pregnant when we got married. But I had been...and longed to be again!!! I never got back on the pill after that. In fact...I didn't spontaneously cycle again! 3 months after our wedding, I went for a check-up and was told I am not ovulating. DUH! 3 months later, I started CLOMID. I took it for 13 months before I concieved through IUI. Then we were elated to have a daughter. The first girl born in his family in 65yrs!!! I breast-fed and oddly enough, my body started having spontaneous cycles!!! Then when she was 9 months old, my GYN said if I wanted to have another child we needed to try now. I had been cycling, but not ovulating and my ovaries looked full of PCOS. I stopped breast-feeding her (used frozen until she was 1!! We had enough stored up!!!SO never used formula) and started the Clomid again. Same HIGH dose of 250mg. NOTHING happened. They began watching my cycles(5 of them) and then saw that CLOMID was not working...I would get the follicles to a certain size and then they'd stop growing...leading to more on the ovaries.Took a break for a month or so. They said we needed to try the Follistim/Pergonal Injections and IUI. We did 7 cycles of this and most of the time had to cancel our cycle before we could even do the IUI b/c the follicles quit growing. SO..they wanted us to consider IVF. We agreed and went through one cycle....I was pregnant with the TWO we put back in!!!! They were born at 37 weeks. But, we had a traumatic delivery! I went into precipitous labor!!! My contractions were 1-2 mins. apart! My water broke. It was the LOUDEST gush I'd ever heard!!! My babies were breech. I am a L/D nurse, so I knew this meant a higher probability of a prolapsed cord. My DH looked and saw nothing coming out, we called our doctor---who was an hour and half away!!! He said "get here in an hour!!!" We called a friend of ours who is a nurse too, and she rode with us. We made it--hurridly---to a hospital about 40 mins. (normally driving..this time it was in 23 mins!!!) We called them about 5mins. before we were there and told them what was headed in...they met us in the parking lot with gloves on!! The ER doctor looked and said a few choice words "we have a cord, foot and butt sticking out and the foot isn't from that one" He didn't know it was twins!!! I told him....along with telling him "you don't panic because I am and I don't need you to!!!" I had been so determined to make it to Dallas, but we only made it to Denton. I was so worried because I knew Dallas was capable of handeling any problems we had. I had worked at the hospital in Denton and didn't feel as confident there. But...we didn't have a choice. The ER doctor rode the guirney with me and held the cord back in. I kept asking the right ?'s and he figured out I was a L/D nurse. He told me they couldn't find a beat on either baby by monitor or sono. I was worried. They could not let me deliver until the GYN oncall got there. He did 20 mins. later. He got there and they found a heartbeat of 30 on baby B. We went into delivery and he let me deliver baby A.....he came out screaming!!! Then they immediately made preperations for an unsterile emergancy c/section for baby b...her heart rate was dropping. They began the incision before my general anesthesia started. I remember the first inch or so of my incision! OUCH. But it didn't matter all I cared was to get her out!!! Both babies were alive...which they were shocked that either one survived!!! They had told my DH he couldn't go into delivery b/c they didn't expect a good outcome! He had not heard our son crying when he was born, so he didn't know for a while that they were okay. By the time the babies were in the NICU and DH had been in there with them a lil' while, both of our parents were there. Our doctor from Dallas had called and talked to my husband. He later called me after I was awake again! He felt bad for us. I had been in Dallas 6 days earlier and they stopped my labor!!! Now, we know he should have listened to me when I told him I was worried that I might go into labor and not make it back...that I was concerned about a prolapsed cord!!! Mother's intuituion!!!! We were very blessed!!! We worried that something might be wrong with baby A from the cord....like CP or something. He was very low-tone. But, the only difficulties we had were he was extreemely colicy and then he had a few minor delays in development. His speech and oral stregnth were weakend. He had trouble nursing. I was determined and finally at 6 weeks he latched on great!!! They both had reflux, asthma (from RSV) and allergies. But, considering their start in life, they are both extreemly healthy and happy!!!! They are now 5 yrs. old. Our dd is 7 1/2 yrs. old. The troubles we went through are all worth it!!! The sleepless nights are such a thing of the past that now seem like they were nothing. It is amazing how fast they grow!!! I am enjoying every stage of their lives!!! I know we were so blessed with our children!!! For so long we worried we'd never have any. From the time I was 16 on we were told I would have trouble TTC. I had numerous surgeries to clean up the Endo long enough to be able to concieve. In all, I had 14 surgeries female related!!! I had a GYN tell me when I was 18 we need to just do a Hyst. I am so thankful I didn't stay with him!!! Instead, we did a lap. and cleaned everything up. Then a few yrs. later another doctor did an Open Laparotomy and PreSacral Neurectomy. That helped me so much!!! Up till the yr. before my hyst. (10 yrs.!!!) That surgery was done about 7 weeks before my first pregnancy the one I lost. I know that may have helped me get pregnant the first time---the one I lost. They had also just changed my bcp's to a low-dose one. I think all those changes are what made it easier to get pregnant that time. I also think there was a reason for that one too!!! I know we went ahead and got married. I do know we both talked about it before, but HE wasn't in a hurry to. I was wanting to!!! I really didn't want those circumstances---being pregnant--to be what instigated it. But...it is. I know we love each other and would have eventually married. I just sometimes wish he'd done the asking himself...before then!!!! The getting asked was not at all what I'd dreamed of!!! The marriage has been and I guess that is what counts! We were married 10 yrs. ago!!! Hard to believe!!! I still wander about what that child was/would have been. When I look at the children I have I am reminded of the one that is already in Heaven. I do not understand why things happen the way they do. I see other kids who are 9 and wander. Both of my sister-in-laws were pregnant then too. We were all due with in 3 weeks of each other. Theirs were boys, born 6 weeks apart. The day they were born was hard for me. I was happy for them, but found myself feeling such a sense of loss. My DH wasn't as understanding as I wish he'd been. At that point, we were starting Infertility treatments. I feared that the only pregnancy I was going to be allowed was the one we lost. I feared that if I got pregnant again I'd miscarry again. I felt so lost in that situation!!! When they say Infertility is an emotional roller-coaster...they are right!!!! But....so is life, I guess. We are always wanting something we don't have. I spend a lot of time really trying to focus on being so thankful for the many blessings I and my family have and enjoying it!!!!!!

I know there may be some who read this journal who were not as blessed as me in getting to bring a child into the world. I pray that somehow you find peace and that if God has a child for you that your paths will cross!!!! I hope my journey doen't hurt you. I just wanted to share my lil' journey in that part of my life.

I was born August 6,1970-in Dallas,Texas. I was the first-born for my Birthmom. She was 20. She placed me for adoption for very unselfish reasons. She was not financially or emotionally ready for a child. Those were her reasons. I believe the reasons are deeper than that. I BELIEVE that God had a purpose for her to carry me~and then lovingly give me to the parents he chose to raise me. I do not think it was an easy choice for her to make. I have never felt "unwanted" or any negative feelings related to my adoption. My parents adopted me when I was 5 days old. They recieved the call from the agency when I was 4 days old. They lived in Floydada,Tx. and were told to come get me the next day. They already had 2 biological sons. The oldest was 4 and the middle child was 3. I was the youngest~and only girl. (Spoiled??? No way!!!LOL!!!) I was the youngest grandchild on my dad's side of the family~youngest of 19. On my mom's side I was the youngest of 3.....until I was 15 and my Uncle had his one and only child...another girl to compete with!!LOL!! There really was no competing...with the age difference, we really didn't know each other that much. My parents had filed for adoption exactly 9 months before they got me!!! Amazing...nature isn't always that accurate!!!

I do not recall a time when my parents told me that I was adopted. It was just always known. We didn't talk about it alot--but they didn't hide it from me. (Maybe b/c with the two older brothers it would not have been possible!) I know they wanted me to know. I think that was best! I know that my birthmom loved me and wanted me to have the best opportunity to have a good life and I did! I have always felt a deep sence of respect and love for her. There were times when I was lil' I'd ask mom and dad lil' ?'s about her~just out of the blue~they'd answer them as best they could and then we might go a year or more without me asking. As I got older, my curiousity grew. I was very interested in obtaining medical background. When I was 20, I contacted the agency and the same caseworker my parents had 20 yrs. earlier came to my parents home and brought my file and we met and talked. She opened my file up and gave me a lot of NON-IDENTIFYING info. She did not cover up the name of my bmom. I saw her first and middle name. Susan Diane. When she left~I told mom,"I can't believe she didn't cover up her name, I saw the first, middle." She interupted me and said her last name is XWZ.... She had seen it. So, now I had a name to fit the discription of my bmom!!! My parents were very supportive of whatever move I made next. (Afterall, I was an adult and they weren't threatened in any way. Mom said they always knew it would be okay~that I had enough love in me to love a lot of people!!!) I was working nights at the hospital at that time. I had a friend who worked with me and she had placed a dd for adoption 19 yrs. earlier. Her married name was the same last name as my bmom's maiden one!!! We were talking one night and I decided to ask her if her husband had anyone in his family named that.....turns out that he did have a cousin named that who had been gone for about a yr. and they always wandered if she had had a baby! Well...she went on to tell me this woman is a prostitute! Not someone I would want to get involved with!!! She was a drug user and alcoholic!!! That scared me off~after all, I was only wanting medical history!!! I didn't want to invite someone like that into my life!!! Even if I felt like she needed some positive influences!!! I was scared! I dropped it. Then...my female problems started. They discovered I have Mitral Valve Prolapse, I started having more and more difficult female problems. Everything pointed to hereditary!! Made me wander what else was in my history!!! I left it alone at that time....my then future DH was against me looking! I still longed to know more. I wrote a letter to the agency, as they had suggested, and just stated that If she contacted them to let her know I had contacted them with an update on me...and let me know if she does~would decide then if I was ready to procede.

I prayed for my bmom all my life!!! I prayed that if she wasn't a Christian that somehow someone would reach her!!! I felt a comfort about that.

Then, April of 2003, I went to get my taxes done and our tax lady~who didn't know I was adopted~ said to me..."have I ever shown you this picture" No, she hadn't.. It was her Birth siblings!!! I said I didn't know you were adopted. She went on to tell me her story of her reunion with siblings...her bmom had died b4 she met them. She said I think it is so important to know background on medical history. I told her I agreed and that I too was adopted!!! She asked me if I had searched. I told her my story. I left there and as soon as I got home, I sat down at the computer and did a search in Texas. I did know her maiden name, age and birth month!!! And ht,hair, eye color. I found a ladies info in public records and she had gotten married 4mo. after I was born. (my bmom was dating a man..not the bfather while she lived in the home!) I found where she had a son 4 yrs. after me. I wandered if it was the right woman. I now had a Married last name!!! So, I found a free search group in Texas. I really didn't think I knew anything much...but would look and see if I found anything. Through that site I was connected with a wonderful lady~whom I am now friends with! She took the info. from me and in 10 mins. she called and said " I think you have the RIGHT ONE! She told me the town she had last registered for a DL in. and that the son was registered there too, and a man who was 76...who had the SAME last name as her maiden name!!! (Her dad!!!) She was THE ONLY SUSAN DIANE ..... in the state of Texas that was born in August and was 5'6" and had Blue eyes!!!! SOUNDED unbelievable!!!! In only a few mins. we found her!!! But...we could not find a phone #. We tried everyway and then I did a search for her father's name and found an addy in the metroplex for him. We did another reverse search and found out it was a female living there. We did another look-up and found that my bmom's addy was listed there and the place we had looked. So...did a reverse look up and got a phone number!!! It was listed in her sisters Maiden name!! My oldest brother who is a minister was going to make the call~as a pastor working with someone who thinks.....but...when he made the call. Her sister answered and he asked for Susan Diane..and she said "she is deceased" He said I'm sorry and was getting off the phone when she stopped him and said, "I'm her sister and I'm in charge of her estate, can I help you?" Well...he said to her MY SISTER (what happened to the fact he was a minister helping someone!!! LOL!!!) thinks there is a connection to your sister. She said why. He said she was born Aug. 6th and she finished his sentence.....OMG...THIS is Diane's baby girl!!!!! Then..we knew we had a connection!!!!!! He talked to her and found out she had a heart attack 22 mo. earlier. I had just lost my brother to Cancer 6 mo. earlier..so we could relate to that part of what she was feeling!!! He told her I'd be calling!!! WELL.....my DH didn't know that I found her...or that I was even close to finding her. He was at work and had just come home when my brother called. BUT....his parents were here (an unexpected visit!) So, when my brother called to tell me it was the right one..and she was waiting for me to call her~I couldn't right then! I had him tell her what was going on that it would be a few mins. I went into the living room and as I headed down the hall...tears were building up. I went on. My DH was in the kitchen fixing his plate and I went in there and told him...we found her and that she was deceased. He was floored by this info!!! I didn't want his parents to know...I just wanted them to leave so I could make the call!!! My lil' girl had had her tonsils out that week and wasn't feeling well, so my in-laws left. I immediately went to my room and made the phone call!!! We talked for an hour and half!!!! It was neat!!! I described myself to her....sounded just like Diane did!!! I commented on the lil' round chin...and that is when she knew It was REAL!!!! This was on a Wed. and we met that Sunday at her oldest son's home. We visited 5 hours and could have longer--but we had to get home to the kids. My DH went with me. He liked them too! It wasn't a bad thing to have followed through with!!! They brought all the pics. and video's of her they had and just shared her with me!!! She was a Christian!!! (SHE wasn't the same woman that was a relative of my friend!!! I really diidn't think it was--but that just opened my eyes up to what we could get into!!!) The son she had 4 yrs. after me was mentally challanged and lives in a group home. I met him a few weeks later. He was excited!!! I look JUST like my bmom did!!

Recently, my dh and I went to the town where she lived and I went into City Hall to ask where the craft store was that she had owned and the lady behind the desk about dropped her chin when she saw me..then when I asked for that place!!! I told her why I was looking and she said she knew I had to be kin! She was friends with her!!! That was kinda neat! We went on to the craft store she owned and looked through it. My "aunt' lives in the home where they grew up. I've been there. It is neat to be where she has been!! She died 3 yrs. ago this week. I know it was all in God's timing....I do regret that I didn't try earlier. I would have liked to have known her. The medical history I found out about was very important!!! It is part of why I'm on the weightloss quest!!!!!!

They were also able to give me pics. of my birthfather!!! Apparently they had gotten back together for a while when I was 9-11 yrs. old!! Kinda romantic!!! I always liked to think of them together~! However, when I had met with the agency in '91, they had told me she was not involved with him at the time I was born, but that another man was coming to see her(my half-bro. father). They married 4 mo. after I was born and were married about 6 yrs. After they divorced, she and my birthfather dated again. Never married. The family didn't like him, Said he was arogant. Then she remarried in '86 until he died in '91...then she
never remarried.

Will I search for him? I have. I think I have him located, and have talked to a man with his name and the only one in Tx. fitting his description. He was nice...but denied having known her. I was not real smart about it....I called using a calling card and that keeps him from seeing my #on Caller ID. I should have given him a way to contact me. I know his current wife was sitting right there. It seems likely that he is the right one!!! He married the first time 2 mo. before I was born. *(my bfather did too!) He divorced in 1979 (the yr. they got back together!!!) He has 2 dd. My 1/2 brother said he remembered when they dated and that he did have 2 dd about that age!!! SO......I don't know what I'll do. He is only an hour from here. I am interested. Just because the meeting with Diane's family went so smooth. I would like his medical history as well. But...kinda want to know him too!!! He knew my bmom and could tell me so much!!! I do not intend to interfere with his life and I don't need his money (which I know there is plenty of!) I just want to have the opportunity to know him....my bmom loved him alot, obviously or they would not have gotten back together! I will post if I make a move on this!!!

Thanks for listening to my story! Hope it wasn't too boring!!!

Today as I reflect back on my grandfather who passed away 3 yrs. ago~I remember a man who fought in WW2. He was 27~and volunteered to go. He was expecting their first child(my mom) and wanted to get to stay home for the first 6 weeks of her life, which he did. Then he went...missing the first 4 yrs. of her life. There were brief visits--but not many. He didn't talk much about his war days. He was a Bomber. He never felt he deserved much recognition--he was one to always say "those men on the ground were the real heros". He didn't feel he deserved the Flag-draped casket upon his death. He got it anyway!!! We did not know he earned some of the honors he did--he wasn't a proud man, he didn't boast about them. After his death we learned he had earned some of the highest honors he could have. That is just how he wanted it though---when he came home from WW2, he left that part of his life behind and came home to be a Family Man! He was a very tender, loving man. He loved his family very much. He would do anything for a stranger. He didn't have the easiest childhood---leaving home at age 12 to go out on the road with a Texas Ranger. Oh the stories he had!!! I miss the stories and his humming a song most! He memorized all those Cowboy Poems. I remember as a child when I would go stay with him when he got off work, I could hear him walking up the drive way singing or humming a song. He was happy to be coming home to his family!!! And it showed. He enjoyed life--saw everything he ever wanted to. He was a hard worker---worked for the County for 54 yrs. before retiring. Then worked PT for them after that---up until he was 83 yrs. old he was still out digging a pit. He died at age 86, still able to do anything he wanted to. He had made a trip to see us just 3 weeks before his death. He just sat and watched my children playing...and commented "this is what I came for!" He got pure enjoyment out of the things I tend to get so busy I take for granted. My grandfather was very ill. He didn't really talk about it much. That just wasn't like him. He wasn't one to go to the doctor and he definately didn't want to end up in a nursing home. He wanted to be in charge of his life up to the end. And he wanted us to remember him Standing Up!!! So...today, that is how I will remember him. It has been 3 yrs,2mo. since his death and I can say that I do remember all the good times and the Man he was....not the tragic suicide death he left us with. I don't agree with suicide---but knowing my grandfather as I did, that was just him: STUBBORN Ol' CUS, I love you and miss you---but I thank you for all the wonderful memories you gave me in my time with you!!!!------------And even though you don't feel YOU deserve the honor, everytime I see the Red,White and Blue flag waving in the air....it is you I think of!!! Thanks for giving to my future, by being a selfish young man in the service!!!!
In memory of my Grandfather!

Today I went to the "End Of Year Awards Assembly" for our Elementary school. I knew my dd who is in the first grade was doing great in school and that she had maintained ALL A's. What I was unaware of was that she was also up for other awards!!! When her name was called followed by award #1---All A Honor Roll for the Year! #2---CITIZEN FOR THE YEAR!!! #3---Reading Award!!! #4----English Award!!! (to get these, you have to have the Highest grade for the year!) WOW!!!! We are so proud of her!!!! She has made many personal achievments this year too!! She was so shy and timid! The teacher she got this year was a very "spunky, fun, energetic, outgoing teacher" many of these personality traits wore off on my child!!! It was fun watching her confidence perk up and her lil' personality just blossom!!! We are so proud of her!!! School lets out tomorrow. It is going to be nice to have her home. My twins will be starting to Kindergarten in August. I have very mixed feelings with this!!! I have been blessed by being able to be a stay@home mom since before my pregnancy with them...the last 6 yrs. The two years b4 that I only worked one-two days/week. I am a nurse and will be looking for employment when the kids get adjusted. I am considering subbing at the school. It is really the only schedule that would work with the kids. I am up there all the time for PTO stuff anyway! Might as well draw a salary!!! I know I could make more $$$ at a hospital, but I think we would be happier if I am able to be there for the kids more! We have never used day-care and I do not want to have to!!!

Now back to my day:

After the awards assembly the kids had a PIZZA party and a free day! I stayed all day. My m-i-l kept the twins for me so I would not have to contend with them during all the activities! I am so thankful she is willing to do these things for me. Like I have said...makes it easy to overlook the lil' things when she is so helpful!!!

I did a good job staying on diet today! It was not easy!!! I am in Phase 2 of SBD and technically can add back in stuff......thin cheese pizza 1 slice would be allowed. I didn't do it~ I was fearful that 1 slice would only make me want more!!! I took a salad with me. I drank TONS of water today! I walked all over the school!!!

I am still feeling good about how this journey is going for me! I try so hard not to get discouraged as I know the loss will slow down some. I have tried on some shorts....with zippers, not the stretch ones~~~ and they fit!!!!! Not as well as I would like...I would prefer they fall off of me!!! They fit, but still were tighter than I would wear out yet! Too much gut hanging over still!! UGH!

I still have not consulted with CURVES yet. I am planning to. I just have to be sure I have someone to watch my kids for me...at least 3 days/ week so that the membership gets used!!! I thought about using a teen this summer. In the fall, I will be without kids during the day and should be able to manage it. I just do not want to wait until then to start!!! I know it will help the inches....and right now, INCHES OFF WILL MEAN MORE TO ME THAN POUNDS!!!! INCHES are what keeps me from being comfy!!
(((Emily)))(aka:gemsab) has encouraged me SO much about CURVES and SBD with her WONDERFUL results!!! She is my inspiration!!! I hope to soon be reporting such wonderful results as she is able to!!!! It does help to have a "diet buddy!!!" I have Emily here and then a new found friend locally that is in this with me! AND then......knowing my labwork will all be rechecked in September. And A doctors appt then too!!! I see him every week when I take my DD in for allergy shots. I wish I could go a while without being seen by him and then walk in and have lost alot of weight!!! I would love that!!! Ya know those "fat camps" I would love to go away and come home unrecognizably thin!!! When our friends and family (and docs) see us regularly they don't notice the lil' changes that are gradually happening to our bodies! I feel I would need to loose at least 50 pounds before it actually shows!!! I know that is not true...it just seems that everytime I have ever lost weight it could be 25-30 pounds before anyone noticed! UGH!!!!!

Boy, after reading my last few journal enteries it seems I am feeling kinda negative about the world around me. I really am not!!! I realize my many blessings around me!!! I am not discouraged in my quest for lifestyle changes! I actually think this is part of journalling our lives in this way....we really reflect on who we are and why we are who we are. For me right now, becoming healthier and smaller is top priority and a main focus point of my day!! I am spending time planning what my day will consist of food wise.

My kids have really started fighting with each other!!! As I sit here typing it sounds like this summer will be fun!!!*Sigh!!*

I know it is part of it....sometimes it is so hard! They are close in age...7,5and5. It seems they love to play together and then they don't . I remember my own childhood consisting of a lot of this too! I know it is normal. It is just not the fun part of it!!! I am proud of myself....before, not too long ago, I didn't have the patience for the fights and now it just doesn't get to me too much. I just sit and watch them fix their own problems and become best buds again! It seems to ignore the negative behavior discourages it best!!!

Well.....I better get the lil' ones to bed. I have to wash her LONG hair first and then read a book or two with them. LOVE those moments. Then peace and quiet. Dh is working LATE tonight. They are having to do alot of OT right now and will be through the summer. Nice for the $, but lonely and hard around here sometimes!

~~R.

The week-end found me resting---probably much more than I should have, but I felt it was needed. I now kinda wish I hadn't rested so much because I am tireder than if I had not. I know if I had gotten out and went for a walk instead I would have felt better. I did get out and walk and do some things this week-end. I played outside with the kids, helped DH wash my suburban and his pick-up.

I have stayed OP through many obstacles so far! Yesterday my mother-in-law wanted us to come over for burgers after church. I just made me a huge salad and took the meat---no buns. Now, it is officially known (by them) that I am on a diet. I was trying to not let it be---b/c of how she is about it. She doesn't support or help much then and NEVERcomments on any noticable weight loss---she is the one who when my DD was born and I came home from the hospital, she hung a picture on the fridge of me at 17...I was now 26 and not nearly the size I was at 17, especially 26hours after delivery of an 8#11oz. baby!!! Then she just said "I thought your hair looked pretty in this picture" (yeah, right!!!)I left the room and just cried!!! She then comments "hormones are so messed up after having a baby--must be the baby blues!!!" (UGH!!!*it was HER!!!) My dh commented 'I think she looks pretty now!' I appreciated that so much! That was a first time really for him to take up for me against his mom!!! (Plenty since!) They are so good to us by watching the children---but there are the lil' things that just drive me crazy!!!! WOW! This turned into a rant---oh well, I guess sometimes we need to!!! This was almost 8 yrs. ago and it still hurts!!! Especially now that I have gained even more over these years! I am loosing---but it will forever be "how big I LET myself get!!!"

I am proud of the fact I have lost so far---and I just DON'T want to get discouraged---which is so easy to do when hystersisters is the only place I get encouraged!!! I am so THANKFUL I have here for support!!!

My DH this week-end told me " I had a dream that you were in a pair of JEANS" Well, I know he wants me to wear them---but I will not wear them until I am back into a size 11!!! A long way from here!!!! It may change---when I am below 200# I will probably be comfortable enough to wear jeans. The last time I wore them was the summer after my twins were born-weight was 204#!!! It is SO hard for me to now believe that 5 yrs. ago I was so close to breaking the negative 200 mark---then the PCOS really got messed up and I began gaining!!! YUCK!!! SO, back to DH dream----it made me feel bad and kinda confused! I asked him if it was "wishful thinking" and he said "no." Perhaps it was meant as enc. to keep on trying....maybe he can see a light at the end of this weight tunnel!!! I just didn't know how to take the comment!!! But I will not let it discourage me---I know it may be a year before I can get into those jeans!!

All those "pill" commercials on tv really tempt me to try them---even though I know they are a gimmick and not healthy for me with my family history! I wish the SBD would continue at the rate it starts with! I have to date lost 16#!!! I know for 3 weeks that is not bad. I know it will be slower from here on---a pound or two a week. I think I am going to do Phase 2 for 2 weeks, then Phase 1 for 2 weeks and kinda alternate that way and see how it goes. Even if the weight doesn't drop off the way I'd like it to, I know I am benefiting my health by the changes I have made!!!

This is going to be a hectic week----THE LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL!!! My dd is excited!!! It is going to be nice to have her here with us during the day! But....the kids have really hit this "arguementative stage...with me...with each other!!!" But the neat thing is, it really isn't getting to me like it use to!! I'm glad I am able to cope with all of it better!!!

Out to go for a !
~R.

Well....so far I am still doing my plan without temptations overtaking me! Three weeks ago tomorrow I started this!!! I will weigh in on Sunday. I am feeling so much better---more energy! I am sure getting off the sugar and bad carbs has made a difference! I am not nearly as "hungry" as I always thought I was! I know I have changed some--clothes are feeling different! Better!!! I just hope to keep this up!!! I saw my doctor today when I took my dd in for her allergy shot. I reported that in the first 2 weeks I had lost 14#!!! He was impressed, but cautioned me NOT to get discouraged because it will not continue at this rate! He reminded me that he only wants me to loose 3-4 # a month from here on out! It will be easy to get discouraged at this rate, but I will just have to keep reminding myself to KEEP on even if I am not seeing pounds drop off!!! This is the healthiest way! I am still getting out and excercising more often!

I was really proud of myself today~not to brag, but....I was at Pizza Hut for lunch and left without cheating!!!! I ate 2 salads! I started out with one and then I was feeling tempted to get "just one piece of Pizza" and I went and got another salad!!! I left FULL, but not so stuffed I would be miserable--and mad at myself! I am really glad this is easy to follow for me!!! I am not even missing the sugar and bad carbs/white flours!

I ended up keeping my niece and nephew overnight last night. They were good and the kids all had fun together!! My sister-in-law came and got them early. Then, I had to go to the dentist and get a filling, take my dd for her allergy shot, and go to the hospital lab for HgbA1C---3 mo. avg. sugar levels. I am not diabetic---yet---but want to keep an eye on things since I am pre-diabetic! I am sure the past 3 weeks has improved things!

Tonight I need to get the kids down so I better write more later on.

~R.

The field trip with the first grade was fun! (full of adventure!) The encampment we went to was out at the lake. We had 4 nature trails---which turned out to be alot of chases too! We had several kids who like to wander aimlessly!!! Thankfully we had plenty of other parents with us too! There were 66 kids, 4 teachers, 14 parents. We were there about 5 hours. I had packed a lunch that would keep me on plan...and I ignored all the treats they were handing out! It was so I definately was able to keep up my intake! So...the day was good for me, stayed OP, got excercise, plenty of sunshine (my cheeks and neck show it!), had a fun day with my DD and her classmates, and enjoyed visiting with other mom's!

Today is a tired one for me! I have had such a busy past week! But that also keeps me on track--- not much lazy time!!!

My niece and nephew arrived here ready to play!!! They are a lil' more awake in the mornings than my kids are! So, I had to splash some cold water on my face this morning to jump-start my day!!! This would have been one of my COCA~COLA days a few weeks ago! I am so glad I have been able to break that nasty habit!! ( A couple of years ago, my brother-in-law used Coke to eat away some rust on a tractor to loosen up the motor....you would think that would have made me stop drinking it, but NOOOO, I just kept on drinking it!)

Well....the kids are wanting to go outside to play some, so I'm outta here!

~R

Well, I am back in after our WONDERFUL week-end get-a-way!!! Our anniversary was very special! We spent the day together, just going on a scenic drive....we went to a small town near where we were staying. It is the town my birthmom had lived in until her death almost 3 yrs. ago! I went to the shop (antique) she owned. Visited with some people who knew her at City Hall, ate at the local DQ right by where she worked. (I'm quite certain she'd probably eaten there a time or two!!) It was neat to see where she and my half-brother lived. (My half-bro. is 4 yrs. younger than I am and he is mentally challanged~so he doesn't offer much insight into their lives). I know I really should share my adoption story here sometime, especially with as many others as there are here adoptees or prospective/adoptive parents. I will share it sometime...when time allows. Back to the anniversary get-a-way.... that evening, we went to another lil' town and had dinner in a Historic (1876) home turned restaraunt. I found their ad in the yellow pages *cheap plug for the SWB...let your fingers do the walking!!!* It sounded like a very romantic place to go. I told my DH he should call and reserve a table....cozy and private....but he would not do it. When we arrived, there was no one there except the 3 workers!!! It was as wonderful as it sounded like it would be!AND I STAYED ON PLAN!!!! YEAH!!!! It was very pretty inside...Victorian and cozy!!! We had the whole place to ourselves!!! (kinda seemed like maybe the townspeople knew something we didn't or something!) We stayed and had a very romantic quiet dinner. I teased my DH that I could make him sound REAL romantic!!! I could tell that he called and reserved the whole place for just the two of us!!! LOL!!! When we finished dinner I was disappointed that I had forgotten to bring our camera for the trip. This lil' town had NO Walmart, so we had to go to a Mini~Mart and get a disposable one! We went back to the restaraunt and had our pics. taken! Then we went back to our cabin. It was a lovely evening! We had a Jumbo sized hot-tub in our room!!! The next morning we slept late. We went on nature walks into the woods! They had 6 nature trails and we enjoyed a few of them! (again, no one around!!!) We have not had so much privacy in about 7 1/2 yrs!!! (that's how long we've been parents!!!LOL!!!) We cooked steak out on the grill, while listening to a local band perform outside the activity center. We walked over to the center a few blocks--through the trees and watched some of the band. We played air hockey together and he enjoyed some racing games. That evening, we enjoyed our last quiet moments before packing up to come home the next morning. We had a 2 1/2 hour drive home. It was a nice break and we were both ready to see the kids!!!! They enjoyed their time with grandparents!!! They went to the park, flew kites, played and rode their bikes. My son got to go to a tractor pull with his uncle, so he was on cloud nine!!!

I spent a lot of Sunday evening washing clothes and trying to unpack!!

Monday I had a PTO luncheon to attend. They chose a mexican restaraunt. I was worried, but was able to find a salad on the menu, so I was okay!!!

Tuesday, (today) was our Field Day at school! I was able to go around with my 1st grader for all of her events! It was fun! We made it a family event, my DH even took off work for it! The cafeteria offered sack lunches and so I took the meat off of my sandwich and was able to eat lunch. I spent the whole afternoon in the heat!!! We had a table set up to sell our leftover items from PTO. I was definately able to get my fluids in today!!! I took the lil'ones to grandma's to spend the night again! Tomorrow is a field trip with my DD. It is to a neat ranch place where they will go hiking and all sorts of fun stuff!!! So, sounds like I will get my excercise in then too! It is sack lunch~but I can bring my own things to stay on plan!!! I am looking forward to getting to go on the Field Trip tomorrow!!! I had to miss the fall one to the pumpkin patch because it was right after my hyst!

Well....I managed to ramble again! I had a few days worth of catching up to do!!! All in all, I am proud of how I am doing! I can tell a difference in how my shorts are fitting and I have lost 14 pounds as of Sunday! That is in my first 2 weeks, 1 day of Southbeach!!! ( I heard a report from the lady that started hers a week after me and she has lost 8 pounds and is not craving the sugars/carbs she worried about either!!!)

I'll write more after tomorrow's field trip!
~R.

Well.....I can't believe it is FINALLY Thursday!!! This evening my DH and I will be leaving to go to our anniversary celebration...get away without the kids! This is our tenth anniversary! We have not been away for this long since our kids were born. (except when I was in the hospital for my hysterectomy...and he wasn't there every night) We are going to our timeshare...a lil' private cabin in the woods, in East Texas. I am looking so forward to it!!! I am not packed all the way and I have not finished getting everything finished! I have learned over the past year not to stress about if the house is perfect...though I really like to leave with it that way!!! It is not worth me getting so stressed that I am not able to enjoy the day with the kids before I take them to Granny and Pop's house!!!

Yesterday was a very busy day for me! I had to do some shopping! Sunday is "Ol'Fashion Sunday" at church and the kids will be going with granny, so I had to find some thing for them to wear! My oldest dd doesn't like dresses~she is my sporty girl! My youngest Loves them and wanted a bonnet and long dress. I couldn't find that anywhere~I hit every second hand store in the area yesterday! Here is what I came up with: the girls are going to wear overalls with the pants rolled up, a country looking sleeveless shirt, and flip-flops. They have long hair, so we will do braided dog-ears. My son is going to wear overalls with a tank shirt under it and his cowboy boots with spurs, a bandana around his neck! They are all happy about the selections!

I did pretty good staying on my plan for the day yesterday! I did not get out and excercise much, but I did a lot of walking while shopping! I did get all the water in I needed to! I took my snacks with me and a water bottle so I would not be tempted to cheat!!!

Well.....I have SOOOO MUCH to get accomplished and so lil' time, so this will be my last entry until I get home from my anniversary!!

Hugs,
Ronda

Today was a busy day. I had a luncheon--Salad, so it was safe! I am so glad I was able to go and stay on plan!!! This afternoon was a busy one for me. I wanted to get in a walk--but we had a sudden down-pour. So we came home, turned on some music and me and the kids danced around for a while!!! They had fun and I got some "fun" excercise in!!! I really am enjoying this time of "excercise" with the kiddos! They aren't even realizing I am excercising---just that mommy is feeling good and wants to play!!! That is making it funner for me too! I am feeling so much better emotionally and physically than I have in a while. Things that use to get to me are not bothering me like they did! I feel guilty because I know I have wasted alot of time being "lazy" for a while and not getting moving! I am a nurse and I know the effects of not being active--both physically and emotionally! I knew I was becoming depressed---but had actually decided that was just how it was going to be! Not anymore!!! My DH and I are even getting along better--not that it was bad before! (Could be cuz he is seeing me getting more accomplished in a day!!!) I really think it is because I am not feeling so stressed and am able to not be so edgy!!! I have not really began seeing weight loss much yet, but I feel it in my lower abdomen!(Yeah!!!) And...I know it is making a difference physically!!!

Good Morning!

I am happy to report that I survived a Family Outing yesterday that found the table FULL of CARBS....but my plate stayed very much Carb-free!!! I was really proud of myself! It wasn't even difficult to stay on track! And...I managed to not make it "obvious" that I am being good! I really would like for (his) family not to know I am dieting---just to wait and see how long it takes for a loss to be noticed! (I do realize this sets me up for potential disappointment---sometimes they just don't notice things positive like weight loss, however when it is weight gain you bet it gets noticed!!!) That is okay---this time, I really am doing it for the right reasons. Always before, when I attempted weight loss it was so I'd look better and for my DH. Now my goals are for health reasons and my children---for me!!! I am tuning out all the negatives that seem to usually get me frustrated. One biggie is that my DH is 6' tall and weighs right at 145#---with his boots on!!! That makes me feel huge! But, I am really not going to let that get to me too much this time. I am just focusing on the fact that every few pounds I loose is that much closer to healthier lifestyle....and to me feeling better about myself!!! Yesterday, at the family outing, I walked alot!!! We went to the cabin out in the country---alot of hills and a beautiful creek bed to walk in!!! I enjoyed it! The day was pleasant and I had fun with my family!!! The last time we went out there, I walked in the creek, but rode the 4wheelers some of it. This time-I walked, even when others were riding!!! And...I didn't even get out of breath!!! I can already tell that is improving!

Well...I'd better get with it...I have tons to get done today!!!

Ronda

Today found me taking my dd to a birthday party! A SWIM party no less!!! (no adults swam---well, the mom hosting the party jumped in after a lil' one that was barely holding her head up gulping!!! Nice save!) I was SO proud of myself!!! I had not told anyone I was "being good"---and this one served lunch! I did stay OP!!! I drank ice water instead of soda's or punch! I complimented the cake---but steered clear! When hotdogs were served, I only ate the wiener---put in my salad bowl I had brought with me!! I ignored the chip bowl! Took my 15 almonds with me for my afternoon snack!

I met a lady there who also has PCOS---and weight issues(more than mine!) I told her about what I was doing and she wants to join me in my quest!!! Her lil' girl is also 7, so they can play together while we get moving and try to loose!!! I am a week ahead of her, but thought I might stay on the Phase 1 of SBD an extra week--to encourage her! It was neat---a week ago, I would not have believed I could have made the choices I did and not feel hungry!! We are even going to do water aerobics together and start walking together!!!

Oh...I wore an outfit that I had not worn in a while and it fit better than it did last summer!!! That always is fun!!!
I weighed in today and I had lost 7#!!! (since last Friday!!!) I realize this includes the water wt from the b/p fluid pill, but that is okay....a pound is a pound!!!

(((gemsab))) Thanks for your comment!!! You will be my inspiration!!! Talk to you soon!!!

I am heading out to go play outside with the kids and help the dh with some yard work!! It is much too pretty to worry about this housework today!!! (and...I have too much energy to just sit here!!! WOW!!! I have not been able to say that in ......ever!!!)

Ronda

This is day 1 of my journal, but actually day 7 of my new steps to a healthier lifestyle!---guess I had to wait to "document" anything until I was certain I survived at least a week of this!

I started this quest out of necessity-- for my health. I am 33yrs. old and have just been diagnosed with hypertension and Pre-Diabetes. That hit me pretty hard---I always thought I would get control of my weight before it started really effecting my health.


I did start retaining fluid and not feeling well, since March. I started having headaches, seeing "floaters"...I knew my b/p was ^, but didn't want to admit it. Last Friday I knew I could no longer put off going to the doctor. I had a friend take my b/p for me and it was 168/108. ALARMING!!! Mine had always been 110/60's...even as recent as Dec.31st,03, when I had gallbladder surgery! I came home and rested, then called the doctor---a new PCP for me. I was told to come in immediately and he would see me. When I got there, thankfully the BP was not as bad as it was before, it was only 148/98...still too high! We immediately discussed WEIGHT. (btw, I did not allow them to weigh me...I knew my # and didn't want that on my chart or for me to have to weigh in front of that skinny lil' nurse!!!) He said that was fine, but wanted me to write my weight on a piece of paper and he put it in my chart, folded up...not a part of the legal chart, just FYI stuff!

My lab work came back bad. My cholesterol levels were all normal, but my Triglycerides were 500! My glucose was 118. My fasting Insulin was 40. It had been 17 in Oct. So...hmmmmm. His Dx. is Pre-Diabetes. (very common with PCOS'ers). He agreed to let me try lifestyle changes before meds. I figure this will help me to have a reason to con't...knowing I will be monitored by labs and office visits! He wants to recheck me the first of Sept.

My family history is VERY SIGNIFICANT for heart disease! I was adopted at birth, and just last yr. located my birthmom's family---22 months after she had died. She died at age 50---heart, diabetes and hypertension. Her mom had died at age 39---heart, diabetes,clots,CHF...So....It is in the blood!!! I look just like her---build and all!! The doctor said, unfortunately I got her genes and that includes the most current diagnosis! She also had PCOS, ENDO. female problems starting in her 20's. We both also have IBS.

My weight issues really began when I was in my early 20's. I have always had REALLY thin legs, no hips....but have had trouble with my tummy! I remember a guy once told me I look like an "olive on a toothpick!" Even as much as that hurt, and still does, it is pretty much true! Only now I feel like it is more like a watermelon on a toothpick! More than how it makes me look, I know this is a very dangerous place to carry my weight! It is also a hard place to loose it from!

When I was in my early 20's, I was diagnosed with PCOS. When I was, my doctor said that was why I could not loose wt! No matter what I tried, the weight stayed on, or I would loose about 25 pounds and then stop,only to gain it plus some! I stopped having periods and the PCOS took over in full swing. My doctors were not as familier with the syndrome as they now are, so they just said I would not be able to loose. That discouraged me from trying much. I went through infertility treatments(and the fertility meds made me gain!!) and had my children(I have a seven yr. old dd, boy/girl twins that are 5yr.olds.) When we were finished having children, I knew I had delt with all the female problems I could deal with. I had already had numerous surgeries to help with pelvic pain, ENDO, Adeno, and PCOS. Together my doctor, husband and myself decided it was time for the hysterectomy. I had TAH/BSO Oct.3,03. One major goal I had was that I start feeling better and loose wt! Well...I lost 59 pounds almost without trying. But....it all stopped. I started drinking cola's (sometimes as many as 3-4/ day!) I was starting to gain again, but I had not really weighed myself...thinking it would just go away!(turns out it was almost 20#!) But, my clothes weren't fitting...and that is the elastic waist bands!



The diet he recommended was SOUTHBEACH. I had already been interested in it. I had tried ADKINS, but could not stay on it long-term, which is what I will have to do! I started SOUTHBEACH on last Saturday, May 1st. I have not had a coke since then!!!And, have not craved them...that is unbelievable!!! So far, I have managed to stay true to the plan! I have also started walking more. The kids like to ride their bikes to the end of our road, a mile. I walked with them every night for the past week! I am also getting outside with them more. I used to be so sleepy all day...and the diet has helped! I am feeling up to getting out and playing basketball with my dd, soccer with my ds, gardening with dh! I had not done that much lately! It is so good for the spirits and I know it is helping me to get in some FUN EXCERCISE!!! The doctor told me that is how he wants me to do it! Get out and play like a kid, don't try to join a club....lift weights...just get moving!!! He is right, I know. I went and got me a new pair of Running Shoes...no, I don't run, but I needed some comfy ones to get movin!

My goal is to loose down to 150#. His goal was 140#, but....I am 5'9", so....I remember what 150 looked like 13 years ago!!! I am SO private about my weight, I can't believe I am documenting it! I need to loose from 240#.He doesn't want me to loose more than 3-4 pounds a month. It is going to be a long, slow journey...but that is the healthiest way to do it..I know!!! I know by documenting my journey, I may help someone else too, but what I am hoping to gain from it is support along my way!!! I am planning to journal my lifestyle changes/health issues here. I am also going to BEST here at HS and joining the wonderful support group there!!!

I know my first entry was LONG. Getting started, I feel the need to fill in the blanks of what is going on in my life! I appreciate anyone who took the time to read my journal.

's,
Ronda