Well, Labor Day weekend 2004 is over. I am kinda glad in a selfish way.
It was hard to hear people talk about going to the lake, water skiing, camping, etc. Those days are over for hubby and I. We sold the fifth wheeler when I was diagnosed with cancer. And now since the intestinal surgery....well, I can't even get out of the house, let alone go to the lake anymore.
Our last trip was the weekend after Labor Day last year. I remember standing in the camper, gazing out of the kitchen window at the beautiful lake and the thought came into my head, &quot;This will be your last trip here.&quot;
And it was. three weeks later the cancer nightmare started with a bad PAP test.
I miss the lake. I miss alot of things. I even miss going to the grocery store. I used to complain about doing the shopping. But in the last 11 months I have only been able to get groceries twice. That was back in June.
I miss driving a car. Oh, I'm capable of driving. Just not capable of being away from a bathroom for over 10 minutes!LOL
I miss being Gramma. A 'normal' Gramma. One that can babysit.
I miss being a 'real' wife. I miss having the strength and energy to do the laundry, cook the meals, vacumn the floors, scrub the tub.
I miss feeling like a woman. I do not ever feel pretty anymore. Oh, my hair has grown back to about 1 1/2&quot; and it passes for normal. But I am skin and bones. I wear a long sleeve blouse even in 90 degrees because I figure nobody wants to look at these skinny, wrinkly arms anymore than I do. And shorts??? forget it!!!!!!!
But I am up to 97 pounds. Much better than 86. My normal weight was 104.
Have I whined enough yet?
Oh, one more thing. I will miss my cat, my constant companion of 14 years. I must find a home for her. The responsibility of me, the house, my medical appts., etc...is too much for hubby when adding on the cat. Litterbox, hairballs, feedings.
Why do I feel like I am constantly saying goodbye?
I am so tired of saying goodbye to everything.
Let's all hope I wake up in a cheery mood and can make a list of things to be thankful in the morning