dVH/RALH: Nervous about hysterectomy on 1/16

Hi Ladies!

My name is Lauren. My surgery is scheduled for a week from today, and I was doing well until I got a call from the doc this morning with questions about my blood thinner. Then I had my little freak out. I've had surgery quite a few times, 4 knee surgeries, a shoulder surgery, a lap, and now a hysterectomy to round out the group. I'm only 25.

My medical issues are a sight to see and most doctors see my history and send me packing- what I mean is doctors see my history and are afraid to touch me. I was told at 22 that having children would most likely kill me or lead me to being in a vegetative state. I have a bad clotting disorder so I have to be on Coumadin for life, and also have epilepsy when I have periods, because of blood loss- the remedy has been an IUD or Lupron. IUDs have caused bad cysts on my ovaries and Lupron is only good for 12 months. Anyways, my endo is so bad that my back aches all the time and I look like the hunchback of Norte Dame.

Basically, we decided it was best to take out the offending organ, or as I like to say, break up with my uterus since all it does is cause issues. So I'm sitting here flipping out because like I always do- I'm overthinking everything- like what if something goes wrong? What if I don't make it off the table? What if I end up on life support or in icu? I go through all the bad possibilities in my head. Why am I all of a sudden so scared? I've never been afraid to die, I faced death before, and made it through. I'm a strong woman, kick butt and take names- my husband calls me "Wolverine" because of my "healing powers." I had no problems with the big knee surgery I had last May or the Lap I had in October, so why am I so scared? I don't understand.

Does anyone else have the same thought process prior to surgery?

Please stop beating yourself up and don't be so hard on yourself. What you are feeling is understandable and perfectly normal. None of us are super women. Having surgery is scary and most importantly the lost of control. We are all in this together, and wishing you the best!

I have anxiety, so it's just coming out, and I think the doctor calling double checking things today really set it off. I'm one of those people that like everything done beforehand and I don't like unknown factors. There are too many unknown with what I've been through already that I'm just on edge. I just want it over and done with so I don't have to worry anymore. That's all.

For me the waiting and worrying about the "what if's" was the worst part. It was my 9th surgery. And I was terrified! But after it was all said and done I was just fine. I have these panic feelings everytime and I hate them. I cried like a big baby as they walked me back to pre op. I was so embarrassed because I couldn't calm my self. The nurse was an angel. She talked me through it and assured me it was quite normal to feel anxious and scared. Then they gave me drugs that made it all seem just fine!
I really hope all goes well for you. And it's OK and normal to feel any kind of way you feel.

That's what it is, all the "what if's." it happens when I have any surgery. I did cry with my first knee surgery, I was so scared and the doctor was running 4 hours late- which was frustrating. I was 18, so I didn't know what to expect like I do now. I'll get through it, hopefully, if not, pre-op with the Gynecologist is Friday. That should help. Hopefully, I have one of the first slots. My anxiety goes up the longer they keep me in pre-op.