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Unread 03-17-2008, 03:27 PM

Originally Posted by Italydream
Luckily my husband was with me at the pre op and heard all the yuk stuff too or I wouldn't have taken it all in. He is trying to be there for me but even though I know it sometimes I still wonder if he really gets it and whethe he really is going to deliver when I need it most during the recovery. (He's a great person but not well trained domestically.)

I am making a decision not to make a relationship decision for the next 12 weeks at least as I'm too nut jobby to be sure I would be making a good call so doing a bit of a Scarlet O'Hara and planning to think about them "tomorrow" (in 12 weeks time).

I too am sooo sick of being asked how I am and colleagues saying I look ill (duh - that's why I'm having the surgery!)
My SO <we are not married but live together and we have a 5 yr old together and we have been together for 8 yrs>... he attends every appt with me, but then, he seems to downplay what is going on.... I am not sure if that is his way of protecting himself or me. We were not getting along before all of this... I have had a rough few years.. Thyroid cancer Dx and surgery <removal> and then, radiation and now a hysterectomy... it seems like the last two yrs is a just a big blur of Dr''s appts and procedures... I read about other woman and how their husband's seem to be their rocks... I just don't feel his support... He is a good Daddy and takes great care of our little girl, but I don't think he has said a kind word or laid a loving hand on me in months... It's almost as if I am not available to him sexually, he doesn't know how to relate to me... and I have been so UNavailable sexually. Oh I feel horrible... HE is really the last thing I should be worrying about...
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Unread 03-17-2008, 03:44 PM

You really don't want to feel this way but, when you do, it makes you feel worse. Remember, this is not just a physical surgery but an emotional one.
Just be patient with him. No matter how great my hubby is, our girls say that when I am sick & in the hospital (which poor guy has been a lot) he is grumpy. I think it is because they want to be able to "fix" everything & they can't fix this. It's only my take on it but, I am sure they are also going through emotions about this & they know even less how to express their feelings than we do.
Good Luck & Don't make any decisions about the two of you until you have your surgery and recover.

LAVH with bladder lift 3-25
Uterus the size of a 12 week pregnancy
Unread 03-17-2008, 03:52 PM

Hey Rose--

You and I both have the giganticus swelled uterus, and surgery on the same date. Best of luck to you and may our visit to the castle be smooth.

Looking forward to getting on with it. I have six real meals left, with clear liquid diets to look forward to on Sunday and Monday. Yum!

Happy Easter! I'll be eating my "Last Supper" on Saturday night.

Speedy recovery and slow moving . . .
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Unread 03-17-2008, 04:04 PM


Thanks so much to your positive responses to my whining...I love that about this site!

I spent a good part of the afternoon either napping or crying, which has done nothing for my energy level. I spend a lot of time stressing because I have no DH or SO here to help me afterwards and I have 2 ds and 1 dd (12,11, 9). I know I can't come back too fast, or I'll undo repairs. On the other hand, there is just no one else here to do a lot of the things I do. My ex is taking the kids for a week, but then they come back to me. I've not had the best relationship with my mom, and she's not coming out at all. That upsets me because I wish she cared enough to make the trip. And it all makes me miss my dad, who just died in August. I'm a wreck right now. I feel really bad for my kids. They are taking the brunt of my frustration.

Marilyn, loved the comment about your "Last Supper"! I'm going to be gone every night this week at rehearsal and then performances of the "Living Last Supper". Get this, my character is the woman who bled for 12 years and was healed by touching the hem of Jesus' cloak. Oh, if only it were that easy!!
Unread 03-17-2008, 04:07 PM

Hey lorylyn. My husband is sometimes my rock, but sometimes also my pebble and sometimes the grain of sand in my eye that is annoying the hell out of me. It is true your relationship is the last thing you need to worry about right now but you know my relationships seem to push into everything I do, so I know its probably not that useful to tell you not to worry about it just now. But if you can decide not to make any big decisions just now its probably a good idea as whether or not you ultimately decide to make a change, now is probably not a good time to do so. Hang in there. Keep posting. It helps me probably more than my rock (or pebble or sand) at the moment as the sisters really do get it. Have a good day.
Unread 03-17-2008, 04:14 PM

Hi Annessa--

You can whine anytime with us girlfriend. We can appreciate the finer arts of whining ourselves.

If your mother is anything like my mother, you'll be glad she's not coming to help. I too, had a bout of tears in dealing with my mother over having this surgery, and her inability to be there for me either physically or emotionally. Yes, I too, miss my father even more so. My mother felt guilty enough to send me some $$ to help with the doctor bills. That just made me cry even more!

I guess the crying helps relieve the stress a little bit, because now I'm just making my peace with it. Or finding my sense of humor. My hyster sisters sure do help with that!

I'm having Lobster Tails & Filet Mignon for the "Last Supper" and maybe some champagne with that. After that, it's just broth, jello, and coffee without any cream, and that is a sin!
Spoil yourself, girlfriend. You are SPECIAL, and deserve a fancy dancy "Last Supper".

Your role as the 'bleeding woman' is interesting . . . hmmmm.
Unread 03-17-2008, 04:17 PM

Hey Annessa. My mum has had pretty much nothing to do with me for last few years too. Doesn't initiate contact unless someone died etc so had to go through a tumour and drug therapy feeling like she just didn't care and I know how hurtful it can be to wish your mom cared enough to help. She hasn't rung me ever since she was told I was having this surgery either. Hang in there. Have you confided your need for help to your church friends or can you afford to get an agency to come in to help a bit for a few days. Hang in there. We all have our totally bum days (mine yesterday) and I think we need to cry even when we aren't facing surgery. Life does suck sometimes. Ditto on the "if only it were that easy" with the touch from Jesus. All things do pass (thank God) and just when you think it can't get any worse it sometimes does - but eventually it gets better too.
Unread 03-17-2008, 04:29 PM

Hi Marilyn,
Glad to find someone with the same date as me. I do not have to do a liquid prep. Lucky me! I plan on making as much of an Easter dinner as I would with all the kids here becuae my husband will eat leftovers and actually LOVES ham. I plan on having an early dinner on Monday the 24th & then taking a LOOOOOONNNNNGGGGG bath. I figure it will be a while before I am able to again.

Do you find yourself saying "next week @ this time i will be"/ It drives me crazy, I have been doing it for the last couple of weeks.

Anyway, good luck & make your "last supper" a doozy

Rose - Central CA
Unread 03-17-2008, 04:30 PM

Originally Posted by Italydream
Have you confided your need for help to your church friends or can you afford to get an agency to come in to help a bit for a few days.
Actually, I live next door to one of my best friends from Church and she is going to drive meto the castle and stay for the surgery and kind of "be in charge" of making sure I don't need anything. My pastor is going to come by too, he's a great guy!! I have about 6 other good friends from Church that will only be a phone call away. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure they will be here probably more than I want them to be checking on me I am truly blessed as far as that goes. Which is why I get mad at myself for being so upset about my mom. But, when you're in a funk....

Thanks again to all of you for responding though.
Unread 03-17-2008, 05:28 PM

Originally Posted by Spirithealer
Hi Annessa--

I'm having Lobster Tails & Filet Mignon for the "Last Supper" and maybe some champagne with that. After that, it's just broth, jello, and coffee without any cream, and that is a sin!
Spoil yourself, girlfriend. You are SPECIAL, and deserve a fancy dancy "Last Supper".
Mmmmmmmmmm that sounds so good. My DH doesn't know it yet but we are going out this weekend and I'll be having lobster and crab legs and shrimp. Maybe I should inform him huh?

I won't be having any family at the hospital besides my husband or after. I find it way less stressful that way. My mom would come if I wanted her to but when she came after my back surgery she totally stressed me out. If you can believe here I am with a back brace on and can hardly walk and she loses her sun glasses and keeps saying she can't believe this is happening to her.

Oh wow what a huge problem compared to me walking around in a back brace two days after spine surgery. Then I actually couldn't take it anymore I helped her look for them and I found That isn't helping me after surgery at all if I have to get up and help her I just want peace and quiet during my recovery. So it'll be just me and hubby. I don't have any kids of my own and his are grown up so just taking care of myself when he goes back to work the next Monday should be fine.

Well I'm done with my pre-op. The EKG was nothing. I didn't feel anything. They just stuck things to my chest and arms and legs. Everything came back totally normal with that and all of my blood work. So I'm all set with that part just have my two phone calls next week.
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