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Any mothers of teenage boys out there...pulling their hair out like me? Any mothers of teenage boys out there...pulling their hair out like me?

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  #1  
Unread 11-10-2002, 12:24 PM
Any mothers of teenage boys out there...pulling their hair out like me?

Hi all!

In the grand scheme of things, this is not a big problem. We all have our health, we have food, clothing, and roof over our heads.

But, we also have a 15 year old boy who is...well...a 15 year old boy.

Are there any others out there who can relate? He has a heart of gold, does OK in school but there's the rub. Just ok. He actually gets A's and B's in all subjects except math. But he doesn't work at it. He's failing - just had a test that he says he did ok in, but didn't even bring his book home for the weekend. Then today, he has a speech to write, finish up, practice, etc. And wants to go to a movie. Then gets upset when we say no.

I really think he's fine as far as no drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. We know his friends and they are good kids. We just get so frustrated with his lack of initiative with school. Especially math. He says why do I need it? So who cares...all that.

So my question, dear sisters, is this normal 15 yo boy behavior? Should we lighten up, tighten up, keep things status quo and not worry (like you can ever NOT worry about your kids.) Any words of advise and encouragement would be GREATLY appreciated.

Thanks!
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  #2  
Unread 11-10-2002, 02:02 PM
Teenage boys

I have two at my house - ages 15 and 16 (just wait until you see what is going to happen the cost of your car insurance!).

My both of my boys are bright, but one is extremely lazy. His idea of studying involves having the book in his backpack. His idea of what he was doing today involved going to a sports event and then going skating, when he has a final in ten days in a college course that he is currently getting a C in (less than a C is a BIG problem - we will have to pay for the course and it counts in his HS gpa as well as college GPA). He has a C because he just failed a test, after arguing non stop that he was FINE and knew exactly what he was doing.

Sometimes it is very hard to be a parent instead of a friend to a kid who is otherwise a nice, decent kid. I would have LOVED to let him go run around, but I have to say that MATH (sound familiar) has to come first. So we had major temper tantrums, but I don't care - this needs corrected.

Other other son is completely different - studies at least 3 hours a day. Weird how two kids can be so different and come from the same parents, isn't it?
  #3  
Unread 11-10-2002, 02:19 PM
Any mothers of teenage boys out there...pulling their hair out like me?

Hi, you have my sympathy!
We have a very bright almost 18 yr old who just scrapes by on the minimum amount of work. It's just not cool to do more than that LOL. He's done undeservedly well so far, but is hitting the "wall" now where unless his workrate goes up he will fail. Can't seem to get this thru to him, he's more interested in building web-sites for his friends band (doesn't want to work in computing, just a hobby), going to see bands, and just about anything unrelated to school work.
He isn't bad either, no problems with drink, drugs etc, just lazy!!!!
The only reassuring thing is that all parents of teenage boys that I talk to seem to have the same problem, it's normal I guess, but it doesn't make it easier to take.
I've no words of wisdom, no matter what we try, no change. Sadly, maybe he needs to "fail" and learn the lesson the hard way about getting out what you put in.
Nel-don't mention insurance, or petrol (the only thing we really have over him just now is car use LOL).
Stay calm and don't let them stress us out - RIGHT-
Take care
Vicky
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  #4  
Unread 11-10-2002, 05:22 PM
Any mothers of teenage boys out there...pulling their hair out like me?

Hello, ladies~

Just wanted to let you all know, I can identify & *there is light at the end of the tunnel*!

After 3 fairly quiet, well-mannered girls, we had our boy. The girls all gave us some problems during teen years, but typical stuff.

The boy was different. Has a good heart, very intelligent, good sense of humor, class clown! Never worked in school - didn't see the need for it. Got all A's & B's til HS, then was lucky to get C's & D's. Thought all teachers were stupid, etc. Typical stuff. He did drink & experiment with drugs & his behavior did change. We were heading into territory we had never been before.

By the grace of God, he never had anything worse happen than he lost his driver's license & is having trouble getting it back. But, he is in the Aerospace Engineering program at Ohio State & is doing WONDERFULLY! The fun, kind hearted boy has returned. He doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs. He discovered weight lifting & loves to exercise. Is dating a wonderful, sweet girl who I hope sticks around. He keeps in close contact & enjoys hanging out with our family again.

I hope none of you has to go through what we have (and not worse!), but keep the faith that it will be okay. We are so proud of our son & his accomplishments! If they only knew how much we really care about them!!! And what anguish it causes us when they give us reason to worry. (Of course, teens being teens, maybe we don't want them to know how much anguish they can cause! Hmmmmm...)

Anyway, best wishes to you all. I really think if you have laid a good foundation, the prodigal son will come back to it!

Take care,

Mongie
  #5  
Unread 11-13-2002, 04:24 PM
Any mothers of teenage boys out there...pulling their hair out like me?

I am offering a completely different point of view. I have two
college age kids, one DS and one DD. Both have trouble
with math, and they both were adopted so it's not genetic.
Our son is so bright, and gifted artistically and verbally. He
would not do homework, and math was impossible. He
was diagnosed with ADD the middle of his junior year of
high school. WE had to hire a private math tutor all through
high school, and he still had to retake Algebra 2 and
Geometry in summer school. In college, we again had him
tested, and was told that he did not have ADD, but
he has a non-verbal learning disability. This means he has
a learning disability in math. Again, we had to hire a private
tutor in college to get him through the 2 math courses, and
one of them took 3 tries to get the required C.
Has your son been tested by a psychologist to rule
out any math learning disability?
I hope you find your answers and solutions. Math has
always presented challenges in our home.
  #6  
Unread 11-14-2002, 05:10 AM
Any mothers of teenage boys out there...pulling their hair out like me?

Pat - thanks for your care and concern. I'm so sorry for what you have dealt with (and I understand why you said what you did when we were chatting the other day!) Boys are certainly a different breed from girls - and I pray we don't have the issues that you've had to deal with. Thank God he seems to be coming around though. Glad he's found something at College that he enjoys and is interested in!

Locki,

Thanks for your comments. I'm not quite ready to have him tested - as I believe right now the problem is he is not applying himself. He doesn't like math, doesn't understand why he needs to learn it (and in the age of computers I can see why he would think that - don't agree, but understand why he thinks that) and so doesn't apply himself.

If I were convinced he was working hard, trying as hard as he can at it, really putting himself into it and just not getting it I'd be willing to give some testing a try. I'm not to that point yet. I understand he may have the feelings he does if he has a learning disability - but guess I want to see him care a little bit more before I go that route.

Does that make sense? I will certainly keep your situation in mind though as we go on. It's something to think about.

Thanks,
  #7  
Unread 11-14-2002, 12:25 PM
Any mothers of teenage boys out there...pulling their hair out like me?

I have a DS headed that way. He's almost 13 years old. It has become a real struggle to keep him motivated in school. The only thing that has worked is to threaten to take intermurals away from him. He does the minimum of what is expected of him. I really do think it's not cool to excell in school, sadly. Sometimes when we ask him to do stuff, or tell him no he really gets a "thug attitude. The thing is, I know he has a tender heart, and he can be a real sweety.
  #8  
Unread 11-14-2002, 12:40 PM
Any mothers of teenage boys out there...pulling their hair out like me?

(((Jenlo))), it sounds like you and I have the same DS... mine's turning 13 also (he's in 8th grade) and your description is perfect! Sad to say I also have a 9 year old DS who seems bent on following in his older bro's footsteps, only earlier. This has turned my house into something of a battleground around homework time some nights. And it doesn't help to throw sibling rivalry into the equation... both boys are almost the same size and this leads to constant battles to establish the "pecking order". Sometimes I can't decide who I want to put into the rubber room, them or me And my own mother just says "what goes around comes around" (I was quite the little challenge in my day ).

Still, they do have their positive moments, it's just hard to make it from one to the next sometimes.
s,
-Linda
  #9  
Unread 11-14-2002, 12:40 PM
Any mothers of teenage boys out there...pulling their hair out like me?

Ladies,

Just jumping back in the post on the lighter side. I remember being in HS in the 60's and wondering why we needed to learn all the stuff they were trying to teach us. I *knew a lot more than the adults around me; who were certainly out of touch with the real world* so I must admit I rebelled a bit.

But, by the time I reached 21, or so, those adults had really grown up!

I'm not saying to ignore these issues. But it does seem *what goes around comes around*.

Good luck to you all. Parenting is not easy, but I would do it all again!

Mongie
  #10  
Unread 11-14-2002, 12:42 PM
Any mothers of teenage boys out there...pulling their hair out like me?

Linda,

You must have posted while I was composing mine! I can't believe you said "what goes around, comes around"! But, isn't it the truth?

Take care,

Mongie
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