2 more days, big decision, emotional, scared to death

OK so here I am, crying, again. Two children, a tubal ligation, every birth control pill, and medication to control PMS, and years of painful periods later, and I'm scared to death. I'm intolerant this week of my children(which makes me feel guilty b/c what if something freak WOULD happen). I'm trying desperately to make a decision to keep an ovary or not...ovarian cancer does run in the family, but in doing so...have the possibility of HAVING PMS...but am terrified if I get rid of it all, I'll lose some of my sex drive (not that I have had much due to all the SEVERE PMS and Pain I've had). Is this all psychological? Am I freaking out for no reason? I cry at the drop of a hat. I'm a single mom and feeling so overwhelmed at all I need to do before, what I need to prepare for my kids so they can be a bit self sufficient (they are 12 and 7).

I so need my mother at this time as she just went through this 6 months ago...but alas, she hasn't had the "time" to talk with me. Ease my fears, etc. And in fact DID choose to stay at a seminar (it is the last day of it) rather than go to my surgery so as not to lose money she paid for it as it would be a "waste". In fact, haven't heard a thing from her all week, and Friday is the big day. Basically the only people I will have are my g-friend and ex-husband (yes, I know...odd the person I couldn't be married to is now going to be there for me). Am I just a big baby?

HELP!! I really am stressing. Is this normal? Any opinions?


Kacie
TVH/RSTO/possible LSTO
32 years old

Hi, Kacie:

What you are feeling is quite normal. I had my hysterectomy over two years ago and I will never forget how terrified I was. I lost a sister to ovarian cancer--there is a lot of cancer in my family. I chose to have both ovaries and cervix taken because of that. I know there are women who keep them if they (ovaries) are healthy. I'm not in the medical profession, but I do believe that we all react differently. You could sail through the surgery, and have no problems on the other side, just as I have done.

Whatever happens, please know that you are definitely in the right place. We, your hyster sisters will be here for you. I don't have children, but I know that I cried a lot, and sometimes wished that I could just be on the other side without experiencing any of it.

You will be in my thoughts, and I'm sending lots of good wishes and hugs to you.

Debbie

Hi Kacie!

It sounds like you have been through a lot and you are reacting to a very emotional time in your life. I've been there. I'm sorry your mom isn't there for you right now but remember that you are the priority.

You sound stressed but your aren't alone. Try to relax in a hot soothing bath, listen to some of your favorite songs, read a good book, if you can afford to, get a massage. Do something nice for yourself. Stay focused and think positive thoughts.

I will keep you in my prayers that you have a successful surgery and a very uneventful recovery! s

Deb

Thank you Debbie, your post alone put me in tears. It is so nice to know that someone is kind enough to care and respond. It is so appreciated. And I do have to ask you, with the loss of both ovaries...has it changed your sexual desires, etc.? Do you feel it was the right thing to do? I'm just stuck b/c I've suffered such severe PMS and pain so am afraid to keep both for fear it won't go away. I'm not so sure I haven't become accustomed to pain and just mark it off as normal discomfort...heck I could feel better after. I just know I've only had ONE good week a month every month, every year, for the past 7 1/2 years. I've really lost a lot of living.

Kacie.. I wish I could answer your questions.. but I can't, I have some of the same concerns. I did want to let you know I'm going for mine the same day.. so you wont be alone.. maybe we'll meet in some dream place under anesthesia =).

Hi Kacie,
I am 12 weeks post op. I cannot tell you what to do, but I can tell you not to be scared, and what you are going through is completely normal. I was scared also, and I have one child. I felt guilty for awhile during recovery, but there is a saying, what goes around, comes around. I know I had to heal for my son. So the guilt had no place. Now I am way better with him, and for him. In just over 2 months, he will be a teenager. I need to keep up with him you know!!

There are chances things can go wrong and the surgery leaves different issues than you had before. I believe the majority of surgeries goes fine, with minimal issues. I will pray the surgery takes away your pain and that you will be fine after. However, if you are not, you will deal with that as days come...We are all strong on here, and not one of us will let things like that get us down. Keep your faith, know you are never alone, and help is as simple as going to your computer. We are all in the same boat!!

Hugs
Kat

Hi, Kacie,

I don't know if you'll read this before your surgery tomorrow, but if you do, let me say that I will be thinking of you, and hoping that you have a smooth surgery and recovery.

My sexual desire has not changed at all, but again, each of us is different. I did experience some emotional ups and downs, lots of weeping, but I came through it, and so will you.

Please remember, dear sister, that we will all be thinking of you, and I will anxiously await your post when you come back from the castle. If you like, feel free to PM me, when you're up to it.

Hugs,

Debbie

I'm sorry. I realized after I posted that your surgery is on the 17th. Don't want to make it any sooner than it has to be! :-)

Debbie

OK ladies....here's the deal. I AM going to feel better, and anything has to be better than this. IF I'd have any type of dryness, etc. with sex...that is so minor compared to what I've lived with. So, I'm going to go into this having them take BOTH ovaries with the attitude that the FACTORY IS CLOSED, THE AMUSEMENT PARK OPEN. I'm scared to death, but have made my decision and come hell or high water...I'm gonna keep a positive outlook. I STILL am emotional, but only a couple more weeks of that hopefully. Thank you so much all!

Hi Kacie,

I just wanted to remind you that your not alone. There are plenty of us out here that understand exactly what your going through. My surgery is on the 22nd and I've felt alot of the ups and downs you've described.

If there is something specific that you can pinpoint that's really worrying you, then I would suggest that you call your Dr. or the nurse in their office and ask whatever you need to ask to feel better about it. I came up with soo many questions after being told about all this last week that I made another appt. to see my Dr. tomorrow just to talk through everything. Or you can always keep posting here, because chances are...someone here has gone through what your going through or may have an answer to your questions. Don't be afraid to keep asking questions.

I wish you the best of luck and will keep you in my prayers. Tomorrow will look brighter. Tears are just a way to wash our windows to the world. And we all need our windows washed sometimes! LOL! Keep the faith!

God Bless, Cndrella