need advice (child mentioned) 8 days pre-op

Well i am 8 days pre-op and my son (who is 11) just started freakin out. he is begging mommy dont leave me. mommy what if you leave me forever? mommy what if you dont come back? why mommy.?dont you love me mommy? I'm lost he is so sad what do i do or say? i told him he could go with me and he would be the last person i see before i go in and the first person i talk to when i wake up. that seems to have helped a little. i am terrified and the more he worries about me not coming back i start to think about it and worry about it...

It's scary to think about life without Mom, and it's normal for you to worry about the care of your child as you approach surgery. At 58, I vividly remember how afraid I was at age 4 when my mother had a hysterectomy. My fears were not unfounded, because it was a higher risk surgery back then. (She was just fine.)

Your son is clearly old enough to understand that some people die during or right after surgery, so don't lie to him. Surgery always carries some risk, but hysterectomies are a lot safer than they used to be. Most deaths are related to other underlying risk factors. If you don't have any major risk factors, you can explain that to him. If you do have risk factors, pester you doctor until you get answers about what plans are in place to mitigate those risks. You need to know that. That might or might not be suitable to share with your son.

How does he feel about hospitals? If he's never been to one, an advance trip might help him be more comfortable with the space. If he's had a bad experience at a hospital, you somehow have to convince him that this hospital or this part of the hospital is different.

Are there after-care tasks that you can ask him to be prepared to help with? Can he make his own list of things that he can do to help? That will give him something to think about now. If you're making plans for post-op, it says loud and clear that you may not feel great for awhile but you definitely expect to be around! Besides, you really can use the help!

Also, tell him that if you thought the risk was too high, you wouldn't have the surgery.

thank you.. he has been in and out of hospitals since he was 9 mths old so he doesnt care for them.. i do have some health issues but told him this will make mommy better. its working a little bit..

My 11-year-old son has also been having a hard time. For him it has been expressed more about me not being available to him, and why couldn't I just cancel the stupid surgery. (I am 6 days post surgery now and he is still having some sadness and missing me when he is staying with others.)

Your son seems to understand the risks. But what about all of us here (and everywhere else in the world) who have come out of the surgery really well? Remind him that surgeries happen every day and it is almost always a good outcome.

Good suggestions above about having him help. He could think of movies you could watch together, books to read, etc. It's helped my kids to see that I finally have time for the things I am usually too busy to do with them. And they do like to help me up and to get things or pick things up off the floor for me. We'll see how long that lasts...

Awe, my heart goes out to him. I remember the first time my father went in for surgery and it was scarey (I was in my 20s at the time); however by being at the hospital and talking to him prior to going into the OR my fears decreased. I also had the chance to meet the doctor prior to the surgery and this, too, helped decrease the anxiety that I was feeling. Has your son met your doctor? If not, maybe you can take him to meet him/her. Just a suggestion.
As for making your son aware that you will need his help afterwards, this, too, would probably be a great way for him to understand that you are going to be okay. It may possibly make him more aware that after the surgery he is going to have you all to himself and he'll be able to spend some "mommy and me" time with you. I know that my children (13 & 5) love to spend quality time with me by themselves.

Good luck to you and best wishes! I will be thinking of the both of you.

thank you all... he is excited to help afterwards. he said he is going to teach his dad how to cook lol