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Still depressed 4 months later Still depressed 4 months later

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  #1  
Unread 04-17-2021, 04:54 PM
Still depressed 4 months later

So I'm new to this website and was looking for some kind of support group/community to turn to. I had my hysterectomy back in December and right after I started to regret my decision (even though there weren't a lot of other options). I feel like less of a woman and I cry often when I see others expecting or new babies anywhere and everywhere. I know that I will never be able to carry another child and my husband and I were trying since 2017 with 3 losses total. I know I should be over the moon with my 3 kids that I already have (and I am) but I still cannot get over this feeling of emptiness and jealousy towards other women that have that choice to have a baby or not.

I don't know where to turn to or if there are any resources such as books out there that may bring me a bit of comfort?? I yearn to carry another child to go through the labor/birthing plan that I always wanted but never got to experience due to crappy doctors and hospitals (military). I feel like this will never end.
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  #2  
Unread 04-26-2021, 08:19 AM
Re: Still depressed 4 months later

This is a difficult and complex surgery. As you have noted, it is so much more than just the physical loss. The other losses involved can be even more painful.
I wish I had more concrete advice for you. I would suggest looking around on this site; there are likely resources here. But I can tell you this: you are certainly not alone in these feelings.
Wishing you healing.
  #3  
Unread 05-04-2021, 05:33 PM
Re: Still depressed 4 months later

Hi there, I am so sorry you are feeling this loss, I just want to give you a big hug right now! I'm not sure why you had to have your hysterectomy, but if it was because of a cancer scare like me then try to be thankful that you are saved from that and you have more time on this earth to spend with your 3 beautiful children, husband and friends and family. My 2 children are like pieces of my heart walking outside of my body. I love them so much. Love your children like you never have before because they need you and you need them. My heart breaks for all the women out there who never have gotten the chance to have biological children, you were blessed with 3. I also want to say that it upsets me so much that counseling and physical rehabilitation are not part of the recovery plan for surgeries like ours. I could use counseling myself, but am starting with physical therapy. Find a good counselor if you can so you have someone skilled in talking through these life trauma's. Big hugs to you, your family and all our hystersisters out there!
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  #4  
Unread 05-04-2021, 05:50 PM
Re: Still depressed 4 months later

I'm so sorry you're struggling with feelings and emotions after your surgery. Grieving this kind of loss is so very difficult; know that many of us have been there and are praying healing, hope and encouragement for you. Also, just a thought that loss of estrogen (especially estradiol) - either from ovaries being removed or the disturbance that surgery brings - can cause depression as well as other issues like headaches, urinary tract pain/frequency and UTI's, and more. If you haven't already thought about taking estradiol replacement therapy, it might be wprth considering.
  #5  
Unread 05-04-2021, 06:22 PM
Still depressed 4 months later

I'm so sorry you feel this way, but I can so relate. I am now 1 and a half years out and I can tell you that I had to go through a grieving process. First I was angry because they wouldn't offer any other solution and I regretted my decision. Then I cried a whole lot, in fact I couldn't even see diaper comercials without having a good cry and a bit of anger. It took a few months or around a year before I finally accepted it. I also have 3 children but I still feel a little bothered when I see a pregnant belly. I just feel much better now. The sadness is just slight when I see someone pregnant and now I can tell myself that I had to get it done and I Praise the Lord that I'm still here to take care of the 3 children I have. Remember that grief is a process. I hope you feel better soon.
  #6  
Unread 05-04-2021, 06:47 PM
Still depressed 4 months later

Hi Trees,

I’m so sorry for your feelings of loss. These things don’t always make sense and we feel the way we feel. Recently God showed me that it’s okay to grieve, lament even, the things that have left us wanting. I hope you’re allowing yourself to feel your grief, to violently grieve your hearts loss. I believe only when we grieve our disappointment can we move forward from it. Some fields we just have to travel through and slowly feel all the feelings vs going around it.

I’m sending you love and prayers.

Kristi


  Quote:
Originally Posted by trees6 View Post
So I'm new to this website and was looking for some kind of support group/community to turn to. I had my hysterectomy back in December and right after I started to regret my decision (even though there weren't a lot of other options). I feel like less of a woman and I cry often when I see others expecting or new babies anywhere and everywhere. I know that I will never be able to carry another child and my husband and I were trying since 2017 with 3 losses total. I know I should be over the moon with my 3 kids that I already have (and I am) but I still cannot get over this feeling of emptiness and jealousy towards other women that have that choice to have a baby or not.

I don't know where to turn to or if there are any resources such as books out there that may bring me a bit of comfort?? I yearn to carry another child to go through the labor/birthing plan that I always wanted but never got to experience due to crappy doctors and hospitals (military). I feel like this will never end.
  #7  
Unread 05-04-2021, 07:24 PM
Still depressed 4 months later

  Quote:
Originally Posted by trees6 View Post
So I'm new to this website and was looking for some kind of support group/community to turn to. I had my hysterectomy back in December and right after I started to regret my decision (even though there weren't a lot of other options). I feel like less of a woman and I cry often when I see others expecting or new babies anywhere and everywhere. I know that I will never be able to carry another child and my husband and I were trying since 2017 with 3 losses total. I know I should be over the moon with my 3 kids that I already have (and I am) but I still cannot get over this feeling of emptiness and jealousy towards other women that have that choice to have a baby or not.

I don't know where to turn to or if there are any resources such as books out there that may bring me a bit of comfort?? I yearn to carry another child to go through the labor/birthing plan that I always wanted but never got to experience due to crappy doctors and hospitals (military). I feel like this will never end.
My Obgyn mentioned a therapist that specializes in helping women after their hysterectomy. Perhaps your ob has someone they can recommend?
  #8  
Unread 05-04-2021, 07:25 PM
Re: Still depressed 4 months later

I grew up in foster care so having a family really meant the world to me. I had 3 miscarriages but I was able to give birth to my son who is now 20. I used to get upset when all my friends had children two, three and so on. I actually couldn’t go to baby showers for awhile. I was happy for them it was just to hard. People would ask me how many children I had and responded one they kind of look at your weird like your selfish for only having one. I did not make it known to hardly anyone when I was pregnant or miscarried cause I didn’t want to relive the loss and I would just cry. I always thought ever since I was a little girl that God was going to give me a big family to make up for being a orphan like the Bible says. That didn’t happen. You are truly blessed to have been able to have three kids and have a mother and father. Every time I started to get sad I think about how truly blessed that I am to have one child when I hear from people that couldn’t even have one. I also started rescuing puppies cause my son wanted a brother or sister like everyone else so we started adopting we started with one. It’s not the same but it does make you feel like they are like children. Loving so unconditionally especially when your sad. I call them my therapy dogs. I also keep busy and volunteer. Give yourself some time and there is nothing wrong with a antidepressant to balance out your serotonin. Sometimes you only have to be on for a month or so. Big hugs God Bless!
  #9  
Unread 05-04-2021, 10:53 PM
Still depressed 4 months later

Don’t be so hard on yourself. After all, you already have kids. Never feel less of a woman. You are still the same woman as you were before. I am sure, your husband understands. Just remember, sometimes things happen for a reason. And you are still the same woman your husband married years ago. Cheer up and count your blessings. Your husband will always love you for who you are.



  Quote:
Originally Posted by trees6 View Post
So I'm new to this website and was looking for some kind of support group/community to turn to. I had my hysterectomy back in December and right after I started to regret my decision (even though there weren't a lot of other options). I feel like less of a woman and I cry often when I see others expecting or new babies anywhere and everywhere. I know that I will never be able to carry another child and my husband and I were trying since 2017 with 3 losses total. I know I should be over the moon with my 3 kids that I already have (and I am) but I still cannot get over this feeling of emptiness and jealousy towards other women that have that choice to have a baby or not.

I don't know where to turn to or if there are any resources such as books out there that may bring me a bit of comfort?? I yearn to carry another child to go through the labor/birthing plan that I always wanted but never got to experience due to crappy doctors and hospitals (military). I feel like this will never end.
  #10  
Unread 05-05-2021, 12:21 AM
Still depressed 4 months later

Hi,
This is the very 1st time I’ve ever replied to anyone here. I feel a connection. I had my sx in 8/2019 @ 33yrs old due to adenomyosis & polyps & my 2nd baby being very premature & I thanked my lucky stars she survived & is thriving now (with some persistent asthma). My Dr. Informed hubby & I that any additional pregnancy’s would most likely end in demise. Combined with 29 days of my cycle & severe pain unrelieved by many prior offerings, we decided to proceed with umbilical hysterectomy.
As you’ve said, I remind myself every day that my two children are blessings & that I can still adopt if my husband & I wish to have more kiddos. I guess we embrace & are happy for everyone around us having babies. If you can put your all you have left into enjoying others happiness in having babies, & be the best YOU, then you will be the best mom, wife, friend & family member. If that’s not enough, there are other options. Serogate/foster/adoption. I have friends & family that have done all of them. Very rewarding & you are amazing. Nothing is missing. You are right where you should be. Now how can you move onto the next step of being the best YOU... that’s up to you.
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