My son. He needs to chill out.

I feel like I'm having a hard time healing because of my 11 year old son. It seems that he has turn into an absolute brat since I had surgery. I fuss at him because he does not listen to me and he knows I can't do anything about it. It's to the point I don't want him here while I'm healing. My stomach starts to swell and I start to feel pain all over again and my temperature goes up. Now when he is at school or when my family is here during the evening he is fine and I'm totally fine. But once they leave. The seed of Chucky. Has anyone else experience this with there children. When I'm healthy he doesn't not act like this cause he know I can reach out and touch him.

I'm sorry. Lol at the reach out and touch him line. Kids this age can be very unpredictable. You can't deal with it right now though. Someone needs to take him with them. Don't let him stay home alone with you until he earns it with his behavior. The first time my husband left me home alone with 4 kids at 2 weeks post op all hell broke loose. And they knew there was nothing I could do about it. They still don't have their tv back and it's been 2 months. I had to lay down the law or they would keep making us all miserable. I've been there hon! Maybe he needs a coming to Jesus meeting or attention. I just hope you guys work it out. The recovery is bad enough on its own. Take care.

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Originally Posted by brandysue I'm sorry. Lol at the reach out and touch him line. Kids this age can be very unpredictable. You can't deal with it right now though. Someone needs to take him with them. Don't let him stay home alone with you until he earns it with his behavior. The first time my husband left me home alone with 4 kids at 2 weeks post op all hell broke loose. And they knew there was nothing I could do about it. They still don't have their tv back and it's been 2 months. I had to lay down the law or they would keep making us all miserable. I've been there hon! Maybe he needs a coming to Jesus meeting or attention. I just hope you guys work it out. The recovery is bad enough on its own. Take care.

Thank you for that. My sister works so she comes in the evening and then goes home. She has already said that he can stay with her when he is not in school. Thank God next week is Christmas break. He might be spending more time at his grandparents or my sister house. Sometimes I wish I still lived closer to his dad because his dad would have taken care of it. He did when I had knee surgery 5 years ago.

Try and be patient, I have four including one son of the same age. He has been a godsend, but his younger brother has been difficult. Kids get scared when they see their parents hurting like this, some act out some are angels. Try and express your need for his help and appropriate behavior while you heal. Explain how hard this is on you. Good luck.

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Originally Posted by Clpeyton77 I feel like I'm having a hard time healing because of my 11 year old son. It seems that he has turn into an absolute brat since I had surgery. I fuss at him because he does not listen to me and he knows I can't do anything about it. It's to the point I don't want him here while I'm healing. My stomach starts to swell and I start to feel pain all over again and my temperature goes up. Now when he is at school or when my family is here during the evening he is fine and I'm totally fine. But once they leave. The seed of Chucky. Has anyone else experience this with there children. When I'm healthy he doesn't not act like this cause he know I can reach out and touch him.

Children at this age may feel vulnerable or powerless at the inability to be able to help or do anything make you feel better. They see mom in bed sleeping long hours and think something is wrong with you. You can help by reassuring him that your are on the road to recovery but as soon as you do recover you will do something together. In the meantime, you can do a lot of things with him that do not require physical activity like watching a movie, reading a book, playing board games or video games. When he comes home from school greet him at the door (if you can) and ask about his day. He will see that mom is getting better. After my procedure, my 13 year old began to feel withdrawn and I believe because all the attention was surrounded unto me. My oldest was perfectly fine. Therefore, I decided to make the effort to have conversations with him everyday about his school day, friends and fun things he wanted to do. I learned he wanted me to make dinner for him, not his dad, so I told him I could do easy recipes like pasta and salad and when I felt better makes his favorites. We played video games and watched shows of his choice. After a week, he was back to his old self. Just what the doctor ordrered. Ultimately, my condition made him feel abandoned.

I would second CleoLis's post. Children who are acting out need time in not just time out. I would definitely withdraw privileges for his misbehavior but I would also make a point to spend focused time on him each day. Play a board game, do a puzzle, tell jokes, talk about his day, go for a (short) walk. If he has a sport or other physical activity he enjoys encourage him to do that to burn off some energy- with my boys' misbehavior is sometimes tied to lack of exercise. Make sure he knows he is still important to you even if you can't do all your normal things yet. I would also let him know he is upsetting you with his actions. Not just that you want him to stop but how it makes you feel and see if he will open up about what he is feeling (this may take a day or two to percolate through his pre-teen brain before he gets it). Not every tactic works every time but at least he will see how much you love him by your actions (even if he's grounded for the next 6 months).
I've had decent luck with these tactics with my two boys (9 and 14).