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Hurtful comment from boyfriend about not having kids Hurtful comment from boyfriend about not having kids

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  #1  
Unread 12-29-2020, 08:20 PM
Hurtful comment from boyfriend about not having kids

Its been 2 years since my hysterectomy. I am glad i don’t have to deal with the large multiple fibroids and their constant reoccurrence and painful heavy periods anymore BUT i never had kids. I am 41. I often wonder if i made a mistake then think about how poor my quality of life was with my uterus. Periods lasted almost 3 weeks and i also had polyps in my uterus and a fibroid on the side of my cervix. Hysterectomy was the 3rd and final procedure for me. I tried to keep my uterus but after embolization not working and 3 years later having a myomectomy only to have another more worse reoccurrence of fibroids after that i finally decided on hysterectomy. So ultimately i feel i made the right choice but knowing i will never experience life inside me or give birth causes me to break down at times. I nearly had a bad breakdown this past week because the guy i’m seeing got mad at me over something not related to this and said “he preferred not to date a woman like myself with no kids because we don’t know how to treat people”. He’s been with me a year and had known from day one that i’ve had a hysterectomy. He has 2 sons so having kids wasn’t the issue at all its just we had a disagreement and i feel like he needed to say something to hurt me so he chose this route. It really tore me to shreds. I am not a selfish person by any means and had i not had fibroids I would have had children its not like i was healthy down there and just said hey doc take out my uterus. A 2 year old hysterectomy its still an emotional scar for me that isn’t all the way closed and for him to say this to me just opened the entire scar again.
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  #2  
Unread 12-30-2020, 12:59 PM
Re: Hurtful comment from boyfriend about not having kids

You have the option to walk away, it will happen again now that he knows how it impacts you
  #3  
Unread 12-30-2020, 09:14 PM
Re: Hurtful comment from boyfriend about not having kids

Dear LadyT,

I am truly sorry someone so close to you would hurt you with such unkind comments. I’d advise not acting in haste, but perhaps now is a good time to evaluate your relationship. In my own relationships, I’ve always tried to consider whether the person “just lashed out” and if this type of insult was a one time offense. If there was a pattern in this type of behavior, I’d have to really decide if I could continue in this sort of relationship.

You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

A hysterectomy impacts us emotionally, physically and spiritually. Not everyone has the emotional depth to understand this. Please do not blame yourself for needing surgery. Perhaps you would find it helpful to see a professional to discuss your grief and feelings about not having children. You are entitled to these feelings. In my opinion, your thoughtless bf hit a hot spot but perhaps is shedding light on an issue causing you unhappiness. Please do what is best for you. You do not need to justify yourself. My situation was different, but unkind comments said to me ultimately led me to seeking help.

You are entitled to be happy. ❤️
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  #4  
Unread 12-30-2020, 09:24 PM
Re: Hurtful comment from boyfriend about not having kids

LadyT39-
To have someone you trust, rip you on something you can not change, that made your healthier... is just cruel.
If this is put of character, getting down to his reason for saying this would benefit you both. Trust and communication is so key to staying best friends, if either of these are missing or broken... fix or move on.
I truly hope he understands, going that route was pretty close to unforgivable.
Here for you!
Jules
  #5  
Unread 01-05-2021, 06:07 PM
Hurtful comment from boyfriend about not having kids

LadyT39,
I am so sorry that you have been treated so unkindly by someone who obviously doesn't understand what you have been through. After a year relationship I would think your boyfriend would know how you feel and have compassion for you. There is no excuse for such poor behavior. I truly hurt for you when I read your post.

Please don't feel bad about having to have a hysterectomy. It is plain that you had tried all you could to correct your female issues before you decided on your hysterectomy. I hope your physical health is much improved now. I also hope you'll be able to come to the place of emotional healing soon. My prayers are with you dear hyster sister. BIG HUGS 🤗
  #6  
Unread 01-05-2021, 06:46 PM
Hurtful comment from boyfriend about not having kids

Girl, leave him. You deserve to be treated with love and respect, not because you had a hysterectomy, but because you are human. He is also human and we all make mistakes, but arguments usually show a person's character, and honestly, he acted very immaturely. Ask yourself if that is the kind of person you want to spend your time with. A lot of people won't understand our decision to have a hysterectomy, and that's okay, but they still have to be respectful. Sending you positive vibes!
  #7  
Unread 01-05-2021, 07:56 PM
Re: Hurtful comment from boyfriend about not having kids

This is verbal abuse. The sooner he's out of your life, the better you'll be. He purposefully said something that would hurt you. Give him what he wants: to NOT be dating a person like yourself. HE is the one who doesn't know how to treat people. This kind of abuse is just grooming you to think badly about yourself and to think you're not good enough for him so he can control you. Look up a list of verbal abuse indicators and I'll bet you can check off quite a few more.
  #8  
Unread 01-06-2021, 06:51 AM
Re: Hurtful comment from boyfriend about not having kids

LadyT39,

You deserve to be treated with love and compassion from the person you are with. Everyone has said something unkind to a loved one, but what he said sounds more than unkind and like it was purposely said to hurt you. It is hard enough to deal with all of the emotional issues of having a hysterectomy; you shouldn't have to have something thrown in your face that was a last option. I agree with our other sisters that he said this on purpose. Please, remember how amazing you are. You deserve love, not manipulation. I'm sending all of my Carolina Girl love your way!
  #9  
Unread 01-07-2021, 05:06 AM
Hurtful comment from boyfriend about not having kids


I agree with the above; you need to surround yourself with people who support you, not people who say things to deliberately hurt you. I live with a verbally abusive brother, whose words and actions are deliberately orchestrated with the intention of tearing me down, and making me feel bad about myself and that I somehow deserve to be treated like that. It's not working, because I've surrounded myself with a great circle of friends and acquaintances who have helped me to understand that no matter what, I deserve to be treated with respect; I also have a wonderful social worker who has given me practical tips for standing up to him, and is helping me to get away from him and into my own place. My advice to you is to get away from him ASAP, and surround yourself with friends who truly support you and make you feel better about yourself, including your hystersisters. Wishing you all the best for a better future without him, and for continued health and healing!
  #10  
Unread 01-10-2021, 12:27 AM
Hurtful comment from boyfriend about not having kids

Thank you all for your responses and advice. Seems like every since he said this all i can think about is “the hysterectomy” and it makes me want to blame myself for doing it but what do i have to blame myself for i’d been having troubled periods and problems for years and i know i’m not a selfish person whether i have kids or not. But maybe he wanted me to blame myself they say “hurt people hurt people.”
At least i got some good news this week, went for my yearly exam and it went well and my hormones are still At normal levels.
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