great links, thanks..more worries

To those who responded to my post early this morning RE:New here, need assurance...

Thank you so much for all the hugs, kind words, and links!

After reading all the links, I have a better understanding of my hubbys reaction and weird/upsetting attitude about my upcomming surgery. I was also armed with a better way to approach the subject with him (we havn't discussed this whole thing at all recently, other than when my appointments are).
After carefully broaching the subject with him this morning, with understanding and respect...and letting him know he's not "in trouble" with me, he agreed to have some serious discussion this evening after he gets home from work. I also assured him that I love him, always will, and that I am changing one decision for him. I have decided to go ahead and get hrt since my ovaries are leaving. Yes I have thought it out a lot. Hubby and I, although I wouldn't call us "over sexed", have a VERY healthy sexual relationship. A lot better than I had expected us to be after 20 years of marraige! I have begun to get over the hurt of being told I would be a eunic after the surgery, and I am going to bring that up in our talk this evening. I'm not looking for an appology from him, I just want him to understand that it hurt and caused more fears for me, however, it HAS made me rethink doing this without HRT..for him AND for me. I feel better emotionaly about post op now that I have changed my mind. I don't want to loose that drive any more than he wants me to loose it.

The only thing now, with hubby anyway, is that I want to feel like he is taking care of me emotionaly, not me taking care of HIS emotions...is that selfish?? This is the only part Im not sure how to relate to him tonight. I don't want to come off selfish and with an "its all about ME" attitude...except that it IS ALL ABOUT ME this time!!! Is this wrong of me????

This is my first surgery EVER, and I have been very stoic and matter of fact about it until now. I don't feel like I am allowed to be the weak family member...even for myself. Is it normal to be so screwey right now???

Sorry this was so long...I got started and it just kept pouring out :-(

Mrs. Gnarly

mrs gnarly,
(Thats some handle!)
It sure is normal to be screwy about now! So many fears, so many emotions. I have see lots of women post your same worries, and I had them too.
Personally, I think it is fine and the right thing to do in explaining to your Husband that you NEED this time to be all about you. I mean, it is the truth--and a very big issue for us women. It is hard to have it be all about us--hard to ask for the help for it to be so.
That is the largest and most important gift our spouses and special people can do for us--allow us to need help without guilt.
My TAH was my first surgery too. I was so surprised how much emotion was involved on my part. I finally reached a point in the last couple of days before "the date" that I just let it all go. I let it all unfold as it was to be...I needed this surgery; I was hurt & I needed to be taken care of. I allowed it to happen. My DH was an angel...helped me through w/grace and humour.
Men are just as scared as we are by all this, I think. They just are not always able to express their feelings. The poor dears!
Good luck to you, it sounds like you have a strong & honest partnership. !!!

Hi, I think that it's pretty normal to have the fears and emotions that you're dealing with now. This is a big , scary surgery to be facing

I hope that you did have a nice, long productive talk with your DH. I had one with mine and it sure helped us to deal with all our concerns when I was still pre op. I think that sometimes our loved ones are worried for us and just don't know how to show it and respond with something that seems hurtful but isn't really meant to be ( like the ****** remark). I had a "good" friend tell me that I wouldn't be a "she" anymore after my hyst. WRONG!!. I cried for days and then confronted her with how much it hurt me - she was sooo apologetic, had meant to be "funny".

IMO, you're doing the right thing by trying to learn as much as possible ahead of time - there's less chance of unpleasant surprises that way.

I'm sending lots of good wishes your way.

s

Thank you for the replies :-)

Yes, Mr Gnarly and I had the talk. It went so much better than I could have even hoped!

He was receptive to looking at Mr HysterSisters and we talked VERY openly about everything under the sun that either of us could think of. We started by going out for Starbucks and sat at a patio table talking for several hours. Then we drove home, talking more, parked and talked for another couple of hours before getting out of the car, LOL

The kids were too affraid to come investigate...but when we finaly did come into the house they all wanted to know why we spent so much time in the driveway! That opened up conversation between the kids and ourselves.

Between yesterday evening/night...and the meeting with the surgeon this morning, a lot of fears have been allayed, hurt feelings avoided, a surgery date set, and tensions eased :-)

Thanks again to those who helped me understand enough to be able to get the topic into the open in our home :-) And {{{hugs}}} to all :-)