when do I tell my 8 year old son I'm having surgery?

My son is very much a mama's boy and I am worried about when to tell him about my operation which is on November 30. Any thoughts?? I am getting nervous for myself as well as I am having my ovaries removed....Who will I be after????!!!!

thanks
corrie

I think its a matter of personal choice. I would tell him now. Give him time to adjust to the information. But I think thats entirely up to you. You know your son and how he is most likely to react to the news.

Hi!

I just replied on another thread with a similar question. My kids are 10, 9, 7, 4, and 20 months. In September when I had a conization, my oldest two (girls) were very upset on my surgery day as well as after (one was often physically ill from anxiety) while things were not as they normally are due to my mother-in-law doing the school transporting, etc. and having my mom staying with me.

My TAH is scheduled for early next month and I am hoping there might be some good advice out there about what to tell who and when. They know I'm going in for surgery again and that it'll be a much longer recovery but I'm sure they don't really comprehend the upheaval that is about to be thrust upon them. I really want them to feel secure. Do I sit them down separately, explain what's coming up and what they might expect during the recovery time, and address their feelings and concerns individually? Or do I sit them all down with my husband as a family? What have others done and what might you have done differently? How my children manage through this is more important to me than how I'm going to do.

Thank you for bringing up such an important topic and best wishes to you!

~Janet

I would talk to the oldest two first. Remind them that you were okay after the other surgery and you will be okay now. You might explain to them that you need them to be big girls and help take care of the others now, maybe if they can concentrate on helping out it will help take their mind off it. I would keep it simple for the younger ones...mommy has an owie in her tummy and the dr is going to fix it.

I agree 110% with Mz you know him best so trust your gut and tell him when you feel is best.

However, since I know that you might be looking for a little bit more of a answer then that I will tell you when and how I told my 8 year old.

I told him as soon as I had a date set and details worked out like when my pre-op was and who was going to be with him while I was in the hospital. Then I sat him and my 10 year old son down with a calendar that I made off my computer with dates. I then explain to them that I needed surgery (I pointed to the lowest part of my belly and explained that they would have to cut me open and take out something inside my belly - I didn't want to go into to much details since they are still kids), I explained that it is was major surgery and mommy would not be herself for a good 6 weeks (going into some details about stuff I would not be able to do such as lifting and cleaning). I made sure they knew by using the calendar when I would go into the hospital and when I should be able to come home. I made notes on the calendar to show them who would be watching them (ex grandma, daddy, grandpa ect) on what days so they knew to expect that. I then made sure they didn't have any questions (which they had a ton of) and tried to answer those that they did. Each day that gets closer to my surgery (well before the insurance company decided to give me a hard time) they mark it off on there calendar.

Wooo, I am long winded hun? lol Anyway, give him as much details as you feel comfortable given him. With my boys I feel the more that that know helps them be less scared when the time comes that things are happening so fast. Because, I know when the time comes to go to the hospital and such we may all be too busy to give those details and I do not want them to be scared or upset. But, as I said trust your gut and do what you feel is best.

Hope that very long winded posted helps some.


Mystik

Cape,

As far as with different kids from different ages I would tell them in a group sitting down as a family. Then let each one speak to you or the family also to make sure they do not have any other questions or fears. Since the kids are different ages it might help to keep the in a group things simple and let the older ones have more details.

Just a suggestion!


Mystik

My boys are 8 and 5. I told them as soon as I had the date. I kept if fairly casual. I explained that I would be having surgery on Halloween. I told them that granny would be here to take care of them while DH and I were at the castle. Having a hyst on Halloween when you have children just adds to the drama of it. I also explained about trick-or-treating, too.

I gave them the basics of what was being done, that the place in my belly where they grew is called a uterus and it would be removed. I told them I would need lots of help and be really sore for a while after I came home. It was pretty simple. My oldest would pop out a question or two in the weeks that followed. I think it is best to give them as much time as possible to adjust to the idea. They helped me get the house ready. I think that it is important to let them be a part of the process. Give them jobs to do that are age appropriate. Basically, we mentioned it often and casually so they got used to the idea and didn't have any reason to panic. When I'd make extra of a meal to freeze, I'd just say it was for after my surgery.

Now, that being said, I highly recommend that you talk to the school's guidance counselor, teacher or nurse and let them know what is going on. My oldest did have trouble the day of my surgery and spent some time in the nurse's office resting and talking to her. The nurse told us that he was fine after a little while and went back to class. I talked to him on the phone that night and he has been fine ever since.

Boy, I talk a lot! There's my 2 cents worth. Good luck!

I told my boys (ages 6 and 8-next week) the day we found out I was having surgery. I knew as careful as we would be, they would eventually overhear a conversation and I wanted them to know the truth than be scared and wonder what was wrong with mommy.

This is what I said, "Remember when mommy was sick earlier this year and had surgery? Well, the doctor decided mommy needs one more surgery to make me all better and be able to play and do stuff with you again." Their response: OK!

I also asked if they had any questions and they said no. I told them if they ever had any questions or wanted to talk about it, to just tell me.

If they ask what kind of surgery, I plan on saying, "All mommies have baby parts and sometimes the baby parts don't work right, so mommy needs to have hers taken out so she can feel better."

This is all such great advice. My four older kids were all aware of the fact that I was going in for more surgery, but tonight I decided to really sit them down and go into more detail. Of course my 20-month-old will have to go with the flow, but I spoke with my 7-and 4-year-old boys first and they mostly wanted to know who was going to be here to take care of them. They were also very curious about the whole surgery process, the stitches (number and location) and the "scar" (size and location), what a uterus was and if they were going to fix it and put it back.... So far so good with them--I do like the idea of being somewhat matter-of-fact about it and to mention it somewhat frequently, sort of like what we did with the first day of kindergarten.

Then I went to my 10- and 9-year-old girls, who also wanted to be sure of who was going to be here and when. They seem very concerned about the change in the daily system, such as who will be driving them to school, making them dinner, getting them to basketball, things like that. I found out that they'd much prefer to have dad drive them to school than Nana--they couldn't say why, they just did.

I can see how important it is to begin the discussions as early as possible to give them all the opportunity to have some say in (and some control over) how they will be treated and managed. I told them all that we'd talk about it again and they could ask any questions as they thought of them, of course.

I've had help with resolving so many issues because of you wonderful ladies and I can't thank you enough for sharing (and I've only been posting for about 3 days!!)

Please keep the ideas coming. The children are so important.

~Janet