Things NOT to say to someone who is getting / got a hysterectomy

Wow. Tonight I ran into acquaintance and we were chatting and I told her I had recently had a hysterectomy. She commented, "No more babies for you!". Now, people who know me know that I am done having kids so that wasn't a problem for me, but I couldn't help thinking that this person didn't know that, for all they knew I could have been sad about losing my uterus and ability to have children - and someone in that situation hearing that would be very sad to be reminded of that. So my PSA that needs to get out there is that if someone is getting or had a hysterectomy, it's probably best to just ask them how they are feeling, if you can help in any way, and if they would like to talk about it.

And while we're on that topic, it's never ok to ask someone when they're due either. I think a lot of us had/have bellies that made us look 3-4 (or more) months preggers with large fibroids, and afterwards with swelling, still maybe look pregnant. We don't need anyone reminding us of that.

Anyone else have anything else to add? We should compile a list.unless this has already been done somewhere.

..."My [insert family member] was healed in 10 days" (often followed by additional advice) from someone who hasn't had a hysterectomy herself!

and ..."Must be nice having so much time off." Um, you think I was on vacation?

Ugh, I'm sorry you had to hear that particular comment. It would've been difficult for me to keep the filter on!

Yes! This too!

"You should... *anything*..."
"You should not *anything*..."

"You're still hurting? You should be better by now."


"You don't need those parts anymore."


"I would never do that!".......(type of surgery or choice made such as whether to keep a cervix.)

	Quote:
Originally Posted by PolkaDot*Mocha ... "You don't need those parts anymore." ...

Oh yes, that one, from so many people.

It is the thing most likely to move me to thoughts of violence.

Have you tried other options? You may not really need a hysterectomy.
You can always adopt!
I know someone who had it and they feel great now!

What to say:
How are you feeling about it?
What do you need?
How can I support you?
I'm here for you.

"My (insert relative/friend here) had a hysterectomy, and was back to work in 2 weeks."
"I heard that a hysterectomy can lead to (insert complication here);"
"Why aren't you driving/doing the housework/taking care of your family by now?"
And a few comments heard from my brother:
"It's not like you were ever going to have children;"
"Your surgery went well, so there's no reason why you should be depressed;"
"What you really need is ___;"
"Get over it/stop dwelling on it!"

Similar to another comment listed: “you weren’t using it anyway”. Really? Those were organs near and dear to me.

Oh, and here's a few more:

"Don't you want to have children?"
"What if you meet someone who wants children?"
Would you like to see my children? It might change your mind;"
"It must be great to have no more periods!"
"There are worse things in life than having a hysterectomy!"