it is getting worse by the day

Hi girls, well my gp has prescribed valium to calm me down after a bad day yesterday, I could not stop crying and held my dd's teddy and cried my self to sleep. This morning the oncologist rang with the final results and yes it is cancer, microscopic invasive ( whatever that is). My treatment will consist of 5 weeks of external radiation Mon thru Fri as well as internal radiation for around 12 - 72 hours depending on my size. I am so scared, faith has flown out the window and I can't eat much at all. My dh ( my rock) and I are going to see the radiologist tomorrow and then we will decide what to do, from there. I think we are going to go to a private oncology hospital where it will be less invasive to me. If you have any tips on diet or how to cope i would so much appreciate it. AND A BIG BIG THANKYOU TO ALL OF YOU FOR BEING HERE, words can never express my gratitude for helping me get through this x x x

Hi Sweetie,
I am so glad your doctor perscribed something to help calm you. And that should help you sleep as well which I am sure will be helpful.

So, you now know your treatment regime, and although that is dragging this on for an additonal period of time for you, radiation is quite effective so I hear.

Radiation is also fast, unlike chemo which can be, and was for me, hours and hours for each day.

Don't forget about visualization techniques. When having your treatments, just picture the radiation attacking those microsopic cells....and sending them away forever. A positive mind and attitude can work wonders.

I pray after these 5 weeks, you will finally be free from all this waiting, fear and worry, and able to concentrate on living a long and healthy life with your wonderful family.

Remember hon we are here day and night!!!
Keep in touch with us.
Love and Prayers and Hugs (((((( )))))))
M. xo.

Hi, {{{Robyn}}}!

I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time. But don't feel bad about all that crying--you have to get all that out of your system, too. Let others be strong for you right now and you just do what you need to do to feel better (in every respect). Thank goodness you have a caring doctor who is interested in helping your emotional side out too!

I know you feel like your faith has flown out the window, but at least try to keep it on a kite string so it doesn't fly totally away. God will not lose His faith or His confidence in you. And you may feel alone, but just like in the beautiful "Footprints" poem, He will carry you through this.

Like Maria said, try some visualization. I've read some wonderful research studies on it, and it can be very effective. Your local library (or bookstore) should have some good reading on it. I've also read that just plain old meditation is very helpful. You don't need the chanting and everything, just quiet time for your mind for 15-20 minutes a couple of times a day.

I will send as many prayers and positive thoughts as I can in your direction. May God bless you abundantly with speedy healing and a quick recovery.

Robin,

My only experience with radiation was last year watching my 76 year old step dad just fly through 25 treatments like nothing. He had no pain, no nausia, and no unpleasant side effects. His tumor is gone and he feels so much better. I am praying for such an experience for you.

Be of strong faith Robin. I am asking God to provide you the strength that comes only from Him.

I have been following your posts. You are such an encouragement to me! You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Linda Enger
Cone biopsy 1/10/00 and 3/26/01 for CIN III
Believing it is gone!

Oh Robyn, I wish that I could hold you and let you cry your eyes out on me!! My heart is breaking to hear all that you have gone through and now what is ahead of you. It is so normal to be frightened, and yes...you do need to let your emotions out! I just wish that there was more that I could do for you!! Please know that we are all here for you!! You also know that you can email me anytime!! I will be praying that the Lord allows you to feel his love and presence!! I know it is hard, but don't lose your faith!!! This is a time when you need it the most!!! God Bless!!!

Hi Robyn,
VickA asked me to check out your postings. I've been through the cancer and radiation treatments, external and internal. Doesn't the news knock you for a loop? and then they start throwing all these terms and treatments at you and you have to start studying up so you know what's really going on. It's okay to cry about it.
I had TAH/BSO for endometrial cancer - stage IIb, with 5 weeks of external radiation and 3 treatments of internal radiation (Brachytherapy) My treatments ended the end of Jan 2001. No cancer present (you're not officially cured for 5 years without reoccurance), now back to work fulltime, building back up my strength

Valium? - I take Lorazapam, another sedative. I was the most even keeled person around but I experienced problems with anxiety. My Dr said it was perfectly normal. You're normal.

Cancer - the dreaded "C" word. You don't say what grade your cancer was. If you don't know find this out. BUT it must be still in the earlier stages as your Dr has not mentioned needing Chemo. That's good.

Radiation and it's side effects - They tell you everyone reacts differently to the radiation. The typical side effects with external radiation are severe fatigue and diarrhea. The radiation builds up so you feel okay for the first few weeks then you tend to feel the side effects later on. I was extremely fatigued by week 4. had to take naps and rest. You also may need to start a low residue diet if the radiation effects your bowels. They will try to avoid that as much as possible but due to their location it's tough to do. I had really bad diarrhea, had to take lots of medication that by week 5 didn't help much. BUT I've talked to others on this site that had better reactions. The treatments themselves are nothing. In and out in 5 minutes.
Internal Radiation - there are two types 1. admitted to hospital for several days while they administer it or 2. 5 minute treatments (usually 3 of these, one a week) insert a rod in your vaginal for few minutes usually done at same location that external radiation is done.
I couldn't tell from your various postings which one you were getting. I had the second. I can let you know how that is if that is what you are getting.
Important Question - ask your Doctor about needing to use a dilator after having internal radiation. Noone mentioned this to me and it was prob the most surprizing, unsettling thing to find out.

I and others prob have tons of info to add so just ask or contact me directly. this website is great for info. I know this sound hokey but the best thing in getting through this is having a positive attitude. It does help and when you are just down in the dumps come on the site and let it out. I did that and had so many people help me through it. Take care and keep in touch.

Dear Robyn,

I send out hugs and angels to you. I am 36 and going in on the 10th of April for LAVH/BSO, for CIN III. You have come to one of the best places for support. Hang in there and keep talking, we are here.

Rebecca

Hi Robyn, I know what it's like to fall into that small percentage. I was one of the ones that got endometrial cancer from the tamoxifen I took for my breast cancer. Had an LAVH/BSO on Dec.21 finding a 1b cancer.
I didn't need any external radiation. I had 3 brachytherapy (internal radiation) treatments each 2 weeks apart. They talked about bowel and urinary side effects. I had absolutely none. The doctor said, "None." And I said, "NONE, you must have done something wrong!" (Smile) I also expected the procedure to be terrible and it wasn't.
Reading your posts, I think you're having the in-patient brachytherapy - the low dose radiation that takes longer but is a one time thing. Mine was the high dose, 3 treatments about 8 minutes each time.
Remember -"This too shall pass."
It's 5 weeks since I finished treatment. I was given dilators to use as the radiation causes shrinkage of the vagina. It was no problem and sex is just fine!
You'll get through this, Robyn.


SUSKI

Hi Robyn,

It's me...Zoe. I know I haven't posted much lately. I decided that I need a change of scenery and went to visit my in-laws. I also am starting the 5 weeks of external radiation and then three treatments of internal. And I start this coming Monday!!! I just know we are going to be the ones that just breeze through this. And if it's not exactly a breeze we can talk to each other and our other sisters and find the support.

I'll be praying for you.

Zoe

Robyn my friend,

I wish that I could give ya a REAL hug!!! Too bad that you, I and Cyd can't get together for a real group hug.

I just wanted you to know that I am keeping you in my prayers and added you to our prayer list at church. Please be strong and have faith. You need it now more than ever!

The chatroom girls are asking about you. Come by and visit us sometime. Keep posting, girl....we are here for you!

Love, Blessings and Strength,
Lola