Any parents of kids with ADHD?

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Medication with behavior modification and structure can lead to a normal lifestyle for our special children

I cannot agree more with this. I have a 5 year old with ADHD and OCD. I agonized over putting her on medication. She is doing amazing in school. I definitely feel for all the parents here. Its very difficult to deal with ADHD alone. Adding different issues on top of that makes it worse.

I have to keep her on the go with as many activities as possible or she drives us nuts. I am very fortunate because her kindergarten teacher was a special ed teacher for 15 years. She definitely has the tools to be able to keep my little one's attention and doing her best.

since this thread has opened up I relized mabe you sisters could give me some advice. I have twin adhd son's (9yrs old) My one who is labeled as barly having it is driving me nuts! He cannot tell the truth to save his life and comes up with elaborite and totally believable stories for no reason! This week we found out he had not been doing school work or homework for 3 wks and is currently failing the 4th grade. At first I thought he might be having trouble doing the work but shows no sign of it bien to hard when we made him catch up--its just he doesn't want to do it. He is so argumentive but can be so sweet and helpful. His lieing is scary though, he steals from his brothers and sisters and us. he's even gone so far as to steal money from my purse, brought me a dollar and said mom I found this in the dryer--and pocket the rest for himself. At first I thought wow this is great he brought me money from the dryer--till I relized it came from my purse! He has pulled that one a few times and now has me bringing my purse with me into the bathroom while I shower. I adopted the twins as babies, but they have never known what life could have been like with birth parents (on drugs and not wanting kids). I just don't know what to do--he pulls the same stunts over and over and never gets away with it so why isn't he learning? We've tried everything--disapline, reward system, taking things away, grounding--everything. Any ideas?

Hi Justmisty,

First of all, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have been in a similar situation with my son too. Before medication he was totally like what you described. He could be sweet as pie to me and look like the golden child and then he would steal money or whatever and pull it off like nothing happened. I would definitely check into finding a psychologist that specializes with child issues like ADD/ADHD and get some help. It sounds like you have tried everything you can and now you need more help. There are more and more resources now for us parents dealing with this issue now which is great. And we have to be the first to admit that we need help. I would also maybe talk to the school counselor too. They are usually a great resource and will be able to help you find help. Even talking to your family doctor or their pediatrician would help too. We are very fortunate that we have a great team with my son's pediatrician, his school counselor, and his psychologist. It takes a team to help us through this stuff sometimes.

I hope this helps....and if you ever need to talk, please let me know.

Thank you for your encouragement Tink! I have talked to my pediatrician and neurologist and am now working on setting an appointment with a psychologist and taking both of my adhd darlings to see a behavior specialist--which I had done when they were about 3, basically they ran a bunch of tests, let me know they are adhd and how smart they were. I'm hoping that these test's will tell me if my one little guy mabe has a learning disorder we had missed. I've also talked to the school and they are trying to work with him, but yesterday he fooled us all and said he was really sick and needed to come home, supposedly a headache and stomache ache........miraculously he was fine when he got home! We made him spend the afternoon in bed, and he said he doesn't like being sick cause its so 'boring' lol. ugg--I hope someday I will be admiring the great man he becomes and laughing about this!

I train AD/H/D kids to become "peacemakers" in the home - and work with parents to encourage and hone the new skills. It's sometimes best accompanied by meds, other times the behavioral approach is sufficient to get through the toughest of times. I have an ADHD daughter, and we make sure to make eye contact, speak softly and be as consistent as possible. We try to plan well in advance when she needs to have things ready, and give her daily chores to make sure she's got a sense of responsibility to the well-being of the family. We list two things at a time when she needs to help out, and she's asked to repeat them. It's tiring, for sure, but the pay-offs are great; these kids have certain skills and charms that become clearer when patience and clarity of rules don't wane.
Good luck! shaden3

I have a 17 year old son who has given me more gray hairs than I care to count. We certainly went through the wringer with him for about 5 years. We had him in counseling, he was diagnosed first with depression given Celexa, then it was OCD, so then it was more meds, anxiety and Risperdal, then he had more behaviors so the meds were increased and switched to Wellbutrin. Since he was in 2nd grade I felt he had some ADHD tendencies.

Seemed the more work we did the more meds they wanted to pump in to his growing body. We switched school systems and went to a different private counselor. I asked for a full medical and academic testing to be done. It took two full days of testing but we got answers. Within weeks of the testing being done he was off all mood altering drugs and put on Concerta which has worked wonders for him.

I look back at what we went through with him failing classes consistently, the fighting, the not really liking him, etc.. I feel like failed him at times - he was growing, hormonal and ADHD.

He has grown so much and become a really likable guy. He has been wonderful towards me since I had my surgery, calling me to see if I need anything and waiting on me at home.

He is a very smart kid we found out via his ACT score and some AP tests he has taken. I knew it was in there - we just needed him to find it in himself. Now I'm looking at his graduation in the spring and it makes me sad, I feel like I lost some precious time with him.

Hang in there ladies. It does get better - I promise. It may take time but it does get better

Kellnette that was a wonderful story. Thank you for sharing it. I learn so much from all of you who have been there and done that.

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make sure to make eye contact, speak softly and be as consistent as possible

Well said. This is so important. Its so hard not to want to yell and scream when your child is acting up and irritating you. It just feeds into the issues with ADHD and makes things worse. I have my daughter on the 1, 2, 3, system. I use it in public and parents look at me amazed that I can usually bring my child under control by or before 2. Of course my child is only 5 so this works for me because she is younger. I don't have to yell and I don't have to get embarrassed. It was not easy implementing that system, but boy I am glad we took the time to do it.

I wish I had some advice for the twins, but I don't. I can be here to listen though and keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

(((Kellnette)))) I can certainly identify with the some of the things you went through with your son Times were also very rough with our wonderful DS.

He's now 16 and just had a full evaluation: confirmed PDD-NOS, with some very atypical strengths , ADHD-without hyperactivity (now THAT's a suprise!!!) and anxiety disorder. He's also tested with a very high non-verbal IQ, normal verbal IQ (due to the communications issues associated with the PDD-NOS), an exceptional memory and slow precessing skills. All of this is giving some solid ammunitions (and an advocate ) when dealing with the school system. For one thing, they have to educate him until he's 21

We used the 1-2-3 Magic system when he was younger and worked like a charm. Unfortunately, it really didn't work with our DD (the "normal" child - whatever that is )

in there with your special children: they really are worth it!!!

Kellnette--reading your post has given me hope! I am at whits end with one of my adhd kids, In one week he was caught stealing a stop watch from his teacher, lieng about homework, lieng to the teacher saying he has no time for school work because daddy takes him to work after school--daddy is home watching tv when he gets home. He's gotten in so mutch trouble and we havent even made it to the first report card. Not to mention he even managed a in school suspension which he took as a holiday in his mind.. He also stole his father's ipod, lied about taking it to school, which he was caught taping himself with it talking about a gameboy he stole from his big brother but somehow talked his twin into taking the blame at that time. I am exhausted and fighting myself everyday to think good thoughts and find ways to compliment him. But it is hard when I know that only half of what he say's to me is the truth--even a simple thing like are you watching a great tv show will get some kind of lie back for no reason. The school is bieng very supportive and in two weeks we see a behavior specialist and start counciling--I worry all the time that I am missing so mutch and that I am being a horrible mom, this is not how I saw myself bieng and my guy is only 9, I am so hopping to find even ground before we hit the teenage years.

I too have a 20 year old son who was first diagnosed at 8 with ADHD/ODD. My son was the typical ADHD self destructive child whose impulses caused so much pain and suffering around our family and at school.

At home his inattention and his loss of control impacted on the family to the point that his older brother simply just tolerates him. Some of this I understand but much of the damage to their relationship was caused by others tattling on the ADHD child to his older brother and he to this day still holds it against him.

Our son's biggest hurdle came with the systematic bullying he received at school which had the main ringleaders, who knew how to push his buttons. Funny thing was they never where seen doing what that did that pushed him to the limits where he lashed out. Whilst I never condoned his actions it was frustrating knowing what these other constantly got away with. He spent a year on anti depressants due to the bullying.Fortunately I did find a few teachers that were helpful but they were far and few. As we all know these are the grey area kids!

I spent much time agonizing about the medication also but if the end it was a godsend to our family but sadly there were those who kept reminding me I was drugging my child......some were relatives, others teachers!


Whilst we medicated we also attended counselling, behaviour modification etc as I strongly believe these are all necessary to achieve the best outcomes as a whole.

Ultimately it is your child and you have to do what you think is best for them and your family as a unit. Along the way you'll make mistakes but it the end it will be a good learning process and the outcomes can be very rewarding when you see your child grow from the person known by all and liked by none to having friends they can share fun times with.

I'd sat pick your battles with them and learn to ignore the unimportant. Give the structure and put in place consequences. One suggestion that I was given that worked well was a chart and everytime he did things as asked he got stars etc and when he had so many in his tally he got to choose a reward for all the family. It could be a special icecream ,a night at movies etc. but he got to learn that he made something special happen for us all. I did this to help salvage some of the impact he was having with our family.

He dropped out of school with only 6 months left to do his HSC and I was later to find out his grades had declined not only because of his inability to concentrate but he'd gone off his meds after the head maths teacher and his year advisor told him he really didn't need them. So I say to you make sure the teachers are supporting you and the interests of your child.

He is now an apprentice heavy vehicle mechanic and no longer on meds and at times possibly should be as his concentration isn't always as it should be.

He is and has always been the most loving child but he's had many hurdles to jump and will in some ways continue to for the rest of his life but overall if you really work with them and their problems you can reap so many rewards with them and for them.

Don't give up on them even if there are days you really want too and yes I've been there, they need your love as much as you do there's.

Take care and stay strong.............Karen