2 days until surgery

Dont cancel your surgery!!! I was terrified of being put out when I had my lap many months back. I was crying in pre op and freaking out but it is nothing!! I had surgery about a week ago and this time when I was in pre op I was laughing and telling jokes and carefree!! The anticipation is much worse than the actual thing!! They will wheel you back and get your IV started then the anesthesiologist will come and talk to you then give you something for nerves and after that you will be so relaxed that you wont even think about being nervous!! You will make it through and you will see your kids again!!!

Recovery really isnt that bad either!! I think that you will be suprised as to how well you will bounce back!! I mean of course nothing will be back to normal over night but I am suprised at how well I am bouncing back. My husband works second shift so I am home alone all afternoon and most of the night.

Just know that it is not as bad as you think!! The anticipation is the worst part of it all!!

I know exactly how you feel. All the what-ifs and the fear almost caused me to cancel so many times. I had my hyster on 09/12, and I can say the beforehand was so much worse than any pain/soreness I've had in this recovery phase. I suffered (along with my family) for 3 years. I was diagnosed with Adenomyosis along with IC, which is a horrible bladder disorder. So my case has been full of "what if this hyster fixes my uterus problem but makes my bladder worse?". My primary ob/gyn was of the opinion that a hyster would fix all my problems. Needless to say, I sought a 2nd opinion. The pelvic pain specialist I found, was very open and a gave me several options to try, after a year+ of various procedures and treatments, I felt like a hysterectomy was the best option. My bladder pain always worsened the week before and the week of my period, not to mention the severe uterine pain and heaving bleeding I went through every month. My DR. was honest in saying a hyserectomy could make my IC worse initially, but in the long run he felt it would improve by moving the weight of the uterus to give my bladder more room. I decided I had to just let go of the what ifs and try to deal with what I know to be fact, this helped me to be resolved in my decision. With Lupus, you may experience a different recovery period. Have you searched this site, for other
"sisters" with Lupus? Just keep in mind your quality of life for the future if you don't have surgery. I know it is all so darn difficult. I pray that you will find peace. I have four children, so I know the fear of leaving them behind, but honestly none of us is even guaranteed our next breath. This is why we should live accordingly! Please know you have such a blessing in this site, and so many of your "hystersisters" will be lifting you up in prayer

I don't think I will be going anyway. I told my husband that I was going to cancel and after a bit of a fight (he was completely against me canceling), we haven't spoken all day and he is still awake at 2:00 in the morning.
I was supposed to be at the hospital at 7:00 AM. Pretty sure he will be too tired to take me. I guess he assumed I canceled.

I laid in bed anguishing all day and crying on and off with 0 emotional support and resolved myself to the fact I had to do this, and was as ready as I could be, and now I don't even have anyone to take me.

Oh well, I did not want it to begin with, my gut has been telling me all along this was not the right course of action.
I never had time to get a second opinion, and I always felt like the gyno made the decision a little to rapidly.

Ugh, I HAD to say something... we had another fight and he lectured me again over all my irrational fears. I tried and tried to tell him I just don't feel right about this, but he would not listen. He said he'll be up to take me in the morning. I really do NOT want to do this!

I really feel completely alone. My ex and his fiancee would not let the kids call me tonight to even wish me luck, so I did not get to hear their precious voices

I do not know how anyone gets through the fears in all of this.
I wish i hadn't even bothered to go to the doctor now.
Has anyone else ever felt such terror at having to face this?

I had never had surgery or been knocked out either!

But I felt quite calm the day before because I was so busy preparing things for coping alone afterwards, and I believe it was the prayerful support of others, too.

Just before my surgery I was going all through the business of getting "gowned up" and having the thingy put in the back of my wrist to take the IV and PDA pump; and then the spinal injection of morphine before the anesthetic (gives pain relief for about 24 hours post-op.). The team of people were so fantastic, kind, efficient and cheery that my fears evaporated because this was "it" and there was no going back!!

Next thing I was waking up in recovery.

Truly, you will be OK and in safe hands. They know your medical history and it's taken into account if necessary.

I swear all the what if's are driving me insane!
what if I have a bad reaction to the drugs? what if they intubate me wrong, what if I bleed to much, what if, what if, what if!
I think I could write a novel right now of all the fears I have, and also all the frustration I feel right now at my husband who seems unwilling to even think about other treatments. I feel like he has been a little to insensitive about it and seems to think it is no big deal when it IS a big deal.
Not to mention he's an atheist so he thinks praying is pointless =/
I have prayed though, a lot (I'm not an atheist) and my gut just keep telling me this is not the right treatment.
I guess we'll see in about 4 hours