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DH at pre-op? DH at pre-op?

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Unread 05-11-2002, 11:58 PM
DH at pre-op?

Has anyone had their DH, DB or significant other go along to the pre-op appointment? I was thinking it would give my DH a chance to better understand what I'll be going through, and better idea of what I will need for recovery, if he comes along and hears the Dr. instructions and answers to my questions. He will also have a chance to ask something I may not have thought of. My DH seems interested in the idea, but is hestitant at the idea of taking time off work to do this. I would prefer that he attend, but I know I will be fine without him also.

What do you sisters think? Anyone wish their DH had accompanied them? Anyone have him come along and then wish he had not? I haven't seen any posts about pre-op where the husband was there also.
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Unread 05-12-2002, 03:02 AM
DH at pre-op?


I currently do not have a significant other, but I can tell you, if I did, I would have most definitely preferred to have him there for the pre-op (and post op) appointments!

Two heads are better than one and he may think of something or remember something that you have forgotten. He may also have questions for the doc as well!

You need to do what makes you most comfortable.

Unread 05-12-2002, 05:11 AM
DH at pre-op?


I'm all for having someone else there, myself! I have a dbf, but he lives 3 hours away and won't be able to make it pre-op. I'm half tempted to just drag a friend with me! As much as we have on our minds right now, I think we (me, in particular) can use all the extra help we can get in trying to remember things!

In previous surgeries when I was still married, though, my husband used to go with me. That way I didn't feel so alone and he didn't feel so lost about what was going to happen or had already happened to me.

Do what's good for you!
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Unread 05-12-2002, 05:37 AM
DH at pre-op?

Hi Joanne

Yes!! I had my DH attend a couple of my appointments last year so he could hear everything my gyn was telling me and also help me remember everything that was said. It's a great idea and one that I recommend. I have NO regrets that my DH was there with me. It was nice to have him get to know my gyn, too. They ran into each other recently at a local gas station and had a little conversation about how I'm doing, etc.

Best of luck to you!

Unread 05-12-2002, 08:10 AM
DH at pre-op?

My hubster has always attended all 'special' gyn appointments throughout our life together....13 years, 2 miscarriages, & 2 babies' worth & now this.......

He wouldn't have it any other way. I also wouldn't have it any other way!

Some of the gyns we've seen through the years have been surprised to find him in the examining room & one even 'ordered' him to leave - we left together...but generally, most were impressed & respectful of his presence, his questions, & his support for me.

& it's true, he's come up with very pertinent questions at times~ones that I had never come up with! I've definitely appreciated that!!

Thanks hubster!!!
Unread 05-12-2002, 08:33 AM
DH for sure

My DH has always gone to all my pre-op stuff (and I've gone to all his!) It really helps us both to understand and be on the same page. Plus, it seems like one of us always remembers something the other one forgets.

If he's up for it - definately take him with you!


Unread 05-12-2002, 08:48 AM
DH at pre-op?

Absolutely! I had my sweetie beside me through every doctor appointment I had prior to my surgery and post op through 6 weeks.

With my appointments that lead up to my hyst, there was a cancer concern so I was quite an emotional wreck. His being there kept me calm, and provided another set of ears to listen to what the doctor was saying. I also went over the things I wanted to ask before each appointment with my sweetie so he could also be sure I asked everything I intended to. (Though one of us always had everything written down).

The down side? Well there was that little incident where I was sitting in the cold exam room in my lovely paper shirt, and he and my doctor were discussing big screen TVs! (Hello boys ... focus ... one of us is in a paper shirt!)

Unread 05-12-2002, 08:54 AM
DH at pre-op?

My DH said he'd go if I really wanted him to, but he is so squeamish that I would have been more worried about him and getting out as fast as possible that I probably would have forgotten to ask any questions.

He was at the hospital for me, and in my room holding my hand when I woke up, but I left instructions with my DR and nurses that unless there was a problem for them just to tell him surgery was over and everything was fine, any details and they would have to pick him up off the floor!

He went to my 3 week post op apt with me, made it as far as the waiting room, then had to retreat to the truck. He was super sweet at home, getting me anything I needed or wanted, helping me take a shower, go up & down stairs, up out of bed. We know his weaknesses though!

Don't force him, if he goes willingly great, don't feel badly if he can't handle it.

Good luck.
Unread 05-12-2002, 11:51 AM
DH at pre-op?

Hi Joanne, I agree with Mary Lou -- it depends on how uncomfortable your DH is with gynecological details. My DBF has been there for me throughout in whatever way he can, but sometimes this has meant he's waiting outside while I go in and see the DR. He can't stand to hear what he considers "too much information". Some guys are just plain squeamish, and some guys worry that they will lose the ability to feel sexually attracted to us after seeing/hearing about all the details, so even though they may want to be supportive they feel like they can't get too closely involved in something like this. My DBF falls into the second group. For example, tomorrow I have to go have a vaginal adhesion taken care of (yup, back to the castle, after I thought it was over when I had the TVH back in Feb.) and he is taking me, waiting (safely out in the waiting area) and taking me home afterwards. He just can't bring himself to go in during the prep or into the recovery room before I am fully myself again. He will come in to see me when the DR goes out to tell him I'm awake and everything's fine. It did help that he was with me in the castle after surgery and again when my DR came by to check on me...they got a chance to meet and talk a bit and I believe it helped him to understand how important it was for me to be careful during the my recovery. In fact when I was tempted to overdo early on he was right there reminding me to be more of a ! If your DH is comfortable with all the intimate medical details, by all means encourage him to go with you to support you; but if he starts acting squeamish or otherwise uncomfortable, let him out gracefully so he can still feel good about giving you whatever support he can.
Good luck and s,
- Linda
Unread 05-12-2002, 01:02 PM
DH at pre-op?

I've never wanted my DH along at appointments, and he's pretty squeemish anyway, so that works well for both of us. Pre-op is about as exciting as a trip to your average big government office - wait here, fill out forms, go to the next department, wait there... It took several hours both times I went through pre-op stuff. None of the things they do to you is traumatic (x-ray, blood draw, urine test, ECG) - pretty boring, usually. If you'd feel better having him along, and he's willing to go, fine - at least he'll be good company while you're sitting and waiting. I enjoyed talking with the other patients who were waiting, so that was OK.

By the way, my formerly hospital-phobic hubby was cured by my hyst, and by another pre-hyst laparoscopy. Before my first surgery he was so unnerved he couldn't come back to pre-op and wait with me - instead he sat in the waiting room doing work on his laptop. (For any of you whose DHs seem uncaring, distant, etc., it's often just terror, and they are doing the best they can to cope.) He was *there*, of his own accord, but he was petrified.

My sister (a nurse) came to hang out with him while he waited - they went to dinner across the street. Of course she's not shy about discussing anything, and was very handy at answering his questions and being generally reassuring. If you have someone like that around, you might ask them to hang out with your DH, so his imagination doesn't run away with him while he's waiting for you. They got to come into recovery (unusual) - my sister was showing him that he could slow my heartbeat by rubbing my feet (they were watching the monitor) - oooh that felt good! And he could see I was not suffering - chatting, smiling, retching, laughing, passing out, chatting some more... but not hurting. I think that was a huge relief to him. Guys worry more than they let on, y'know...

When it was time for my hyst, DH was a bit more at ease around hospitals. He was able to come into pre-op with me, and seemed much more relaxed. What really fixed up his hospital-phobia for good was that they put me in the ob/gyn ward, where most of the women were there to have babies. It was a very postive, bright, happy place - lots of nervous dads and excited little kids, cheerful paintings, happy nurses. My roomie was in for a hyster, but I don't think there were any "sick" people on that floor at all.

After hanging out there for a few days he felt much better about hospitals in general. One way to think about them (you might suggest this if your DH "hates hospitals") is that they are places where people go to get repaired - to get a healthy new start in life. Nothing could have pointed this out better for me than a woman I met at my pre-op - very obese, cruising the halls on an electric scooter (couldn't walk) - she'd just has some kind of stomach-stapling (?) surgery that my castle is famous for, and was so excited about the possibility of being healthy and finally losing weight. And of course she told me a hyst was the best thing she'd ever done, and I'd be fine... What a sweetie.

Anyway, the point of all this cold-medicine-induced rambling is that you could bring him if he's interested, and if his presence wouldn't inhibit your ability to ask questions, but you'd be fine without him there too.

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