Under a great deal of stress

I have so much respect for anyone who asks for what they need. I admire and respect the way you continue to support others, and ask for what you need for yourself. You have a lot of class, hope - you're proving what a great person you are by the way you go through this.

I am curious if you journal, or have thought about it? I have read about the benefits of journalling in the morning, where you just write down everything in your head...it doesn't need to flow or be cohesive. You just do a brain dump. Then the idea is that it frees up your day a little. I also have a friend who journals at night so she goes to bed and doesn't "stew about things".

Admittedly I haven't committed to doing this yet but looking back on my own journey, I kind of wish I had. It would be interesting to have record of what I was thinking and feeling...there's a story in each of our journey's and hope, your story would have readers on the edge of their seats!

In Canada we have a magazine called "More", aimed at women over 40 or something like that. I don't know if it's distributed in the US, or if there is a similar US magazine. But in an issue last fall there was an article about a woman who went down the road towards getting a hyterectomy. She opted for an alternate treatment but it sure was interesting to read her story in a broader media. Of course all my friends have told me about it and lectured me on how there are "other treatments out there" and have I considered that etc etc, kind of like with the Dr. Oz show. Anyhow, seeing the article made me think about some of the stories on here, including yours, hope! I love the stories section of this site. I also love the idea of the things that we endure being more "talked about" instead of just all being summed up as "female problems". If it were guys going through it, there would be manuals and mandatory training sessions I figure! We suffer a little more quietly sometimes. Writing can be cathartic for those of us who enjoy it. I don't know if you enjoy it or not hope...but it's another avenue for stress relief, in addition to what you're doing.

I remember how hard I found it too when I first joined here last summer and thought I would never get my date, and watched everyone moving on. It felt like so mnay people got their dates so quickly...the passage of time was agonizingly slow. The last year felt like two years. And then all of a sudden, things happened. I know it will happen for you again, hope....and this time it will go through. Keep believing.

HUGS.(Sorry for the diatribe...was just thinking about all of this, and you, over coffee this morning).

Dear Hope,
Sometimes it takes several turns of fate before we can actually move forward. Everytime I thought I was finally going to feel healthier and be well something else dropped from the sky. My hyster will be my 4th major surgery.
I think that the only thing that makes me keep moving forward is the hope of one day being well and feeling well.
May I offer a piece of advice? I have found that I get depressed by circumstances easily when they pile up and knock me down. I have found that I need to keep doing things that make (or made) me happy even if I don't feel like it. When I stop doing those things it is much easier for me to loose hope and feel like I will never be better. So, try to keep doing things you have always loved and try new things. New experiences are like fresh breezes - they enliven everything they touch.
(((Hugs))) Eva

Good morning ladies,

I am sitting here enjoying my cup of coffee and just read all your comments and I must say it was a nice way to start off my morning.

Its nice to know that you ladies will continue to be here for my support. I truly appreciate it.

And great suggestions...journal writing...(I have done this in the past) and perhaps I should resume this to help get my thoughts onto paper.

And doing things I enjoy..(haven't been feeling good nor motivated to do much of anything lately) and so I will try to start doing some of those things that I enjoy. For start, last nite, I went to a friend's place for dinner (even though I just about stayed home) and had a good time. Although I can't do bootcamp (which I really miss and enjoy), I will try to get out and start walking more regularly as exercise is so important to me.

So I thank you ladies for all your kind words and ongoing support as I will continue to need it as I go thru my journey which will be for several more months to come.

I so agree with what everyone has been saying. I am so thankful for this site and all the help I have gotten. I have seen a lot of people who had surgeries well after mine who are now recovered and here I am still recovering. That is one of the reasons that I feel so strongly about being here for you. This is tough and any support I can give, I will. I know one thing that has helped me through this process has been trying to think of one positive thing a day. TRying to enjoy the sun and the nice weather even though I am hurting. And I do agree that if men had anything like this, they would have TONS of articles and special centers for them. Doctors would have training on it and it would be a big deal. I am lucky in that I have found some really good caring and compassionate doctors. Sorry for the length of this. Just wanted to let you know that I will be here as you go through this.

Update: What a huge difference having a couple of good nights' sleep makes let me tell ya! I sure as heck needed those good sleeps to make up for the insomnia I have off and on lately.

The hospital called and my heart angiogram is scheduled for next week. Not particularly looking forward to it as I know what it entails as I had one the day before my original surgery date.

Being awake during the actual procedure and then having to lay flat and still for about 6 hours is not easy let me tell ya. Its hard on my legs. And the catheter...oh joy...we will become good friends unfortunately for the next little while.

Hope, I posted on the other thread you had started before I found this one. Good to hear that the testing is scheduled! There are so many terrific things already suggested regarding relaxation/exercising to help with the insomnia that I hesitate to add anything specific. Finding things that you enjoy and keep you active are better for you (and the rest of us as well) than any pill or shot the Dr can give.

I'll be praying the info they find will be positive and that you'll be able to have your surgery soon!

While I know the testing is hard, at least it should give you some answers. Laying flat for six hours would be really tough for me. I hate to be still. Guess you just have to bear with it. Here is hoping for good news. Glad to hear you are finally getting some sleep. Sending lots of hugs.

I am really hoping that the results of all these tests show good news as I don't think I could take any more bad news as I have already been pushed into despair.

Hope,
this is probably the hardest thing you have ever had to face and it is natural to be worried. I know how tough this has to be and I guess all I can really say is that after the tests, you will know and your doctors will be able to let you know what the options are. They have really improved health care especially cardiac care. I would make sure I am going to the best in my area regardless of how far it might be to get to. I am following this advice as my plan at current time is if these doctors can't figure it out, I will travel over eight hours to be seen by top specialists in this country. Your health is number one and make sure you get the best. We are here for you and I really do believe that they will be able to help you and you will get your life back. Sending a lot of prayers and good wishes for you.

hope, these ladies have really wonderful suggestions. I'm so glad this site exists for us.

I am sorry that you are still having to hang in there like this. Keep up on the sleep. Your positive feelings are so good for you. Your Doc can give you something to ensure you get your much needed rest. Your body is dealing with so much that you need good rest. I especially like the "keep busy and do things you really enjoy!" Do you have a garden? I think your favorite music and gardening would be so refreshing. And, keeping a journal and just unloading your thoughts sounds like a great thing to try. Write it and file it away !

I will keep you in my prayers also. Glad you have your appointment next week. And look forward to hearing more from you.