Yikes outercourse better than real sex!

Last night we made a pitiful attempt at sex. Since the doctor said it was a Can Do...It was absolutely horrible. I mean it's like NO nerve endings exist within that passage anymore! True I was tense about possible pain (there was none) But there sure was about as much excitement as a first time virginal wise. I mean I had more fun as a real virgin back in the day than this post surgical type of virginity! Gee whiz. I burst out in tears. I was so frustrated by yet another thing I have to get used to because of this surgery.

I tell you one thing, if it ain't one thing it's another. For the first time since I've recovered, I regret this surgery. And that's a mind blower, because I was pretty chipper during this recovery. (Especially after seeing photos of "herman" the fibroid with a uterus). But I have been having major rollercoaster feelings about this sexuality thing because prior to surgery I was way Hot to Trot. Now for the first time in my life sex seems to be more effort than it's worth. And I have a sneaking suspicion that this may be the status quo from here on out! This bites! The big one! I've only been married a year! My hubby has a vasectomy! When we hooked up I was doing cartwheels for joy at never having babies again. Now what?

Will I ever like sex again? HURRUMPH!!!

It's like anything it take time. Your body went throught alot. And yes sex will be enjoyable again. First thing think positive try other things as well. Make it enjoyable It's all up to you.

I have also had an active sex life with my DH who I adore. I am also afraid of not having the same experience but plan to stay positive and keep trying. We are going to a romantic condo on the coast this weekend and usually made wild passionate love but instead since I am not ready yet, plan on bringing some yummy massage oils, candles and non alcoholic champagne, get in the hot tub and then do massages. It will get some things started so I hope it works. Debbie

Your body has been through quite a bit of trauma and will need time to completely heal. I totally understand your concern and talked in length with my doctor about sexuality post-hyster. I think you should go back to your doctor ASAP and let him/her know what's going on. There are quite a few hrt's that may be able to help you. If you have a doctor who you feel isn't being sensistive to your needs in this issue find another one. Some of us need a little push to get things going again. Don't give up!

Everyone heals differently hon! It will get better. Hang in there and be patient. We are still relatively early, as I see you had your surg about the same time as me.

I am happy to say that our ventures have been successful, painless, and loving.

Good luck sister.
Kathtown

The second time I had sex after my hyst was MUCH better than the first. The first I was too worried about pain, stitches, etc. Hope things improve for you. Recovery takes time...

Sorry to hear about your intimacy troubles!

But, you are not yet 8 weeks post op ! It takes 6-8 weeks, MINIMUM, for healing to occur. 8 weeks is certainly not the end of the healing journey.

I am thinking that nerve endings and sensations take ALOT longer to heal and connect. That is why some sisters say it's six months or even a year before they start feeling 100%.

Give yourself a lot more time for your insides to get back to normal. In the meantime, outercourse, snuggling, hugging etc. may just be all you need for now. In fact, sometimes that is nicer in a way...

Happy healing...

Hugs,
Sarah

	Quote:
My hubby has a vasectomy! When we hooked up I was doing cartwheels for joy at never having babies again. Now what?

Angelvons:
Your comment made me smile as that's what I also thought when I married my husband who had his vasectomy 4 years before I met him! WELL.......We had a healthy baby boy 4 years after we were married! So try to think of this surgery as your "Insurance Policy"! And yes, I was asked by all the jokers: "what if the baby looks like the mailman?!" HE DOES and for that I am truly thankful as my husband is a mailman! So I am one woman who is glad her baby looks like the mailman! (And people continue to say that as he has grown up).

Our "first" time happened to be our 22nd Wedding anniversary...My DH surprised my with a card enclosed with a hotel room key. There were rose petals on the bed and wine on the nightstand....it was very romantic and just like in the movies! It was all ready except me! I had a bladdar infection/yeast infection that I just passed off as "normal" healing, but guess I should have called the Dr but then I had no idea DH had this up his sleeve! It took several times and medcation to feel better and for both of us to relax. It does get better each time and helped to have an understanding husband. He knew it wasn't him so his ego was okay.....so that only made him want to be sure I was okay.

We say this is our second chance at being a virgin, but forget that our 2nd time is also our "second 2nd time" and our 3rd time is etc....When I realized that we were going to have to get into all of this brand new, things got better! Mentally is just as good as physically!



who had his vasecomy 4 years

I'm glad to report that intimacy is more than the ole out and in Talking about things like sex (women love to talk talk talk much to the chagrin of their mates) but this chat with DH actually helped. I was feeling like a complete failure sex wise. I am part of the I WANT IT NOW generation, and so I personally had no patience with this healing body. Especially after 6 wks. I finally feel human again. More energy. No pain. Even swelly belly be gone. So after I got the green light from the Doctor at the 6wk visit, I pretty much plowed through all the signals. Including the one where my body got all tense and nervous about sex with the hubby. Like I said earlier, when I was a true virgin, I had more fun than that pitiful attempt.

Well, I looked forward to crawling into bed with DH like a root canal last night. I had my first full day at work and all day had worked myself into a frenzy of guilt and sorrow about my errant body responses. So with that said, I was in tears by the time I got to bed. So hubby held me and then we started holding each other. Then snuggling. And before I knew it, we were doing the deed! LOL

Without astroglide no less! Did the planet tilt on its axis? NO! But did I get something out of it? YES! You guys were right! Practice makes perfect. I have increased optimism on this subject. Still note: orgasm is a pale shadow of its former glory, but I'm just so happy to approach this without fear and a host of other unwelcome responses that I'm doing cartwheels! Thanks sisters for all the advice! good luck on your intimate odyssesy(s) too!

This may not be relevent but I wanted to ask if your doctor gave you that long lasting numbing medication in your incision area. It would have been right after they closed in the operating room. So he would have had to tell you he did if you didn't ask. The reason I ask is because you say there is no feeling/nerve endings. And if he did it may be because of that medicine if you had it. My step mother told me her numbing, although some places wore off before others, lasted several months. So you may want to ask and then just continue trying. Think positively!!!! When your bodies been through something like this you have to give it time to heal and adjust. And that doesn't always happen on our time table. Best of Luck.