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Unread 05-21-2002, 06:59 PM
How long?

My surgery is scheduled for this coming thursday....and I was wondering how long it is for the adv. hospital stay? One friend said 3 days...and my close friend who just had a LAVH went home in 24 hours!
I will not know if I will have a LAVH or a TAH, until I wake up...I don't deal well with pain, but don't you think 24 hrs. is a little soon?
Maybe I'm just getting nervous since my surg is only 2 days away.
I don't know if I should allow my kids to visit...I recently lost my mother, and all my kids know is that she went to the hospital, and never came home...

I have tried to explain what will happen (minus personal details) and they are not babies anymore, so do you think I should let them visit if I'm in the hospital any length of time?
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Unread 05-21-2002, 07:06 PM

My surgery is scheduled for the same day as yours. I think the average stay for a TAH is two days, but my doctor said three, so I guess it's up to your doctor and also the insurance company.

I'm sorry about the loss of your Mom. I know how frightening it must be to your children. You might want to let them visit you, just to calm their fears, depending on their ages.

Best wishes to you. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers on Thursday.


Unread 05-21-2002, 07:16 PM
How long?

So sorry about your mother.

Hospital stays vary with doctors, procedures, and patients. I went in Monday AM and came home Wednesday PM. Some have come home that evening, though I can't imagine doing that!

My dh was in the room when I came out of surgery, and he said I looked dead, but I was moving. I was greenish, groggy, incoherent, and he was scared for me. He said I spoke in incomplete sentences, like I'd start talking in the middle of one that was in my head and I'd trail off. Next day I felt better after the anesthesia wore off somewhat, but he said I had better color but still didn't look all that well. Day 3, I was ready to get outta there.

See how long your doc keeps you in, and if you're in longer than 3 days, that may be a good time to have the kids in. Have them send things for you to see, their favorite toy or a handmade card, and maybe take small gifts for them to the hospital to send home with dh each day you're there.

I would suggest holding off making phone calls to them until someone tells you that you're making sense when you talk. If you call them in the same condition I was in that first day, I-yi-yi-yi!
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Unread 05-21-2002, 07:34 PM
How long?

I don't have kids, so take this with a grain of salt (or two)...

I think kids have tremendous morbid imaginations, and will be thinking things that are worse than reality anyway, so you might as well be pretty open with them, to put their minds at ease. Once you are in your room, and halfway lucid, I'd have your DH bring them in to see you. (They can bring you flowers, or a handmade card!)

Be sure you keep pushing the positive side of things - don't say you are sick (unless you are, of course) instead say you are going in to have a "little part that's hurting you taken out", or to "get fixed up", and later that you are "recovering" "getting well", etc.. (As in "Please don't jump on Mommy's belly - I'm getting well and need to rest." as opposed to "... Mommy's sick and needs to rest." And put it in terms of you being in charge of what's happening to you - "I've asked my doctor to help me feel better" rather than "The doctor says I have to have this done", so it doesn't sound like you're being attacked by the evil doctors. Keep talking about "when I come home..." ("When I come home I'll need you kids to bring me drinks and snacks." "When I come home I'll be sleeping in the recliner for a few days.") Make plans to watch movies together (maybe pick them out now), etc. Make it real for them that you will be coming back.

I think if you put things so they can see you are "getting better" instead of "getting worse", and that you haven't had something "done to you" (as in against your will) they will be happier about it. Give them specific little ways to help you - picking up little things you drop, carrying small things here and there for you, etc. so they feel useful. Even in the hospital, send them down the hall to the soda machine and ask them to buy you a drink (nevermind if you need one or not). Show them how IVs work, how your bed moves, and that there are special pans for barfing in ("eeeew!") - kids love that kind of stuff.

Have you had a pet that had surgery, or a friend who broke a bone? That might be helpful to remind them of that, too - to remind them that people/animals get better.

Best of luck!
Unread 05-21-2002, 07:41 PM
How long?

Dear KRB,

I'm very sorry about your mother.

Depending on your children's age, it may worry them that you are going into the hospital, and they may need the reassurance of talking to you pretty soon, even if only just to say "hi" for a minute or two.

But, again, depending on their age, since you may be hooked up to a lot of monitors right after surgery, you may not want them to visit right away.

I had a TVH early one day and came home the following afternoon. I was pretty groggy for that first day in the hospital but did talk on the phone and to visitors, and I apparently made sense, because they all told me they couldn't believe I had just had surgery.

I think your DH and you will probably need to wait to make your decision until you see how you are feeling afterwards and if your children are worried.

Please let us know how things go.


Unread 05-21-2002, 09:48 PM
re: children visits and length of stay

I have a three and a half year old son. I got him two presents to open while I was away and he was staying with grandma.
Grandma picked him up Tuesday at daycare, my surgery was on a Wednesday (first present) and I was in the hospital Thursday for the morning and afternoon (second present) and I came home Thursday night. My son stayed at grandma's for a third night and came home Friday night.

I had a total laprascopic hysterectomy (TLH) with BSO. Thursday morning I wouldn't have believed it, but by 4:30 I was walking, getting dressed and my pain was under control and I was ready (with one last shot of demeral) for my 3 hour car ride home. I was home and in bed by 8:30 that night.

My three year old came home Friday, and grandma said he didn't even ask for me! (so much for my worries) He had a couple of new toys (coloring books and a new book for his leap pad) nothing very extravagant, and he had a ball playing with grandma.

I'm at home healing well. I had some light spotting for three days, now no vaginal bleeding at all. I can't pick up my son, he's too heavy and that is a bit hard, but I'm glad he didn't see me in the hospital. I told him my tummy was sick and that the doctor was going to fix it so my tummy didn't hurt me anymore.

I don't know how old your kids are -- and I sympathize with the loss of your mother, I lost mine when I was in high school -- but talking on the phone may be better for your kids than a visit. You know your kids best, and so you can judge what they can or can't handle. If you have a laprascopic procedure and are home the next day, then you can give a huge sigh of relief, they'll see you at home in your own bed resting comfortably with lots of pillows.

Good luck, and I hope all goes well for you.
Unread 05-22-2002, 05:00 AM
How long?

First I would like to say I am sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. I wish you well in dealing with that.

In regards to your questions; Your lenghth of stay really will depend on what you have done. The average for a TAH is 3 days.

If your children are anything like mine, they will worry if they don't know what is going on. My daughter is 11 and she is my shadow. She was really upset until she came to see me and saw that although moving slow I was really ok. After that, she was fine. Sometimes it helps them to see for themselves that everything is ok and it will lessen the fear of the unknown.

I hope all goes well for you in your recovery!!!
Unread 05-22-2002, 05:38 AM
Kids visiting at hospital


I am sorry for the loss of your mother. I just lost my father in March and barely got through the funeral before this surgery was scheduled. It is really tough dealing with both issues at the same time, isn't it? My prayers are with you.

OK, so this is the first time I have thought of myself as lucky to have self-centered children. My boys at home are 14 and 16. It feels like I have to keep reminding them that I will be unavailable for all their activities for a while. My younger one was most concerned about not missing his Little League games. We figured the least disruption, the better. So he is playing (with the transportation from someone else) the night of my surgery.

I have gently told them both that I will be off work, and will need total help around the house for a while. My dh is wonderful and will see to it that they do more than their share. Guess it's my fault that I have always taken care of things like my mother did when we were kids. They are so used to clean laundry showing up, the refrigerator being stocked, etc.

Maybe I should think of it as a learning experience for them, so they will be better husbands some day.

My surgery is on Friday and I have tried to make it clear that I don't want to see anyone other than dh that day. I fear some well-meaning church friends may pop in, but they will likely be sorry. On Saturday, I asked my dh to bring the boys for a visit, because I would miss them. I hope they will be patient, but fear they will become very impatient very soon.

Maybe I'm being selfish, wanting to see them. Or maybe they will surprise me and really be worried about me. This is the one part of the ordeal that I can't really predict. At their ages, they are both pretty independent of me and might just enjoy a little break from me. LOL.

By the way, my surgery is Friday a.m. and I expect to go home on Sunday.

Unread 05-22-2002, 10:22 AM
How long?

Sorry about the loss of your mother. I'll keep you in my prayers.

I have 3 teens and they plan to come see me in the hospital, just not the day of surgery, which is tomorrow. Depends on your children and their ages. This is my first time in the hospital other than childbirths; so, I'm probably more scared than they are. I'm in the hospital until Sunday morning for a TAH BSO.

Happy thoughts to all princesses going to the castle this week. I'll touch base next week when I'm home.
Unread 05-22-2002, 11:00 AM
How long?

I had a TAH/BSO on a Mon. morning and came home Wed. nite. My oldest daughter, who is 20, brought my 2 youngest, ages 9 & 10 to the hospital that Monday evening. They saw that even though Mom was a little silly from the medicine and a little sleepy from the same, that I was doing fine. They had lots of questions about what was all around me, so we answered those. My youngest daughters had packed some things in my suitcase for, cards they had made, one sent her favorite book and the other sent her favorite stuffed animal.....they saw all of that proudly on display and went home happy because we talked about how good I felt with their things there with me!


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