Surgery, and life

Hi hi,
I had a total abdominal hysterectomy in January. Exactly five weeks later I lost my father. I spent the next few months just overwhelmed, unsure sometimes if my pain was physical or emotional or both. In the course of a month I not only lost any chance I had to become a parent, and I lost a generational predecessor.

Anyone else just get completely blindsided by life during recovery? Work was already insane when I had my surgery (only took 1.5 weeks off), and losing dad just turned me into a total zombie. If you had something similar, did you separate the losses and try to proceed each on their own? Did you take it all in at once?

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my mother to cancer 18 months before my surgery, and then when I went for my post-op appointment, the reception area was filled with pictures of babies delivered by my surgeon, and I had to wait for my appointment alongside a woman who was 8 months pregnant, which really drove it home; in the middle of all that, Mothers Day happened, and then one of the co-anchors on my local newscast had a baby, so all I wanted to do was hide in my room and until it was all over! With the caring support of the sisters in our Aching Hearts forum, a grief counsellor at our local cancer center, and two wonderful therapists, I was able to process my feelings and move forward with my life. I'm currently working with a social worker to make even more positive changes in my life, which has left me hopeful for a brighter future; when my father recently passed away, she referred me to grief counselling through a local group, which really helped. There is help for you out there, and a simple talk with your doctor can help you to uncover options that will work for you. Sending you my warmest hugs, and best wishes for continued health and healing!

I'm sorry for your loss, I was blindsided by life before and during recovery. I lost my mom to Parkinson's (I was her caregiver for 4 years) 2 months prior to being hospitilized with severe anemia. I had 3 blood transfusions and the hyster within a couple weeks of it. Then I had an iron infusion a month later because my numbers still weren't rising. I was a zombie for about 5 months. I did attend a GriefShare group and sought counseling. Both have helped, time has helped, being easy on myself and not pushing has helped. Now I'm finally in a better place health wise and emotion-wise. I processed the grief separately, first the grief over mom and just now coming to terms to the grief of not being able to bear children.

Much love to you all! I used to think the last year and half of my life was uniquely awful, but I see that everyone has tragedies to cope with. Life can just be so hard. If y'all don't mind my unloading, 2020 started with my first seizure in over 10 years (I'm epileptic) because my gyno gave me Lysteda to treat my heavy bleeding. Well, Lysteda lowers my seizure threshold. Then the rest of 2020 included the pandemic, my home state being hit by two major hurricanes, my office being destroyed, and my husband having a major heart attack between the two hurricanes. Thank God, he survived and is recovering very well! At the end of 2020, we lost my mother-in-law after taking care of her for over two years. Right after her funeral, the Deep South was hit with a record breaking freeze that none of us was ready for. My city lost water and power for days. All the while, I was trying to deal with my severe anemia and bleeding. I thought about and decided against ablation, and hormonal therapy doesn't seem to help me. I had two iron infusions. After bleeding for 36 days straight (my normal was 14-16), I finally told my doctor I'd do the hysterectomy. No regrets. I never planned to have a family, so that part hasn't been hard for me. But it's still stressful. I worry about if I'm healing properly, and I hate needing so much help. It's like I haven't had time to process one trauma before another comes for me. But, I know I'm not alone. Everyone's going through something painful. I've learned to be more empathetic, so that's a blessing.
Take care, sisters!

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. My life happened in your reverse order. My dad died as I was getting diagnosed with my 5th tumor, then moved cross country for surgeries with complications. My hyst sent me to the ICU and now I have body tremors. Yeah, life is grand, isn't it?

You're not alone and hope you're taking time to grieve and take care of yourself. That's a lot. CBD oil helps with physical and emotional pain.

	Quote:
Originally Posted by HRHLiesel Hi hi, I had a total abdominal hysterectomy in January. Exactly five weeks later I lost my father. I spent the next few months just overwhelmed, unsure sometimes if my pain was physical or emotional or both. In the course of a month I not only lost any chance I had to become a parent, and I lost a generational predecessor. Anyone else just get completely blindsided by life during recovery? Work was already insane when I had my surgery (only took 1.5 weeks off), and losing dad just turned me into a total zombie. If you had something similar, did you separate the losses and try to proceed each on their own? Did you take it all in at once?

So sorry for your losses (plural). Both the loss of your chance of becoming a biological parent and losing a parent are real issues that are due emotional processing. I'm sorry you didn't have more time off work for recovery, what you described could leave you feeling drained for sure.

I had a hard year in that mom died October, the executor (sibling) railroaded division of mom's estate selling her home in 3 wks after the funeral making many of us angry, my nephew's wife left him and the young children, my niece was diagnosed with a brain tumor, then where I live has had so many back to back shutdowns due to Covid I haven't been out much in over a year and the 4-6 week recovery of the operation made me feel even more under house arrest.

All of these life issues can do us in. Or we can find ways of coping.
Grief--processing feelings is normal and how we deal with life. Life is happy, then sad, then good, then bad. We will constantly face trials and battles. Don't ever feel going to a therapist is out of the question. I have in the past and found it helpful.

I wish you all the best as you deal with the grief as it arises.