Help I really think I am losing it today

Wow! I just "joined" H.S. even though I have been reading it off and on for a few months, snice just prior to my surgery in February of '07. Nearly all of the comment s I have read I am able to identify with on one level or another. Tonight I came on to see if anyone is/was having the same feelings of regret over the decision to have a TAH as I have been. And, as I said, WOW! I can't believe how prevelent those feelings seem to be ... I just feel so empty and "dead" inside ... While my symptoms aren't as extreme as some of yours are, they are generally the same ... So, why then did my doctor who is a YOUNG, FEMALE, mother of one toddler not encourage me to research my decision more or address my MANY concerns before the surgery with more sensitivity than she did? Especially since my surgery was primarily done as a pre-emptive strike against the possibility of cance ( runs in the family) & fibroids that were just beginning to become and issue ... I feel like my concerns were downplayed and trivialized ... I have told any one who will listen that I would never have the surgery if I knew then what I know now, which must seem incredibly insensitive to those of you who HAD to do it to save your lives ... this is not and has not been easy at all ... Yet my own mother said she never felt better than after her hysterectomy and she has not suffered at all as al result of it and has never looked back! Go figure! Thanks for "listening!"

I don't know why if you were having doubts before surgery your Dr. did not take them seriously and address them beforehand. Because now there is no turning back. All of my concerns were addressed but I just didn't like the idea but I needed it done because everything fell I had rectocele entercele cyctecele and the cervix and uterus fell so it needed fixed but you on the other hand you had the time to listen and for the Dr. to explain everything to you that to me does not make sense.And I know it is not easy and I hate this feeling and I am wondering if I will ever be the same person I was before the surgury but everyone says oh you will be fine it is just in your head No It IS Not in my head I have been working since week four and have been busy here at the house and I am almost seven weeks and I still am swelling and I feel like I can't keep going but I force myself. You know I wish things were different but now we just have to deal with this the best we can because there is no way to take it back. But please try to hang in there and hopefully we can pull through this thing together Keep in touch Please so I know how you are doing and I wish you the best of luck in your recovery..I am on here off and on everyday so if you need to talk I am here.....

Dear "Who .." :

Thanks for the response. It is good to be able to chat with others who are going through similar stuff ... What did women do to cope before the internet! Well, I can't believe after all you had done you were back to work at 4 weeks! I, at least, had a full 6 weeks off ... and I still had pain, bloat etc.... I have to admit that, physically anyway, I am feeling better. As I originally said, my post op symptoms weren't nearly as horrific as many of the hyster sisters I have read about. But I continue to be just dumbfounded that more isn't said to women in the form of a warning about how difficult the mental and physical [i]recovery is. And I am referring to the loss of the uterus et all ... Not just the "surgery," which is what the docs seem to be fixated on. Anyway, I could go on and on, but Iguess I really need to focus on the positive aspects, such as that I did not have any cancer present and I don't have to buy tampons any more! That's obviously all good stuff. I just wish I still felt FEMALE! Arrrgggghhh... I guess and hope it will all get better. Thanks for sharing your story/feelings and I will keep you in my thoughts!

gertierlp -

I just have to quote from a great post I saw in Pre-op the several weeks ago. It was from a woman who was having ovaries and all removed, and concerned about physical intimacy with her husband.

She quote part of a great email she got from her brother's girlfriend, who is 50, rides a motorcycle and had this surgery a few years back:

"They're removing the baby carriage - not the playpen!"

I hope that can give you a bit of a smile one day.

HUGS

It sure does! Thanks for the lift! And you just had your surgery ... I hope you are healing well...

Well hopefully we all will be feeling better soon and back to our old selfs...I cannot wait until that day. I had a good bit of pain when I went back to work and I sat on a rollie chair with a cushion on it and that is how I made it through the day. I am still tired, But like you said focus on the good things and I am trying but sometimes it is hard when you are discusted and just want to get on with your life but somehow someday we will be better and we might chalk this up to another one of lifes lessons.... And I agree with you without this sight I would of totally been lost because no one understands here at home but on this sight everyone knows what we're going through Have a nice day......

Hi ladies,

I am 11 days out of surgery from an abdominal hyster and doing as good as I expected. I had my left ovary removed ten years ago so I was prepared in a way for a lot of things. I dealt with the fact that I was done having children, both births were difficult and my first daughter had a heart problem that was repaired at 8months old so we were brave to have a second child...both girls are 20 and 23, very healthy and here helping me.

I guess my comment on the empty feelings and sadness is that they are to be expected. We also aren't educated by our doctors that surgery of any kind can cause physical depression...let alone with a hyster, the hormones can cause so many changes...

I hope that I can encourage you that you made a good decision...it's done, anyway. I struggled with what to do with my fibroid...it was 4 cm two years ago, DR didn't notice a change in last year's check-up but this year I had abdominal pain, my primary DR ordered a CAT scan and that's when the 8cm fibroid was seen....no wonder I was sooo uncomfortable. So, I read four books and even went to the fibroid center at the University of San Fran for a second opinion. I felt like I was on a merry-go-round. I am even opening a wellness center here on Maui with my good friend, a DR of Chinese medicine....so you'd think I would have gone the alternative route, for sure...But I didn't. I wanted the fibroid out, I didn't have an attachment to my uterus. I was done with it and it was causing me all kinds of grief! I only decided to keep my right ovary because the DR in San Fran said I should. I am sick of worrying about that ovary getting a dermoid cyst like my left one did....but the thought of hot flashes and all that...I am only 44, too. And, I have been really stable at 11 days post op with my hormones...

I guess with all that I am going on about I want to convey to you that you made a good decision. That it sounded like you were on a merry-go-round with your health and all that. I have learned the fibroids just grow and grow. So, grieve your loss, that's okay, but try to stop beating yourself up over your decision. I think you made a good one. One of the things that I am trying to be careful of is not second guessing my surgery. And for me, I really don't feel empty, I feel I now have room for my intestines! They were so squished and not working right that I am looking forward to good digestion and even visualizing them all getting cozy in their newly refurbished environment! I feel my body is going, "Ahh", what a relief that hard mass of yuck is gone.

You made a good decision. I would have done the same thing. You are not wrong. Be strong, know we are all in this together.
Laura

Hi Imarkis
So glad you are doing so well. You and I are around the same age I am 43. Does sound like you made a good decision to have this done. ANd I am so glad your ovary is working . Thank you for telling us your situation and thank God for your girls helping huh! I just need to figure out who I am now and how to deal with all these changes and crying and stuff but I am sure with some work and the help of my new found Friends here at Hystersisters I will get through this and will be fine. Thank You . And listen you are only 11 days out go you take it easy now and don't over do anything. Take care of yourself if you need us we are here....Thanks for everything!!!!!

Thanks so much for your support, too. I wanted to address the husband issue. My husband has been supportive but he is not attentive. He is great but he is very lucky that my daughters are here or I may be feeling a lot differently.

But to that let's just say that most men are a bit lost in how to handle us hyster sisters...Men are supposed to "fix" things and they just can't fix our emotions and life crisis- es....rats to that. But, I think as women, we need to stick together for support. And as for our husbands, I have certainly learned that mine will do anything for me if I ask nicely. I am guilty of thinking he should know what I need or anticipate my needs...HA! I need him to ask me what he needs...so why should I expect him to know in advance what to do for me? Well, he just should! HA, ha, ha..

Well, I hope that helps???

Laura

I think that all the problems we had before the surgery just seem so much worse after it. I am 6 weeks post op, still have my ovaries and have been much more sensitive to stuff that was there before the surgery. As far as family goes, we certainly can't pick them, but we can pick our friends.