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Very depressed. Very depressed.

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Unread 12-29-2001, 02:58 PM
Very depressed.

I'm 4 wks. 2 days postop. TAH (one ovary left) Burch repair and TVT. I feel horrible today. These are two emails I sent a friend. I copied them so I don't have to recount my day.

I am SO upset. Adam (17 yo son)was even more of an ***hole than usual today. He said some of the most hateful things to me! He said he was a piece of sh++ because I am a POS mother and no wonder he doesn't work, why should he since his mom doesn't. He said I am crazy and I lost my mind when I lost my job or before then even. He said the reason he is like he is (drug addict) is because I made him that way. He said he was going to make my life a living hell until his birthday in January when I can legally kick him out!. He slammed doors until they splintered on the edges and took a big butcher knife and cut a hole in the living room carpet that is 4 inches long. I can't stand having him here. I fear for Katie because he beats her and bites here. That was what I was referring to a couple of weeks ago about him being in trouble. The school cop got involved and wrote up an incident report on Katie's behalf. He spent time in juvie jail a couple of years ago for aggravated assault against her. I feel like I'm sliding into a black hole right now. I wish I could help him, but he is just so far gone, and I've tried everything the professionals have to offer. I'm at the point I just want him out of our lives. He is not my little boy taht I used to adore. He is an evil, lying, manipulative thing.

I'll be glad when John (DH) gets back from the vet - one of our cats tried to die on us. He's been there two nights. They had to give him massive antibiotics and IV fluids. He has to come home with a catheter. Poor kitty. I know how he feels. At least he tested negative for leukemia.

Maybe John will have some idea what we can do about Adam. I doubt it though. He is as clueless as I am how to deal with him. It's a good thing we don't have a gun in the house. Sometimes I feel like ripping off one of my mahogany bed posts and beating Adams head in. I visualize doing that when he is in one of his maniacal states. I'm so angry right now and Katie (DD) understands and feels the same way. I just needed to vent to someone else. I can't talk to my mom because she always babies Adam and has all these ridiculous notions of how to "help" him. She is finally starting to see him for what he is since she took him to live with her a while back. She thought she could take him and make him into a new person. After he tore her house up like he did ours she sent him back home (took her 2 weeks). I wish you could divorce your kids. I'd send his a** packing.

I have a feeling I'm not going to be in a very good mood today so I might not get back to you today anymore. I'm not very good company.

Hope you have a good day. Don't do too much.I have been so depressed today. Please write me something funny, or inspiring, or just tell me what you did today. I feel worse than I did earlier. I haven't been THIS bad since pre-op. I hate to be such a poop. Maybe my one ovary ISN'T working and I'm having a hormone problem, but I think it's the old familiar feeling of being depressed. This morning with the jerk didn't help any. I don't want to feel like this and be around my whole famiily tomorrow. I physically hurt in my thighs, back, abs, and I have something I seldom have - a headache.

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Unread 12-29-2001, 03:11 PM
Very depressed.

I can not help with your son, but I was concerned about the pain in your thighs, back and so on. DId you call your doctor? I would... could be a sign of infection.

If the problem is hormonal.. the doc can give you a low dose of HRT to get you through until your ovary "kicks in" if it has not already.

Unread 12-29-2001, 04:53 PM

I don't know what the rules are in SC, but where I live in CA, you DO have some recourse with your son, especially where protecting your DD from him is concerned. He must calm down. You must call the police when he doesn't. If you, your DD or your property is/are in danger from this young "man," you must protect yourself and her. You definitely don't need this right now in your recovery, but he clearly doesn't care.

Don't answer any of these questions for anyone but yourself but some suggestions to think about are:

1. Does your medical coverage cover any mental health treatment for him?

2. Would he go?

3. Does he ever have down times when he seems almost normal?

4. Are these ups and downs cyclical in any way?

5. Is he still in school now? Do they have a School Resource Officer from the local police force there who could help you? These guys and gals can work wonders if they're good.

6. Do you give him money? car? anything else you can take away from him for a limited time until he behaves like a rational person?

7. Is he using drugs? What kinds? Can you get him help for it?

8. Does he work? Where does his money go?

9. If you threaten to call the police on him, you will have to got through with it. This may be a good idea. It's hard for me to tell from here. But here's another surprise: you may be responsible for the costs of putting him up in the juvie hotel. Can you afford this right now? It may be an option if he becomes violent again.

10. Your DH must take over the "handling" of your son while you recover. As his parents, you will be financially and emotionally responsible for anything he does. Are you ready to give your son this much control over your life and future income? What about your DD's life? This is not fair to any of you.

I was a public high school vice principal for the past three years. I have been a high school teacher for 8 years before that and a middle school teacher for 3 years before that. I have seen very helpful police officers, and, unfortunately, one hurtful one. I have no idea what the law is like in SC, but you need help. Even an appt (or house visit) from a police officer who could scare him into submission even temporarily while you heal would be an option to consider. It's tough, but he requires toughness right now.

I wish you well and also the strength and ability to put yourself and your daughter first right now - TODAY! Good luck.
Lisa E.
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Unread 12-29-2001, 05:20 PM
Very depressed.

I feel so bad for you that you are trying to recover and also deal with your son and his problems. My sister had similar problems with her son and it was just devastating for our entire family. My nephews problems had lasted years and were getting worse instead of better. He also was abusive to my niece and my sister on multiple occasions. We called the police on him on at least two occasions and had him spend a few nights in jail. Nothing seemed to work and it was very hard to get people to understand that he had severe problems because he could be so convincing. Finally, he was admitted to a reputable hospital that dealt with addictions. Of course this was after the police found him laying down in the middle of a busy highway. I wrote the above part and now want to give you some hope. It has been a couple years since the hospital. My nephew had intensive counseling (mandatory by the courts in NJ), and was put on medication to even out his anger. He has not had a drug (non prescription) or a drink in about two years. We are very proud of him and believe that only taking a very hard line stance with him helped. Hopefully your son will be able to do the same.

However, in the meantime maybe your husband should not leave you and your daughter alone with him. It sounds like it is more than you should have to handle and a dangerous situation for your daughter. I hope that your family can resolve the problems with your son. I will keep you in my thoughts.
Unread 12-30-2001, 05:34 AM
Very depressed.

Hi Hausfrau, I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. It must be so difficult for you and your family.

Please contact the police or perhaps a hotline phone line in your area. I don't feel qualified to offer you any advice, but if you fear for your safety and that of your DD's, it sounds like you really need some help and professional advice NOW! Please don't wait.

Sending many s your way!
Unread 12-30-2001, 07:29 AM
Very depressed.


I can certainly understand your depression....but its time to act. Even though your feet feel like mud and you can't think clearly through this situation with your son, you *must* act for the safety of your daughter.

I am hesitant to give any advice at all but feel like I must encourage you to call the police. Threats, biting, cutting the carpet with the knife....these are reportable offenses.

Terrorizing you in your own home is not permissible. Its as simple as that and as hard as that. Make sure your daughter is safe and your home is safe. I fear that by not acting, you are teaching him that he is allowed to do such things...

If this boy was in another setting and doing this behavior, he would be arrested. He is not exempt in his home, threatening people who know him.

I'm encouraging you to call the police today and report the behavior.

I'm praying for you.

And since this isn't "post op" support issue, I'm moving this to the parenting forum of "CHATTER" so that you can get support from other parents who have walked in your shoes.
Unread 12-30-2001, 08:10 AM

You do not need this on top of of your ordeal with recovery right now. I understand how you feel though my nepphew put my sister though the same thing. I dunno about the laws there but here what the police asked my sisiter to do since noone could get control of my nephew was to put him in boot camp. I know that is kinda hard on them but .... I tell you what when my nephew came out of the boot camp program 8 weeks later he was a different person. No more tearing things up or hitting on people etc. Something you and your DH might want to look into. Do it now before its too late to help this teenager. And help yourself in the process.
I do hope that the pain your having gets better!!!!!
Take care
Unread 12-30-2001, 03:41 PM
Thanks for all your support

I appreciate all your support. We really have done everything the prof.s have to offer. We even put him in National Guard Youth Academy for five months. He did well while in but returned to his old ways as soon as he was out. I think right now all we can do is bide our time for three more weeks until he turns 18. We have had him put in jail several times too. I just have to take it day by day. It helps to have others who have been here and survived. Thanks to you all.

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