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What a nightmare! What a nightmare!

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Unread 02-28-2004, 05:51 PM
What a nightmare!

Hello Sisters,
I am so upset, I need to vent! I am I am 6 days Post-op and My DD has been taking care of me, she is 13 years old and such a wonderful daughter. Today she had softball practice and OMG! she broke her ankle. She is so upset (Not to mention in alot of pain) she cried her eyes out, not because of the pain but because she is worried about how she is going to be able to take care of me. she suffered a really bad break she snapped the Growth plat and 2 bones right above it. OUCH! and all she can think of is taking care of Mommy. I told her I will be ok. Right now she needs her rest. She keeps trying to help me and she can't stand on her own. What can I do to help her? Right now we both need eachother and there is nothing either of us can do to help eachother. I told her we will both recover together and we will have to let everyone else worry about us for now. How can I help her cope right now she feels like she totally let me down cause she can't take care of me. she has never let me down I was blessed to have her she is a wonderful Daughter and a great person. Anyone have any advise on how I can help her get over her disappointments in not being able to take care of me. she always tries to please everyone. She needs to get her rest right now and only worry about herself, but she doesn't want to hear that. All she says is Mom needs her right now and she needs to help Mom. I am so broken hearted for her right now. SHe loves taking care of other people she hates having to be waited on herself.
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Unread 02-28-2004, 06:01 PM
What a nightmare!

Oh Jo Jo, your post brought tears to my eyes. How lucky for you to have 13 year old that has a heart. I am so sorry for the both of you. I really don't have any words of wisdom for you as to what to say to her except tomorrow will be another day. And maybe you will feel better and she will see that you are going to be okay and that you don't need all the help that see thinks she needs to help you. I am taking it as it is just the two of you, no one else there to help out? Is she on crutches? If so she will be getting around soon too. Just give a few days and hopefully and I will pray for you that it will all get better.

Take a deep breath and try and relax and order a pizza!
Unread 02-28-2004, 06:14 PM
What a nightmare!

Thanks Tina for your Kind words.
Jamie and I are not alone I have a 16 year old Son ( who is totally selfish and self centered, But I have a Have a boyfriend who Jamies referes to as the BEst Step Dad a girl could have John ( My BF of 5 years told her not to worry, He is here and he will take care of both her and I. But to her it is not the same as her taking care of Mom. Yes she has crutches and Pizza sounds like a great idea. Thanks!
Love ya,
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Unread 02-28-2004, 07:09 PM
What a nightmare!

Hi JoJo. That's bad news about your daughter. To help her feel like she isn't helping with your recovery, give her some things she can still help you with throughout the day. Ask her to rub some lotion on your shoulders and back, paint each others nails and toes, have her comb & style your hair crazy, have her massage your temples. Now's the time to try out make up together-I saw another hystersister who tried the Goth look out! (that's too funny). While she is laid up, too, I think if you used the phrase "I could really use your help. Could you.." that she would still feel useful and helpful. These things really would help you feel good, too, so you wouldn't be just pretending to make your daughter feel better.

What a blessing to have a teenager who isn't driving you up a wall...my niece is 13 and she and my sister are seriously butting heads lately.

I hope you both get a little pampering & rest while you need it.
Unread 02-28-2004, 08:07 PM
What an Angel of a daughter!!

I read this to my little 11 year old daughter, who I may need to help me some too when I have my surgery (April 6th).. You have a TRUE GEM for a daughter.. I know you both love each other very very much and want to help each OTHER.. You will always remember these days I am sure and Look fondly back on them as badges of your bond and love for one another. I am sure you have the desire to help her and wait on her too... and I know you would if you were feeling good. I am glad your Boyfriend can take over and save the DAY!! And you are blessed that the 2 of them have such a good bond.. (that's not always a given either..).Yes, sit in bed together and use this time as a VERY SPECIAL time to do those things that normally we don't have time to do.. Play scrabble, Crossword Puzzles, Knit or crochet together, Lotion and nails is GREAT, and read to each other.. You'l BOTH be back to work and school I am sure soon, so Make it a magical time. And yes, order plenty of pizza and carryout, and have someone bring you a load of paper plates... Feel Better Both of you!! Kathie
Unread 02-28-2004, 08:18 PM
What a nightmare!

Dear Jo Jo,

You just tell your daughter what a wonderful girl she is and that you are very blessed to have her! Accidents happen, and she just needs to understand that you both need to support each other now. I had my TAH 8/6/03, and my daughter is 15. She is a good girl overall, but she is going through that teenage girl thing . It was summer time and she wasn't in school so she was my primary caregiver (poor me). My husband and son both worked all day. Sometimes I had to shout at her for 10 minutes before she'd hear me just to have her bring me a drink or make soup! One night a few days after I got home from the hospital, I broke down and cried for about 30 minutes. :cry: My husband had no clue what was wrong with me, but part of it was my frustration with my DD.

Just give your DD a big from me. She deserves it! You both take care of yourselves and get plenty of rest!

Unread 02-28-2004, 08:35 PM
What a nightmare!

Hi -
I am so sorry to hear about your daughter! What bad timing! I would be sure she knows that she will be helping you to recover if she takes good care of herself and does as the DR says. I might let her know how lucky it is that you can be together and ask your boyfriend to go out and get all the girly mags to read and chick flicks to watch together. Hair make-up and nails sounds good too. You can paint each other toes since neither of you can reach!!
Please remember to REST and make her REST - it's the only way you both will heal!

Unread 02-28-2004, 09:01 PM
What a nightmare!

All of the above sounds great. Let her know that there's so much emotional "taking care of mom" that she can do while you're both healing. It gets really boring and lonely (even with a houseful of people) during the recovery, remind her that you can help each other to not feel alone or bored since you are both resting and healing together. Also remind her that she has to rest too because a break through the growth plate is serious stuff. If she doesn't listen to her doctor and rest, she could have problems too. If you are Christian, tell her that God allows nothing without a purpose and maybe her purpose right now is to be at your side, not waiting on you like a nurse. Maybe God thinks you two need to be together in a different way right now, as co-sufferers and co-healers.

She sounds like a wonderful child. How did you do it?

Good luck to both of you.
Unread 02-28-2004, 09:36 PM
What a nightmare!

I will be praying that both of you have complete recoveries - sounds like you both need some pampering!


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