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DD causing me distress DD causing me distress

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Unread 06-07-2003, 02:28 PM
Unhappy - DD causing me distress DD causing me distress

It has been 10 days since my surgery and yesterday I finally got tired of waiting for my 21 year old DD to call. We have always had a close relationship, but lately she seems to have been possessed by the body snatchers. She indicated to me that she was angry that I (note I said "I") had not called to tell her how I was. She did not seem to think that it would have been more appropriate for her to call me. I told her that my feelings were hurt and that her attitude (and boy was it an attitude) was inappropriate. She indicated that she was not going to tone it down and so I told her that she could call me back when she was able to be more pleasant. Of course, she has not called back and I am still feeling hurt.

I talked to my aunt and uncle and they said that she had told them the same thing, that she expected me to call from the hospital bed. I was not even coherent until the night before I went home from the hospital. Finding the phone would have been a miracle between crying and throwing up.

Any ideas?

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Unread 06-08-2003, 08:07 AM
DD causing me distress

Hi Dawn!!!

(gotta love that name... it's mine to!)

My DD had a hard time with me and my surgery to sweetie...It takes awhile for them to come to grips with a lot of issues when we have our hysts and I was very surprised at her attitude also.

They have a lot of thoughts that go thru thier minds to....I know my DD was scared to death I was gonna die for starters...then you have their thoughts of "how will this change my mom"....They have this thought that mom can handle all and when they find out we can't it sends them into a tailspin.

Anger....for not being well...it makes them think of thier own health and issues for the first time. Fear..of dying....ours and thiers....what if it happens to THEM?

I know I had to let my DD deal with some of these issues on her own....it's a grown up way of thinking that is new to them. I think you are absolutely right for sticking to your guns!!!

I hope this helps and if I can offer an ear so you can vent....just hollar!!!

Unread 02-28-2004, 12:50 PM
DD causing me distress

She is only 21 and selfish. Who isn't at 21? Call her. You are the grown up. Don't let it cause you to have a riff between you. Life is short. Remember when she was a tiny baby and she cried in the middle of the night. (Inconsist) You didn't yell. You took care of her. For all of her shortcomings you have been there, so let it go.

My dad was as old as I am when I was 3. It seems impossible to me how he coped. But I had not seen the world from here before.

I called my daughter in that weird state and asked "How is the apartment's ..sleep.. tumor?" DH took phone and said Mom is fine but drugged right now. We will call you later.

My daughter asked me if my problems were heretary? (sp) I had a flash of what I"m having surgery in 3 weeks and you want to know if I gave you bad genes? Well, DH said get over it. I did. They are young.

Take care,
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Unread 02-28-2004, 04:23 PM
Long time ago...

Thanks bookfairy. Of course the event was 8 months ago and things are fine now.

I did not call her. I waited and when she was ready, she called me. It was not about the surgery, it was not about anything to do with me...it was her issue and she had to resolve it on her own. She apologized and we talked it out. No matter what problems we have, my daughter and I love each other and it eventually works itself out. The cool thing about being a psychologist is that, for the most part, I have pretty good instincts about these things.


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