Upset over family issues

I have been stuffing all my feelings, but I am tired of it.

At the same time as I started having all the symptoms of uterine fibroids (excessive bleeding, pain, fatigue, etc.) my apartment had a mold problem that wouldn't go away (plumbing leaks). I was so sick from becoming anemic and having respiratory problems I quit my job.

I ended up moving in with my mother and two brothers (there are 2 houses on the property) with my daughter, because we had no place to go on short notice.

From the very first day I moved back in, one of my brothers has been giving me a hard time. He won't quit arguing with me, and now he is arguing with my daughter. My mother doesn't do anything about it. Everytime there is an issue, that he starts, she is threatening to kick me and my daughter out.

My hysterectomy is now moved to April 12th. I am so stressed out from living here. My daughter hates living here. I feel like my family is ganging up on us.

I think I am depressed, as of today. I don't feel like I have anything to look forward to. I am going to have to find another job, and find an apartment, and move out of here. I don't really trust them to take care of me after my surgery. They are wishy-washy. One day they act like everything is fine, and the next day they are threatening me.

I really wish that I could get along with my family because economically it works out better if we stay here. However, I do feel like our safety, physical and emotional, is threatened sometimes over stupid petty things.

My Mom just completely snapped at me today because I didn't want to be involved in the planning process for adding on more rooms. I tried to politely tell her that I couldn't look that far into the future, and I am more focused on my upcoming surgery, and she totally lost it with me.

The truth is, my daughter doesn't want to live here anymore. I am too exhausted to be worried about all these plans she is making for her property. I am really sick, and how come they don't understand? It is like because I am in a position of weakness they are treating me bad.

When I get better and don't talk to them anymore they will be calling me on the phone wanting to be polite and be best friends or something.

Sorry this is long, but I am feeling very depressed and alone. I worry that I will have surgery and they will treat me worse because I will be helpless. Yet, I can't just leave without a job. I feel so stupid for getting myself in this position. And, everything that used to make me happy somehow is affected by all this, and I just feel like I'm not the same person anymore.

My mind is foggy too, and I can't think straight. I don't know if some of you have experienced this not being able to multi-task or get overwhelmed easily. Also, my Mom keeps thinking I am angry. I tell her that I am just in pain, and not to assume I am angry. I am totally fatigued as well, and I just can't take this anymore. I am fed up.

Hanna

Hi Hanna10,

You are not alone...I feel the same way. I am having a very hard time concentrating. My 25 year old daughter gets irritated when I do not pay attention to her....she says I have a.d.d. I am always so tired and I cry like it is my job. March 28th seems so far away.
I have been waiting since the beginning of January. The anxiety is killing me. I am only 46 and some days I feel like I am in my 70's or 80's.....no energy. Please know that I am here if you ever need to talk. Make sure you are taking care of yourself.

Dizzy 21

Hanna, I am so sorry to hear about your situation! It breaks my heart to hear that your family is treating you so badly when you need them most! I will pray for you! Is there anyone else you could stay with? If not ill pray for them to understand how badly they're behaving & snap out of it!
Also, I have had terrible fatigue off & on. And the brain fog is almost constant!!! It's frustrating to constantly forget what I was doing & have so much trouble focusing! I'm hoping its a hormonal thing & that we'll see improvement after surgery! I'll also pray for your surgery to be moved up. Don't give up! Things will get better.

Thank you for your replies. I started feeling like I was the only one and I was going crazy.

My family is supportive one minute and backstabbers the next. They said I could move in, and then in the middle of moving in they changed their mind. They act all supportive and then they act like the worst people you will ever meet.

I seriously am getting whiplash from all their mind changing, and the fact that I feel so ill is only making this nightmare worse. If I wasn't sick we would have left already.

I am sorry that so many other women are going through the same thing. This has really changed my view on life, and I will be sure to pay a lot more attention to my health from now on, and get more of a support system around me that doesn't include my family.

Sorry you are having a hard time. I can understand how stressful it must be, i lost my home and business, moved, then lost my other job... And then learnt i had to have surgery. My late mom and I never had the best relationships, but I truly wished I had someone to move in with when times got tough. I know what I am going to say is "easier said than done" but here goes..
Right now you do not really have a choice. You don't want to be spending money on rent when you don't have a job. It may not be an ideal situation but you have a roof over your head for yourself and your daughter, much better than being in a homeless shelter.
I would start off talking to your daughter. Explain that you know it's tough, that it is not ideal. But in order to be able to have a future, you need to just bite the bullet for a while. Go for a walk if things get heated. Do something special with your daughter (walk in the park, free museum days, go out for a milkshake). Then sit down and tlk to your mom, even if you already have. Tell her how much you appreciate her giving you a home. That things are tough and you are trying to move forward and ask her for some patience with you. As for your brother .. Well.. Just walk away. Or write a letter. You can only deal with so many things at once and he is one that will have to fall by the wayside for the moment.
At difficult times we have to make decisions about what is important in the short, medium and long term. My short term was I have to have this surgery now, I can't put it off any more. My medium was to get better, and my long term was that i would deal with the medical bills only after I was well.
EVERYONE needs to understand you are scared and that you will be depending on them all when you get home, including your daughter. Give her some " grown up" responsibilities, and maybe make a promise to doing somethning really special with her when you are better.
As the saying goes .. Can't live with them ... Can't live without them ..hope it all works out.

Thank you all for caring. I am just tired of acting like everything is fine when it really isn't. I had a good cry today, which is totally unlike me, but I ended up crying for most of the day.

What is it with all these wait times? I know I'm not the only one. I keep reading that the majority of women on here are waiting a long time for their procedure, or have had their procedure postponed. I think that if I hadn't been sick since July 2012, and I wasn't diagnosed until December 12th, that I wouldn't be so worn out right now. I finally reached the point where I'm kind of angry about the whole thing.

Anyways, thanks for being there, and thanks for listening. At least I know you all are going through the same thing. That is what I think is so great about this website. Nobody else in my life is having a hysterectomy, or has had a hysterectomy, that I know of. I think the people in my life just don't get it. It is like talking about your period or something. They don't want to talk about it, and it is awkward. I just didn't realize how much all my emotions and my life is connected to this surgery. I think it would be so much easier if I was having surgery on my arm or something.

Take care, and God Bless

Hanna- You would be right about how emotions center around major ideals such as surgery. I've been there myself. For 13 months I suffered with Abnormal Uterine Bleeding caused by fibroids and stress plus a case of cervical dysplasia as well. I went through hell and back with trying to get everything cured but once I found out that a hysterectomy was my only option- that was it for me. I decided on it quicker than one could blink an eye. The almost 40 some odd day wait just about drove me bonkers. It gave me way too much time to contemplate a lot too many unpleasant things that just about sent my fears and anxiety levels above and beyond through the roof and trust me when I say that my husband could never understand the chronic roller-coaster of emotions that came with it all before surgery. Now he's found a whole new territory with the post op side-effects. They slightly emulate menopausal symptoms at the moment and I'm kinda' like a case of C4 when I'm grouchy- I blow up and everyone scatters hehehehehe.

Thank you all for sharing. I feel so comforted coming here. Like I am not alone.

I'm am sorry for what you all are going through.

I keep trying to maintain some balance and not get emotional, but I ended up stuffing all my feelings until I couldn't take it anymore. I think it is good to just let it all out.

I did talk to my Mom today, and I feel better now. It seems like her plan to add rooms to her house is going to send my brother to the other side of the house and away from us.

It is complicated. But, it looks like we are staying here, and my Mom did email me a long apology letter for the way she was acting, for yelling at me, and for calling me a *****. Everyone here is really stressed out, and my surgery is just one more thing on their list.

It was nice that my Mom admitted in her apology that all I do is try to help everyone. Even though I don't have a job right now I still pay her rent, utilities, and buy our own stuff. So, I am actually helping her out, and I do a lot of other things to help out my entire family. I am just not my usual Superwoman self that they are so used to.

I also miss my job. I was a store manager at a clothing store at a local university. I was in charge of all the sales inside the store, as well as all the events outside the store. I first knew I was sick because I was at an alumni event, and I started hemmoraging (sorry for spelling) while I was setting up merchandise at an event. We had to move 50 lb totes full of merchandise and do a lot of physical labor. Every event I was having major issues.

I got really anemic, and all the doctors I saw didn't know what was wrong with me. I kept getting respiratory infections from the mold in my apartment, and I lost my voice, and I remember working at a mandatory event with no voice. I kept having fainting spells at work where I would almost faint, and I would have to go sit down, and the room would start spinning. I was also in terrible pain.

We lost everything from our apartment. I kept cleaning and cleaning the mold (because I didn't realize how dangerous it was), and it kept coming back. The apartment manager kept blaming me for not properly ventilating (even though I had window fans in every room). In the end, all of our furniture and clothing and everything got ruined, and we threw almost everything out, and salvaged what we could.

My daughter has a traumatic brain injury, and it is a lifelong condition. There are things she just doesn't "get", and it has been really difficult for her living here.

The brother I don't get along with has OCD. But, I figured him out finally. As long as I don't touch anything in the house, he doesn't have anxiety, and he won't blow up at me. So, I just keep everything of ours in our room, and I don't use the rest of the house, except the kitchen. He was being verbally and physically abusive toward me because I would leave something out of place and it would drive him crazy. I literally don't touch anything. He literally pushed me, and raised his fist to me, and I told him to his face, "Go ahead and hit me, and I'll call 911." Then he walked away. We have fought my entire life, and this isn't his house, nor does he pay rent, or contribute, but he thinks he owns the place.

The whole thing is complicated. My mother is also on oxygen. So, we have oxygen cords running throughout the house. I can't touch anything. My brother lets his cats walk all over everything (even though he has OCD). I can't stand cat fur (I have a phobia ever since I caught ringworm). My daughter is trying to not trip (she has spastic diplegia). It is like a circus. And we are all fiercely independent. Great.

My other brother is an angel, and is already sketching up plans so that we can all have our own space. If we all can just quit fighting with each other, this could be a great thing.

Thank you for letting me vent. Keeping all this a secret was just killing me. I am so sick most of the time, I just can't keep up with the circus around me. Everything is changing too fast, and I am starting to feel like I'm not ready to have a hysterectomy. I feel like I am chickening out or something. Like, I am in denial about the whole thing. Then, it dawns on me. I have like 6 large tumors, and I can't even breathe sometimes. So, I can't wait for all this to be over.

Thanks again. I am feeling soo much better just getting this off my chest. I just can't handle it all right now. It is enough to just deal with the surgery. I am actually glad they changed it to April 12th because now it won't conflict with my daughter returning from Mexico. I feel like I can only handle one thing at a time.

Hanna

Hang in there Hun. It may seem like it's darkest before the dawn but in actuality- such is a fear that is only in the mind yet can never surpass the strength of the heart.

What is important now is that you focus on working towards getting your health and your strength back and even though you may have a little recovery time to look forward to- it will be very well worth it in the long run and for reasoning that you will finally be set free from being medically tied down by poor health.

That's how I see my own case at this point- freedom from suffrage as well as a means of having bailed from what I considered a very very very wrongful and completely unrighteous sacrifice. Free at last- Free at last- Thank Heavens to Betsy- we'll all be free at last!

Just my thoughts.

I'm sorry you are going through that. I don't think people understand at times because they still think of you when you felt better.

I hate the foggy brain thing. I can't keep up and no energy to get through a day. Give yourself time to recover so that you can gain the strength to move on if that is what you need to do. Hang in there!