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So unsure and full of questions So unsure and full of questions

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Unread 05-07-2011, 08:08 AM
So unsure and full of questions

Hello Ladies,
Ive been mostly lurking around the past week, trying to gather information while I waited on test results. Honestly I think Ive done myself more confusion and fear than anything else. I talked in depth with my doctor yesterday as well, but I just need some advice from women who have been there.

My biggest issue has just been the fact that my cycles have controlled my life for 22 years. Missing school, missing work, humiliating accidents, ruined vacations, severe anemia sure yall know the drill. Never have had painful periods, just extremely heavy clotty ones. After my last child was born 7 yrs ago I started on the Seasonale pills. They havent made my periods better but atleast Ive only had to deal with them every 3rd month. Last year I very nearly developed cervical cancer and had a LEEP in June. Everything has been okay until last month. First of April I began bleeding through my BC pills. Thinking my body was forcing me into a period I stopped the pills and let the cycle come. Everything was normal (for me) until the 7th day when I thought the cycle was ending. The 8th day all heck broke loose. Soaking through pads every 1/2 hour, couldnt stand up because I would lose so many clots I would over fill pads immediately. Misery. After a couple of days of this my primary doc put me on progresterone. It took doubling the dosage for 2 more weeks and finally after 30 days it finally stopped.

GYN did an endometrial Biopsy last week (omg ouch!!) and I went back yesterday for a sonohystergram. I have 2 flat polyps, and one very large polyp that looked as if it took up half the space in my uterus.

My gyn pretty much advised me of my options, gave me his opinion and is leaving the decision to me.
My original plan (before I knew what was wrong) was to remove whatever was there, and then have a tubal ligation and endometrial ablation. During my sonohyst. yesterday GYN realized that my uterus is so thin from 3 csections, that ablation is no longer an option for me. **SIGH**
My choice now is to have a polypectomy, continue on bc pills to help with periods, and hope the polyps dont return. OR have a DaVinci Hysterectomy.
Gyn prefers I do the hysterctomy. He feels it is the better choice because of my past and present issues combined with the fact that I have developed hyperthyroid and high blood pressure in the last year. I tend to agree that continuing on bc is a bad choice with my bp issues, and i really dont like the idea of having to repeat polypectomies.
I would like to just remove the cervix and uterus and not have to deal with abnormal paps and debilitating bleeding anymore. BUT stupidly I watched the video of the proceedure and visited the "sexual dysfunction after hysterectomy" board...........and I am officially freaked out!

I discussed my fears of losing my ability to have vaginal orgasm with my dr, but he assures me this is not something I need to worry about ..."theres no proof or links in studies that show a correlation between removing the cervix/uterus and not having orgasms"....
And then the whole visual of what they are going to do to my body scares the -u know what- outa me.

I KNOW deep down that the hysterectomy is the better choice for me, and I will be satisfied with the choice in the end but now that my insurance is being pre-certified for it the reality and anxiety is taking over me. Im so stressed out that I have bawled for 2 days and I am obssessed with every little bit of information I can find- even if it is only making me panic more. I feel like a nut case!!!

I guess more than anything I need some understanding and some truly experienced advise.

How long were u told you would be under? And how long were you? Dr is telling me 3 hours.......

What was the experience like? The surgery itself is the major thing I am panicking about. Just the thought of all the people and instruments and....

How has your recovery been physically and emotionally?

What affect has it had on your intimate life?

I so appreciate this website being available, and any help yall offer.
I am so out of my mind right now.

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Unread 05-07-2011, 08:54 AM
Re: So unsure and full of questions

Tina: I feel for you. I have been lurking around here, reading profusely about others. I started my period in 4th grade, having this "friend" for 32 years. In mid 2008 my periods kept getting longer and heavier. Scared to go anywhere. I thought I was going to have to wear depends with a pad and double up on the super ultra tampons. I have bp issues and couldn't do the bc thing. In June 09 I had a tubal ligation and an ablation. Life was great until 9/10. Started severe cramping, thought af was returning. Nothing would happen. Cramping again the next week, nothing. Cramping is up to 3-4 days per week. Had a sonogram, said I had a fibroid the size of an orange. GYNO read that and wanted me to have a transvag sono, no fibroid found. Asked me to come in for an endo bioposy, ouch. The next day, I had a flood that literally scared the *[email protected]& out of me. After a few days, the spotting stopped. the cramping has lessened but moved from the left ovary area to the lower middle. Report came back that the lining is extremely thick, not shedding. Suggestion of d&c. Might help. Hyst other alternative.

My DH pushed for the hyst. I agree, however, the idea scares me.

I have the same questions as you.

I am hoping this will "improve" the intimate part of our life. I am so afraid to go there for fear that it will cause cramps. Some of them are unbearable for hours.

My DH looks at me with such sad eyes. Not sure if the concern is for me or for the whole process. He's trying. LOL gotta love him though.

I came to this site looking for some answers and some information. Hoping to ease the anxiety. June 14 is my day. I get worked up over every thought that comes through my mind about the procedure.


tina: I am praying that you find the answers you are looking for.
Unread 05-07-2011, 09:14 AM
Re: So unsure and full of questions

Thanks mwinter,
It helps alot just knowing Im not the only one that is struggling, questioning, falling to pieces LOL If insurance approves, Ill have my date scheduled next week- im sure my anxiety will only increase at that point.
I know what you mean about the pads. Last months ordeal was so bad that I actually was wearing a hospital size/grade pad inside of depends underwear. It was horrible and all that bulge was not flattering under my slacks........ it was the only way I could continue to work my job with any kind of confidence though. After I messed up 3 pairs of pants in one work day, it was the only choice I had left. Thank God i work in a small office with one other lady who is a close friend.

My hubby is doing his best, but it is hard for him to fathom most of this. I walked through the door yesterday after my appt and he asked how I was holding up and I just started sobbing. My husband and 2 boys didnt quite know what to do with me LOL He just wants me to go ahead with it and move on with my life. I think he is as tired of the emotional roller coaster as I am that we go through everytime I have a terrible cycle or I have to have and worry about another biopsy etc etc. I know hes right, but I just have so much fear and anxiety of going through it, and what could be left to deal with when its done. :0/
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Unread 05-07-2011, 07:53 PM
Re: So unsure and full of questions

Ladies I feel for you both. The anxiety of the waiting and pre op situation is really much worse than the recovery at least for me. I cannot tell you the joy of not having to use tampons or feel pain. I'm only at 7 weeks and already having to remind myself not to buy Aleve like its going out of style. I've gotten rid of all my tampons. I am very satisfied with my result.

----"How long were u told you would be under?"
I guess about 2 hours not really sure honestly

----"What was the experience like?"
I was knocked out and don't remember a darn thing - next thing I know I'm awake in my room and my mom and hubby are there. I'm told everything is benign and all is well

----"How has your recovery been physically and emotionally?"
I was able to walk a few feet to the bathroom by myself the same day as the surgery. I accepted help getting up out of the bed. I was able to go up and down stairs by day 3 - just once a day to go from bedroom to living room/kitchen level. Emotionally I was quite worried before surgery. I think this was the worst part. I wasn't so worried about losing all my parts as I was about my hormones. I felt that my hormones could change me as a person and was worried I'd never be the same. So I had a total hysterectomy and BSO (both ovaries removed) and was immediately placed on estrogen. I have had no personality altering symptoms. I am 40 and already had settled on not having children. I did not have any grieving for losing the ability to have children tho others have. Overall physically and emotionally I would say things have gone excellent for me. I am truly the same person that I was before my surgery.

I am not cleared for intercourse so I am not sure on the intimacy situation though I have "checked things out" myself and am rather assured that all systems are go.

I also was all over the internet before my surgery. I did have to draw the line as certain things freaked me out. I realized that I just couldn't see it all. I just had to stop and do what needed to be done. I was prescribed some anti anxiety meds from my phychiatrist. I guess everyone was expecting me to freak out. I only took them one night when I was crying and couldn't sleep.

It is just so much easier to be on the "other side". I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to not need tampons and not have pain. I am having to remind myself not to buy painkillers. I just used to buy them all the time and I don't need them now.

I guess I would say just one foot in front of the other until surgery and then you'll be fine. I know the wait is rough. Good luck and hang in there.

Best Wishes

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