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What do I tell my kids? What do I tell my kids?

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Unread 06-06-2007, 07:27 AM
What do I tell my kids?

Ok so far I've been good with my answers until a couple of days ago. I have a 10 yr old son and 7 yr old daughter. They know that I get the migraines and know there are times "mommy is sick & doesn't feel good" but don't need any further explanation as to the "cause" of it. They assume it's like a cold, tummy hurting, etc. blah blah.
There have been a few times when I have those 2-3 periods a month when it's really bad and my son worries and I feel so bad so I try not to let him see how bad it is but I'm only human I can only do so much.
They know that I am having surgery to make me "not be sick" so that I will feel better and that's worked BUT...
now they want to know
What's making you sick?
What kind of surgery is it?
What are they going to do to you?
it's like we're playing a million questions and I don't have the answers. I certainly don't want to give them details and if I say HYSTERECTOMY that will lead to another 500 guestions.

ANY SUGGESTIONS?????????????????? PLEASE
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Unread 06-06-2007, 09:14 AM
What do I tell my kids?

My kids are about the same ages as yours--my son is 9 and my daughter is 7. Thankfully they haven't asked any questions about my hyst! Maybe you could just have a chat saying that parts of girls' bodies sometimes cause problems in their bellies and the doctor takes them out because there is no other way to fix them. Unfortunately, my daughter has walked in on me in the bathroom during my period so I have had to tell her that it is something that happens to mommies. So far she hasn't asked any more questions about it!!! You are in a tough spot with this one!!!!
Unread 06-06-2007, 12:34 PM
What do I tell my kids?

I have a 10 yr old son, 7 year old, and the little ones are 2 and 4 months. My 10 yr was really inquisitive when I was pregnant with the baby and started asking some questions. I explained that in a "moms" tummy there is an area called a uterus that acts like a balloon that gets bigger while the baby grows and then shrinks after the baby is born. After some complications following my 4th c-section I explained to them that I was having some problems because things were not shrinking like they should. When my periods returned worse than ever it became apparent that I was going to have to go through with the hyst as I was not a candidate for ablation or other treatments. I sat my 10 yr old down and explained that the problems I was having were related to my uterus not shrinking and being worn and stretched out after the c-sections (I steered clear of the other issues) and that they were going to make a couple of small incisions, take out my uterus and make me better. I told my 7 yr old that my tummy was still hurting after the baby was born and the doctor was going to take out the part that was causing me trouble. They were fine with that, asked some questions and away we went.

After the surgery be sure to tell them when you are feeling better. I ran into my 7 yr olds teacher at a school concert and she said that he was concerned that he was still worried because he saw me still taking meds and going to bed early. It never occurred to me that I needed to tell them I was feeling better every day. That night I went home and told everyone that I was almost completely better, the operation worked and in no time at all would I be 100%. That seemed to make both the older boys more relaxed and now I try not to let them hear when I tell DH that if I am having a rough day.

As far as "what" they are going to do...I had already had to explain briefly the c-sections. I just told them that they were going to give me some medicine that would make me really sleepy, that I would not feel anything, and before I knew it I would be awake. The only problem I ran into was that when I came home from the hospital my 2 yr would not believe that I couldn't lift her, so I had to show her my little incisions (I had LSH). She then proceeded to show everyone her belly button and tell them that she couldn't pick them up because she had boo boos like mommy!

Sorry that got a little long!!! Good luck with your surgery and talking to your kiddos!
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Unread 06-06-2007, 12:40 PM
What do I tell my kids?

My boys are 17, 13 and 9. The older ones knew what I was having done. The youngest one kept asking if there was a baby in there! LOL He wondered if that is what was hurting me and was it in the same place as when he was in my tummy. So I told him that when he and his brothers were in my tummy they slept inside of a bag until they were big enough to come out. (I had 3 c sections so he's always referred to that as my zipper) The sleeping bag was old and hurt me, so the Dr. was taking it out but use a different zipper and it would hurt for quite a few weeks and he could be a big help to me. He was fine with that and I hope didn't go to school and say my Mom has an old bag inside of her! LOL He asked me a lot of questions the few weeks before I went in. And one day he said "but you'll still be alive, right?" I did not think he was thinking about that, so we reassured him I would be and I started making plans with him to do things when I got home. He is 9 but is very immature for his age. I did not want to say uterus or hysterectomy or any of those words, because I knew that would open up a whole list of questions I knew he is not ready to hear the answers to. My older boys know all the correct words, knew the procedure, but they would rather I not use those words! LOL All I have to do is say the word vagina and the room clears! LOL

Don't know if that helps, but that is how I handled it.

Unread 06-06-2007, 01:09 PM
What do I tell my kids?

Two sons ages 13 and 7.
My tah/bso was "emergency-ish" with surgery happening two days after initial "diagnosis".
My boys asked questions too, but I was SOOO worried about them worrying about ME-- I figured I would downplay the whole situation... and save them the trauma/drama. It worked beautifully.

"Mommy has a tummy ache that the surgery is going to make better and then I'll be just fine"
"Mommy has lady-part problems that the surgery is going to make all better-- it's no big deal at all and in fact it will be fun-- sort of like staying at a hotel/spa because I'll get room service"

I kept it light and tried to laugh it off.... I was also extremely fortunate in that my surgery coincidentally happened one day before a planned two-week family vacation. I refused to let my husband cancel the trip. They went without me... and that was a huge blessing. My kids never had to see me in pain and suffering for the two weeks post-op. When they came back, it was easier to fake the "no big deal" image and smile more.
I would always recommend women with young children find family or friends to take the kids for a few days-- especially if you have a tah/bso... sounds like the vaginal and laproscopic procedures might be a little less difficult immediately post-op. But everyone is certainly different!
good luck!
Unread 06-06-2007, 01:51 PM
What do I tell my kids?

Thank you all soooooooo much! I really do appreciate it. ( the advice & the laughs) LOL
Unread 06-06-2007, 02:46 PM
What do I tell my kids?

Maybe I told my dd7 to much. But I told her that I was going to have surgery and it would make mommie feel better. She was fine with that and then I guess she over heard someone talking. She went to crying that she did not wont me to die. That is when I sat her down and told her about the surgery "only in small details where she would understand). She then came home from her dad's and wanted to know if I was going to have any more babies. I told her because of the surgery I coul dnot have babies. She got very upset "she is my only child" and i told her it was alright because mommie was going to feel better.

She did go to the hospital when I had surgery. She was one of the first things I remember waking up too. Which was wonderful. She did stay with my mom and sister for the first 2 weeks. But when she came home she was so much help.

I guess I did not realize how much a child really understands, she will still ask me question and try to tell the truth about it without saying to much. I guess it really depends on the child and like in my case how much they over hear.
Unread 06-06-2007, 05:16 PM
What do I tell my kids?

Another funny, sort of related: My son asked to have a friend over during the first week I was home. I told him no, I didn't feel up to it yet. He said, "Of course not. I am sorry, Mom. I forgot you are still under cover from your surgery."
Unread 06-06-2007, 05:31 PM
What do I tell my kids?

I'm posting a link for you to an older post about the same subject


I think honesty is the best way to go....we don't have to let them know our deep down fears but I think if you try to hide issues from them, it can backfire. Just MHO.

Best of luck to you!
Unread 06-06-2007, 05:38 PM
What do I tell my kids?

My kids are 16, 18, 19 and 21 and it has even been hard for me to tell them what's going on. I told them the truth, but kept it brief. They are most interested in knowing that I'm well. My sister was here to help me, and she talked to my kids. I think if I were in your shoes I might call it a surgery for mommies. Assure them that you will be okay and that they will be well cared for. Leave it at that. The term, "abdominal surgery" might work. To them, your abdomine isn't much different than an arm or chest. All the best!!

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