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Hey - I finally get why my family can't really understand! Hey - I finally get why my family can't really understand!

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Unread 01-19-2001, 04:28 PM
Hey - I finally get why my family can't really understand!

Sometimes I wonder a little why my family can't see things from my point of view and GAWWWDDDD not feel SO SCARED!!!

Now I get it! A friend (male) of my adult daughter phoned me today, ostensibly to see how I am. Eventually he told me that I have to be strong because my daughter is a basket case. !!! I didn't point out to him that his comment was not in the compassionate category . . . anyway, it got me thinking . . . . . . and I realize that while I'm all busy planning my care and making my nest for my homecoming and worrying about whether or not I can cope with the PAIN, my kids are worried about whether or not I will DIE.

Now they have legitimate reason to be concerned. But since I'm in a totally different place, our experiences are very different. We can love each other, and we do, but their fear keeps them from totally being with me and my planning keeps me from totally being there for them.

So I'm glad they have each other (and their stepdad) and that I have YOU!!!!

Arctic is STILL waiting for a date in the castle!!
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Unread 01-20-2001, 03:22 PM
Hey - I finally get why my family can't really understand!

Before my surgery, my dh seemed concerned but nothing to where he was worried. It wasn't until months later that he finally told me just how worried he was. He had felt that I had enough on my mind and if I knew that HE was worried, then I would have really been a basket case!
So it seems like those closest to us are indeed concerned and worried for us, but they do their best to protect us as much as possible!
You are a lucky lady to have so many people truly concerned about you!!
Unread 01-21-2001, 11:57 AM
Hey - I finally get why my family can't really understand!

Hi Arctic,

Your post really made me think. When I think back to prior to my surgery, my sisters were getting quite angry with me for being so calm while I was busy concentrating on coverage at work and home. I was so busy trying to cram my assistant (who happens to be one of my sisters) full of knowledge for anything that might come up just for her to tell me she really didn't care about the work portion. We differ greatly in that aspect, I throw myself into work to de-stress, she can't stop dwelling on the issue causing the stress. It never crossed my mind that I might not make it through the surgery I just wanted it done to get the growth out!

As we lost both parents to cancer and now with me going through this they are still having a hard time coping with it all. I just keep trying to show them I'm not worried (although sometimes it scares the heck out me), that I will get through this and be able to live a long and healthy life.

By the way, when are those dang Drs going to get your surgery scheduled? You just say the word and I'll take em on! I just love to make people get off their duff and get things done!

Anyway, take care and keep us posted. Here's lot of {{{hugs}}} in the meantime.

Unread 01-21-2001, 04:14 PM
Hey - I finally get why my family can't really understand!

Oh, I love it when I get people thinking!

I think the example of your sisters is so graphic. Our families aren't involved in the planning and the preparation, so basically all they have to do is wait and worry. I'm just so glad I've realized that now, so I won't expect too much of them.

As for the DOCTORS . . . . . . big headline in today's paper was: 'Doctors and Nurses talking of going on strike!' But I see their contracts aren't up until March 31 and SURELY I will be done by then.

I realize I am counting heavily on the visit with the gyne/oncologist. I figure he's the one who can get things moving. He's not seeing patients this week (where is he? I'll go to him!!!) but I see him his first day back, on the 29th.

I'm also wondering about what other people did about telling their families about cancer. I still feel like I want to be the first to know, but my family will be waiting while I am in surgery. The biopsy will be done early in the surgery to tell the doctors what kind of surgery to do. Why do I want to wait and be told first? Is it fair to my family, who will biting their fingernails to the quick? What did other people do? I don't want to make it harder for them. I suppose wanting to know first is another way I have to empower myself and deal with my feelings before letting the floodgates down . . . I don't know, what do you think?

Arctic, who at least emailed her anesthesiologist and is awaiting a reply
Unread 01-21-2001, 04:28 PM
Forgot a point

I wanted to say that because our families are in such different situations than us, it's SO NICE that we have each other here at hyster sisters!!!
Unread 01-21-2001, 08:21 PM
Hey - I finally get why my family can't really understand!

Well, I can tell you in my surgery I was not the first to know the actual diagnosis. One of my sisters was at the hospital with me during surgery and she was actually the first one to find out the outcome. She in turn contacted the other sister with the news all before I came out of the anesthesia. I wasn't particulairly coherent (sp?) for quite some time following the surgery, I was actually quite the happy little girl .

I don't think they could have handled waiting to find out the results, I was so much better prepared than they were for hearing the word "cancer" that I really wasn't surprised. This wasn't something that we decided or even discussed ahead of time it just happened that way.

Oh, I do hope the oncologist will get the ball rolling and get you taken care of. I'm glad you're getting closer to the visit with him/her each day. And, I do very much agree this is such a wonderful site, I wish I had found it sooner.

Unread 01-21-2001, 11:52 PM
Hey - I finally get why my family can't really understand!

Arctic, you are so right. I don't think I actually knew what my mother was feeling when she went through this and how I reacted to it until the same thing happened to me. I, as her daughter, was worried about her dieing and she was just trying to get through it. Now when it's my turn my family doesn't understand why I am so calm about it all and they were worried about me dieing. My Mother is no longer with me now so I can't tell her I finally get it and I wish I would have been more there for her back then. But life is about learning so I won't make those mistakes again. (But I'm sure I'll make plenty of others.)

How can you stand the waiting? I had to wait 8 weeks before they did my surgery but at least they had given me surgery date. You must be going crazy. hang in there.
Unread 01-22-2001, 07:53 AM
Hey - I finally get why my family can't really understand!

Dear Arctic,
I don't think that the oncologist and or gynecologist tell anyone what they find during your surgery until they are finished. You will be under general anesthesia when they find out what they are dealing with, and get lab results from tissue samples called a frozen section. They will proceed based on the information they get. I am just thankful that they do all of this at one time and don't have a plan to go back for another surgery after they think about it a while!
Good luck! You are stronger than you think. You will be ready for whatever they tell you. God Bless You.

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