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Fear of Death (child mentioned) Fear of Death (child mentioned)

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Unread 01-28-2012, 08:43 PM
Fear of Death (child mentioned)

Hi Everyone. Not to be morbid in any way, but is it ultimately the fear of death that makes surgery so scary? I know that is it for me, but I have read tons of posts and haven't heard anyone say it yet. I hope I'm not stating the obvious, but I would love some discussion.

I'm a single mom, and have really no one else to care for my son, it's completely on me. This creates enormous anxiety surrounding death that I didn't have pre-child. I know I will be a much better mom without the health issues I have now, but there is a tiny part of me that wonders if it's the right thing to put myself at risk. Having said that, you can drive yourself crazy with this stuff. Should I then not drive, not fly, etc.

Anyone else having these thoughts and feelings?

My Dr. has a demeanor that is pretty much all business--which is fine with me as long as she gets the job done. But during our consult, she was clear about risks, there could be problems, it could end up being an abdominal once she gets in there...etc. Things can go wrong... It's unnerving. I'm okay with a long healing time and pain, I'm not okay with dying. If I had a crystal ball and knew everything would be fine, I'd be chomping at the bit to get in there and do it. Really tired of continual pain and horrid periods and this huge interruption of life.
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Unread 01-28-2012, 08:52 PM
Re: Fear of Death (child mentioned)

This is a Huge concern for me too! Surgery is scary!!!
Unread 01-28-2012, 08:58 PM
Re: Fear of Death (child mentioned)

Thank you Gonecamping--and that is interesting, your name. I am using a Summer camping trip as my pleasant visual happy place. After this, I can go camping whenever I want, my son will no longer have to be held up by my periods and he will also be able to have more adventures with me. Planning things has been soooo difficult due to this issue. We have a camping trip planned for September and I've stressed about whether we would be able to go (it's out of town, required a lot of pre planning). With the Hyst it will be no problem, and that is very exciting for me.
Unread 01-28-2012, 09:19 PM
Re: Fear of Death (child mentioned)

I think it's natural to have that worry in the back of your mind. Before my surgery, I told myself the pre op process was going to take care of me... all the tests, doctors exams etc were part of the whole vetting process to pretty much guarantee that this (death) wouldn't happen. I think loss of control is part of this death fear. I had to relax and trust the doctors and nurses to take care of me. My last memory in the surgery room was having the anesthesiologist ask me where my favorite vacation spot was. I remembered fondly my trip to Greece as my last pre surgery memory. Then woke up like after a nice nap in a sun filled recovery room with a friendly nurse standing right there asking me how I was feeling. I had a TAH. I felt fine, lucid like after a good nap. Pain medicine made me feel little in terms of the surgery and went back to my room and had nice visit with my best friend, called another friend who brought my personal belongings over the hospital. You will do fine! The doctors will do all the pre op tests to ensure that you'll be fine. You are in the hands of trained professionals who know what they're doing and are prepared for everything.
Unread 01-28-2012, 09:46 PM
Re: Fear of Death (child mentioned)

Your post is very helpful arielheart, I am going to probably read it over and over!! xo
Unread 01-28-2012, 10:17 PM
Re: Fear of Death (child mentioned)

I am day 1 post-op and I was SO scared that I wouldn't wake up. That was my biggest fear. I have a daughter and she was my main concern. Who would raise her and take care of her. It was on my mind constantly, especilly this last week. However, when yesterday came, I somehow found peace come over me and I knew all would be okay. Just as much as you don't want anything to go wrong... neither do the doctors. Keep thinking positive and know that you will be just fine. Praying for you.
Unread 01-28-2012, 10:39 PM
Re: Fear of Death (child mentioned)


I'm with you, I'm not okay with dying either!
It's standard procedure and necessary that you are told of all the things that could go wrong and there is risk. It's a very small risk--like you said, flying or driving are both riskier. Funny, my biggest worry was a long recovery. Dying isn't something that I even thought about. We are all so different.

Think about all the worry-free things
you will be able to do with your son.

Unread 01-29-2012, 05:31 AM
Re: Fear of Death (child mentioned)

Yes - you read and re-read what Arielheart said, now!
It's true!
My experience was the same - the surgery was a breeze and I woke up lucid and pain-free. I made a phone-call from the recovery room a minute or so after I woke up and I made complete sense (I'm told!).
But I had never had surgery before (I'm just 63) and I was very afraid I'd die on the table! I live alone, and I have no kids, but still wasn't planning to die just yet!
Because I am of a small, slight build, I was afraid they'd overdose me on anesthetic and I'd die that way! Of course, I voiced my fears and was reassured that they took my body weight into account.
I was told that I would be probably safer on that operating table, with everything closely monitored, than in my own bed asleep at night. It made sense to me! Hope you can believe that, too!
They can give you something before the actual op. to make you feel completely care-free! Just ask!
You will wake up and wonder why you were ever afraid!
Prayers and good wishes from afar!
Unread 01-29-2012, 09:25 PM
Re: Fear of Death (child mentioned)

Thank you for the posts, they're very helpful. So nice to have a friendly supportive group of women to share this with.
Unread 01-29-2012, 10:28 PM
Re: Fear of Death (child mentioned)

Hi. Im married with two children and I still thought about death, too. I think it's normal. surgery is a big deal. but for me, i chose not to dwell on it and used my energy toward positive thinking, which helped me and helped my 2 daughters to feel at ease. I trusted and hoped the doctor and hospital would take the very best care of me and i let them care for me. i pray everything goes well and for you, too!

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