dVH/RALH: Biggest worry nothing to do with surgery itself

Hi Ladies!

I'm scheduled for my surgery on this Monday, 3/12, and the nerves have REALLY kicked in. Can't sleep. Not eating right. Crying if someone so much as looks at me crooked. It's really kind of pathetic. But, I realize it's part of the territory. This surgery's a big deal, and my life will be different. And I know I need to be kind to myself. I've looked at things from every angle. I'm not worried about pain, I do well with physical pain, and I'm not afraid of this. I've come to terms with no children. My DH and I were discussing how we've never used any "real" contraception, and we've been together 5 years, so if we were meant to conceive, it should've happened by now. Maybe my uterus just wasn't meant for the journey of pregnancy, so it's just as well. I'm looking forward to no more Aunt Flo (... and is she being a royal "b"on her way out, too!!! What's with that?). I'm quite happy to know I'll be able to go home the next day. I've got my house ready, pretty much, for my ease and comfort for the first week or so. Wearing my favorite huge old sweatpants and soft comfy Metallica t-shirt to and from the castle - an outfit strictly for comfort, not for sex appeal!
So what's got me so worried? It has absolutely nothing to do with the surgery itself. It's about me, my poor body image, and past experience with insensitive/ignorant medical professionals who'd been taking care of me in the past. I'd mentioned it before in a post before in another forum on here - when I was a teenager, I herniated all of my lumbar disks, became paralyzed from the waist down, and had several surgeries on my lower back. I've been blessed with enough nerve regeneration that I was able to get back the ability to walk. It's not perfect or pretty, as I need braces on my lower legs to support my ankles so I can walk because unfortunately, I'm still paralyzed below the knee. But I'm just happy to be able to walk! What I haven't come to terms with is the aftermath of paralysis. No nerve impulses = no muscle movement = atrophy = very unattractive and thin lower legs. I hate them. Then I had nurses in the recovery room (after one of my surgeries) who didn't realize I was awake and could hear every word talking about how sad and disgusting my legs were, and what a shame because I was so young. Later that same day, my nurse in ICU pulled back the sheets on the bed to check my catheter, and exclaimed "****!!! Oh my gosh! They're so thin! But they're REALLY weak! Oh wow..." and wouldn't shut up. I told my mom, my mom told my neurosurgeon, and she was transferred to a different patient that afternoon. But I'm stuck with this experience now, playing in my mind, especially now. I know no one's perfect, and I'll be surrounded by professionals, and this isn't a Hawaiian Tropics bikini competition or anything. But these people were professionals, too. I had my pre-op this Tuesday, and I broke into tears as I asked my doctor to please let everyone know that I was exceedingly sensitive about my disability, and I feel so silly to have asked him. I just have no idea how else to get over this. At the moment, I feel like I can deal with everything else - I'm ready to go. Just can't get over this part of me. Any suggestions? Much thanks in advance!!!

I think talking to your doc about this was a good idea. I certainly would not feel silly for asking about this. I would tell them up front when you get there that you had a prior experience that was bad so please no comments. They shouldn't do it anyhow. I hope they are more sensitive about it this time. I totally understand feeling like this so just let them know.

I was feeling your pain. I'm sure their bodies aren't perfect either. That was their perception. I am sure you are a beautiful person. Ignore their comments. They must be coming from a lower place.

I'm sorry they were so totally unprofessional and oblivious to your feelings. I hope telling the Dr was enough. No one has a perfect body and mature people don't go on about other's imperfections. You don't need to deal with that on top of your surgery. I hope you get professional staff this time who realize we all are different.

Your feelings are very valid! And I'm glad you spoke with your doctor about them. It's amazing some of the terribly unprofessional comments hospital staff can make when they think we're out of earshot. Keep in mind that these are the minority and I'm sure most doctors and nurses don't think things like that, let alone say them. And it's understandable that you feel this way because when we go into surgery we are at our most vulnerable, exposed and unaware. So it's natural that we would be concerned about our dignity at such a time. I'm glad you're in a good place regarding the hysterectomy in general. Wishing you luck!

`Talking to your dr was a great idea. any chance you can have someone with you while in the hospital? I'm going to have my partner with me (except in recovery cos it's not allowed). My disability isn't as noticeable so I keep getting asked to do things I can't bec staff assume I'm ablebodied. I know what you mean about being glad you can walk. I have knee problems and can only walk 3 blocks w/ braces but am so glad I can at least do that. anyway, good luck, I hope everyone is sensitive & appropriate with you and all goes smoothly.

If you have problems with the nurses you need to let someone know. I had a horrid nursing assistant and my husband went out to the nursing desk and let them know that she was not to be back in my room.

I think its great that you talked with your doctor and I hope that it works. But if not - let the person have it. They should be more sensitive and not say things like that. jerks.