Have you told all family and friends?

I'm having a terrible time telling anyone. I told my husband, even then after accepting the decison myself after a week. I just can't bring myself to tell people. My job knows that I'm having surgery, but not the reason. I just don't feel comfortable talking to anyone, no one at all, at about it.

After suffering through years with fibroids and precancer on the cervix and going through embolization and myomectomy, 2 LEEPs and laproscopospy, it seems like it would be easier to do this alone. I mean, when I had the previous surgeries I didn't get much support nor help. So I thought that this time it would be easier if I just didn't tell anyone. Therefore I wouldn't be hurt when they let me down as I didn't expect anything from anyone since I didn't even tell them. Does that make sense?

I would love to have support and help but since it hasn't happened thus far, I shouldn't expect it now, right? How do I get through this? I'm scared to death just to do it. I'm even more terrified to do it alone. How do I cope? My doctor gave me something for surgery day so she wouldn't have to go looking for me (i.e under the bed) as I told her about my anxiety (and she knows of my reluctance).

I just need to be a grown up now, but I just can't find that strength for next week, 9/28. Any words of wisdom? Please?

Thank you.

Hi there...as far teliing people...completely a personal decision. I myself have no problems talking about it. I find it a big deal that I am having the surgery but found that talking about it helps me. Most people who don't want to talk about hysterectomies most likely do not understand. As far as you not having much help and support with previous surgeries, would probably have a lot to do with the fact that you haven't informed those that would care. You shouldn't feel terrified...this is a time when you should have all the support from your family and friends. Maybe if you took the time to explain to those close to you what was going on there would be more support. All my family and friends know...I also informed my work a month in advance...and the entire management staff is men! A hysterectomy shouldn't feel like its something to hide. I hope that you can talk to loved ones soon who can support you at this time...I wish you the best!

I've told some of my family. My father is 84 years old and has dementia/early alzheimer's. He knows what it means when I told him I'm having surgery but he forgets about it. Luckily I have someone we've hired to stay with him, she helps me a lot, so Dad won't notice that I'm not there for a few days. I'm hoping he will totally forget about the surgery and then I can just call and tell him I made it through and will see him soon. That is what I did with my lap back in Jan. and he did well with that. If I tell him right before I go in and it's on his mind he will worry himself sick.

I finally told my sister this weekend and one of my brothers. I probably won't bother teling my other brother since we talk so infrequently. My in-laws all know.

I don't care to tell people but you never know what their reaction will be so I've decided not to tell people outside my family.

I was apprehensive to tell a few people (not all people) in my life, like work... it is personal and didn't feel details were necessary, but when you say your having surgery, they automatically ask "what kind", and then I would say "abdominal" and most pretty much would say "oh a woman thing". it was embaressing, but found that I eventually didn't have a problem talking about it, especially as I had some complications occur, the thing that sux is that other women would say "oh I had one...no biggie", one person said they were walking a mile the week they were home, but the thing that aggravated me was I felt compelled to say well it's not just a hysterectomy, and then I went into the 4 other procedures that had to be done. I guess I felt pressured in terms of being out of work, people needing to know I wasn't milking this thing.

You will need the support, and you will find out who your real friends are. I have friends that I have always been there for them, and they did not once offer to come and help, nothing.

Big hugs to you, and you always have hystersisters for emotional support!!

I agree that it is a personal thing but it also shouldn't be something that we are embarassed to talk about. All us women start out the same...with a uterus, and shouldn't feel the least bit insecure talking about it with family or friends. Unfortunatley it's reality and the amount of women having hysterectomies grows every year! For me talking about it has been the best therapy! You would probably be amazed how many of your friends and or co-workers have had it done. And yes...I have also talked to some who say "it's no big deal"...and have come to the conclusion myself...after reasearching that it is a big deal! And we should def. take the time needed to heal. It's great to have family and friends around who will understand.

I just thought of something kind of funny. When I was first considering having the surgery my husband, on his own, decided to talk to his boss at work because he knew she had one years ago. She talked him freely about it. He came home excited that he had some news that might help me. He's such a sweetie.

I haven't had a problem telling people. I have a low grade endometrial cancer, and surgery is likely all I will need to cure it. That is not something to overlook and I feel folks need to know. It makes me feel better too. I am scared, but very optimistic. I worry more about possible complications or having it ruin a wonderful sex life with my husband. He is scared too. He is trying not to think about it. Poor dear. We have only been married (1st time for each) a little less than 5 years. Little did he know what "in sickness" was going to entail!! But I talk about it, laugh about it, cry about it and just am learning to live with it. I am making my appointment for surgery today...my referral came through! So...the countdown begins!

I have told my family and my close friends. I have also told work. They know that something is going on because I am miserable at work sometimes.

Most people are not shocked, and seem concerened, but I have to say that it is really hurtful when some people say stuff like "don't do it, you'll ruin your sex life".
Like, hello!, what about my everyday life? I want to be pain free. Yes I care about my sex life very much, but I really need to focus on being healthy before I can have my great sex back. Perhaps I am a bit sensitive right now, but am I wrong???

My family doesn't talk about it. We had a get together on Labour day weekend, and my sister (I have 3), asked "when are you having that surgery?" and that was it. No questions about it, no words of encouragement, no feeling at all. My in laws seem to care more...although it was also a sex conversation with them too. I hate that that is all anyone thinks about. Like I said I know it is important, but...

I do not mind teling people, after all, I'll be away from work for 8 weeks, and if you do not tell people what is going on, well, the rumour mills churns away!!!

Have a great day all, thanks for such a great place to hang out!

Sarah

Hi butterflyboo,

Humm, I just wrote about people not being there a bit ago in a post. I was just thinking this what you said here this morning... "should I have told people only to hurt me" I thought if you don't tell your family/friends...then those who never seem to care won't know and won't hurt your feelings. Gosh, I guess I am not alone in that thought as I thought I was.

I am sorry you don't have support either. My hubby and kids are supportive, but as far as other family/friends...I am always there for them, cooking if they're sick or offering help...but when I am the one who needs it...they all disappear. I bet if I had a party they'd all come???????? So frustrating. I believe if you find one true friend in life..you're VERY lucky. friends are hard to come by. Sure, you get friends, whom i call aquaintance friends....but ones that will stick by you in rough times are very rare.

Hang in there and know you're truly never alone. God is always your friend and walks with you side by side. We here all understand too.

Good luck to you. Dont be scared..you will get through this fine.

Hugs

Having surgery is always an emotionally charged and personal event, as you are well aware. It is a life changing event. No small thing!
I had a really hard time telling others b/c I didn't want to start crying. I am a very private person.
Once I was carrying a book on surgery and my friend asked why I had the book. It made it so much easier being asked than trying to start the topic myself.

Sometimes it's easier to avoid hurtful feelings by just not telling them about the surgery. You need to follow your heart and do what's best for you.

I know how you feel about the day of surgery (being found under the bed)! I envisioned myself hanging on to the door jambs of my house as my DH dragged me off for surgery! Or, I saw myself in the preop hospital bed like a cat getting a bath! Not a pretty sight!
In reality, I went as a dignified lady. . . calm and collected. . . so will you!
Blessings with your recovery!