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3 wks post op & need to babble 3 wks post op & need to babble

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Unread 10-25-2004, 09:18 PM
3 wks post op & need to babble

Forgive me, just need to babble. I really have no one to talk to (or even email) and although there may be a couple who might lend an ear... they just wouldn't get it. Like last night when I was crying (out of nowhere) of course hubby asked what was wrong. I said, "I'm so tired of this." That's really all I could say... I have no idea how to explain it. Course hubby has the easy answers, "You'll be fine soon." "You wanted & needed this surgery." ((as if that makes this post op stuff easier)) or he just sits there not knowing what to say. He could have just held me & not said a word... but why can't I ask for that?
I had alot of offers for help at first & not now. So today I drove myself w/my 4 yr old DD to a doctor appt then to another doctor appt in the afternoon, then drove my son to hockey practice & picked him up. 4 seperate trips in & out of the car, getting the princess in her car seat. Not to mention; making breakfast & getting 2 boys off to school, making lunch for the princess & trying to keep her happy all day... then supper, baths- you moms know the drill. UGH! And I just had to clean the bathroom while giving my DD a bath.... I have been good & not but obviously no one else had either... as I sat on the bathroom floor while my DD enjoyed her bath all I could do was smell that dirty bathroom smell, see the dirty toilet, sink, etc. I know, I know just don't look.
This is why I'm on the computer just typing away... It's the only way I can sit right now. I just feel like there is so much... you know.
Finally the doctor was able to re-close my incision. (spent the last 2 wks with 2 nurse visits a day with them cleaning & packing it.) And the doctor told me that hubby & I "can express our affection" anyway we'd like except for penetration. Does that mean oral must be okay? I just couldn't ask.
I'm tired of the awful:burning: The hotflashes really stink. And I find out from my doctor today that he doesn't recomment any hormones for me, apparently the estrogen could cause more endometriosis trouble for me?! Well hell I don't want that as that's the whole reason for this surgery in the first place!
Anyways I'm sorry to babble so much... I'm even giving myself a headache!
Couple quick questions though;
Does anyone else get pinching like pains in their abdomens, sometimes sharp- sometimes not?
For those of you TAH gals... where my incision is I am a hairy person and shave alot... I'm wondering if you know when/if you can shave there & make things a bit more "tidy" (so to speak) and also do you think these scars will stay ugly? My doc used stapels then removed them to use some glue & steri- strips.
Thanks for letting me babble
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Unread 10-25-2004, 10:38 PM
3 wks post op & need to babble

I, too, am 34 and had my surgery the day after you. I was almost in tears reading your post. It is hard and I am telling myself the same thing, but PLEASE take care of yourself. Do you have friends that can do the chauffering (team members' mothers?) It is hard when your kids rely on you for so much, but remember, the more you take care of yourself the better you feel and we know how momma's mood effects the family. and KEEP POSTING! IT will help you vent AND force you to sit down for a while. TAKE CARE!
Unread 10-26-2004, 11:20 AM
3 wks post op & need to babble

Dear 3beez,

Your "babble" posting sounds very familiar! Welcome to my world...all 3 of our kids are in school (although the youngest is only in morning kindergarten) but our routine is somewhat simlar.

The bit about your DH offering solutions instead of comfort reminded me of something I had recently read about how men can't handle women being emotional. It reads:

"When a woman is upset or emotional, she may cry, and constantly talk using emotional adjectives to describe how she feels. She wants to be mothered, taken care of and listened to, but a man interprets her behaviour based on his own priorities, and hears her saying: "Save me, fix my problems!"

So instead of being reassuring and comforting, he offers advice, asks probing questions, or tells her not to be so upset. For a woman, her display of emotion is a form of communication, which she can get over and forget quickly, but a man feels responsible for finding a solution for her and feels like a failure if he can't think of one. This is why, when a woman gets emotional, a man gets upset or angry and tells her to stop."

When you get past the idea that it's a rather sexist attitude, it actually made sense to me. Now, when I want just to be cuddled or held, that's what I tell him..."don't fix it, just hold me" or "I'd like to talk with you about my day. Would after dinner be okay? I don't need any solutions to problems - I'd just like you to listen." Most often it works; it has a time, a place, and an objective (supposedly all the things that appeal to a male brain), and the best part is that he's not expected to do any work. You know what? He's usually quite happy to do it. We're coming up on 15 years together and I still am learning!

The other thing that was familiar for me from your posting is the endometriosis and the DR not wanting you to be on HRT. My DR said that he'd prefer that I not start HRT until when I see him for my 6 week check. He said that six weeks without estrogen present should kill off what-ever-remaining cells (he got as much as he could during my surgery) and then I could start something. I've been having hot flashes 3-4 times per week, and insomnia at least 2-3 times per week. I must say though, that I feel SO much better since having my surgery (TAH/BSO on Oct. 1st) that I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat!

P.S. I've been shaving since 2 weeks post op without any difficulties. The scar was a bit tender, but now is just fine.

Good luck!
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