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I am so frustrated I could just scream!!! (venting, ranting, grumbling) I am so frustrated I could just scream!!! (venting, ranting, grumbling)

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Unread 03-12-2005, 03:33 PM
I am so frustrated I could just scream!!! (venting, ranting, grumbling)

I swear my Mother is going to put me in an early grave! Here I'm the one having surgery and I am trying so hard to make things as easy as possible for those who are going to be helping out and my dear Mother practically laughed in my face! I was talking to her again about the folder I was putting together with the phone numbers, kids insurance info and permission in case something happens to them, directions to the grocery store, etc. and she practically laughed in my face! 'What, are you going to be comatose and unable to speak the whole time I'm there?!' At this point, I am half tempted to just leave the house a complete disaster area, cupboards bare, laundry stacked up and let her have at it, except that I know she will rub my face in it for the rest of my life! I am seriously thinking about keeping myself doped up and sleeping the whole time she's here so I don't have to deal with her! I've already had to rearrange where I keep bills, private information, etc so that her nosey tush cant' find them.
ARGH!!! Why cant' today be 2 weeks from today and have her already gone!?!?! Love her to death, but deal with her so much better when we have a few hundred miles between us! I just want to tell her that she can just stay home.... but know that even if I don't need her, that she will help take some of the pressure off of hubby and know he needs it. He has been my absolute angel through this whole thing...
Sorry for rambling.. just needed to get it off my chest...
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Unread 03-12-2005, 03:48 PM
I am so frustrated I could just scream!!! (venting, ranting, grumbling)

Girl don't I know about the Mom factor. Mine is a piece of work too. She USED to do that same kind of stuff to me. But I fixed her after my son was born & she came to "help". She acted like such a PAIN, she made us all so MISERABLE that I asked her to leave just to get some peace. But that was 6 years ago & we didn't speak after that blow up for almost a month. So I think that she has seen the error of her ways & is ACTUALLY going to be helpful this time. ( I PRAY!!!!) GOOD LUCK! Don't sweat the small stuff, she'll be gone soon enough! hahaha LOL!! :eyes:
Unread 03-12-2005, 03:57 PM
I am so frustrated I could just scream!!! (venting, ranting, grumbling)

Well now I'm laughing. Hang in there girls!!!! Were almost home free as I look at it. I'm lucky in the mother, part of it all. My Mother, lives beside of me and she had a hyst. many years ago. She is an Angel. My problem is my sister who lives 550 miles away from me. She aslo had a Hyst. She trys to talk me out of it, and keeps saying you just wait.. You will gain so much weight..... I told her my Doc. said only if I eat more.. She just laughed at me. I try not to talk with her much now that it is close to my surgery. The last time I hung up from her I sat here and cried my eyes out. She hasn't been a very big suport person for me. I can't help it she gained alot of weight. I really shouldn't say this but she needs side boards for her plate!!!!! I think that is why she has gained... Eats like a little Piggie...... I would tell her that though... I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings. I guess I think before the words come out of my mouth unlike she does at times.
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Unread 03-12-2005, 04:19 PM
I am so frustrated I could just scream!!! (venting, ranting, grumbling)

Thank you girls! I feel much better since I vented here and called my Daddy and cryed on his shoulder. I am resigned to just relaxing, watching old movies and only doing what I feel like doing. Dear ole Mum can clean house to her hearts content! It will keep her out of my hair! hehehe
Hugs all around and best of luck to both of you! Keep me posted since we are all going in about the same time!! Cheers to all of us!
Back to Fred Astaire!
Unread 03-12-2005, 04:40 PM
I am so frustrated I could just scream!!! (venting, ranting, grumbling)

I hear you, Jen. My mom is the take-charge type too. She's coming at my 2 week point, when DH goes back to work. I don't know if that'll be better or worse--I won't be in as much pain or as unable to get around as I am now so she might just think I'm malingering and try to get me to vacuum or something!

I'll be thinking of you on Wednesday. Keep smiling! If yours goes as well as mine did, you'll be waltzing in the halls before you know it.
Unread 03-12-2005, 06:46 PM
I am so frustrated I could just scream!!! (venting, ranting, grumbling)

I didn't let my mother come and help after my first surgery and I didn't even tell her about the one I had 11 days ago. I'd suffer worse with her here!

Maybe you could make up a fun game to amuse yourself. Like, write down every stupid thing she says. And practice giving her a fake, blank smile when she says something offensive. You could even say "That's a really good idea, Mom. I'll have to think about that." That should knock her off kilter if she loves getting a rise out of you. Give yourself an extra treat evey time you're able to blow her off.

Good luck with your surgery and your mother!

Unread 03-12-2005, 06:53 PM
I am so frustrated I could just scream!!! (venting, ranting, grumbling)

I am so glad I found you guys!!!

MNMar~ May I have this dance?

Smargie~ I've always been pretty good at games.. and I like the idea of treating myself... remind me of my game when I come here to complain about her again! hehe

I'm honestly wishing now that I hadn't said anything to her. Especially since she behaves like I asked her to come up here in the first place! She's the one who volunteered, I wasn't going to ask her to come up at all! I already know we don't get along all that great and I'm a terrible patient as it is... didn't need the extra stress. :hair:

Thanks again ladies! I'm off to find myself a beverage of the alcoholic variety, wait for the pizza man to deliver dinner and enjoy a quiet evening with my hubby.

Unread 03-12-2005, 08:33 PM
I can sympathize

Hi again, Klassic.

I can see you're having mom problems again. I'm now talking to you from the other side and to my astonishment, I had dad problems post-op.

I was completely covered for help the first three weeks post-op EXCEPT that the house was some steps short of pristine condition when my dad brought me home from the hospital.

The week prior to surgery I had major work committments that extended to the day before surgery. My dad was supposed to come up that day -- a Sunday -- and I had hoped he would help me with some things that needed four hands. However, he changed his plans, so I had no help and was running on fumes, having had only 90 minutes sleep between Saturday and Sunday. When my dad didn't show, I arranged with a friend to take me to hospital early Monday morning.

My dad picked me up from hospital Thursday morning when I was released a day early. I had warned him the house wasn't quite ready.

Within minutes of walking into the house he was berating me for not getting enough done, goading me to fix everything up and literally yelling at me. At that point, I asked him to leave. Although that left me alone, I couldn't take the risk that he would goad me into action which would be seriously detrimental to my health. And trust me, that was going to be the next step...

Over the next three days I had three friends drop by for a few hours each and together we finished pulling the place together. Although I was careful not to lift or carry anything heavy, I was on my feet for most of the day Friday.

In trying to fix it, I did do too much, resulting in a very painful night five days post-surgery. My ciomputer was down so I couldn't even post online for advice ... so I was scared, alone and crying in pain.

Fortunately I had bought the hyster-sisters book and about midnight I found information in it on swelly-belly and the effects of doing too much, realized that it was a temporary condition that was lessening even as I lay there, and managed to eventually fall asleep.

The next day I felt better and I have tried to be much more careful ever since.

My father has since apologized and is calling to keep tabs on me and has visited a few times. But as much as I love him and know he loves me, I recognize that I really can't count on him. I'm now coping with help from friends.

To be fair, I should also point out that he is suffering from short term memory problems and that I have had a relatively smooth recovery and have been told my numerous people that I look strong and healthy. So I think he just kinda forgot -- or didn't realize -- that I couldn't do what he was asking me to do...

I suppose my point -- aside from sharing my experience so you know you're not alone -- is that sometimes *help* comes at too high a price. Only you can determine if you're willing to pay the price.

I hope you find a successful resolution and enjoy a successful surgery and smooth recovery.

Keep well,
Unread 03-12-2005, 08:37 PM
I am so frustrated I could just scream!!! (venting, ranting, grumbling)

I can really understand your frustration. I think almost every member of this fantastic website can relate -- if not with their mom, then with another friend or relative.

I can't tell any of you what to do, of course. But I can offer this advice: you can't control anyone else's behavior. All you can do is control your attitude and the way you react to their behavior.

If your mom's visit is going to cause so much stress on you and your recovery, and if you really can't trust her not to snoop through your house to find your private things, then please ask her not to come. Postpone your surgery if you have to, but make some other arrangements for yourself. Nothing is worth this.

Are you really doing yourself any favors if you are now so angry that you are tempted to leave your children without food just to get back at her somehow? Not that I think you are seriously considering doing that -- but you are clearly very angry at her and your children don't deserve to have their mom and grandmother at each other's throats even for a few days. And your recovery will suffer from the stress.

Years ago I would have been right here with you, talking about my mom the same way. I lost my mom to cancer in 2002, and ever since that time, I have realized how much I missed by holding anger and resentment against her. What a loss. Instead of just letting her be my mom (to the extent she could) I literally wasted years being angry at her. And I'd give anything to have her call me tonight and try to run my life a little bit.

Just my two cents. Hold tight to that mom. But if you can't, please be sensitive to those of us who miss theirs -- fabulous flaws and all.

Unread 03-12-2005, 09:02 PM
I am so frustrated I could just scream!!! (venting, ranting, grumbling)

Thank you for letting me know that I'm not alone in my frustrations. And thats exactly what they are, frustrations. I needed a chance to vent and get my frustrations out, and I did that. Partially by posting here, and partly by calling my Dad who is one of my dearest friends on top of being my Daddy.
Of course I'm not going to starve my boys or not speak to my Mom! I was just venting. We have all done it at one point or another. My Mom and I aren't going to argue in front of my kids either. We just see things very differently and I really believe, because she hasn't been here to see me in pain, to see how badly I've suffered, she doesn't really realize what I have been going through. I'm the independent one of her two daughters that does not need to come running to Mommy any time there is a problem. She doesn't know how to react to me when I do need her help.
I'm sorry if I upset some of you or if you felt that I was not being sensitive to those of you have lost their mothers. It was not my intent at all! We all need to be sensitive to each others situations, if we have Moms, don't have Moms, whatever the situation happens to be. If some of you felt that I was not as sensitive as maybe you felt I needed to be, please know that it was not my intention to be rude or disrespectful. I just needed a place to vent my frustrations so that I did not take them out on my Mother or anyone else for that matter. I thought this was the place I could just that. Maybe I was wrong...

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