Sad 26 year old

Hi, ladies!
I’m 26 years old and had my complete hysterectomy on September 15, 2020. I could list the million reasons why, but to preface, I am confident that I made the right decision in having the hysterectomy.

That being said, I am heartbroken. I just finished grad school last year and feel like my life is just getting started. I’m no where near ready to have children- it wasn’t even on my radar. But I am still so sad that I never got to choose to carry a child or not. I am also getting to a point in my life that many of my peers are starting to have babies and I am crushed a little more each time I see another pregnancy announcement or gender reveal party. I also feel very alone- no one my age knows what I am going through. I am fortunate to know many strong women who have had hysterectomies, however, all of them had had children before their procedure.

I feel like I am grieving a great loss. I don’t know if that’s dramatic or if I’m being too emotional.

My recovery is going very well, physically. I am starting to get a bit stir crazy and I think it’s in those moments that I can’t outrun the intense sadness.

I’m not one to dwell on the negatives, but I think this is a good and safe place to do so. I needed to get these feelings out and maybe a virtual shoulder to cry on! Thank you for listening!

Losing the ability to have children is a massive loss, especially when we didn't have them before hysterectomy. There is absolutely valid grief around it. It is considered a disenfranchised grief because society does not recognize this loss at all. When you share with people, they tend to dismiss ("you're lucky, try having my kids") or try to fix it (just "adopt!").

Enduring seeing our friends and family get the life we wanted is so painful and isolating...I'm 41 and still going through that. It is not being dramatic at all - the way our society elevates and glorifies motherhood, and how we spent so many years dreaming of our own children, it is incredibly human to feel such grief.

Finding other women who never had children but wanted to has helped me - we need to have a place where we belong and are understood. It isn't fair that this happened to you and it is so hard to be the only one in your friend group.

Hugs, you aren't alone!

First and foremost sending you a big virtual hug.
I was 24 years old when I had my hysterectomy my ten year mark is coming up in November. I could relate to how you feel. I tried my hardest to keep my uterus but I wasnt able to. I can say that with time the pain gets more bearable to live with, I was on the road to trying to conceive when I found out I had cancer. I had always imagined what my children would look like but God had other plans.
Babyshowers and gender reveals are hard for me to attend, although I am truly genuinly happy for those who are having children but the thought of the million questions that are asked(when are you planning to have children, why have you waited..etc) I kindly decline the invites but still send my gift.The only babyshowers I attend are those that I hold truly to my heart. You will encounter good days and at times you will have your sentimental days...I still do..its part of the process.
The hardest part was when I became single and joined the dating scene thinking nobody will ever want a woman who cannot conceive..but I was wrong..my now boyfriend had shared he didnt want children as soon as I met him (one of the many reasons he won my heart) when I told him about my situation his response made me fall even more in love.
Sorry for the rambling..its almost 2am where Im located lol..what I am trying to say is...its okay to grieve the loss of your uterus, its okay to have good days and bad days, dont hold it in and try to be strong all the time...tears are part of the process...remember to be kind to yourself and dont put yourselves in situations that make you feel uncomfortable..its okay to not attend a babyshower..its okay to ignore a pregnancy/babyshower/gender reveal post and go back a day later to write congratulations..or not...do what makes you feel good and what your comfortable with. Be kind to yourself and you will learn as you go with what you feel comfortable exposing yourself to as time goes on. Feel free to reach out if you ever just want to chat.

Hey Sis, Knowing you did the right thing for your health is what you need to constantly remind yourself. Hopefully you can take joy in living vicariously through loved ones, one day and or there are other options for motherhood. Now you just need to rest recover the best way you can. Breakdowns are going to be inevitable, this is what I'm learning while recovering.... Take care of yourself and holla back if you want. TINA D.

	Quote:
Originally Posted by cookiecrum Hi, ladies! I’m 26 years old and had my complete hysterectomy on September 15, 2020. I could list the million reasons why, but to preface, I am confident that I made the right decision in having the hysterectomy. That being said, I am heartbroken. I just finished grad school last year and feel like my life is just getting started. I’m no where near ready to have children- it wasn’t even on my radar. But I am still so sad that I never got to choose to carry a child or not. I am also getting to a point in my life that many of my peers are starting to have babies and I am crushed a little more each time I see another pregnancy announcement or gender reveal party. I also feel very alone- no one my age knows what I am going through. I am fortunate to know many strong women who have had hysterectomies, however, all of them had had children before their procedure. I feel like I am grieving a great loss. I don’t know if that’s dramatic or if I’m being too emotional. My recovery is going very well, physically. I am starting to get a bit stir crazy and I think it’s in those moments that I can’t outrun the intense sadness. I’m not one to dwell on the negatives, but I think this is a good and safe place to do so. I needed to get these feelings out and maybe a virtual shoulder to cry on! Thank you for listening!

Hey, Im so sorry for you. i know this feeling so so well- and i wouldnt have wished this on anyone.
You arent being dramatic. Your grief is for the loss of your hopes and dreams for yoir future. And the feelings you have about others joy is natural.
Allow yourself to feel it and experience it.
But don't let it consume you.
Today is my 9 year Hyster-versary.
I was 29 when i had my total Abdominal Hysterectomy after 7 unsuccessful IVF attempts. I had not conceived or carried a child before my surgery.
I felt shattered. Grieved. And incomplete.
I felt that id failed a simple human function that millions of others could do in the blink of an eye.
I blamed myself, i blamed my weakness and i pushed my husband away.
It took 8 years to finally finish decaying my marriage.
Ive done a lot of crying. A lot of grieving. Watched jealously and sadly as people close to me had children.
I worked with counsellors, took meds, did a lot of soul searching.
I went through an intense period of hatred and resentfulness towards God.
I went to Churches.
I went to a Buddhist temple and spun the prayer wheels day after day to find some solace.
Eventually Islam found me and i reverted- and found a sense of peace with my lot in life.
It was a process- and one that we all will carry with us- always. Its now a part of your identity- but you dont have to let it define who you are.
Please dont give up. Its hard. But you have thousands of shoulders here to lean on.
I recommend the peacefulness of the Buddhist temples if you feel troubled. They have beautiful serene gardens, and the prayer wheels are very calming.
Mosques are also a beautiful place to sit in peace.
The Anglican and Catholic churches are also beautiful atmospheres- with the stained glass windows and silence.
Whichever path you find- please remember that seeking help from counsellors, Drs, and medication isnt weakness. Its the ultimate strength.
I send strength to you. Xx

Hey, I am 27 and just underwent my hysterectomy last Wednesday, and I feel the exact same way as you. It’s hard not having anyone in life that can relate because we’re quite young and childless. I don’t know what else to say, other than thank you for writing this, it’s made me feel less alone knowing there’s someone out there in the same situation and headspace. Even if it’s not a very positive one. I wish you all the best!

	Quote:
Originally Posted by cookiecrum Hi, ladies! I’m 26 years old and had my complete hysterectomy on September 15, 2020. I could list the million reasons why, but to preface, I am confident that I made the right decision in having the hysterectomy. That being said, I am heartbroken. I just finished grad school last year and feel like my life is just getting started. I’m no where near ready to have children- it wasn’t even on my radar. But I am still so sad that I never got to choose to carry a child or not. I am also getting to a point in my life that many of my peers are starting to have babies and I am crushed a little more each time I see another pregnancy announcement or gender reveal party. I also feel very alone- no one my age knows what I am going through. I am fortunate to know many strong women who have had hysterectomies, however, all of them had had children before their procedure. I feel like I am grieving a great loss. I don’t know if that’s dramatic or if I’m being too emotional. My recovery is going very well, physically. I am starting to get a bit stir crazy and I think it’s in those moments that I can’t outrun the intense sadness. I’m not one to dwell on the negatives, but I think this is a good and safe place to do so. I needed to get these feelings out and maybe a virtual shoulder to cry on! Thank you for listening!