Warning: This post contains rants and venting!

Okay,

So, the really sad part is that I have gotten more support from you guys then from people surrounding me. I have a few hours until my pre-op and as you can see above my surgery is tomorrow. I'm thinking it will be laprocscopically because that's usually how he does it. I honestly have no idea what to expect.

I know that "normally" even with this awful pain from the adeno I am a positive person. I am stable and in control most of the time. I feel like a crazy person for the last couple of days. Today I was even thinking of what else I could do to forestall this surgery...lupron? Some other thing that will probably only work while taking it, then the symptoms will most likely come back.

I feel like if there's any hope I don't want to do this irreversible thing. Anyone ever chicken out before?

I know this is probably "normal" day before nerves. I just want...need...to know that I did everything I could before having this done.

I get the priviledge of bring my kids to the pre-op, don't have anyone to help with that today. I am not very happy about it at all! Yeah I know they can wait in the main waiting room, but still....this is a very sensitive issue for me.

I have some Ativan, that would probably help...but I don't want to drive while taking that. So, nothing until I get back. I know it's probably the stress, but the pain is SO much worse yesterday and today.

I'm mad! I'm mad that the people closest to me aren't understanding why I'm wavering in this decision. Even those who have had hysterectomies in the past (like 20 years ago) aren't relating to me. I just keep getting...oh you'll do fine. It will be just fine. Don't worry. Think positive. UGH!

I'm sorry to any this might upset....I just felt that I had to get this out or I'd explode!

If you read this, thanks for taking the time. I'm sure I'll just go with the flow and in a few days know that it's over. Just really struggling with the finality right now.

Hi Javakitty(love the name!!),

Rant and rave to your hearts content!! It is okay!

It is normal to feel aprehensive. I am sorry the people around you are not giving you the support you need. Only you can make this decision.

Hang in there!!


June

I am so sorry. I can relate. My mind goes on and on thinking maybe it isn't so bad, maybe I could wait...then my period hits and I remember how much pain I am in and that it can only get worse. I still have over a month til my surgery, so I know the anxiety will get worse in the coming days.
How old are your kids? Mine are little and I know it just adds stress to the situation to take them with you. I am sure you are worried about a lot of things as the day goes on.
I am sorry your family is not understanding your feelings. I think that they are probably trying to make you feel better (or maybe themselves feel better!)
I hope your pre-op goes well. Ask tons of questions and don't feel bad calling them back if you forget any...it is your surgery and your body.
Happy thoughts...

hugs to javakitty, you probably need a nice big mocha now!
Let the kids watch you getting blood taken at the pre-op, my kids always get a thrill from seeing mom in pain, lol. Vent all you want and come back to let us know how it went!

I am having my hysterectomy next month - I am with you I am apprehensive - not so much losing my uterus but of going through the surgery and pain afterwards. My Gyno thinks I may have adeno since nothing else is showing up and the pain feels as if someone punched me right in the pelvic area. I.C. has been ruled out and Pelvic Floor Dysfunction, and IBS so they feel it is the uterus. What have your symptoms been like?

Will you be having the cervix taken out as well? Everyone says the same thing to me as well - it will be fine -my husband acts as if it is a routine procedure like a colonoscopy or D & C. and it is hard to make everyone understand that after going through years of pain every month the last think you want is to go through even more severe pain after the surgery. Good Luck and write back -PLEASE let us know what happens.

Thoughts, prayers and hugs are with you!

I'm still in my "mood" but at least I finally got a 'pre-registration' call from the castle. Now to wait for the pre-op. This doc is great and because he is...he is terribly hard to get in to see. That means you make an appt. Then on the day of that appt. you call a few hours before to see what time you actually are to come in. Usually it comes down to "how long do you need to get here?" I reply... "about 15-20 mins" and they just call when he's ready. Usually try to make appt's when I've got someone to watch the kids...today of course, that isn't the case. I DO know that they won't postpone it a day or two, as can happen with normal appt's. lol

My kids are 13 dd, 6 (7 in May) ds, and 5 dd. I know you're thinking 'hey leave the 13 yo in charge! Well, I read somewhere that kids born more than 5 years apart both tend to have 'I want to be in charge' issues....such is the case with mine. I would be frightened to leave them here lol!!! My ds is a beautiful boy, but VERY challenging!!!

My symptoms....started after my tubal ligation with my youngest. The periods started super bad, then within a a couple years the pain. Constant and debilitating. I did have a 9 month reprieve from the pain after one of my laproscopies, they're not sure why. I've been on pain meds for almost two years now and have had many many laproscopies. It came down to, "we think it's adenomyosis...so your choices are get pregnant or have a hysterectomy." I did try the first option for almost a year. The doc I am seeing now is my third opinion. He has been as empathetic as a man can be, I think. So I can't complain too much about that. At least he seems to have some semblence of sympathy that I DON'T want to do this.

So here I am....chickened out because of all I'd heard about Lupron...so I skipped that last step and ended up here somehow. I feel SO rushed! But then if I had more time I'd probably do worse.

My only hope today is that my appointment will get pushed until after 4...then either my hubby could get off work a little early, or my mom might be here. She's driving up, about a 4 hour trip.

The castle did say that there would be blood work today. Sooooo....here I am waiting to take my Ativan until after the appt, wishing I could take it now....but also wishing the appt will be later so I don't have to bring the kids.

Sorry for the rambling...been a really tough tough day. Thanks to you for your support...I can't tell you how much it means to me. Really!

I will post as soon as I feel able afterwards! Though after today you all might just be sick of me. lol

Christina ~

	Quote:
Originally Posted by busheybug What have your symptoms been like? Will you be having the cervix taken out as well? Thoughts, prayers and hugs are with you!

Symptoms are severe periods (can't leave the house! Lately they aren't even monthly like they used to be, they've gone from 32 days like clockwork to 28, to 24...and now any time! They last forever and are just so gross!!

My pain is always there, like a knife in my abdomen. Sometimes it's like pressure, lots of pressure...a really heavy feeeling inside. When I hit mid-cycle it gets worse, or pre, during, and post period.

Mostly my symptoms are just the bleeding and the pain. They did all those tests for me too...to rule out IC and the others. The many laps I've had ruled out endo and fibroids and any other stuff.


Not sure about the cervix....if it's okay I'd like to keep it. I'd like to keep whatever I can. Won't reallly know until I get to talk to the doc.

Hugs to you in your journey!!!

Rest assured you are SO very normal! For me, the hysterectomy was a decision I had to make. As I told my husband the day before, it would be so much easier to know I was making the right decision if there were a bone sticking out of my skin. Not seeing the medical need or having to deal with it 24/7 made it seem more...hmmm...."elective".

I realized after the surgery, it was no where NEAR elective! My uterus was more than 2 times the normal size and the fibroid tumor was much larger than they expected. Within 3 days of surgery, I realized some daily pains I had taken for granted as being "normal" for someone in their mid-40s were gone. And no pain I felt since surgery could compare to what I experienced each month (and I didn't have pain killers for THAT!).

Don't hold it against those who love you when they do not seem to understand your concerns. The problem is just that: They don't understand.

Obviously, you have scheduled the surgery for a reason. Take a moment to remember why and see if it still applies.

I can only say I wish I had done this years and years ago! I have missed so much and been so miserable and in paid for all this time for no good reason!

Hugs to you...just remember that you are normal!

Kim
LAVH/BSO on Climara patch

JavaKitty--
Do you relate your problems to your tubal? I am curious because my problems started immediately with the first period after my tubal. I was having horrible stabbing pain (not the usual cramps), I couldn't stand at sometimes and thought I might bleed to death!!
Since then the pain has not increased during my period, but has become more frequent. Ovulation time, then more and more days throughout the month. I really thought it was my ovaries, but at my laparoscopy they looked totally normal, but the uterus is "enlarged, boggy, and mottled in appearance."
I am so sad about this whole thing. Sad for all of us really. It is nice to have others who understand how I feel, but I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
Do you think you feel nervous also because of your kids? I know I do with mine (DS7,DS6, DD20mos). It is such a busy time of year with their activities. I worry about missing out on something. I guess it is a Mom thing!
I wish you the best of luck. It is a difficult decision and process. It can be lonely also...my husband sometimes doesn't get it at all. He is supportive, but I don't think he understands the extent of the pain and that disinterest in sex is directly related to that fact.
Sorry, now I am rambling. There is so much involved in this whole yucky thing!!
Chris

UGH...I can totally relate. All I hear is that "It'll be the best thing you've ever done! You won't regret it! It's a breeze..you'll sail through with no problems! You'll feel better than you ever have, so quit worrying."

How can you tell someone on THIS side of surgery to "stop worrying"? Blech

The best thing I've ever done was have my children. As for regretting the surgery, I already am and it hasn't even happened yet.