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Choosing a new dog
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03-17-2019, 12:09 PM
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Posts: 8,056
Hysterectomy: April 14th, 2015
Surgery Type: LSH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Choosing a new dog
A few months ago, we lost our beloved dog Jack Daniels to complications of a genetic disorder, and now that my brother and I are almost through the grieving process, we're looking to add a new dog to our family, but we're undecided on the breed. Because we're older and live in a small bungalow, we don't want one who's too large or overly active, but we'll take one who's up for a daily walk; we also need one who will get along with our 13 year old Norwegian Forest Cat. Another question is about the age; my brother has his heart set on a puppy, but my research and talks with a few acquaintances are clearly leaning towards us adopting an adult dog. My brother does home renovations, and can be on a job site well into the evening, including weekends. My schedule includes 5 workouts at the Y per week, including swimming, weight training, and yoga classes, plus I have regular meetings with my caseworker, and periodic social events arranged by her organization, which would leave a pup alone for up to 3-5 hours. My brother approached me on Friday, and suggested that I'd have to put all that aside for several months to give the pup the required supervision and training, and he wasn't prepared to take no for an answer. I actually suggested adopting an adult dog as an alternative, which he immediately rejected, saying that he doesn't want a dog with issues, and instead wants a dog who can be molded into an ideal pet. I plan to discuss all this at my next meeting with my caseworker on Thursday, but I'd first like to get your thoughts on this
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03-18-2019, 04:46 AM
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Posts: 81,723
Hysterectomy: April 7th, 2005
Surgery Type: SAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: Choosing a new dog
(((Tiger_Eye)))
I'm very sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved pet.
You're very wise, especially given the considerations above. I'd go down the adoption route every time. There are thousands of dogs who, through no fault of their own, find themselves in shelters. Also, from everything I've seen and experienced, "dogs with issues" aren't often offered for adoption because the charities/shelters have to concentrate on the ones that are easily adoptable.
They're also assessed as to whether they need to be homed alone, or with another dog, of if a home with a cat would work. Friends of mine chose a rescue dog because she was known to get along with cats! It was a really good fit.
I saw this online a while back, " 'Rescue' does not mean 'damaged' ... it means they have been let down by humans". That says it all, imho. So, maybe approach it from a different angle with your brother? Mention all the above, plus the huge choice, size, age, breed ... and dogs who are desperate for a second chance, love and their forever home. Tell him that if he wants a puppy, then *he* is the one who'll have to set aside "several months" ... !
Our last rescue was 3 years old, already potty trained (yay!) and didn't wreck the house - yay! He quickly settled into our routine. Shouldn't really have favourites, but he was the best dog we'd ever had. He lived to 16+.
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03-18-2019, 10:44 AM
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Posts: 8,056
Hysterectomy: April 14th, 2015
Surgery Type: LSH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: Choosing a new dog
Thank you for your kind words, and you are so right; there are thousands of good, perfectly adoptable adult dogs out there, who never get the chance at their "forever home," and may end up being put down, because "everybody wants a puppy." As I'm typing this, I'm looking at a picture of Jack's grandmother Alli; the breeder couldn't show her because she had one ear flopped over, so she gave her to us on condition that we let her breed her, and make money off her puppies. She turned out to be one of the best, most special dogs we ever owned, and seeing her in Jack made him that much more special. However, once my brother makes up his mind that I should do something, he becomes angry if I give him even the slightest hint that he may be wrong. I described in glowing terms how our municipal shelter has a thorough screening process to match us with the right dog, and he became offended; he boldly proclaimed that he didn't need someone else to tell him what dog was right for us. I'm sure you'll agree that an attitude like this is a surefire recipe for disaster, so I'll ask my worker for some ideas on how to approach this.
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03-20-2019, 05:35 AM
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Posts: 81,723
Hysterectomy: April 7th, 2005
Surgery Type: SAH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: Choosing a new dog
I'll keep everything crossed for you!
Let me know what your caseworker suggests and how things go ...
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03-21-2019, 02:47 PM
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Posts: 8,056
Hysterectomy: April 14th, 2015
Surgery Type: LSH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: Choosing a new dog
I've just returned home after meeting with my caseworker, and she agrees that my brother asking me to change my routine because he wants a puppy is a bad idea, and if he wants one, then he's the one who will have to make major changes, not me. He actually met with her a few weeks ago, and expressed concern that because I have Aspergers Syndrome, which makes me averse to change, he's concerned that if something happened that would force me to make a major change all at once, I wouldn't be able to cope with it. However, just as I easily adapted to my post-op restrictions, I could eventually adapt to most changes, but not to changes imposed by him. A few of my fellow knitters had expressed concern that he'd just go out and get a puppy, and present it as a fait accompli, but that's not going to happen. I think he sees this as being no different than walking into our local home improvement store, saying "I'm looking for ___," and walking out with it with no questions asked. However, as she mentioned, just like the many times he'd threatened to seize control of my government benefits for his purposes, there are procedures in place to prevent him from doing anything without my involvement. She said that any reputable organization would insist on a screening process, and on talking to me directly; if he tried to impose his will on this, either I or the organization could insist on talking privately, without him present, so I could tell them the complete truth about what he'd suggested, and of course they'd never approve of that. She suggested that we make an appointment to go to a shelter together, just to see what's available, and to have faith in the screening process, which would match us with the right dog, who would fit into our lives without making any major changes. I'll post on this again when I have more news on this front.
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03-22-2019, 06:38 AM
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Posts: 8,056
Hysterectomy: April 14th, 2015
Surgery Type: LSH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: Choosing a new dog
Oh, and one more thing I'd like to add: my brother smokes, and I'm constantly picking up cigarette butts that he's dropping all over the place which of course will have to stop completely if he wants a dog, especially a puppy. He says that he's trying to quit, and that he's switched to vaping, but I think you'll agree that that's just as dangerous, and just as much of a reason for any responsible breeder or shelter to disqualify us from adopting any dog. He's constantly blaming me for everything that's going wrong in his life, and becomes angry whenever I ask him to take responsibility for how he may be contributing to the situation; he says I'm breaking his heart by not getting the house cleaned up or wanting to change my schedule so we can adopt a puppy, but if we're disqualified because of his smoking or vaping, then it's all on him, and I'll be sure to let him know that I'm not accepting any blame for that!
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03-23-2019, 09:43 AM
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Posts: 16,835
Hysterectomy: February 21st, 2013
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Re: Choosing a new dog
Hi Tiger Eye,
I can relate to you on many levels as I have a very strained relationship with my own brother. Although we don’t live together, there is constant drama because he “critiques” me through my mom. He is selfish and talks a big game but does not offer useful advice.
My deepest condolences on the loss of you beloved Jack Daniels. I lost my my schnoodle siblings last year and the grieving process takes a lot out of us.
My daughter is currently a volunteer and foster parent for many little older animals waiting for adoption. I also have personal experience with this. Please check the smaller rescue organizations as they work very hard to tell prespective parents the true personality of the pup. They do not want either you or the pet traumatized. Ask questions about socialabity, other pets, etc. Check the agency reviews on the internet to make certain they are legit. A decent and reputable no kill shelter or smaller rescuer team wants to make certain the animal will have a good home. They will actually interview you to make sure of a good fit. They do not want the pet returned.
You are entitled to your life. Do not sacrifice your own desires. A pettgat suits your lifestyle will enrich your life. A puppy is not a good idea at all in my humble opinion.
I have severe OCD and the last thing you need is stress from entertsining a new puppy 24/7.
Hugs and good luck.
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03-24-2019, 04:56 AM
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Posts: 8,056
Hysterectomy: April 14th, 2015
Surgery Type: LSH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Re: Choosing a new dog
Marciamae, it's good to hear from you again, and thank you for your kind words. My brother's latest drama: I've been getting up early to let Jack out and go to the Y for many years, and it's never bothered him until a few months ago, and of course he's blaming me for waking him up early; the past few days, he stretched his bedtime to 1 AM, hoping that would help him to sleep through my early mornings, but instead, it's resulted in him only getting 4 hours of sleep; I suggested improvements in sleep hygiene that could help, and he was rather angry, saying that I was being arrogant, and twisting things back on him. Yesterday, he mentioned that he'd spoken to our financial planner's office manager about getting a dog from her, which of course would not include a screening process, but my acquaintances at the Y brought up a few more points for the no side. Currently, we own the house, and my dad's pension income pays the bills; when he dies, we'll have to sell the house, and we might not be able to find housing where pets are allowed. Also, my brother's treatment of me meets the official definition of emotional abuse, so my caseworker is working alongside a housing specialist who works for her organization to get me into subsidized housing, which of course I've had to keep from him; I could be moving out in as little as 5 years, leaving him to care for the dog on his own, which of course his work schedule wouldn't allow. And of course, I'd have to get up early to let the dog out. Any suggestions on how I should handle this?
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03-24-2019, 06:55 AM
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Posts: 16,835
Hysterectomy: February 21st, 2013
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Choosing a new dog
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Quote: |
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Originally Posted by Tiger_Eye
Marciamae, it's good to hear from you again, and thank you for your kind words. My brother's latest drama: I've been getting up early to let Jack out and go to the Y for many years, and it's never bothered him until a few months ago, and of course he's blaming me for waking him up early; the past few days, he stretched his bedtime to 1 AM, hoping that would help him to sleep through my early mornings, but instead, it's resulted in him only getting 4 hours of sleep; I suggested improvements in sleep hygiene that could help, and he was rather angry, saying that I was being arrogant, and twisting things back on him. Yesterday, he mentioned that he'd spoken to our financial planner's office manager about getting a dog from her, which of course would not include a screening process, but my acquaintances at the Y brought up a few more points for the no side. Currently, we own the house, and my dad's pension income pays the bills; when he dies, we'll have to sell the house, and we might not be able to find housing where pets are allowed. Also, my brother's treatment of me meets the official definition of emotional abuse, so my caseworker is working alongside a housing specialist who works for her organization to get me into subsidized housing, which of course I've had to keep from him; I could be moving out in as little as 5 years, leaving him to care for the dog on his own, which of course his work schedule wouldn't allow. And of course, I'd have to get up early to let the dog out. Any suggestions on how I should handle this?
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Oh Tiger Eye,
Because this is such a serious situation, I’m going to think about things before I respond - I would like to try to figure out some options.
My concerns are for your emotional well being and financial stability You deserve to be happy.
In the meantime, I hope others can offer ideas.
Hugs
Marcia ❤️
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