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Upcoming September hysterectomy: Nervous and people don’t understand (CHILDREN MENTIONED) Upcoming September hysterectomy: Nervous and people don’t understand (CHILDREN MENTIONED)

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  #1  
Unread 07-26-2021, 05:08 PM
Upcoming September hysterectomy: Nervous and people don’t understand (CHILDREN MENTIONED)

I have my surgery scheduled for September. I’m having a hard time with it. I’m only 34, and I have 4 beautiful kiddos and 2 angel babies… but the idea of not having anymore is really hard on me. People aren’t understanding that, and make me feel ridiculous for it bothering me so much.

What do y’all do/how did y’all manage the nerves? My nerves are all over the place and my emotions are just all over crazy.
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  #2  
Unread 07-26-2021, 06:51 PM
Upcoming September hysterectomy: Nervous and people don’t understand (CHILDREN MENTIONED)

34 is young! But you are so lucky to have 4. The possibility door will be closed for sure but i think the relief you will feel will outweigh the emotions once its all done. I never really wanted kids and never had any and had my hysterectomy age 39 and now im 40. Once in a while i feel like a bad person for not wanting or having kids like theres something wrong with me mentally or i feel like now i will die alone and not have anyone to be there for me when im old. We all have those emotional feelings or worries of regrets so you definitely are not alone.

  Quote:
Originally Posted by KendraR95 View Post
I have my surgery scheduled for September. I’m having a hard time with it. I’m only 34, and I have 4 beautiful kiddos and 2 angel babies… but the idea of not having anymore is really hard on me. People aren’t understanding that, and make me feel ridiculous for it bothering me so much.

What do y’all do/how did y’all manage the nerves? My nerves are all over the place and my emotions are just all over crazy.
  #3  
Unread 07-26-2021, 07:52 PM
Re: Nervous and people don’t understand (CHILDREN MENTIONED)

Hi KendraR95 to HysterSisters!

I am so glad you found this site. And you are young for this surgery.

All of your feelings, fears, emotions, and anxieties are completely normal. It is so hard to lose your uterus, something that has made its presence known to you for decades, something that housed your wonderful babies. And now that is being taken from you by force. So of course you are upset and devastated. You are welcome to post in our Aching Hearts where women can go to grieve this loss - because that is what it is. It is truly a loss.

People on the outside of this tend not to understand the emotional impact of a hysterectomy. I do understand exactly how you feel. I mourned the loss of my uterus (and cervix, tubes and ovaries) for a very long time. I felt empty inside and less feminine. And yes, I know I am more than my body parts, and I know that what makes me a woman is what is in my mind, heart and soul. But that is the logical person inside me. The emotional side will still mourn.

For nerves, it helps to exercise and to keep yourself very busy. You have to prepare your busy household for your downtime anyway. Here are some articles:
10 Tips for Preparing for Your Hysterectomy
10 Tips to Prepare for Hysterectomy Recovery with Small Children


What I found most useful were the following (note that I do not have children):
-Meals in the freezer that can be put in the microwave
-Easy foods for breakfasts and lunches
-Loose fitting clothing
-Prepare your recovery corner with pillows and blankets
-Plan entertainment for your brain
-Small pillow to hold against your tummy for coughs and sneezes (or pet visits)
-Super clean your house
-Get your hair cut

Here also is another article:
Coping with Anxiety and Fear before Hysterectomy


Just know that you are not alone in this. We will be by your side throughout this process.

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  #4  
Unread 07-27-2021, 04:31 AM
Upcoming September hysterectomy: Nervous and people don’t understand (CHILDREN MENTIONED)


When I had my surgery, I was 48, single, and childless; I was already facing the end of my childbearing years, and this made it final. I hit a wall of depression after my post-op checkup, as my emotions surrounding the surgery stirred up feelings of unresolved grief from my mother's death in 2013; thanks to the caring support of the sisters in our Aching Hearts forum and two wonderful therapists, I was able to process my feelings and move forward with my life, while still acknowledging what I'd lost. I can't imagine what it must feel like to be losing that part of you that gave you those wonderful children and could have given you more, but I would like you to know that we'll be here to support you as you go through these feelings; if you feel like you need more help, then your doctor can point you in the right direction. Wishing you all the best for a successful surgery and a smooth recovery!
  #5  
Unread 07-28-2021, 08:24 AM
Re: Upcoming September hysterectomy: Nervous and people don’t understand (CHILDREN MENTIONED)

I was 49 when I had my hysterectomy. I had no desire to have more children at that point. But when my Dr told me I needed the surgery it hit me! Going through life we just don't think about those things on a daily basis. But knowing my uterus was coming out really bothered me a lot. I mean this was the place where they resided for 9 months. This was my female parts. My mom parts. I think for some women it's very normal to feel that way. I'm gonna be honest here. At the age of 54 I still struggle with not feeling like a woman since my hysterectomy even though I'm on estradiol. "MOST" women do not have this issue. I'm a very analytical thinker though so I still struggle with feeling like something is missing. The only way for me to deal with it is to belong to groups like this where you can exchange hurts and fears openly without being judged. Other people won't get it unless they've been through it. And even women that had a hysterectomy might not get it if it doesn't bother them. But there's never a wrong way to feel about it. If it bothers you then it bothers you. You have to decide though is this surgery necessary? If so then you go through with it and seek out the proper support in those that will listen. Kind of like a man that has to have a testicle removed. Is he still a man? SURE HE IS! He had to have it removed due to a medical condition. And even though he might have 4 children and it isn't "NEEDED" it will still most likely bother him.
  #6  
Unread 07-29-2021, 02:33 AM
Re: Upcoming September hysterectomy: Nervous and people don’t understand (CHILDREN MENTIONED)

It is sad. Your womb has served you well. It's like saying a final goodbye to a close companion who has given you so much. I pray your surgery goes well and calm will "invade" you in these coming weeks.
  #7  
Unread 07-30-2021, 11:58 PM
Re: Upcoming September hysterectomy: Nervous and people don’t understand (CHILDREN MENTIONED)

  Quote:
Originally Posted by KendraR95 View Post
I have my surgery scheduled for September. I’m having a hard time with it. I’m only 34, and I have 4 beautiful kiddos and 2 angel babies… but the idea of not having anymore is really hard on me. People aren’t understanding that, and make me feel ridiculous for it bothering me so much.

What do y’all do/how did y’all manage the nerves? My nerves are all over the place and my emotions are just all over crazy.
There is nothing strange about feeling mixed emotions as you are. That's how we deal with life and heal emotionally. If you are convinced that going ahead with the operation is the wisest move for your health, that will make a difference. To be the best mom you can be for your current family.

The part that bothers me is you've said, "people aren't understanding." That says to me you have expectations of them--that they should react a certain way. I would suggest you consider a cool tool. If you Google "I have a sad" in images, you should see a cute cartoon. It says, "I have a sad," and the other person says, "Do you want a solution or comfort". The sad one says, "I want to be angry, then sad, then comforted, then we look for solutions."

I've been using this with my husband in prequalifying what I am looking for from him. I might add "I'd like your input or opinion", or "I just want a listening ear."

Best wishes in the days ahead as you process this difficult decision.
  #8  
Unread 07-31-2021, 12:05 AM
Re: Upcoming September hysterectomy: Nervous and people don’t understand (CHILDREN MENTIONED)

I will add, it is a grief many women go through--the baby that we never had. Whether you had the operation or simply decided on no more children. It's a concept, an idea. My biggest thing in life was to be a mom which came later at 33 & 36 when I thought it might never happen. When I learned I recently needed a hysterectomy, I felt some of those feelings you have too in that it was like the devil was attacking the MOST sacred part of me--my womb where my kids came from. I was in shock for a bit thinking the doctor had made a mistake. It didn't "fit" me.

It took a few more months of horrible bleeding and anemia to convince me I'd better get it done. I asked friends for input and gathered my own information. I'm much older than you so probably came to terms faster. But you are blessed with a good-sized family and need to look after yourself. Best wishes.
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