Crying A Lot

I am going to try to reconstruct this post because ladies were kind enough to reply. As I said before I deleted, I usually live up to my nickname -- singing in the rain -- but not so much these days.

I've been through a lot the past decade or so with an ADHD son (full blown adult case) and a husband with coronary artery disease who just had three angioplasties this past summer to avoid bypass. So I think I'm a bit battle-weary to begin with.

I've also suffered with terrible periods and pain for the past few years. I had two D&Cs and they found benign polyps both times. My uterus was covered with them, on all sides, and they grew back in 18 months.

I can't have an ablation because my uterine lining is too thin where my C-section scars are (I had three).

I am overweight and have asthma, so I'm very concerned -- frightened -- about going under and being intubated. My GYN is not concerned -- at all -- and this month was the longest she was willing to wait to do the hysterectomy. I've been on Aygestin since July and that's not a great thing to take forever. :-)

My GP is willing to talk to my GYN to see if surgery can be put off -- if I will promise to some more weight (I've lost 30 lbs.) But in a way, I don't want the surgery put off. I am so tired of waiting for it. It's nearly always on my mind. My life -- and my family's -- is on hold. I can't attend a wedding at the end of February and things like that (it's 600 miles away).

But the reason I posted --- I find myself having terrible thoughts of death and complications due to the surgery. I had such thoughts with my first D&C, too, and felt like an idiot afterwards. I was much better before the 2nd D&C -- hardly cried.

But I find myself having crying jags preceding this surgery. The closer it gets, the more worried I become. I consider writing letters to my loved ones, leaving all the passwords for bill paying, etc. But then I don't want to do that because it's like I'm saying that's going to happen -- that I'm going to die or be impaired or something.

As much as I love my doc and trust her, I wonder if I shouldn't have gone into Philadephia for another opinion about methods, etc. But I really don't want to go under with a stranger about to operate on me.

Geez -- I hate this. I so admire people who face strife with grace and courage. Why can't I be like that? I was like that in my younger years. My C-sections did not faze me. My D&C after I had my second child did not bother me. I never thought I'd die!

I don't know if the Aygestin I'm on (a pretty hefty dose) is causing these moods and depression. I'm not a depressed person, normally. I am a happy person, very blessed. Yes, I have stress and challenges, but I'm happy in my life.

And I feel like I should be grateful and happy that the reason for my hysterectomy is not more serious and that I have had three beautiful children.

I just talked to my husband and he hugged me and told me firmly that I'm going to be okay. Part of me knows he is right. I am going to feel like such a Goober on 2/1.

Thank you so much for listening. I'm sorry I deleted my prior post. I'm not crying any more. But I can't guarantee I won't again. I may need you again. LOL

Please don't cry, I had the same thoughts exactly. I though it was a prediction that I wouldn't wake up. I cried just to cry is how scared I was. My hysto isn't for 2 more days, but I was put under last Sept for my first time so they could look in my uterus. The docs know all kinds of anestesia and what works for what health problems and for asthma and they are ready for any problems that could arise. You'll be just fine and will wake up thinking they didn't do anything cuss you feel like you never fell asleep.

I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time. I can't really offer any advice as such, except to say that it's very common to feel panicky, weepy and anxious. It might be your hormones, or it might be the prospect of major surgery. I know it sounds like a no-brainer, but for a lot of women, a hysterectomy is more than just an op, it's a major life event. That means change and change is always frightening.

I don't know where I read it, (probably on this board!) but apparently, the risks of dying during a hysterectomy are vanishingly small. That might be because although it's a big operation, it's a very routine one. The surgical team know what complications might arise and they are ready for them. You certainly won't be the first plump lady they've operated on, or the first with asthma. I have a weight problem (probably exacerbated by my fibroids - we shall soon see how much) and have a history of epilepsy, hypothyroidism and hypertension and I'm allergic to pencillin. I make sure that every nurse and doctor I deal with knows all of this.

If you haven't already, you'll be invited to a pre-op asssesment fairly soon. Make a list of the things that are worrying you and address them with the doctor or nurse who sees you. It's their job to explain things and put your mind at rest. I was worried about being catheterised - I was a lot less worried after my assessment. And - I know it's easy for me to say it because I'm not you - try to relax. You'll soon be feeling a whole lot better and you and your family will benefit.

Oh dear Singin', you don't have to worry about feeling silly for your feelings, believe me. I don't think there's a single lady on this forum who hasn't had some feelings of anxiety and fear at some point. You're in very good company here. But I also don't think you need to worry. You're not being ridiculous at all, just human, like the rest of us.

If you feel better getting another opinion, then why not do it? Sometimes it's best to get more than one opinion. It's a big decision.

Yes, you'll be symptom free (woo hoo, no more Pamprin/Mydol and pad slavery!) Isn't it awesome??!! I just told my hubby the other day, I can't wait to get this over with and be free of my pain, etc., but every once in a while I have an "Oh Cr*p" moment and wonder what I got myself into. Truth is, I didn't get myself into anything. My body is confused and deciding what it wants, but it's not right, so I'm correcting it!!!

Hang in there Sing'in!!! We're here for ya, girl!! Get that second opinion!! And if you'd feel better talking with a counselor or even a Pastor, I think that's a great idea. And I'm sure someone will be here in the middle of the night if you need to chat then, too.

Prayers in the works for ya, dear!!!

Hello dear,
I'm sorry your upset right now. It is perfectly normal to feel nervous about the surgery. This is such a great place to come for comfort with women who have been there too.

By all means, a second opinion is always a good idea. You may also ask the doctors about spinal anesthesia with sedation. I'm asthmatic too, and had no trouble with the spinal, which was already my doctor's preference. Either way, your medical team will work with you for the best option for YOU.

I also think it's responsible to think about having our "affairs" in order. Don't think of it as morbid - the odds are absolutely in your favor for a full recovery. Doing things like writing down passwords for DH and telling loved ones how you feel are great things even without surgery! I think your thoughts are very caring and appropriate. I'm glad you don't have cancer, and that you're coming here for comfort.

You are not alone! Ask any question that comes to mind. Someone seems to always have some great advice.

I'm sending warm thoughts your way so you're back to singinintherain. Your user name brings a smile to my face!

Singing, I was as scared as you are to be put to sleep, so I wasn't. they gave me a spinal and lots of drugs and I was so relieved. your dr. dosn't always tell you that you have a choice, but talk to you anestesiologiest. Mine gave me a couple options and I took the spinal with drugs, he also put morphine in the spinal so when the feeling came back in my body i didn't feel any pain for a long time. I did itch like crazy tho, they have stuff for that. My suregry was a breeze because of the spinal, i did not want to be put to sleep. Good luck, and remember to ask about your options on what type of anestesia you can have. Tonjha