who should be there during surgery?

I have a couple of dear friends who insist on being there at the time of surgery. I already have my DH, my two daughters, my sister-in-law (she will be my caregive during recovery) and my mother going. I don't want a big todo there that day, but how do I tell them that it's just not necessary to go or should I just let them go?

I think that many people would be altogether too overwhelming. I had one surgery where I was SO nauseated after the anesthesia - all the hustle and bustle in the room made it all the worse. My general rule since then has been family only - and friends AFTER they have been called and told they can come. I would be tempted to tell your dear friends that their support would mean so much more to you afterward, in the form of a meal dropped by or something else. Just my two cents, though.

I agree with Kbid.

I only had my SO there for my surgery. Told my family and best friend we promise to call as soon as the surgery was over to let them know I was fine. My best friend came by the hospital the day after my surgery, right before I went home. I wasn't in the mood for a lot of visitors before nor after my surgery - even at home. I wanted to be left alone the first few weeks to heal in peace.

Good luck to you on your upcoming surgery!!

Wow...that sounds like a lot of people. I've had surgery before and I did NOT want anyone there but my husband. Many hospitals have policies that you can only have so many visitors at a time anyway. Quite honestly, I'd tell them that you need to use your time in the hospital to rest, and you'd love them to visit once you're settled in at home and know how you feel about visitors.

I'm on board with everyone else here. I had some friends & (even my ex husband) who wanted to come but I am not one for folks to make a big fuss over me. This was my 3rd surgery so I kind of knew what to expect & I was already apprehensive and not in the mood for a lot of (well-meaning) visitors. Suggest to them that they would be of more help by dropping by your home when you are released (and I mean just drop by and not expect you to engage them in conversation) with a cooked meal. Best of luck to you!

I live out of state, but my mom insisted on being there. She couldn't really come unless my sister drove her and since she couldn't find someone to take care of her youngest child, he came too. So I had my husband, my mom, my sister and my nephew. I had no idea they were even there the day of my surgery. My husband went back to the prep area and stayed with me until I was wheeled into the operating room. Then he sat out in the waiting room with everyone else until they moved me to my room. I was out of it and slept most of the first day. So really, you won't even be aware that they're there the day of your surgery. So if it makes them happy and makes them feel like they're doing something to come sit in the waiting room, then I would say let them. So many of our friends and family members feel so helpless and they want to do something to show they care. Since I live out of state, I didn't have a bunch of visitors (since I don't really know anyone down here). It was very helpful to have someone stay with me while I was in the hospital, though. The nurses are so busy and it was nice to have someone there to advocate for me when I wasn't thinking clearly. It was also nice to have someone I knew to help me get in and out of bed, go with me on my walks in the hall after surgery, etc. I'm not one to like a lot of fuss, either, but I finally just relaxed and went with it. Since it was all close family, I could rest and I didn't have to feel like I had to entertain anyone. But every situation is different. Good luck to you!

Hi leecat,

I had my hyster 2 years ago and per my request while I was in the castle the only people that I had with me were my DH, my parents and my inlaws and the reason why is because after surgery I wanted to rest and get back to feeling better, I told all of my family aka kids,siblings and friends they could see me once I got home.. it made it so much easier hope this helps!!!q

Only my partner was there, with a very brief visit by my SIL as she came to pick up my youngest. No one else needed to see me in that state!

That is def. too many people. My opinion though. Its really up to you, but I would nicely tell those who you don't truely need there that day, something like, you know I really appreciate you wanting to be there for my surgery and helping me, But I honestly do not know how well I will be feeling after words and think I might benefit your help maybe a few days after surgery at home or for a dinner or something. b
That is what I would say. I tell you the more sleep you get the better, I just got home from my lavh yesterday and My mom in law has had four year old since sunday night. I miss him,, but I am sooo tired that I can't take care of him right now. And I think being tired and not getting enough rest your body would need right now will take you longer to heal

I've had a few surgeries. This one SO said he was going to spend the night in the chair beside me. I put the kibosh on that ! This will be the only night I will can be totally self absorbed. When I have had visitors in the past it kinda feels like you have to entertain a bit. I told my SO he can bring the kids in after school for a brief visit and then they can all come home and settle in. I would be able to relax better and take advantage of the care and rest knowing everyone was home and safe. I'll take well wishes after a few days at home. At the hospital...let me enjoy a night of drug induced sleep!