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Finding out who your friends are Finding out who your friends are

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  #31  
Unread 03-04-2012, 12:37 PM
Re: Finding out who your friends are

I agree that a lot of people just don't know what to say or do. I confess to being guilty of the same things though. Promise for prayer during and after surgery, a card and food or flowers, then back to my busy life.
My surgery was also 9 days ago. I've felt good enough to do some of my crafts and reading and that has helped me. Hubby promised a ride this coming week too since the weather is nice this week. Maybe just getting out of the house for a little while would help you. Call those friends. Take care and God bless.
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  #32  
Unread 03-04-2012, 04:36 PM
Re: Finding out who your friends are

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Ilovegreatdanes View Post
This sounds crazy but my dog has been very comforting and supportive. I would be lost without him everyday to keep me company.
Me too! My dog has been wonderful, curled up beside me most of the day, keeping me company and being sweet and loving. Canine friends are awesome and so comforting.
  #33  
Unread 03-04-2012, 06:17 PM
Re: Finding out who your friends are

I basically told my mother what kind of help I needed, and she came over and brought me a home-cooked meal.
I think that this is going to be one of the last times she will be able to help me, sadly. She is 88 and getting more and more forgetful each day.
I savor all the help that she has given me throughout the years.
Another cousin had a Honey Baked ham delivered.
It wasn't the best thing to eat, but I liked how easy it was to make a meal from the slices.
Another cousin brought over a full Italian meal on a Saturday night.
This was so unexpected but really nice.
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  #34  
Unread 03-04-2012, 06:19 PM
Re: Finding out who your friends are

  Quote:
Originally Posted by greenie1111 View Post
Me too! My dog has been wonderful, curled up beside me most of the day, keeping me company and being sweet and loving. Canine friends are awesome and so comforting.
awww! I know my dog would have been supportive to me. Unfortunately, she died this past January! She was 13. She was really worried about me when I got sick this past fall. Then when I seemed to get better, she got sick.

Animals companions are the best!

  #35  
Unread 03-09-2012, 04:29 PM
Re: Finding out who your friends are

Oh yes, you are not alone in this! However, in my case it was family members and not friends. I have an aunt who never once has shown an ounce of caring through this whole ordeal. She basically ignored me whenever we had family gatherings. But here's the twisted part, I have heard that the two months before my surgery she complained to others and said she was sick of hearing about my surgery. And then when it came down to the surgery, she spent the day harrassing my mother by text because she didn't feel that my grandparents should have been at the hospital with me. And a week later when my grandma had a heart episode and had to go to the ER, my aunt blamed me for it because of my grandparents being at the hospital during my surgery. Since the surgery, she still refuses to acknowledge that I have had any kind of medical issues at all unless she is mad at me and then she tells me to "go find some *** hormones".

Yes, you will find out who your friends truly are in times like these. But trust me, sometimes you don't the ones that don't show around anyway. I have a dozen get well cards on my wall and I keep them up to remind me of who really cares about me. It is a life-changing process and unfortunately that includes the people in your life. I hope you find comfort in the friends who are there for you!
  #36  
Unread 03-09-2012, 05:37 PM
Re: Finding out who your friends are

I am blessed with a wonderful network of friends and neighbors, church friends, other school parents, etc. one of my friends set up a "Lotsa Helping Hands" web site ( don't think I can link it right? ) where you invite people to be a part of your "community" and if they accept, they can sign up for tasks you have created that would be helpful like grocery shopping, meals, kid transport, running errands, just visiting, etc. It has been a Godsend not only in terms of the help and support but also sending out communications without having to talk to everyone. Sometimes I just cannot have one more conversation about all the gory details.
Maybe setting something up like that would let your friends know some specific things they could do to help you and that is all the little push they will need. And perhaps some will not even bother Accepting the request at all and then at least you know you can begin to let go of those friendships. Good luck!
  #37  
Unread 03-10-2012, 02:55 PM
Re: Finding out who your friends are

You should not worry about your friends. At least now you know your real friends. I have been fortunate to have supportive sisters, parents, and husband. Three of my friends came by to visit me at the hospital and brought gifts.

As for my mother-in-law, I can relate. When she had her hysterectomy, I helped her out with meals and cleaning. When my father-in-law had cancer, I brought meals over. My MIL has not offered to do anything for me. She wanted to keep our kids, because she said that would make her feel like she did something to help.
  #38  
Unread 03-11-2012, 10:32 AM
Re: Finding out who your friends are

  Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthJersey View Post
I am blessed with a wonderful network of friends and neighbors, church friends, other school parents, etc. one of my friends set up a "Lotsa Helping Hands" web site ( don't think I can link it right? ) where you invite people to be a part of your "community" and if they accept, they can sign up for tasks you have created that would be helpful like grocery shopping, meals, kid transport, running errands, just visiting, etc. It has been a Godsend not only in terms of the help and support but also sending out communications without having to talk to everyone. Sometimes I just cannot have one more conversation about all the gory details.
Maybe setting something up like that would let your friends know some specific things they could do to help you and that is all the little push they will need. And perhaps some will not even bother Accepting the request at all and then at least you know you can begin to let go of those friendships. Good luck!
Thanks for the website info. I will google it today.
Christine
  #39  
Unread 03-11-2012, 10:53 AM
Re: Finding out who your friends are

I found once I told people that mattered to me, how I was feelings...things changed. Even if it was just a phone call, it got better. Those that still don't call or check in, I have slowly relegated them to the "back row" of my life!
  #40  
Unread 03-11-2012, 12:23 PM
Re: Finding out who your friends are

  Quote:
Originally Posted by MsMoo33 View Post
Oh yes, you are not alone in this! However, in my case it was family members and not friends. I have an aunt who never once has shown an ounce of caring through this whole ordeal. She basically ignored me whenever we had family gatherings. But here's the twisted part, I have heard that the two months before my surgery she complained to others and said she was sick of hearing about my surgery. And then when it came down to the surgery, she spent the day harrassing my mother by text because she didn't feel that my grandparents should have been at the hospital with me. And a week later when my grandma had a heart episode and had to go to the ER, my aunt blamed me for it because of my grandparents being at the hospital during my surgery. Since the surgery, she still refuses to acknowledge that I have had any kind of medical issues at all unless she is mad at me and then she tells me to "go find some *** hormones".

Yes, you will find out who your friends truly are in times like these. But trust me, sometimes you don't the ones that don't show around anyway. I have a dozen get well cards on my wall and I keep them up to remind me of who really cares about me. It is a life-changing process and unfortunately that includes the people in your life. I hope you find comfort in the friends who are there for you!

I am so sorry to hear that, I am sure that if my family was here they would help me.. the only family I have is my Grandma and she is very sick..

I feel you though, before my mother got sick she hated that I was doing this and let me know everyday! It hurt but I knew I did what was right for me, she was hurt because I didnt have kids. But my Illness from all the problems was growing worse.. SO I did what was right.

However, I can never believe how family can turn and make you feel horrible when right now you need all the support you can get!

I hope things get better for you and I hope and pray one day peace happens
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