I know its MY decision, but I'm scared to make it on my own...

Hi. I'm a 44 year old divorced woman, dealing with the after affects of a husband who couldn't keep it zipped. After 20 years of marriage, he left me with HPV.

I've been dealing with it for 18 months now. I have had countess colpsocopies and one LEEP. (I'm actually going in tomorrow for yet another colposcopy.) If this one isn't any better, than the DR told me that it would be my decision as to whether I want to have a hysterectomy or not. As she put it, most people fight the infection and are fine...but for me, this isn't the case. I have a severe case of MILD dysplasia, and for whatever reason, my body isn't fighting the virus. I am in a high risk category for developing cervical cancer down the road.

So here is my delimna. Do I keep doing the same thing, every three months, for who knows how long...or do I have the surgery, and be done with it? I'd hate to keep having these procedures, and find out years from now, that I need the surgery anyway...but then there's the seriousness of surgery to contend with. I really don't know what to do...

can anyone out there offer any words of advice? Thanks.

Sorry to hear about your suffering due to DH's zipper problem.

Personally if it were me, I would have a long heart to heart with my doctor and ask what he/she feels the best thing for me and my health is. We could all tell you what to do but it needs to be your decision.

Wish I could say more or offer more support to you.

hello, whbluedevil. i'm sorry you're going through all this. it's not easy at all. do you like and trust your doctor? perhaps a good discussion of the options would be helpful for you. i've been through countless colposcopies and biopsies as well. and, i also got my hpv from a cheating partner, and have been dealing with it for 15 years. after my first treatment of the dysplasia 10+ years ago, with cryotherapy and 5fu, i didn't have dysplasia again for 10 years. but, then, it returned, and kept returning, despite 2 leeps and a hysterectomy. even a hysterectomy is not a guarantee that the dysplasia will go away. it's unusual, but not rare, for the dysplasia to return after hysterectomy. but, as you know, most women also rid themselves of the cervical dysplasia on their own. if another leep is an option for you, then you may want to consider doing that. maybe that surgery will take care of the problem for you. having a hysterectomy is major surgery, with more risks - using myself as an example, i had an incisional hernia surgery a year after the hysterectomy, and then repair to that surgery another year later, so my tummy was opened 3 times in 2 years! all that being said, it's your decision, of course. you'll always need to be followed with paps, so, unfortunately, that is just going to be the way it is. for now, you'll choose the procedure that you believe is best for you - that's the key...that you feel good about your decision. best wishes.

Hey! Thanks for all the kind words and support.

I do trust my DR. She has told me that at this point, it really is up to me. I can keep going in to see her every three months for "yet another colposcopy", or have it all removed. I do have a severe form of mild dysplasia. My body just won't fight the virus. She also suggested that all of the stress I've been through isn't helping my case any. (That is a long, long, long story!)

I really need to get over the fact that he did this to me, and move on to trying to get better.

I know for a fact that I do not want to keep going through this, just to end up needing surgery in the end.

I've had two c-sections, so I do know what abdominal surgery feels like, but I also know that this is different...I just don't know what to do.

I am sorry that you are in this situation and that you need to make this decision.

I have a couple of suggestions. No matter how well you like and trust your doctor, it is wise to seek at least a second opinion when considering a major surgery. And because you are concerned about the possibilities I would suggest one of your second opinions being a GYN/oncologist. The insights an oncologist could give you might be very helpful in deciding which path you should take.

I wish you the very best for whatever is right for you!

good point, weiser...i second the suggestion to get a second opinion, from a gynecological oncologist.

it seems the current practice for most low grade dysplasia is to watch and wait rather than do surgery/treatments. the hope is that during the waiting period, your body will get rid of the dysplasia. i know that it probably seems like a long time that you've been dealing with this, but you may want to try to wait a bit more and see if it clears on its own. during that time, do whatever you can to increase your immune system - it certainly can't hurt to do that.

hopefully your dysplasia will clear and your watch and wait mode will change for the better very soon! the hysterectomy may seem like the way to be done with it all, but, unfortunately, it comes with no guarantees since the hpv will always be with you.

and, yes, working on getting past the anger will be good for you in all ways, though i know it's not easy and can take a while. it took many years of therapy to help me with anger issues! and, i've been able to accept that i have hpv, and that i'll probably always have to have a close eye kept on the dysplasia and possible recurrance; it's taken me time to get to this place, and, for me, letting go of the negative thoughts and emotions (i use yoga) has really helped me to become calm and content.

wishing you the best.

Thank you so much for your input...it is greatly appreciated.

I had yet another colposcopy this morning, a little more aggresive than in the past. I should have the results in two weeks or less...lets hope for the best!

I will take you up on your suggestions, and make some phone calls...see what else I can find out about my options. Thanks so much for the help!

I'll be in touch.

Have a good day!